When I was in my mid-twenties I would rejoice when we got a foot or more of unexpected snow. It meant I could spend the day in my Land Rover, pulling people out of ditches. It wasn’t all fun and games; I became much more experienced at pulling people out of snowbanks, too, which meant that I could… okay, on second thought it was all fun and games. Brother Bark liked to come along, because whenever I helped out a woman whose boyfriend or husband was with her it would give him a chance to make fun of the fellow. It was truly a no-lose situation.
I can therefore totally understand the joy this monster truck driver felt when he finally had a chance to DO WORK with his monster truck. You spend your whole life training for the moment when your stupid jacked-up b**-dozer is useful for something besides making enemies of decent people on the freeway — and then one day the moment comes!
It wasn’t just the monster trucks. All of the lifted boxes, donks, and bubbles had their thirty-six-inch moment in the sun (or the rain) as well, cruising effortlessly through the rising floodwaters. Which leads to a question….
If you knew that your area would be experiencing multiple 500-year floods over the course of a decade, what kind of vehicle would you buy to cope with the issue?
Would you raise your truck? Dub your donk? Put a special commemorative badge on your egg-shaped Subaru thingie? What’s the plan, Stan?
[Images: Michael Keyes/Twitter, Ford Motor Company]
Nuclear aircraft carrier. Plenty of food, fuel for 20 years, people to talk to
20 years? People to eat.
;-)
Ha!
Butseriously, the choice is easy. Something reliable, mechanically simple, easy to fuel, can travel most places.
I’m going to go with a Marmon Herrington Ford conversion with the flathead V8 powered by wood gas or a Cummins converted Power Wagon.
/discussion
A 6×6 DUKW, of course. Preferably with one of the Army’s multi-fuel engines.
I too have used my Land Rover to pull a couple idiots in Subarus out of ditches. Good times. AWD helps you go, it doesn’t help you stop or turn. Winter tires, folks.
Hot air balloon with mounted M249 SAW.
Unimog
Yes, Unimog. 2nd choice take my truck to AEV and let them magicify it into giantness.
^This!
Perfect “go vehicle” for when the SHTF, or, put another way, when the fecal material makes contact with the oscillating air-movement apparatus!
Unimog, great but add a jon boat. Getting parts for the unimog could also be a problem. I’d go with a simple F250, Sierra 2500, or Ram 2500 truck.
I’d get a swamp boat………
Unimog
Aluminum boat.
And a different city.
One of those 6×6 atv boat thingy.
Slow as hell in the water but I’d have time to fish while I was trying to get away.
My family has an amphibious 8×8 Argo, outfitted with tank treads and an electric trolling motor. It’s basically terrible at everything except driving at speed on a dirt road or crawling in and out of water very very slowly. Way less fun than it looks to drive.
Or one of those AMG Gelandewagen-based 6×6 things.
Because in some cases, a Raptor just won’t do!
New Polaris rampage
I saw two of these prototypes at military base Petawawa this week outside of Ottawa, On. Canada. Military spec with dual tracks for dirt and snow with amphibious capabilities, based on the Polaris Ranger 1000 it looks like.
https://www.offgridweb.com/transportation/polaris-rampage-tracked-side-by-side-military-vehicle/
“If you knew that your area would be experiencing multiple 500-year floods over the course of a decade, what kind of vehicle would you buy to cope with the issue?”
I don’t see how the correct answer is anything but a Uhaul truck.
You win the Internet.
LOL, I have no reason to post my original comment now.
You said it better than I planned to.
+1
I’d get my highschool car back, an Oldsmobile- and then re-enroll in Highschool….
If a 500 year flood is, by definition, a flood has a 0.2% chance of occurring in a given year, and I knew I was it was going to happen MULTIPLE times in a decade, then it is in fact NOT a 500 year flood, it would be a 1-5 year flood (multiple means at least 2, 10/2 = 5 MAX)
Its mathematically impossible to know you WILL HAVE more than 1 500 year flood in a 500 year time span.
(While statistically improbably, you CAN have more than 1 500 year flood within 500 years, but if you KNEW you were going to have more than 1, then it wouldn’t be a 500 year flood because thats mathematically impossible. The odds can’t be .2% per year AND 20% per year…)
arach, your pedantry swells my heart with pride. (Though not literally, because that would be a severe medical problem.)
Going back to a recent QOTD, I would have the same answer. A 80s G wagon with a diesel. Add a snorkel and be the King of the flood. If the door seals are in good shape, it will keep the interior relatively dry in some pretty deep water.
A Pinzgauer. First, I need to learn how to drive one.
Anything that enabled me to GTFO before the water rose.
Without going smart @$$, exotic, or selecting a vehicle I can’t buy in the United States:
1) Old school Toyota Landcruiser, lifted with snorkel
2) Chevy Avalanche 2500 (pre 2005 model) 4WD, lifted
3) Chevy Avalanche Z71 4WD, lifted
4) Toyota Tacoma TRD, lifted
5) Old school malaise era Ford Bronco, manual, 4WD, and of course, lifted with snorkel
You guys know a snorkle is to get your intake up out of the dust, and not for actually driving underwater, right?
My namesake vehicle, of course: Jeep Grand Wagoneer.
Amphicar
A 500-year flood might not be the right time to pretend the brakes are out, LBJ-style, but yes.
Came here to say that. Saw one just two weeks ago.
A modified Ford GPA aka Half-Safe
http://www.amphibiousvehicle.net/amphi/H/halfsafespecial/halfsafe.html
I’ll run the air intake and the exhaust of my W123 up through the hood and call her good to go. Or not.
“You spend your whole life training for the moment when your stupid jacked-up b**-dozer is useful for something besides making enemies of decent people on the freeway — and then one day the moment comes!”
I don’t always read QOTD articles, but when I do I hope for a well-crafted sentence like this.
@30-mile fetch – All those years of compensating for a small penis finally pays off…….
Hennessey Velociraptor. There is literally nothing a vehicle can do it can’t.
Ground clearance is everything, at least for floods and blizzards.
However ground clearance tends to make driving dynamics sucky.
So my bad weather ride is just an old 4wd S-10 with posi rear axle and snow tires.
Any vehicle will do as long as you bug out well before the sh!tstorm hits.
40+ years of living in Florida. Any vehicle that let’s you GTF out of town.
Escalade monster truck: part of me is not surprised that is a thing, but part of me is…
28-Cars-Later – my son and I joke about building up an Escalade offroader if for no reason other than to park it next to the one’s with 24″ Dub wheels and pencil thin tires.
Escalade EXT just to be really out of left-field.
PrincipalDan – I’ve seen pictures on the net of lifted EXT’s.
I like the idea of a nuclear aircraft carrier. Second choice a nuclear submarine. Lastly a 65 Mustang GT to go out in style.
Hummer H1. Always wanted one in a perverse sort of way. Ford water up to 30″ standard, 60″ with the fording kit.
Another fun one would be a Raptor, but you’d have to have a snorkel and a desert-running truck with a snorkel seems odd.
Lotus Esprit in “James Bond” trim with a plastic Jesus on the dashboard because then I won’t care if it rains…or freezes.
For storms and fire a car I can quickly load up and evacuate. Wagons Ho!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDoRmT0iRic
I’d park the Jeep and take out the kayak.
I’m not typically one to be interested in fuel economy, at least beyond complaining about how the federal obsession with which is making virtually every other aspect of my car worse than it would otherwise be, but submerging the Rofos and Wawas in my corner of the world would change that paradigm right quick. I’d now like the smallest engine, biggest gas tank, tallest tires, and a bed full of full Jerry cans.
Without those phucking EPA nozzles that spill gas everywhere.
The trick to buying a gas can that actually dispenses gasoline is to not buy a “gas can”, which come under federal regulations but rather a “solvent can”, which aren’t as regulated but meet fairly high industrial standards for safety.
https://www.grainger.com/category/type-i-and-ii-safety-cans/safety-cans-and-accessories/safety-storage/safety/ecatalog/N-18xh
I would buy a TV to see the news and get out of the area before the flood arrives.
In other real wold scenarios
A snowstorm with prediction changing from 3 min on the ground to 18 inches with whiteout conditions in a manner of hours while Im busy exchanging BS on the email, I would like to have a Montero or XC70 with snow tires waiting for me when I walk out in the parking lot. Both cars are under 5k and both have serious real world performance in snow.
Although I am more likely to have a replacement for my E350 wagon, a 4Matic Mercedes V8 which can tackle snow real good, see youtube.
I miss the Land Cruiser competitor Montero.
As do I. I’d still consider scooping up a rust free Western/Southern example of a gen III truck someday, they’re quite excellent on-road as well as off. A few pricier and/or more trouble prone parts than say a more common 4Runner, but nothing too scary.
Either a real fast Camaro, Corvette, Challenger or Mustang to get you far, far away real quick before everything hits, but if you can’t get out, a Huey or an Osprey. If you must stick around, either Charlton Heston’s tricked-up Blazer from the “Earthquake!” movie of one of the Bigfoot monster trucks trucks.
An MRAP would also be a fine choice.
I’d prefer George Jetson’s flying car or Luke Skywalker’s speeder.
Challenger hellcat doesn’t look like a great choice. Doubt a mustang or camaro will be much better
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gOzqufl49E8
Mercedes-Benz Unimog. It’s so effing cool.
AAVP-7A1 (Recovery) so I can fish out the monster trucks with my little brother along to make fun of the drivers. That part sounded fun.
Whatever this is . . .
;-)
Hey what hap to me linc?
OK, let’s try this:
Marmon-Herrington Rhino
http://www.thepetrolstop.com/2013/02/marmon-herrington-rhino.html
Bet that thing sucks on the freeway.
Easy: my 4Runner. Plenty of clearance, extended diff breathers, battle tested so to speak. That and I keep some recovery gear and tools in the back. I’ve crossed about 3 feet of fast moving water in it before offroad, and last year during some heavy flooding in Indy I drove my wife to her shift through flooded out downtown streets that had hydrolocked some less fortunate lower-clearance motorists.
Jeep Wrangler most any year particularly those with the 4.0-6 that will run through the apocalypse. Or even the rapture.
A ship.
300 x 100 ocean going barge and a tug to pull it with a fancy domicile on said barge setup to be fairly self sufficient outside of food.
Actually this is one of my mega-million fantasies outside of a disaster. Own a spacious home and yard with large pool I can get towed to wherever I want.
A military surplus Stewart & Stevenson M1078 2.5 ton truck. All wheel drive, proven drivetrain, simple to operate, and can easily go thru 3 foot deep water all day long. A surplus version can be bought at government auctions for around $10k, which is a pretty good discount from the $110k the military paid for them about 20 years ago.
If it is tough enough for Iraq, it should hold up fine for anything I could throw at it.
http://www.military-today.com/trucks/m1078_lmtv.htm
Anybody remember this?
https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bJFJRQ7CDms/TaRh3HDVhUI/AAAAAAAAGro/Vss3N1n3-cI/s1600/damnation8.jpg
Air Force One. I pity you all on the ground. Plebes.
1973 Australian Ford Falcon XB GT coupe. Simple technology, easy to fix, made for rough Australian roads. Then maybe a supercharger with the intake all they way on top, (scott injector hat offcourse) in case of floods. Wide arches so I could fit wide tires, and an aeredynamic (concorde) kit to save on gas. Maybe extend the exhaust far up on the sides (in case of flood offcourse) paint it all black to scare off any marauders. Maybe strip the interior, and put some huge fuel tanks in the back. And make the supercharger so that I can turn it on and off to save on fuel.
(I’m a cosplayer so I already have the Mad Max clothing)
canoe
Mercedes-AMG E 63 S 4MATIC+ wagon, hands down. Load up the kids and the guitars and get the Hell outta town quick-like. It would also be a great car for wherever we live next.
TTAC: “QOTD: What’s Your Disaster Vehicle of Choice?”
Why is this such a stupid question?
Obviously there’s a lot more that has to be known to answer it intelligently.
Jack, I’m surprised at you.
I’d expect this sort on nonsense from lesser biomass floating in the TTAC gene pool (or is it cesspool?)
================
Well, it’s not nearly as good as a monster truck, but for a lot of situations:
youtube.com/watch?v=nvp6pc9D2sU
youtube.com/watch?v=eRTnoeudTPQ
Theoretically, with customized sealing (and maybe some scuba gear) you could get through some seriously deep water. Might be an interesting project for one of those cheap lease return specials.
I think it was the Rita evacuation, the freeways were clogged, people were running out of gas, yet the little Prius kept going. So maybe that big gas sucking monster truck isn’t that great. It also pisses off people when you make wakes.
How has no one mentioned Tatra trucks? Anyway. I vote for an Airbus H155 helicopter.
Top-of-the-range Actionmobil.
Boat big enough to carry a dirt bike with a dirt bike in it.
If it’s a flood pilot the boat to dry ground and ride the bike to wherever. If it’s an earthquake or fire ride the dirt bike around all the downed power poles and crashed cars and trucks.
Provided you don’t get shot on the way.
Any car with snow tires, because that solves EVERYTHING.
Howe & Howe Technologies Ripsaw…….Google it.
No need to read above if disaster vehicle, it’ll be Unimog Doka w/truck bed and Super Fast Axle ratio mod.
Something from Oshkosh. HEMTT or 1070 camper or maybe a Ural Expedition Vehicle. Nothing dinky like a ‘Mog.