Today we have a dual-function Question of the Day. The primary function will be informative; detailing an upcoming new series here at TTAC and explaining how it all works. The secondary function is to solicit ideas from you, our dear readers, for said new series.
By now you’re undoubtedly intrigued, so keep on reading.
The new series is entitled Buy/Drive/Burn, and it’s all very simple. This is the SFW automotive version of the NSFW game people play with the letters “FMK.” Each entry will pitch up three cars against one another. The competitors must have been available as new in the same model year, and will be close-ish in price and mission. The name of the game is to assign a fate to each car presented. The fates are:
- Buy. This is the car you purchase at the dealer, as new in the year from whence it came. You own this car, and are responsible for its maintenance for a number of years. For our purposes we will assume it’s a semi-primary vehicle.
- Drive. The vehicle which earns this pick is the one you can borrow and enjoy with some regularity without incurring the financial responsibility behind it. It’s not free, but let’s say the fee for borrowing it is mostly nominal and affordable for the class of car. It can never be yours, you’ll always have to give it back.
- Burn. One of the selected vehicles must die a fiery death at the hands of an uncaring arsonist. Purchased from the theoretical showroom as new, it is then immediately destroyed.
There’s a preview set of vehicles below — executive express Euro luxury sedans from the year 2000.
Audi A8
Audi’s largest sedan came in standard or long-wheelbase formats (sticking with the standard today), with a 4.2-liter V8 producing 310 horsepower and standard Quattro all-wheel drive. Aluminum-intensive construction kept the weight right at two tons. This modern option is yours for around $62,000.
Jaguar XJR
The slight pricing advantage of Jaguar’s flagship sedan means you get an upgrade to the sporting R version. Dated in tech but classically correct in styling, the XJR cost around $68,000 and weighs about the same as the Audi, but has 340 horsepower from its 4.0-liter V8.
BMW 740iA
Ah, we’re near the terminus of the best-looking 7 Series model. The 740iA sits as the entry level of the range, lacking a long wheelbase and the V12 engine. Its 4.0-liter V8 bests the Jaguar in displacement (4.4 liters), but is down on power at just 282 hp. But BMW has a history of making nice-driving sedans, and this one’s a looker.
It’s as simple as that — three choices and three assignments. As you’re thinking about which of this trio you’d set on fire, come up with your own ideas for Buy/Drive/Burn competitors. I’ll be waiting in the comments.
[Images: Daimler AG, Audi, Jaguar, BMW]
It finally happened!
Buy the Jag.
Drive the BMW.
Burn the Audi.
I will second that motion, although it was a tough choice me. While each may have its faults, IMO they were all fine cars, particularly for 17 years ago.
110%.
Those were the aluminum Jags too, weren’t they?
Aluminum XJ didn’t come along until 2004. This was the old one.
Hard to tell from the styling, heh. Jaguar did hold onto it hard, and I do like E38s, especially in black… might have to revise my statement:
Buy the BMW, drive the Jag, but torch the Audi regardless.
I completely agree.
There are few places as *nice* as a Jaguar interior. Reliability is, probably, on par with both the BMW and the Audi, so that’s a wash. And older Jags are more likely to become classics than either these other two.
Agreed, no further posts need to be generated on the subject.
The lady in the white jacket sitting on the steps is waiting for the arsonist to arrive. Her companion is also anticipating the show.
(Unbeknownst to her, he IS the arsonist, and that is not all he is planning…)
Im going to agree with you on this one. The Jaguar is by far the best of the lot. All are horrendously unreliable though. It would be hard to roast the Audi if one cant start it in the first place!
In the interest of fairness to that guy in India who has sex with cars, you may want to ask him to play FMK with these three alternatives. Just sayin’.
We shall send him and e-mail. But I will be afraid to open the response. Especially if it has attachments.
Buy the BMW.
Drive the Jaguar.
Burn the Audi.
1. Buy with my own money: Honda Accord
2. Enjoy cheap use of: Ram 2500 w/Cummins diesel
3. Buy and burn just so it no longer rolls on my earth: Honda Odyssey.
May seem strange to buy and burn models from the same manufacturer, but every time I see an overwide mini van these days, I know it’s because they have giant baby-bunker car seats inside. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t love children, and have none myself, but high trim level (Touring, Elite) are very prevalent in my neck of the woods among the upper-middle-class, and my opinion is that no one acts more entitled than an upper-middle-class mother these days. Interesting book on the topic:
“Dream Hoarders: How the American Upper Middle Class Is Leaving Everyone Else in the Dust, Why That Is a Problem, and What to Do About It” By Richard V. Reeves (I’d love to hear Baruth’s take on this)
My town has one of the highest ranked public school systems in my state. So good that people advertise real estate with that as a selling point, and people try to relocate into my school district…yet, the upper middle class here have started building private academies for their precious offspring which they cart around in high end Honda Odysseys.
This is not how this works
You typed a whole lot, but missed the point entirely. You also broke every rule.
I want to break EVERY RULE one day!
I want to break the rule. Instead of burning, I want to shoot at it using different firearms.
It seems sometimes one needs to print using crayon to be effective
New year 1984
New category. 2 door domestic sport coupe
1. 1984 Chevy corvette
2. 1984 Pontiac trans am.
3 1984 Ford Mustang Gt
You have to buy 1. I’m evil
Oh, there will be more articles with bad choices. Provided that this one does reasonably well with people who read TTAC. Corey and I have many ideas for this.
L69 Trans Am is an easy choice for me there. I’d take one even if I wasn’t forced to.
I want none of the cars in the article, and I want all of these.
Trans Am.
SaulTigh: Congratulations on being the most insufferable person I’ve seen on the internet today. You win. Don’t worry, I’m sure there will be a new winner tomorrow.
Heaven forbid people in the upper middle class, or any flipping class, try to ensure their kids have opportunities.
I don’t know where you live but around here if you are a upper middle class mommy dropping your child off at a public school you are not going to be seen doing it in a minivan. A xUV preferably of German origin is the vehicle of choice around here. Rovers, Denali trim GMCs, and Lexus are also acceptable. Top trim 1/2 ton crew cab 4x4s are also acceptable and more common than any minivan.
If you are driving a top trim minivan you are just middle middle class.
Buy the Audi, Drive the BMW, Burn the Jag.
What the heck was the depreciation curve on these 3? I wouldn’t throw lottery winnings away at them.
Drive all 3.
OK, rules count, so:
Buy the BMW, Drive the Audi and burn the Jag before it burns me.
This is my choice, too.
None of these cars are reliable, but I figure the BMW will be less unreliable than the other two, while easily the best driver.
The Audi is a nice road car, especially when you don’t have to worry about the next repair.
The Jaguar has the best power, but that isn’t what I’d prioritize in this segment; especially considering the slush-box and luxo-barge chassis it’s paired with.
Buy the Audi. Drive the Jag. Burn the BMW (and I’d like to throw the match myself please).
I could not bring myself to burn any of those cars.
It is the RULES.
We all must make difficult choices.
BURN THAT FWD AUDI TO THE GROUND.
My former A8L rejects your flames!
NOOOOOOO.
Leave my C3 alone!
I defy your rules Commandant, all are acceptable money pits.
I am holding the molotov. One must burn!
TWO GO IN, ONE COME OUT.
I could not bring myself to own any of those cars.
So drive the Jag and burn the Audi and BMW.
Nope try again.
Ok then burn the BMW, drive the Audi…off a cliff, and buy the Jag, drive it for a week and then sell it.
I’ll allow it
Actually, I’d like to see a demolition derby between these three…
Buy the BMW, keep the Jag, burn the Audi.
I’d rather set that ugly Merc on fire than see any of the others burn.
I guess I’ll buy the A8 for the AWD in winter, drive the 740 as much as possible in the summer, and have that pretty Jag burned. But if I catch the arsonist . . .
Oh, this is easy. Burn the Audi, borrow the Jag, buy the BMW and immediately flip it for a 735i. If your Bimmer’s not a 6, you’re a poser.
Was 2000 the first year where a 6 wasn’t offered?
Ye Wikipedia sez the E38 only offered V8s and V12s in the US.
But a V12 is basically two I6s, so then you’re getting double the fonboi points, right?
The V12 is acceptable if you already have an I6 to affirm your faith.
My brother, tis not a V12 where doth shall place his faith.
Buy the BMW, drive the Jag, burn the Audi.
The E38 740i had a 4.4L by the way.
Fixed, thanks.
Change that 740i to a 750i and you might find that there are a lot more people setting fire to the Bimmer.
Buy the Jag, borrow the BMW and burn the Audi.
I live by the mantra of never own a German car outside of its warranty.
And you think Jag will help you in this?
Buy the BMW, drive the Jag, let the Audi burn itself. It will, eventually.
I have a hard time with the power figure of that 4.4 V8 in the BMW.
And I know the Jag will just be electrically glitchy all the time.
The Audi will also be glitchy, but has superior build quality.
https://www.audiworld.com/g/album/1188998
I’ve never driven the Audi, but I had unsupervised seat time in both the BMW and an ’01 XJR. The BMW *felt* torquier from a stop despite the supercharger in the Jag. Who knows, anything felt faster than what was in our own garage at the time.
Buy the BMW, drive the Jaguar, burn the Audi. It was a tough decision between burning the Audi or the Jag simply because I never liked the styling of that generation of Jaguars much.
Depending how you look at it…
Burn the Audi – there is nothing special there
Drive Jag – they will think you are millionaire
Buy BMW – You will think that you’ve made it
When I shopped for car in 2010…
Burn: ’11 Corolla – this is not a car. Just some metal on wheels
Buy: ’11 Civic – I gave it a “buy” only because I had to give. Lets base it on cheap insurance and cheap spare parts
Drive: ’11 Mazda3 – I would buy and drive this all day
Buy the Jaguar.
Drive the BMW.
Burn the Audi.
Buy the Audi
Drive the Jag… Who would own a Jag from this era?
Burn the BMW…. full size sedan w/ less than 300hp?!…. Really?
The V12 version had over 300 horsepower, and cost just $28,000 more.
so, 4 additional cyl but without additional wheels, hood, seats or CD player, for 28K? I call it a ripoff
What sort of lunatic would *buy* any of those?
(I’d be willing to drive any of them, but I have zero faith at all that any of them are a good idea to actually own maintenance costs on…)
If forced, buy the Audi, drive the Jag, burn the BMW.
Because I’d rather have light, powerful, AWD if I have to own *one* maintenance-heavy stupid monster sedan …
The Jag is pretty, and while I like the BMWs of that era aesthetically, there’s just nothing all that special about the 740iA. Nothing against it, but if I *have to* burn one, it’s the BMW.
Agree on the Beemer, the styling is OK but doesn’t grab me. I’m a sucker for Jags, so buy the XJR, drive the Audi when the roads get slick, and it’s flames for the 740.
Buy the Jag.
Drive the BMW
Definitely burn the Audi A8 with it’s glass transmission.
Definitely topical, given that fires are currently burning in Bel Air. The S-Class at the top probably won’t look look very different after a fire, given that I see enough of them already sitting on the ground, thanks to failures of the air suspension that third or fourth owners can’t afford to have fixed.
Buy the Beemer – resale value?
Drive the Audi – for fun just to say I did
Burn the Jag – best looking to me but crap rear end/electrics
My own:
74 Gremlin – why the f not.. if it’s style you are after
79 Grenada – dark red broughmtastic coupe with 6 cylinder wheezebox
80 K-Car, four door brown Plymouth Reliant with bench seat
Can we please get a guest post in this series from Matt Lauer? Surely he has plenty of extra time on his hands these days.
Thank you. I can’t believe the author, in referencing the “FMK” game, didn’t seize the opportunity to also make a Matt Lauer joke.
Oh God, you could have started us off with something a little easier. Nobody, given the advantage of hindsight would buy one of these?
Buy: E38 always a favorite, wish I had one just for road trips.
Drive: The Jag.
Burn: The Audi. VAG products will probably always top my burn list.
Buy: Prius
Borrow: rv, minivan, pickup
Burn: any rolling coal. Ok, if it has to be stock, then Hummer H1 (it shouldn’t even be street legal).
Owned that 740i possibly with the same color for 6+ years. Great driving car (for a large 2-tonne boat). I owned the car since it had 35k miles on it, drove it until about 115k miles then everything started falling apart so I basically gave it away to my mechanic for next to nothing.
This was supposed to be the most reliable 7 as it was the last year of production. God help poor souls who owned the previous years because this thing was not reliable by any means, all sorts of mechanical issues (starting with replacing the whole cooling system and the radiator twice) but hardly any electrical problems; no interior issues, leather was hardly broken in when it was ready for scrap.
From my research the Jag would had been the most reliable and Audi the least.
F er, drive Jag, buy BMW and burn audi
Change of topic: I just saw a hybrid Lincoln Zephyr black car with a LWB rear door! Has anyone seen this before?
Buy the Audi, drive the Jaguar, burn the BMW. I haven’t been interested in any mainstream BMW since they stopped building e30s.
If the 740iA is near the terminus, then I assume the terminus must be the 740i Sport?
Buy the Jag (And then Roadkill it)
Drive the BMW
Burn and or drive a tank over the Audi. (Because, Roadkill.)
I don’t want to either Buy or Burn any of these. I want to Drive them all.
But if I have to put them in order:
Buy the Audi
Drive the Jag
Burn the BMW
I don’t want to Burn the BMW because I dislike E38s, but to punish BMW for its current product planning.
Seems like everyone only read half the rules. My nominations: 1999 Ford Taurus SHO, Buick Regal Supercharged, and Chrysler 300M. Have at it!
Buy the BMW
Drive the Jag
Burn the Audi (though I could barely bring myself to it)
Buy the Jag
Drive the BMW
Burn the Audi
For a future contests I propose this 1994:
1. Corolla/Prizm
2. Civic
3. G20
Or this sadistic one, 1993:
1. Toyota Camry, wagon
2. Honda Accord, wagon
3. Volvo 940, wagon
Then there’s this, 2003:
1. Hyundai XG300/350
2. Saab 900 (You can swap this one if you have to)
3. Mitsubishi Galant
Buy Corolla, drive G20, burn Civic
Buy Hyundai XG, drive Saab 9-3, burn Mitsubishi Galant
Having trouble deciding between the wagons.
hard time picking one to burn.
The Audi is the one to buy as it is the most versatile (for me anyway, outside of the snowbelt I’d go with the Beemer). Let’s be honest-none of these cars are low maintenance.
Jag is the one to drive. I mean, just look at it.
Hate to burn the best looking 7 series, but here we are.
This is an easy one.
Buy: The Jaguar XJ (spoken in ones head with an English accent). The XJ is a stunning motor vehicle to look at, and quite possibly is the most attractive four door sedan of the modern motoring era, and is a last of its kind. This is the kind of car that when the mechanicals become too troublesome have a LS powertrain from a Vette’ or Camaro swapped in, get a nice re-spray on the outside and off you go. You still have the nicest car around to ride in and be seen in. From the research that I have done, the XJ does not appear to be all that terrible of a car to own, oddly.
Drive/Burn: this is a coin flip. I suppose I would drive the A8, as they were the car of choice early on for the sneaky wealthy. To the average Joe non-car nerd, the A8 and the A6 look very similar almost indistinguishable.
Burn: BMW. I agree this is the most attractive 7 series, but it still screams “I just paid off the last of my Orthodontic school loans, and I got Beemer…Do your kids need braces?” The car for the nouveau rich aka hood’ rich and ballers.
My apologies for not having part two, editing was not available.
1975:
Chrysler Town & Country Wagon VS
Mercury Marquis Colony Park Wagon VS
Buick Estate Wagon
Buy Buick, drive Chrysler, burn Mercury (I never liked its front-end styling)
I would buy the Chrysler just so I can tell people I have a 440 under the hood…it was an option.
OK, after thinking about this more, I have two nominations, each one featuring three continents:
1) New $45k coupes
– Mustang GT
– BMW 330i
– Infiniti Q60 3.0T
2) Mid-90s mid-price luxury sedans
– E34 BMW 525i
– 2G (3.2) Acura Legend
– 4G Cadillac Seville
And one more, ’90s cars that hold their value a bit too well:
1) FJ80 Land Cruiser
2) C4 Corvette ZR1
3) Mercedes 500E
Buy 500E. Borrow The cruiser. Burn the vette
Any vette post 1971 till c6. Burn baby burn
Buy 500E. Borrow The cruiser. Burn the vette
Any vette post 1971 till c6. Burn baby burn
Old habits die hard. That should be 430i above.
I must say I’ve enjoyed the amount of XJ love in these comments.
Drive the Jag. Don’t care about the other two, but no need to burn them.
For people of a certain age they will have an affinity for the Audi S8 and the BMW 740 but I cant think of any media appearances for the Jag.
I would actually take the W140 in the masthead picture. They tend to have a reputation for being bulletproof and I almost like the brutalist styling.
Maybe a stupid S600 V12?
I find it ironic that the Jaguar is probably the most reliable above the BMW and Audi.
Buy: A8 – Had an S8, maintenance isn’t too bad as long as you remember to change the tranny fluid or 6 speed swap, it drives AWESOME, and it’s understated looks still ooze class.
Drive: Jag – Because it’s so pretty, the leather is butter soft, and it makes supercharger noises.
Burn: 740 – Reluctantly, as it’s the finest looking siebener that will ever be made, but just doesn’t cut it. I’d much rather burn your lead car, it already looks half melted.
Drive Coventry. Buy Munich. Firebomb Ingolstadt.
Buy the BMW, Drive the Jag, Burn the Audi. Burn it to the fucking ground.
Buy: Jag
Drive: BMW
Burn: Audi
The Jag has presence.
Though one.
Had to do some elimination to make up my mind. The Audi is not the one to drive, pretty boring in this selection. Neither the Jag or the BMW would be the one to buy, but I wouldn’t want to burn a Jag, even if the earlier XJ’s are a lot cooler. So;
Burn the BMW, it may have been less ugly than the later 7-series, but it was uglier than the one before that, as was the one before etc. TBH the only thing a 7er is good for is donating its v12 to a 3series, and this is a V8 so I don’t care.
Drive the Jag. Jag invented the M5 while BMW were building Isettas. Interior is a delight to sit and wait for a towtruck in. Looks much betterer than any contemporary, but just wouldn’t trust it as a daily driver. Also, it’s a v8 not a proper Jag engine.
Buy the Audi. Questionable reliability by US standards, but not by BMW or Jag standards. Not fun to drive, but has decent comfort unlike most other german premiums. Boring styling and decent durability means it always looked 5-10 years old, and always will, so it doesn’t attract too much attention and I wouldn’t be afraid to use it.
Also looks great in matt black with some flames on it and dropped to the ground on airbags.
I hope there will be more of this!
Buy is easy: audi, because 4wd..
Drive: jaaaaaaag, because why not
Burn: BMW left, and it doesn’t bother me at all so this was actually quite easy :)
Buy the BMW
Drive the Jag
Burn the Audi.