Yesterday when discussing Chrysler's difficulties in accessing credit to offer sweetheart financing, the conversation couldn't stray from a simple reality. Chrysler's cars don't sell themselves, making the company dependent on getting good financing despite the credit crunch. And what better example is there of Chrysler's product pathos than the unlovable Avenger? Motor Trend recently tested ten midsized sedans it deems "Familial and Frugal," and despite going head-to-head with Mitsubishi's Galant and the Kia Optima, the Avenger came in dead last. Offering the worst acceleration, handling and braking of any car in its class, the Avenger inspired some savage simile from the usually docile MT staff. The Avenger's "crude" engine and "archaic" four-speed tranny "pushes it off the line with about as much vigor as a maimed turtle," say the buff book scribes. And though the styling isn't horrible,technical director Frank Markus says "the Dodge's quasi-aggressive styling and nomenclature and its racy white-faced gauges kind of write a sportiness check that the drivetrain and chassis can't cash." Sure it was the cheapest car in the test, but sometimes that's not even enough. Senior Editor Ed Loh sums it all up, saying "overall this is the essence of basic transportation; not remotely fun to drive and not all that practical or feature rich. There is absolutely no reason to buy this car." Well said sir, and may we just say that for once we are in complete agreement.

My local Land Rover dealer is the first car dealer in the country to buy carbon offsets for the first 50k miles of every new and used Landie they sell, in hopes of tempting green types into their Chelsea tractors. Now it seems that Land Rover has decided to offer more, erm, sustainable options for environmentally-minded ute lovers.  LR is showing a new range of diesel hybrid engines at the London Auto Show. Motor Authority reports that Land Rover's new electric rear axle drive (ERAD) consists of a rear-axle mounted 25w electric motor which can power all four wheels in parallel with a four-cylinder diesel engine. The powertrain also includes a Crankshaft Integrated Starter Generator (CISG) mounted in the dual-clutch transmission, which acts as a supplementary motor for adding torque to the driveline and also for starting the main diesel engine. Both the ERAD and CISG can be used for regenerative braking, and together account for a 20 percent reduction in carbon emissions. The ERAD/CISG system is still in early development, and is not expected to debut for several years. In the meantime, Land Rovers are expected to get stop-start technology as early as next year. Which hopefully means that Land Rover of Portland can end its gimmicky greenwashing campaign sooner rather than later.

In St Louis, MO the company responsible for handling seized cars is being accused of giving "sweetheart deals" for cars that had been taken from their owners. The St Louis Post-Dispatch reports that S&H Parking gave a seized car to the St Louis police chief's daughter in 2002, and sold her other cars at less than half the market price since then. A report from a local law firm alleges that Aimee Mokwa and "a number of unnamed officers" had been given free use of previously-impounded vehicles. Her father, police chief Joe Mokwa, denies any wrongdoing, but his officers responded to several accidents involving his daughter while she was driving a seized car. Not only was her unlicensed, unregistered seized car not returned to private ownership, but Ms. Mokwa was also not charged with any crimes despite having a blood alcohol level several times above the legal limit. In short, S&H Parking made big profits from car seizures, and gave the police chief's daughter a number of sweet deals to keep the gravy train rolling while his officers kept her out of jail. Of course, the police department's legal team says that the deals weren't improper since Ms. Mokwa is not a member of the force, and her father claims to have been oblivious. Absolute power may corrupt absolutely, but petty power is always abused in the most embarrassingly pathetic ways. (Hat Tip: Reason Hit & Run)

The EV goldrush is on. Every frustrated inventor in the country is hyping his or her homemade EV kit. One of the most unconventional offerings recently featured at Green Car Congress. The Poulsen 'Through The Road" PHEV Conversion Kit features external, rear wheel-mounted electric motors which engage at cruising speeds to keep your conventional car rolling along without using the gas engine. Without going into too many boring technical details, once you accelerate normally to your cruising speed, you engage the system with a toggle switch and "potentiometers," sending 14hp to the rear wheels. Besides making your car look like it was recently booted, the Poulson Hybrid adds no fewer than six 12V lead-acid batteries– although a Li-Ion cell is supposed to be available later this year. Poulson is currently planning on building only 250 kits in the initial run, the majority of which are likely to be bought by the nerdier members of Ralph Nader's campaign supporters. Although we like the idea of bolt-on EV AWD in principle, this Hail Mary makes the Volt look like a done deal.

With the "energy crisis" as the calamity of the moment, it's easy to forget that the credit crunch is still a long ways from resolution. Luckily, Chrysler is around to remind us. The Wall Street Journal reports ChryCo Financial has a $30b credit facility due for renewal next month, with its borrowing rates set to rise. The usual unnamed sources say the renewal deal is still being "worked out." And while the exact increases are not yet known, analysts are placing the spread at more than one point over LIBOR, currently 2.8 percent. JPMorganChase is said to be "pushing hard to persuade more than 20 banks to renew the facility — backed by car loans, leases and loans to dealers — that was issued by the auto-finance company last year when it was carved-out of the former DaimlerChrysler AG." Uh-oh. Investors have been running away from this exact sort of complex, structured debt since the credit crunch first hit. In contrast, Ford and GM typically use such "conduits" in one or two-month increments, keeping their borrowing costs below 0.5 percent above LIBOR. And the more expensive the borrowing, the less Chrysler can offer in financing terms to move its metal. Which is barely moving anyway. Not good.

Malcolm Bricklin is deeply regretting his plan to import Chinese Chery cars to the U.S. Automotive News (sub) reports that the man who brought Subaru to America is suing his erstwhile Chinese colleagues for corrupt practices. This after losing $26m (of someone's money) trying to bring Cherys to the US. The suit alleges Chery has "systematically broken contractual obligations, stolen plans for vehicles, made cars designed by Western companies without paying for their rights, and made deals without the slightest intention of carrying them out." In other words, business as usual. Bricklin once described his partnership with Chery in glowing terms: "I have never met a more cooperative, more intelligent, more aggressive group to do business with. We're working together as if we've been working together for 100 years." And now… "We're going to get them for everything they've done." Bricklin reckons Chery is legally vulnerable in the states; an American designer has successfully sued his overseas imitators. No matter how this shakes out, it's good news Chrysler's plan to import Cherys into the US.

Auto Motor und Sport reports Volkswagen vants to conquer ze world! The German automaker aims to displace  Ford as world number three automaker this year and then, eventually, take on Toyota. Yes, well, anyway, Wolfsburg can't get there from here without fixing its NorAm ops. To that end, VW is considering bringing a subcompact "similar to its Polo" stateside. The Yaris/Fit fighter would take VW back to its small, fuel-efficient American roots. Bloomberg reports that Vee Dub's also looking to produce a market-specific version of a future Polo in the U.S. of A.. Power could come from one of VW's new low-pollution powerplants, built at a forthcoming engine plant in Puebla, Mexico. Better late than never?

Shelby Supercars (SSC) recently grabbed the title of fastest production car in the world (and the respect of Jay Leno) with its 1k+ hp "Veyron-performance-made- in-the-USA-at-half-the-price" Ultimate Aero. Even so, SSC knows that a world record and fifty-unit-per-year production do not a viable car builder make. And since the Ultimate Aero can plow through a gallon of gas every 15 seconds at full boost, SSC figures a cleaner, greener model is in order. The SSC blog reports that the Ultimate Aero EV replaces the standard 1183hp twin-turbo V8 with a 500hp electric motor. They claim that the watt-guzzler will "feature a revolutionary power source allowing for extended time between charging intervals with the possibility of several years between charging." Huh. Tesla has a bank account full of Silicon Valley venture capital and more media coverage than a panty-free Britney Spears. But they still can't get a transmission to handle their Roadster's low-down EV torque. And SSC expects to waltz in and handle even more 0 rpm torque with its standard carbon clutch and six-speed tranny. Whether it evolves into a Tesla-killing masterpiece or an overly ambitious flameout, this project is just too crazy not to keep an eye on. [Hat Tip to El Jalop]

Earth2tech reports that Tesla opened its second showroom last week in Menlo Park, CA. The new "palatial" space is three times larger than Tesla's original L.A. showroom, highlighting just how important the Silicon Valley is to Tesla's attempt to become a viable boutique automaker. And though the money could have been spent on say, a transmission, Tesla threw a party at its new showroom to celebrate the (eventual) delivery of cars to its patient customers. And what a party it was, by all accounts. "The parking valets seemed to outnumber the electric Roadsters," says E2T (ya think?), and an open bar served such cocktails as the Electric Margarita (great as long as you don't ask how it's made) and the Model S Mojito (if you wanted to get really delusional). Tesla President/CEO Ze'ev Drori and Chairman Elon Musk mingled with customers (martini glasses in hand) and spoke of plans for more showrooms (and accompanying parties) in New York, Chicago, Seattle and Miami. And while Tesla partied, the first dozen roadsters to be delivered to Silicon Valley customers sat in the back of the showroom, along with nine others scattered across the showroom floor in "different stages of development." They may be arriving in California at a rate of four per week, but since final assembly takes place at Tesla's dealerships, most are not yet ready for delivery. Which brings to mind the wise words of another, more famous electric innovator from a different Menlo Park: "genius is one percent perspiration, and 99 percent hype." Or something like that.

No, no, not that Auburn Hills automaker. You didn't seriously think Chrysler was hiring, did you? No, Gibbs Technologies, a growing maker of *ahem* amphibious vehicles is opening its North American headquarters near the Pentastar Palace. The makers of the Aquada roadster (pictured), Humdinga SUV and Quadski ATV are bringing their products to the American market, and more amazingly, jobs to Michigan. Gibbs will hire 70 new employees by year's end, with plans for an eventual staff of 250. Further helping the moribund Michigan economy: the 270 workers at local suppliers and businesses required for Gibbs' operations. The company is also seeking locations to manufacture its surf-and-turf rides, and Michigan is reportedly a top contender. The first Gibbs product to go on sale stateside will likely be the Aquada roadster, a three-seater capable of 100mph on land and 40mph in the water. The Aquada could cost as much as $85k when it goes on sale sometime next year. Yes it's true: this whole venture depends on Gibbs selling vehicles. Imagine that.

Can't wait for some good news about Product Revolution 2.0 from GM? Well, surf on over to Edmunds Inside Line for the latest in grainy computer-generated images of the cars that are sure to make you forget that GM was ever in any kind of trouble. Think American automakers can't build an attractive, efficient small car? Um, you were right. The first look at Chevy's Cobalt quasi-replacement, the Cruze, reveal bland baby Malibu styling that even Edmunds calls "over-used and derivative." And while the old Chevy Cruze (Suzuki Ignis) was a tall, flexible wagon, the new model sports a long front overhang and a tight greenhouse. But fear not, wagon lovers because the Caddy CTS sportwagon is coming. And by the looks of it, it will be yet another fashion nugget designed to convince Americans that all station wagons have less luggage capacity than sedans. That's right America, if you want to buy a GM with actual storage space you have no choice but to keep buying thirsty crossovers for at least five more years. For example, take the Caddy SRX, the Saab 9-4X or the Chevy Equinox… no, seriously, take them. They'll just be occupying valuable Volt real estate on GM lots come 2010. Finally, we get a look at a mid-sized Buick, possibly to be named the Invicta. Sure it looks good, but will it be enough to rescue the dead brand walking? Speaking of which, is it a coincidence that GM isn't showing any new Pontiac or GMC product? Probably not. The future is now!

Automotive News [sub] reports a Turin [Italy] court has banned the Great Wall GWPeri from European sales. The court agrees with Fiat's assessment that the car "is a (Fiat) Panda with a different front end." The court ordered Great Wall to pay Fiat about $24k for the first imported model, and nearly $80k for each future import. Great Wall's lawyers say they'll appeal the decision. Fiat is also suing Great Wall in China, where the Panda isn't even sold. That case is still pending. It's been rumored that Great Wall has been interested in the U.S. market for some time, so let me be the first to say, bring the GWPeri here! The Panda's supposed to be a fun little car, and our own struggling automakers could use a captive import or two right now. Bring it as a Chevy, and let Fiat angrily nurse its $2b of GM's money. Either way, this is clearly a sign of things to come. Up next, lawsuits over this (Great Wall) Scion xB, this (SG) RX300, this (Lifan) MINI Cooper, this HUMMER, etc, etc. Hell, Great Wall even stole its GWPeri ad from an old Citroen C4 spot. Talk about incorrigible.

The automotive industry is the global leader in greenwashing. Whether through highly-touted donations to activist groups, misleading advertisements or assorted implausible claims, automakers will do most anything (or in some nothing) to seem eco-friendly. The New York Times reports that the ad men are worried that many consumers can discern now disingenuous environmental claims from environmental action. The Grey Lady traveled to Cannes for an annual ad industry knees-up, and found that green claims are being dialed back to the point reflecting reality. Forget morality, it's one of those impact deals. "After 18 months, levels of concern on any issue tend to drop off," said Jonathan Banks, Nielsen UK's business insight director. Another problem: watchdog groups are fact checking green claims. Britain's A.S.A. and the America's F.T.C. are looking into tightening eco-ad standards. How long before automakes can't advertise highway mpgs?

During his visit to MI, presidential candidate John McCain dropped his automaker-unfriendly talk of California's emissions standards to focus on the "game-changing" plug-in hybrid electric – gas Chevrolet Volt. Maverick reputation notwithstanding, McCain was only too happy to lead in the self-congratulatory cheerleading. "The eyes of the world are now on the Volt and this will be not only be about the jobs or economy of this great and beautiful state," McCain said. "It's also about the future of the world. We have to eliminate our dependence on foreign oil as a national security issue." Surrounded by competitive products like the Chevy Cobalt, McCain called the the Volt "another great leap forward in American history." Meanwhile, GM CEO Rick Wagoner showed his understanding of engineering. He told McCain that "If this [the Volt's powertrain] doesn't work perfectly, we can do everything else perfectly and it's not going to work." This while admitting that the Volt development team is "pushing the time envelope." Uh-oh.

The Detroit News reports that 150 Chrysler white collar retirees attended the first meeting of the National Chrysler Retirement Organization. The meeting comes days after GM announced retiree health care cuts, and a month after Chrysler cut life insurance to its former workers. "Chrysler workers were promised these benefits and counted on them when they retired, especially if they took an early retirement," said Chuck Austin, the org's president pro tem. "For them now to change their minds anytime they'd like — it's not right." The organization has sent letters to Chairman and CEO Bob Nardelli and Nancy Rae, executive vice president for human resources and communications, asking for benefit guarantees. Meanwhile, the group is looking into legal redress. "We need to make sure that the pension fund is 100 percent secured," says former Chrysler human resources staffer Nancy Furman. "If we are losing our benefits, seeing our 401(k)s drop and living longer, we need to make sure every penny counts." The group's also asking Chrysler to follow GM's lead and freeze executive salary raises and bonuses. Unfortunately, when (or if you prefer, if) Chrysler goes C11, these retirees will have little legal recourse. Yet another reason to bemoan, not celebrate, Chrysler's ignominious decline.