My parents had many ways to traumatize me during my childhood holidays. Perhaps the most effective: taking me downtown to donate a hundred bucks to the local Ronald McDonald House. Don’t get me wrong; the charity could well be the best (only?) reason to eat a Filet-O-Fish. But a hundred bucks? That kind of money could have bought two copies of “Star Raiders” for the Atari 800. As it turns out, I’m not the only spoiled brat to resent a bit of charity, as the following Christmas list proves. It’s straight from my top-secret sources at the North Pole: a complete recap of what the more fortunate manufacturers are asking Santa for this year. We’ll start with Toyota.

“La plus belles des ruses du diable est de vous persuader qu’il n’existe pas.” Baudelaire, straight out of The Usual Suspects. And while the world focuses on the usual suspects of the auto-industry collapse, something odd is happening over in a shadowy corner: Honda is running scared. It’s been less than four months since the Civic sold more than fifty-two thousand units in a single month, toppling the almighty F-150 from its two-decade-long run as the best-selling vehicle in the United States, but if anybody at the Big H is celebrating, they’ve apparently decided to hide their exuberant light under a bushel of program cancellations, production cutbacks, and a panicky sale of their backmarking F1 team. Why? Surely, if anybody’s in good shape to survive the coming catastrophe, it’s Honda; they have the small cars people “want,” unimpeachable planet-friendly credentials, and a solid base of non-union production. What’s causing them to huddle behind their hurricane shelters? The answer’s simple: when it comes to Honda, reality is very, very far away from the public perception.