The BMW 3-Series has been the gold standard for small sports sedans since America had a gold standard. Well, it seems that way. The Ultimate Driving Machine has seen off the Germans (Mercedes C-Class, Audi A4), Americans (Cadillac CTS) and Japanese (Infiniti’s G-force). Repeatedly. Despite the min-Merc’s rep as a credible corner carver, it’s the Infiniti that’s posed the most dangerous threat to the 3’s rep. In fact, Infiniti’s persistence is the automotive equivalent of the posse in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Who are zees guys? These days, the G-Unit chases the 3 with a bigger engine, remapped power delivery and a Bimmer baiting tagline: “Beyond Machine.” We shall see . . .

The ad for the new Mercedes GLK is targeted straight at owners of MB’s ML and GL SUVs. After all, the new GLK gives you the “same innovation in a smaller design.” Same agility. Same suspension. Same luxury. Same depreciation (my add). So, why bother paying more for one of Mercedes’ more much macho trucks? Sure, this baby brother routine hurts the automaker. The Nissan’s Rogue’s Murano-i-cide is but one example where a new, smaller vehicle robbed Peter to pay Paul less. But that’s the way it is. In Bailout Nation’s new era of hunker down austerity, downsizing is almost as fashionable as having a job. Big ticket buyer meets smaller ticket price on the dark side of town. The carmakers must figure that what they lose in profit they’ll recover in volume. Ask GM how well that works. In that sense the Mercedes GLK is a born win – loser. Or is it?

The Hyundai Sonata is a great car for people who don’t care all that much about cars. That’s not a slam. I have a friend who considers his car a device for moving bicycles around. Another buddy would drive a large teapot if it promised a cheap commute. These are bright, successful guys for whom “driving dynamics” are as valuable as GPS on a squirrel (hunters excluded). These motorists deserve a decent ride. Once again, Hyundai’s stepped up to the pump with an automobile that’s so generic you expect to find it in the paper towel section of your local supermarket.

“The first real casualty of the current recession may well be the middle-priced automobile. For years it not only provided transportation for the middle class but was a firm steppingstone on the stratified pyramid of personal material progress.” That’s from Time magazine, 1958. A different recession, in a different era. But there can be value in gazing back. That’s how we’re supposed to learn, right? To keep from doing the same stupid things over and over? Or maybe you’re more in the Conway Twitty camp. His message from the same year: It’s Only Make Believe.

If I didn’t know better, I’d bet carmakers choose model names via a Google simulation. A computer identifies search words that can be punted to page four within days of launch. In this case, it’s only a matter of a week or so before lornezovenza.com and Jac Venza slip into double digit obscurity. At the same time, I suppose Toyota settled on “Venza” because it sounds vaguely Italian– perfect for a car built in Georgetown Kentucky on a Camry platform. In truth, I don’t know what it is: the word, the car, the point. All I know is after spending time in the new Toyota Venza I’ve become a cautious and reluctant fan.

Between 1848 and 1852 telegraph line miles in the US increased by more than 1000 percent. By 1860, most of the companies that laid those lines were gone. The telegraph did not disappear, but the market for cable unraveled. Now that the CEOs of GM, Chrysler and Ford have sent a collective SOS to Congress, its relevant to step back and look not at the now, but the whole. The cycle’s called boom-bubble-bust. Not, bailout. Put another way, what kind of market does Detroit expect to find on the other end of their bridge loans?

BMW’s second generation MINI convertible will offer an optional ‘Openometer.’ It records the time spent by the car driving around with the top down. Kind of an interior conversation piece, I guess, providing the same service a Dada coffee table book might in your swank bachelor – or bachelorette – pad. Number of G’s pulled. [ED: Number of birds pulled?] Top speed, and time spent there-– these interest me. Though they should be password protected. Instantly purgeable. Anything but open, really. Does anyone think an openometer is useful in anyway?

Loans and leases are getting hard to come by for anyone interested in a car or truck from GM, Chrysler or Ford. Banks now routinely put out lists with “red lines” through makes and models they no longer want to finance. Those products are increasingly domestic in origin. Redlined vehicles are harder to sell, forcing down values, rendering loans even more unattractive, making those cars and trucks even harder to sell, forcing down… you can see where this is going. Major lenders in the US are not waiting for The Big 2.8 to file for bankruptcy. They’re treating them like it’s a done deal.

I don’t like rumors that no one wants to substantiate, but I think this one is not of the Sasquatch-got-me-pregnant variety. The scuttlebutt: banks still willing to make new car loans are more so when the make is foreign. The meme has been traveling around for a while by net, got an unsupported mention on NPR this week and spurred me into making a few phone calls. Off the record, wink-wink, nudge, nudge, it’s easy to get you bought on a car from a company not headquartered in Detroit. In other words, the gangrene of bankruptcy has already set in. Now it’s a matter of how far the powers that be let it spread.

The Wall Street Journal’s Business World by Holman W. Jenkins Jr. exemplifies the dangers of always looking at the course through the same binoculars. His “Uncle Sam Goes Car Crazy” (WJS Oct. 22, 2008) rant is an attempt to view Detroit’s troubles through Government is Bad glasses, filtering out all other reasons for the slide. He’s wrong, and in a dangerous way.

A large percentage of TTAC readers arrive here via a Google search of a specific vehicle. They know nothing of– nor care much about– our “take no prisoners” editorials or Inside Baseball auto industry analysis. So, in their honor, let’s start with THE key fact: the VW Routan is a rebadged Chrysler minivan. Rebadged as in mildly reworked. So why buy a VW Routan instead of a Chrysler product? For the same reason you’d buy a Chrysler minivan over a Honda Odyssey or Toyota Sienna: no reason at all, really. But there’s more to it than that. At least in theory…

What if GM Car Czar Bob Lutz is the kind of hero General Motors needs, hurling Volts from high atop the Ren Center to stave off Chapters 7 and 11? What if he's fighting the bureaucratic beast from within, under the guise of corporate tool, a double agent, if you will? Could Maximum Bob be one of the good guys? Double Lutz?

The breakup of Chrysler has begun. It’s been done quietly, in the open, but under obnubilating nomenclature. That last phrase says it all. Why lie when you can make the truth so damn confusing? While Cerberus denies imminent sell-off, a cadre of automotive executives has Chrysler on a hook, passing around a felt tip pen. In fact, a pre-break up party is the only way of explaining some of the crazy-ass deals the three-headed dog has been fetching lately.

A guy says he’s stopped using premium gas in his “premium gas required” car because it’s too damn expensive. It’s a joke, right? He’s saving 30 cents now, only to threaten his warranty and pay thousands in repairs later? “Yes” is the easy answer. But the truth about cars can be a funny thing, especially when you add fuel and flames.

With apologies to the chemists, theoretical physicists and tuners out there, here is an octane apercu: octane rating measures knock resistance. It has nothing to do with energy content. Engine knock (or ping) occurs when fuel detonates before the piston is in the right spot. The temperature and pressure in the cylinder cause the fuel-air mixture to detonate prior to the spark.

I recently bought a dishwasher. Investor Kirk Kerkorian (a.k.a. “The Lion of Las Vegas”) bought 20m shares of Ford Motor Company. As a percentage of net worth, we each spent comparative amounts. But I’m pretty sure I got the better deal. I’m positive I’m going to have guacamole-free dinnerware for the next five years. Capt. Kirk can’t make anywhere near as bold a statement about the longer-term value of his Ford shares. Or can he?