The best thing about the 1987 Dodge Lancer Shelby was the turbo lag followed by eye peeling acceleration. My dad always looked over at me, grinning with a wild look in his eyes as he dumped the clutch, and then hung on to the torque steering helm as I laughed all the way to the next stoplight in Santa Cruz, California (when it was still cheap to live there).

In the mid-1980’s, Carroll Shelby saw enough potential in the second generation Chrysler K-Cars, he lent his name to no less than four versions: a Charger, Omni GLH (Goes Like Hell), Daytona, and the Lancer. Of all the cars, the Lancer had the most potential to capture the marketplace, a true American 3-series competitor. With its 5-door hatchback styling, crisp Euro inspired lines, and a fairly nice interior (that was as good as anything during the time period), the Lancer Shelby should have taken the driving world by storm, however, it has faded into almost extinction.

The largest problem with the Lancer lay in its fundamental layout. Americans of the 1980’s viewed its useful hatchback as a marque of a cheap vehicle. That perception only worsened as the Lancer was only equipped with a 2.2L four-banger, another American no-no. Despite being producing 175bhp (147bhp in the non-Shelby), the drastic torque steer, turbo lag, and non-Euro feeling body lean chased off the import buyers as well.

Yet the few that bought one discovered something incredibly rare in Chrysler’s history, a car with character, a car that tackled corners with élan never seen in an American designed and produced sedan. They also discovered turbos that failed at 75K miles, electrical glitches, and early failing shocks.

I will always remember a car that tackled Highway 1 in Big Sur with aplomb, a car that surged with gusto across the plains of Texas, and a car that still remains interesting in its design. If you ever see a Dodge Lancer Shelby, count yourself lucky. Rare when new, they are positively unknown, unloved, and non-existent now, which is a shame.

Warning: you might want to turn down your volume when that Audi TT with a new turbo upgrade hits full boost. The last time I heard a whine like that was when the Pratt & Whitney engines on my jet spooled-up, developing 21k lbs of thrust apiece; and it only does 0 – 60 mph in about 15 seconds (and then 60 – 250 mph in another 15). Which brings me to my question. I've seen many a car "tuned" beyond belief, many with ridiculous body kits to emphasize the fact. How much tuning on a car it too much? When does the tuning destroy the car's original character and turn it into a peaky, unreliable mess? I like it when people modify cars, especially when it builds upon the car's strengths and tones down its weakness (like the above Audi). But looking around me on Friday nights, sometimes I think it gets a bit extreme. What say you?

If I had a shotgun, I would be in jail right now. Since Chrysler LLC refuses to acknowledge TTAC's existence and won't give us access to their press cars (unlike Audi, Bentley, Aston Martin, Mercedes-Benz, Volkswagen, and a lot of others), we have to bug dealers for test drives. Seeing dealerships in the greater Oklahoma City Metro area receiving Dodge Challenger SE's (the V6 4-speed auto-only versions), I went a-hunting. Fowler Dodge: "you cannot drive a Challenger until you sign the paperwork to buy one, even the $25,000 model, because people want NO miles on them, as they are collectors items." David Stanley Dodge possessed no less than six Challenger SEs. They flat-out refused a test drive, demanding a sizeable deposit for the "collectible model." Mark Heitz Dodge scoffed and refused to even open up the their car. Bob Moore Dodge in Edmond roped theirs off (I'm pretty sure I saw an SRT8 in an inflatable bubble). ALL of the Challengers I encountered had at least a $5K markup on the windshield (some disguised as a "chrome" package). Meanwhile, the base $25k model is already finding its way into the rental fleets (check out your local Thrifty– they might have one already). The behavior of dealers like these is a big reason Chrysler finds itself in such trouble. Time after time, they insult the customer with ridiculous markups, patronizing sales tactics and flat-out deceit. Jackie Cooper BMW will let you take out a $75,000 BMW M3, Mercedes of Oklahoma threw me the keys to an SL55 and Porsche of Edmond called me to tell me about their new Boxster S. Dodge dealers, I hate to break it to you, but your $25,000 Challenger SE, while good-looking IS NOT THAT SPECIAL. It's a $25k Mustang competitor. Let as many people as you can drive them, price them right and maybe, just maybe, you won't have them stacking up on your lots in three months.

Wesson veggie oil, lye, high quality methanol, an old margarita mixer, and some patience; thats all you need to create your own batch of pure biodiesel, suitable for use in your average two-year old, raceworthy Jetta TDI. Sure, it looked more like something you would dip your bread in at Olive Garden, but I was not only going to be driving like a hooligan at the local SCCA event, I was saving the planet (I should sell some carbon credits)! Using directions I found on-line, I planned to whip up a five-gallon batch of biodiesel (to see if I could) in the 11th-floor confines of my apartment. Not knowing what to expect, I ended up with a huge mess, a ruined margarita mixer, and about three gallons of biodiesel of dubious quality (it was supposed to be nearly translucent). Turbidity issues aside, I put a single gallon in the tank of my Jetta, along with five gallons of regular diesel, and ran around town. No issues, so the weekend's race was on! The other two gallons were then thrown in, and the race commenced. One hundred bhp aside, the Jetta performed admirably with mild body lean, communicative steering, decent brakes, monster torque, and laughable grip. The oppressive Oklahoma heat erased all perception of driving a commuter sedan; no, I was piloting the Audi R10 TDI down the Mulsanne straight in the Le Mans! But unlike Audi, I couldn't claim victory, as I was the only one in my racing class. But my adventure in going green shall not end there. Stay tuned as I attempt to make ethanol for my Porsche!

Around the Key Largo portion of my escape from Tropical Storm Fay, the belt squeal from the engine bay of our rented Dodge Caravan reached epic proportions. The van limped and shuddered into Homestead AFB for the night. The next day, we discovered that a rear tire was low, most likely due to a pothole impact. The spare was deflated as well. Thrifty roadside assistance routed us into rain-soaked Miami International, to exchange cars. As I unloaded the van (which held my luggage and about 300lbs of stuff to be delivered to Warner-Robbins AFB), I asked the porter queuing the cars if I could move it over to the far left to expedite unloading. "What?!? You want me to make a special concession for you?" I guess not. I tracked down several carts to haul everything. I was berated again for not moving the car further down to make more space (despite the ample opening in the six spaces beside me). As Monica emerged from the rental counter with keys in hand, the porter took off with the car, and the rest of our luggage, to the nether regions of the lot. Much arguing later on who takes priority– the customer exchanging a broken van, or the porter who wants his lane clear– we were off in a beige Caravan. The dirt-covered interior had boogers smeared on the dashboard, and it smelled bad. Like the previous Caravan, it also had been in a noticeable front-end accident. The things you learn from adversity…

Hurricane Fay decided to crash my mini (small m) break here in alcohol-sodden Key West. Store keepers boarded-up their shops, tourists packed-up their rentals, polydactyl cats dove for cover and Starbucks kept everyone properly caffeinated. Watching the queue of cars on Highway 1 heading towards the mainland, Monica and I delayed our departure as long as possible. Sanity, and US Air Force safety policy, intervened with our procrastination. So we provisioned our rented Dodge Grand Caravan with extra water, Swedish Fish and coffee. Facing untold hours of driving, I had time to reflect on the evacuation-worthiness of our refrigerator white box on wheels. Fit 'n Finish are Chrysler Corp. standard (the panels don't fit and it's not finished). The van's lack of power complements the confused autostick four-speed tranny. The constant bands of rain have however produced some unseemly driving characteristics, such as constant accessory belt squeal and skittering tires, followed by abrupt traction control. The flat and unsupportive seats are not our friends. Stay tuned for updates on our progress from Key West to Ft. Lauderdale.

The Olympics kicked off Friday in Beijing, with a bright beige, smog-filled sky, intense pyrotechnics, and some incredibly impressive artistic performances by the Chinese. I missed nearly all of it due to preparation for my upcoming Iraq deployment, so  I ran into my apartment, threw my flight gear into the corner and flipped on the TV to grab what was left of the Opening Ceremonies, Instead, I watched a tribute to the GM brand in rabbit-eared-fuzzy glory. Brandi Carlile belted out "The Story" as the redundant seemingly endless range of GM vehicles paraded across the screen. I got choked up, not because of the truly good GM products they displayed (CTS, Enclave, Camaro), but because the Volt concept was shown, still with a debut date of 2010. As the tag line, "Something Shiny, Blue, and Beautiful" flashed across the screen under the GM logo, I wondered if GM still thinks a well-done commercial tugging our heartstrings and a vehicle powered by hope and pixie dust will actually restore faith destroyed by three decades of lousy products and service. Then immediately after, a local ad proclaiming $10k off new Suburbans blared out, blasting the Velcro patches off my flight suit. My sense of reality was restored. GM, you can do it. I've seen glimpses of it. I've driven it. But don't think you can erase all the bad times with sentimentality and soft-focus screen shots. Make it happen in cold, harsh daylight reality. But thanks anyways for supporting our Olympic athletes.

Last month, I brought you the shocking news that local Dodge dealers were marking-up Charger SRT/8's by $10K, or more. I recently revisited the same OK (as in the state) dealer, after a tip-off that they had several pre-delivery Challengers on the back lot. Sneaking on scene with sets of "borrowed" Challenger keys, I passed the same two SRT/8 Chargers that were gracing the showroom floor 30 days prior. They'd painted "Hail Sale!" on the windscreen. A large hail storm had turned their sculpted rears into cellulite infested thighs. You can now pick one up for $38K or so, and 0 percent financing (but no leases). As for the Challengers, seeing them in the metal changed my opinion. They're a sight to behold, with menacing faces and near perfect proportions. The seats are incredibly comfortable, the dash sports soft touch plastic. And the bad news: the  build quality sets new lows, even for Chrysler Corp. The paint on the rear bumper didn't match the fender. The metallic grain flopped in numerous places, and the panel gaps were uneven on the trunks and passenger doors (on all three models). So I guess the Challenger is the most faithful rehashing of the 70's muscle car yet. Stay tuned for a full Challenger review; Sajeev Mehta has his own insiders. And yes, they marked up the Challengers by $20K.

The day before I left in my jet for an exercise in Goldsboro, North Carolina on the 18th of this month, I filled my ancient Audi Quattro's 25 gallon tank to the tune of $98, with gas on-base hovering around $3.94. I then staggered into the station to get Swedish Fish and Tequila to drown my sorrows, as a 25 year-old Audi with AWD only gets 25mpg at best. Upon landing yesterday, the 30th, I drove past the pumps, and saw prices are now $3.34, a drop of $0.60 in 15 days. I would have only saved about $13 or so, but that buys at least three overpriced coffees at Starbucks. Are the plummeting gas prices in the most oil-cheap of states a portent of things to come? I believe so, as my father, an engineer for Occidental Petroleum in Texas has started analyzing all oil wells that cost more than $100 per barrel to extract the dino-juice from the Earth. Oxy is starting to prepare for a crash, as are the other oil companies (per rumor). The rumors flying around the offices in Midland, Texas are saying middle of 2009 to early 2010. Regardless of whether an oil crash occurs, who ever predicts the crash, or the rise in prices will surely make a lot of money.

A month or two ago, I had the brilliant idea to enter a rental car into a car show, and see what I would win. The Avis Hummer H3 I spent untold hours detailing won first place in the truck category. Being only slightly insane, I decided to try another rental car challenge (due to my Porsche still being in various pieces), and enter a weekend special into an SCCA Autocross. Nearly winning my division last year, I believed that winning was mainly due to the driver, not the car, so of course I would come out on top no matter what I was driving. $78 later in rental fees and race entry fees, I had a 2008 Subaru Outback, with a 173bhp, AWD and lots of cargo space. Despite ripping nearly 150lbs of weight out of the car, the Subie couldn't have been more disastrous. The Sportshift always held the wrong gear, and wouldn't let you shift manually under extreme maneuvers. The steering became so imprecise that I was no longer driving the car, I was guiding it. The AWD made the car understeer, or oversteer, in a completely unpredictable manner. The lack of low end power had me uttering strings of curses upon exiting nearly every corner. I was easily outrun by a similar 2.5-liter equipped Impreza. I was outrun by a Honda Civic, a Dodge Neon, and an automatic-equipped Toyota Echo. And then we loaded the wagon up with five people, kept to the starting line, and learned the joys of e-braking through the corners, where the Outback stopped skittering, and literally "hopped" around the bends. As a race car, the Scooby gets one-star. But I suppose you already guessed that.

Engineered like no other car in the world. At some point in the 90's, Mercedes dropped their longstanding ad campaign. And no wonder. The promise had become a snigger-worthy ironic joke. That said, it stopped being funny when it started being you making regular pilgrimages to your local dealership. Mercedes trumpets its new C-Class as a return to the legendary, over-engineered cars of Mercedes-Benz's past. Heading straight to the very bottom of the range, will the cheapest and most basic of all "true" Benzes right 15 years of wrong?

TTAC's Best and Brightest have spoken. They demand independent, truthful and snarky video content– in addition to the excellent prose they already enjoy. Being the Road Test Editor, I have listened,and heeded. Last month, while testing a Jaguar XF, I decided to record my roadtrip in the Jaguar to Shiprock, New Mexico with the 1.3 megapixel video camera on my cellphone, for my own sake. Most of the narration was done by Andrew Cleary, a Welsh-educated Canadian who will be moving to Syria. I have since spliced the clips together, in a small, and extremely low-budget preview of a semi-professional Jaguar XF Supercharged video shoot we wrapped last Sunday. Myself, and two of my Captain cohorts– one with a degree in film making, the other cast as an extra in the Transformer's movie (look closely, and you will see my crew onboard the AWACS, those were real Capt Mike's!). We spent an entire afternoon shooting scenes and even a car chase involving a Mustang GT around Lake Stanley Draper. So please enjoy this teaser while we get our very first TTAC Video Review together.

Mr Lieberman, and Mr Mehta, I have to concede defeat. There will be no running of the Audi V8 Uber-quattro at the Texas event, as I now posess a lump of modern art sculpted by Mother Nature herself, instead of an all-dominating all-wheel drive wonder. Recently, a fire started in the fields next to the Audi due to a severe lightning storm. The flames swept across the fields like the opening lines to "Oklahoma!" and turned the Audi into a Renault Fuego, complete with a fried fringe on top. The carbon fiber hood melted to form a really interesting mold of the now carbonized engine. At least the old Audi Fox GTI survived intact, an even more irreplaceable Teutonic masterpiece. I guess I can't be too despondent, as I have also learned the military will not let me compete, as I will be deploying to the Middle East shortly, where I will spend some much needed time flogging Nissan Urvans, and loathing over Hyundai Trajets. Good luck Sajeev, take video and pictures of the Lincoln of the Apocolypse to share with me, and the Best and Brightest.

"OMG! It's Paris Hilton's car!" The bikini-clad blond with waiting-for-a-nuclear-blast sized sunglasses was impressed by the big black Bentley. "How much does it cost?" "How fast does it go?" "How did you get one?" An Abercrombie of bathing suits gathered around the British-built German car in the late summer sun. I didn't have the heart to tell them they were worshipping a false idol. So what if the Bentley Continental GTC is a four-wheeled Poptart, famous for being famous? Discretion is the better part of valet parking. I'd save my bubble-bursting for the Best and Brightest. And here you are. And here we go…

Let’s say you've mentally prepared yourself to pay full whack– $42,185– for the new Dodge Charger Super Bee. In other words, you're looking to "invest" an additional $2760 (over the normal SRT/8) version to get some gaudy matte paint, suede seat inserts and “Super Bee” badges. In that case, you’d better hope you don’t live in Oklahoma. Closely examining the window sticker on said Bee, I noticed the presence of an additional half sheet of paper next to the window sticker, crudely copied from a handwritten note used on who knows how many other cars. This “limited availability charge" (a.k.a. “screw you sticker”) detailed a $10,500 hike in the Bee's MSRP. So, want to drive it? Not a chance. My salesman explains that the Bee's a “very expensive car” A sizable deposit (10 percent or more) would be required to take it off the lot. To Bee or not to Bee? Not. Unless you're looking for a garage queen for life, anyone who pays full whack for a new Chrysler– any new Chrysler– is staring down the barrel of epic depreciation. Will "collectible" gas guzzlers escape this curse? We'll tell you in twenty years. Meanwhile, you might want to consider the fact that base and SXT Chargers get $1,500 rebate or low APR financing. RT models get $2,500 rebate or low APR. Both models qualify for gas plan, as well.