Automotive News [sub] offers-up the not-so-startling fact that luxury car buyers are trading down. “Downscaling.” Common sense suggests the number one reason not to buy a high-priced luxury car: the buyer can’t afford it. As any good car salesman will tell you, “afford” is an entirely subjective, infinitely malleable term. Hence the term “consumer confidence” as a measurement of whether or not people think they can afford something. You know; even if they can’t, really. And while you’re contemplating what all that means for the American economy, how about this: the “Power Information Network” (J.D.’s mob) reckons the move down the automotive food chain is a reflection of buyers’ psychological need to NOT impress the neighbors. “Especially in this recessionary period, neighbors may not want to show up one another as ‘For Sale’ signs go up everywhere,” [PIN general manager Geoff] Broderick said.” I call bullshit. Since when do Americans tailor their consumption patterns out of sensitivity to their neighbors’ financial distress? The whole stealth wealth thing is a myth. A California Mercedes dealer disagrees . . .
That’s my lawyer’s kid, exiting a McLaren F1. I’ve not heard if young Master Gleason pronounced “How sweet it is!” whilst exiting the seminal supercar. Or if this “boy meets Big Mac” moment will inspire Hayden to follow his dad down the road to riches, singing Mack the Knife every step of the way. But I do know the first time I fell in love with a four-wheeled object: the day my father took me a for an inaugural ride in his Mercedes-Benz 300 SEL 6.3. Dad owned a lot of dirty sexy cars leading-up to this German beast—including a black Olds Rocket 88 and white Ford Thunderbird (whose electric roof froze in an obscenely horizontal position on sports day). But the big Benz’ rumble and MASSIVE acceleration began a lifelong love of all things automotive. I remember a journey from Little Compton to Logan airport in the 6.3, when one of my friends was late for a flight. The speedo touched 100 mph— and stayed there for over an hour. Cars zipped backwards as if pulled by the hand of God while my friend slept comfortably in the back. We arrived with plenty of time. So, how did your automotive passion begin?
GM has jettisoned tens of billions of dollars worth of corporate debt. They’ve folded four out of eight of their U.S. brands (HUMMER, Saab, Saturn and Pontiac). They’ve dismissed white collar workers and contained union health care costs. They’ve shuttered factories, trimmed dealers, revised their marketing strategy and released new products. And they’re still taking in less money than they spend. Until and unless that occurs, or threatens to occur, the chances that the nationalized automaker will de-nationalizing itself are less than the chances that GM lifer and CEO Fritz Henderson will introduce accountability into GM’s cancerous corporate culture. Sure, as mid-term elections approach, the feds may try to game the system, offering some kind of IPO-enabling investor “protection.” But, like a “real” bankruptcy, the idea of a “real” GM IPO in 2010 lies somewhere between utterly preposterous and infinitely delusional. Any investor-pleasing turnaround would require a sudden sea change in consumer confidence in GM’s products and a dramatic, robust recovery in the U.S. car market. And yet, the Boyz at RenCen are talking-up the IPO via Automotive News [sub]. At the same time that they’re playing it down. No surprise there . . .
Normally, Car and Driver gets slated for gaming their comparos in BMW’s favor. In its November issue (har-har), the buff book pits the Audi S4 Quattro against the BMW 335i. The S4 pips the Bimmer at the post, taking first place, racking-up 229 vs. 223 points. The Audi wins even if you discount two “extra” points in the mag’s justly maligned “gotta have it” and “fun to drive” categories. But here’s the thing: the Audi S4 Quattro would have trounced the 335i if Car and Driver had matched the cars’ drivetrains (S4 has all wheel-drive vs. the Bimmer’s rear wheel-drive). It’s such a glaring inconsistency that K.C. Colwell pens a three ‘graph mea culpa sidebar. “Before you start cranking out toxic verbiage about our selection process, listen to our side of it. Audi’s competitive target for this S4 is BMW’s 335i xDrive (the all-wheel-drive variant). Don’t we, by the natural laws of the universe, have to compare the AWD S4 with BMW’s AWD version of the 335i, the so-called xDrive?” Minus the reader-dissing sarcasm, it’s a good question. The answer in two words: “We don’t.” The money shot (so to speak): “We think the 335i in rear-wheel-drive mode is the more compelling package. So why penalize the BMW just because the S4 only comes in all-wheel-drive?” Yeah, that wouldn’t be fair! Would it?
The Tennesseean (and I raise you a Kentucky) reports that Nissan’s all-EV Leaf looks set to steal a march on GM’s electric – gas hybrid Hail Mary Chevy Volt. “With the rollout of Nissan’s first electric vehicles just over a year away in Tennessee, the race is on to figure out how to set up a network of charging stations swiftly enough to get ready. It won’t be easy. Thousands of chargers will be needed to satisfy Nissan’s ambitious plans to sell thousands of the clean-running cars in the first year as it strives to be the first automaker in the world to successfully mass market an all-electric vehicle.” In other words, the Leaf is going all-in with a close-to-base roll-out strategy. “Phoenix-based ECOtality Inc. has partnered with Nissan to set up the charging systems in consumers’ homes, as well as to create public networks in Nashville, Chattanooga and Knoxville and on the interstate highways between those cities.” And who, pray tell, is paying for all this? Well duh.
My name is Robert Farago, and I used to modify my ride. Back in the day, I couldn’t afford what I really wanted to drive: a Dino. (A Pinto station wagon is about as far as you can get from a Dino whilst remaining in the same solar system that’s home to planet Earth.) So I spent my hard-earned money on Pirelli P3s. And sway bars. And God knows what. OK, a Nachamichi tape deck. Then, when I saved-up enough for a Mazda RX4, I swapped out the gearbox for the RX3’s more aggressive unit. And again. And again. RX7? Rear ribbed metal thingie over the hatch and numerous performance mods to the suspension, tires, wheels, engine and so on. Somewhere along the line I realized that no matter what I did to my car, it screwed-up something else. The manufacture spent millions achieving the perfect balance of ride comfort handling, reliability, cost, etc. Why did I think I could do better? I couldn’t. So I stopped. Whilst Mehta recovers from his coronary to pen a suitable rip-post, I’ll say this to enhance his experience: the only thing worse than a ridiculously modified car is its owner.
WFAA-TV reports that a North Texas Church has found a new way to save souls for Jesus: free car repairs.
The Cross Timbers church in Argyle was turned into mechanic’s alley on Saturday, powered by volunteers and a strong faith in helping people in need. “I love them with all my heart. Jesus Christ sent me a sweet bunch of guys,” said driver, Judy Phillips. With her 15-year-old truck barely running, Phillips came to the church for help, knowing her truck needed pricey repairs to pass an upcoming inspection. “If it wasn’t for these people here, I couldn’t do it,” she said. The church offered free car repairs to people down on their luck. “I would just have to ride it out until God knows what would have happened,” said Cindy Garcia, another driver.
And there I was, thinking Canadians represented the sensible third of the North American continent. And then they go and blow it all by saying something stupid like “You’re nicked, mate!” Do Canadians say that? Do they call their cops “the plod?” Anyway, The Globe and Mail reports “an Ontario Provincial Police officer noticed the driver of a tractor trailer [not shown] was smoking a cigarette as he pulled up alongside the vehicle on Highway 401 outside Windsor . . . The policeman charged the 48-year-old trucker, who is from London, under the Smoke-Free Ontario Act, which prohibits smoking in enclosed workplaces and public places.” As we like to say here in The Land of the Free, that’s some fucked-up shit. No, really. “Constable Shawna Coulter, a spokeswoman for Essex County OPP, said it is the job of police to enforce the law, no matter how unpopular. She also noted that smoking while driving is unsafe.” The trucking company’s defense is even less credible—and more convoluted.
I just came to a realization while sitting at my desk at work (slow Friday before a 3-day weekend). It’s now 2009 and everyone (except me it seems) has a GPS stuck to their windshield. I still have my Rand McNally Road Atlas from 1998 in the map pocket of my 2006 Fusion. My question is, if no one buys maps anymore and everyone seems to have a GPS, why does almost every car made today still have map pockets on the backs of the seats? And if they are there for a reason, why do we still call them map pockets?
Ya think? Still, it’s nice to hear the beneficiaries of over $50 billion in taxpayer assistance acknowledge the simple fact that Chevrolet must carry the can for the New GM. “Chevrolet is going to take on a larger role as we go from eight brands to four,” Brent Dewar asserted in a statement that demonstrated his command of English understatement—or represented a worrying obvious insight into what he’s supposed to do for a living. “Here in North America we are going to be responsible for 70 percent of volumes.” Automotive News [sub] runs the numbers. “Chevrolet has represented more than 60 percent of GM’s sales so far in 2009, compared with 54 percent in 2002.” Yes, well, as GM’s U.S. market share has been on a downward trajectory since 1982—dropping 29 points in 27 years—one wonders if Chevy’s entirely theoretical 10 percent growth would be enough to save the sinking ship. Anyone want to know how Mr. Dewar plans on raising the Titanic?
Yesterday, we learned that GM CEO Fritz Henderson was surprised by Marketing Maven Mark LaNeve’s departure. If true, it’s a revelation that puts paid to the theory that GM has finally learned how to fire someone for something. Make that anything. Today, we learn that Monster Mark LaNeve’s favorite ad agency, Modernista, “has elected not to participate [in Cadillac’s ongoing renaissance].” This from Automotive News [sub], quoting recently elevated Cadillac GM Bryan Nesbitt. Huh. So Modernista dumped Cadillac? AN’s spies say the ad agency didn’t fall on its sword; it was pushed.
Yesterday, I asked TTAC’s Best and Brightest if Ford’s “surprise and delight” features (e.g. capless fuel filler, built-in fridge) were a suitable starting point for its latest ad campaign. You know; as opposed to slightly larger concerns (e.g. reliability, durability). Today, I’d like to expose broken mechanical teeth re: Mercedes “annoy and disappoint” features. Sure, I could unleash a major rant about the humongous clunk that occurs when my GL450’s gearbox gets confused. But let’s sweat the small stuff, shall we? What brilliant engineer/design team decided it was OK to put an MP3 connector in the left side of the glovebox, right next to the owners’ manuals? Where, exactly, did Mercedes think I was going to put those books when playing my iPhone? Did they really think I’d want to shuffle manuals after shuffling songs? Next: how much time, intelligence and money is required to see the need for—then design, craft and install—an indentation that allows the MP3 cord to remain connected and undamaged with the glovebox closed?
According to The Wall Street Journal [sub], GM CEO Fritz Henderson “was ‘surprised, frankly’ to learn that his sales lieutenant, Mark LaNeve, plans to leave GM next week, a move the CEO announced Wednesday.” In other news, “As he prepares GM for an initial public offering, Mr. Henderson plans to focus on accomplishing things the company has failed to do in the past: making solid margins on rental-car sales; differentiating the GMC truck brand so it doesn’t so closely mirror Chevrolet; and raising the average transaction price for Chevy’s small cars.” Not to mention Buick or Cadillac.
As I’ve been saying since 1846, the Ford “brand” is so amorphous that it wears a set of air quotes. In other words, Ford doesn’t stand for much of anything. It stands for everything (another way of saying nothing): innovation, excitement, great value and family product [sic]. And those are just the four selling points FoMoCo CEO Alan Mulally mentions in the Taurus YouTube video before the editor cuts him off. These days, brand-wise, Ford’s greatest selling point (singular) is that it isn’t GM or Chrysler. Compelling as that may be, it’s not all that compelling. And so The Detroit Free Press reports that Ford is building on its non-GMness by launching a 24-week ad campaign featuring “actual [as opposed to?] Ford customers talking about the features of the Ford vehicles that they like.” Yes, well, does anyone really buy a Ford over a Toyondaissan based on “surprise and delight” features like a capless fuel filler or a built-in refrigerator, neither of which is unique to Ford? I still think The Glass House Gang would be better advised to re-build their brand on the “Built Ford Tough” meme. You?
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