Bentley is hanging out the greenwashing. Yes, Bentley. Volkswagen-owned uber-luxury marque tasked with somehow meeting new European and now Californian emissions laws, without shovelling 34,746 lithium-ion batteries under bonnet. Or perhaps that is the plan, eventually. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of pol-pleasing auto execs? Meanwhile, Bentley’s asking the autoblogosphere to marvel— marvel I tell you!— at a highly-horsed E85-compatible Bentley Continental GT headed for the Geneva Auto Show. Honestly chaps, I can’t think of a more pathetic attempt to appease your European overlords. I also can’t imagine that a single Bentley customer could or would give a shit that their 600hp Bentley can run on corn juice– especially when they find out that filling-up with E85 gives them fewer mpgs in a vehicle with not a single mpg to spare (especially in 600hp trim). And how exactly does E85-compatibility cut a Bentley’s CO2 emissions on a “well-to-wheel basis?” Apparently, this such an important development for environmentalists that Autobloggreen doesn’t even mention it. Instead… “In any case, a new Bentley’s coming, and it’s fixin’ to open up a plus-sized can of whoop-ass.” So much for trees, then.

Holy printing press Batman! Those are some serious spondoolies! Or are we at the point now where $10b worth of federal largess for the U.S. auto industry is just another day at the office? Automotive News [AN] sure seems non-plussed. “The companies will ask for the loans to be funneled through the Detroit 3 so suppliers can be paid in 10 days for parts delivered instead of the usual 45 days, said Neil De Koker, president of the Original Equipment Suppliers Association in suburban Detroit. The association also will ask the Treasury Department to guarantee certain supplier receivables so parts makers can use that owed money to borrow the working capital they need to operate, De Koker said.” So Uncle Sam loans $10b to companies to supply automakers to whom we’ve already loaned $13.4b, who aren’t selling Jack at the moment, whose “viability plans” have yet to be scrutinized. Makes sense to De Koker, ’cause “without government help, hundreds of suppliers might close or be forced into Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.” What happens when all these companies are in default of their federal loans?

There, I’ve said it. In their rush to report that Elena Ford is the Blue Oval Boyz newly appointed director of global sales, marketing and service operations; the MSM seems to have forgotten Ms. Ford’s Mercurial past. In fact, the fruit of Charlotte Ford and Greek shipping magnate Stavros Niarchos was appointed the head of Ford’s Voldemort (Mercury) in June 2004. Newsweek: “Elena is planning to roll out new, crisply designed models in 2004 to go after sophisticated young professionals who drive Volkswagens. Launching a youth movement won’t be easy and she admits the elderly customers ‘don’t fit perfectly into our strategy,’ but argues Mercury needs them to help fund the brand’s overhaul.” At the time, some commentators said that Ford was the only reason Ford kept plowing money into Mercury. Churlish perhaps, but how would you like to be the one telling the Ford family that you were pulling the rug from under Elena’s feet? So how does today’s press release spin this less-than-glorious chapter in Ms. Ford’s corporate career? Easy. They don’t.

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Now that Csaba Csere has left Car and Driver– hang on. Has he left? I forgot that buff books have a two month lead time. Two months? Can you imagine TTAC (or anyone else) trying to write anything even remotely relevant about automobiles two months in advance? Anyway, now that Csere has left C and D, nothing. No change. Seriously. I could summarize this supercar comparo without reading it. Here goes. Viper – fast, rough, dangerous. Mercedes –  heavy, expensive, OMG thrust, handles better than it should. ZR1 – Shitty interior but mind-blowing fun. Such a deal. Lambo – Insane! Let’s have a look. Yup. Nailed it. OK, I thought the Lambo would win. But who cares? Does the fact that I find these articles interminable mean that I’m finally entering the “get off my lawn” phase of my life? In any case, can Car and Driver please stop all that “don’t hate us for loving fast cars” crap? In fact, I’m beginning to do just that– if not for the reasons they suggest. I swear I’ve been reading the “we heart dinosaurs” routine for twenty years now. Enough.

A TTAC reader writes: “Hi Robert I re-read your article on the Porsche Carrera 4. I’m looking for more info to help me decide if I should get a Carrera S or Carrera 4S later this year. I took a 1/2 day Porsche Driving Experience a couple months back with the Carrera S, and the handling was awesome plus the PSM seems to handle a lot of the ‘saving you from yourself’. Do you have any other input that could help me decide if it’s worth the extra $6k? I do not live in an icy part of the country, but down the road I don’t want to regret not getting it.” My take: if you drive like your hair’s on fire, the 4S is well worth the extra money. The only way to kill yourself is to aim at something. If you’re not Mr. 10/10ths, you might as well get a Boxster S or Cayman S. They’re more fun to drive at sane speeds, and a lot less money. Alternatively, why not consider the Panamera? You see how wrong that is? OK, B&B, what’s your advice?

I find the whole “TTAC is pro-Toyota” meme a little strange. Have a look at our coverage of their greenwashing or our reviews of their automobiles (including our excoriation of various Scion). Yes, The Big 2.8 get ten times the coverage afforded the transplants. But we’re an American-based website, and the Motown meltdown is the biggest story in the history of American automaking. Yes, our Bertel Schmitt recently wrote a compare and contrast blog, pointing out the differences between Toyota’s response to the auto industry meltdown with GM’s. But it’s the truth dammit, and that’s the business we’re in. Feel free to discuss TTAC’s “perception gap” below. Meanwhile, I want to point out that Autoblog’s recent “discovery” [via their BFF at AutoLine] that Toyota has “only” $18.5b worth of cash, supposedly placing them in the same boat as, say, GM, is wildly disingenuous.

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You gotta give those crazy corn-into-fuel kids credit: they don’t give up. Whereas you and I might think, well, if we can’t make a go of this thing with 50 cents a gallon blender’s credit and a federal mandate requiring someone somewhere (especially government-paid someones) to buy billions upon billions of gallons of the stuff, and the legislature of every state that even thinks about farming in our pocket, and the majority of the U.S. Congress and the President of the United States in our corner, then fuck it. Time to move on and get a real job. But no. Ethanol makers who’ve hit the so-called blending wall appear out ot prove themselves wrong (“no one ever died defending a corn field”). First, they’re opening stations with a choice of E10, E20, E30 or E85. it’s the first step on the way to legislating motorists to use E20 or above, obviously. Which will make them no friends amongst motorists whose cars are not so happy on anything ethanol-related. in fact, KOB4 reports that the Albuquerque Police Department’s new, E85-fueled Chevy Tahoes and Crown Victorias are experiencing fuel pump failures. Back to "regular" unleaded for now. Meanwhile and in any case, the ethanol boondoggle continues. [hat tip to HarveyBirdman]

Bernie is the man behind a Ponzi scheme that suckered “investors” from around the world, from all walks of life, to the tune of $50b. As is the way of such things, the media seems fascinated by relatively minor details. The fact that Madoff now shelters in a New York City penthouse– before he’s sent to The Big House– is only important on a symbolic level. Even if the digs were worth $50m (hardly likely in today’s market), that would be point one percent of the amount Bernie bilked. Now walk it down to his cars– which are leased. The autoblogosphere’s gossip girls are all a twitter (in some cases literally) at Bernie’s whips. Even The New York Times. “The vehicles include a 2007 Land Rover Range Rover, a 2008 Cadillac DTS, a 2009 Mercedes S550 leased last October, a 2007 Mercedes S550, a 2008 Mercedes GL450 sport-utility vehicle and a 2006 Lexus, according to the court filing in Manhattan on Wednesday.” The guy cleaning-up Bernie’s mess has asked federal bankruptcy court to cancel the leases. Big friggin’ deal. bernie could have bought GM with his ill-gotten gains. Which would have served him right, as far as I’m concerned.

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Yesterday’s announcement that the on-again, off-again, on-again Cadillac CTS Coupe was off-again provided yet more proof that GM’s product plans remain as they were before the company put its tail between its legs and headed to D.C. for bailout billions: chaos. Of course, the Caddy-related coupe-i-cide comes hard on the heels of GM Marketing Maven Mark LaNeve’s announcement that the automaker still hasn’t decided what to do with Pontiac. Or HUMMER. Or Saab. Not to mention Saturn. Now you can add Chevrolet to the list. The Motor Authority reports that the bloom is back on the on-again, off-again, on-again Chevrolet Orlando. “General Motors has confirmed that it will bring a production version of last year’s Chevrolet Orlando concept vehicle to the United States in 2011, reversing an earlier decision to only sell the vehicle overseas. The Orlando will likely be built at GM’s Hamtramck plant in Michigan, however there is still a chance that a cheaper imported version may be sourced from South Korea.” Some sites are focusing on the possibility of a plug-in Orlando. My question: now how much tax money would you pay?

TTAC commentator psarhjinian explains GM’s seemingly inexplicable decision to turn down a $3b bailout offer from the Canadian government. “A large part of that would be that, effectively, GM Canada is a dead company walking. St. Catharines Powertrain and Oshawa Truck are both scheduled to close, and with the Lacrosse going Epsilon and Camaro an only child, Oshawa Car isn’t far behind. That leaves CAMI in Ingersoll, which might not survive the new Equinox (it builds the Equinox, Torrent and XL-7—winners all, there) and Windsor Transmission (the old-school four-speeds). Good luck. GM asking for bailout bucks obliges them to maintain a manufacturing presence in Canada. Since, other than St. Catharines—which is scheduled to close—GM Canada makes nothing with a future, this isn’t going to happen. The fiasco of their getting millions of dollars just before announcing the closure of Oshawa Truck did not sit well with the Canadian public or it’s government and I suspect the Canadian bailout came with job guarantees attached that GM has no intention of honouring. They won’t tap the Canadian line until they’re absolutely desperate. On a related note…

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A great selection here.

“All of the North American factories will resume production at some point this quarter.” That’s the reassuring bit from GM’s spinmeister re: GM’s expected announcement that it’s trimming North American production. Again. Still. The bad news: GM will cut about 2k jobs at two plants and plans periodic shutdowns at about half of its 16 U.S. factories. The good news– at least for United Auto Workers members– “cut” does not mean “out of the street” by any stretch of the imagination. Now the cynical amongst you will join me in thinking that the “resume production at some point” sop is aimed at Congress and the freshly elected President, to convince theses bestowers of federal largess that the bailout bucks WILL support American manufacturing jobs. You know; as the $13.4b was supposed to do. I mean, it’s slightly embarrassing to ask for more money to protect jobs when no one’s actually working. So it’s best to suggest that production will resume you know, later. (Or as my RSA-raised wife likes to say “later soon.”) And if you think I’m guilty of hyperbole (perish the thought), here’s GM PR Chris Lee’s reasoning for the slow down/shut down [via Automotive News]: “Nobody was able to buy any cars,” he said, referring to the credit crunch that has deepened the U.S. recession while dragging vehicle sales to 26-year lows.” Yup. No question. That sucks.

In case you didn’t know it, TTAC pays its contributors a token fee. They’re all motivated by an onboard desire to tell the truth about cars. So when John Horner contacted me with the idea of putting together a comprehensive list of the bailout banquet worldwide, I knew he’d leave no billion unreported. I just got the email and he’s outdone himself. (I’ve posted the resulting chart as a pdf.) Suffice it to say, I thank John for his dedication to the cause. He’s promised to update this file as the situation develops. And to those of you who’ve said “Why bother? The government does what it wants anyway,” remember that knowledge is power. Whether you agree with the bailouts or not, you can’t fight what you can’t see.