GM has placed HUMMER and Saab under “strategic review.” Which is a fancy way of saying if they could afford to kill them, they would. But thanks to 50 states’ worth of dealer-lovin’ franchise laws and a pile of cash that looks a lot like an asteroid impact crater, they can’t. So they’d like to sell them. But thanks to a global auto industry meltdown– worldwide production is well below 50 percent of capacity– they can’t. So… nothing. Well, your tax dollars hard at work. And soon, Sweden’s. Meanwhile, Automotive News [AN, sub] is confirming common sense, quoting sources familiar with people who know someone who may or may not be involved with the sale but since there isn’t going to be one do we really need to Deep Throat this thing oh what the Hell. To their credit, AN got the HUMMER-Saab-Cadillac channel’s spinmeister to reveal the corporation’s plans for their zombies, now that U.S. taxpayers have a direct stake in their fortunes. Just kidding. “Joanne Krell, a spokeswoman for GM’s Hummer-Saab-Cadillac sales channel, declined to discuss efforts to sell Saab. ‘We are not commenting on the details of the strategic review,’ she said. ‘As soon as we have some details to report, we will.'” As for Ford’s Volvo, everyone and their mother told The Blue Oval Boyz to sell the brand even before the crash of ’07. When Alan Mulally took the reins from Billy Ford, the ex-Boeing exec said no ‘friggin’ way. By the time he admitted to yes way, he couldn’t even get ten-foot poll marks on the brand [see: above]. It’s got to the point where Volvo’s grounded their press fleet. HUMMER, Saab, Volvo, Buick, Saturn, Pontiac, Mercury, Lincoln, GMC– can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em.

The Detroit News reveals that page 60 of the Loan and Security Agreement between GM and the U.S. Treasury Department commits GM and Chrysler to a Catch-22. “They would be in default of federal short-term loans if the United Auto Workers [UAW] or another union engaged in a strike or work stoppage.” At the same time, the loan agreement requires GM and Chrysler to bring their labor costs in line with the transplants’ (by February 17 no less). So the UAW is carrying the football; they can nuke GM’s call on the public purse simply by striking. “I can’t see that a strike would serve any benefit right now,” analyst Aaron Bragman of IHS Global Insight told the News. “It sounds like maybe some Republican union-busting language got in there, which would not surprise me.” And it sounds to me like Aaron, and perhaps the Treasury Department, got it exactly backwards. Will the UAW strike GM? No, but they could. And when it comes to negotiations, potential power is as real as it gets.

I’ve been watching the Hispanic-flavored “Operation Repo” series on truTV. All I can say is, man, obesity sucks. And if you need proof that carmakers have been selling too much car to too little brain, here it is. (Sweet G37 BTW.) For months, I’ve been telling my MSM contacts that repos are so bad that the collection agencies can’t keep up. In some cases, banks are not calling the repo man– to avoid the cost of recycling the cars and taking the hit to their bottom line. In other words, the headline figure above– representing a mere 12 percent rise of repos over 2007’s stat– could well be the tip of the iceberg. Tom Webb disagrees. Speaking with Automotive News [sub], the economist for auction giant Manheim says the worst is over. “[Repos] will certainly be up in first half of this year, and with the labor market deteriorating so substantially, it might be up quite a bit and might offset the decline I expect in the second half of the year. We won’t have a 12 percent increase, but I would expect something in terms of less than a 5 percent increase.” So “only” 1,753,500 repos for ’09, then. Even if that’s true, with new vehicles flooding the market, and used vehicles flooding the market, and repo vehicles flooding the market, prices are headed down. And if prices are headed down, residuals are in the crapper. And if everyone’s backwards on their existing loans, they’re not going to trade in for a new vehicle. You see where this is going? Nowhere.

To: [Delphi] Kokomo Site Employees
From: Mike Moran, Facility Manager, Kokomo Operations
Subject: Modification of Housekeeping Services to Improve Kokomo Site
Competitiveness

Modification of Housekeeping Services to Improve Kokomo Site Competitiveness
January 8, 2009

After detailed efforts to analyze and confront the housekeeping costs at the
Kokomo site, local management and the UAW have jointly established a plan to
significantly improve the site’s competitive position in the area of
custodial service costs. The resulting plan establishes a smaller group of
housekeeping personnel focused on core activities. Cost savings will be
immediate and will be achieved through productivity improvements and
reduction in the housekeeping work load.

The following elements are key components of the operating plan that will
affect all employees as soon as Monday, January 12:

* Consistent with the closure of Plant 9, Plant 10 and ITC, and in line with
the site population, several restrooms will be closed. Notices will be
placed on the doors of the restrooms that will be closed and the locations
for alternate options will be posted

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From WLNS Channel 6 (Lansing, Michigan): “GM Bailout Appears to be Working” “The federal rescue of General Motors appears to be working. It’s a glimmer of hope in a dismal automotive scene. General Motors says it does have enough loan money to survive. Bloomberg News reports a spokesperson for GM says last month’s government rescue should be enough to cover even a worse case scenario for 2009. GM received a four billion dollar check from the treasury department last week with an additional 5.4 billion due later this month and four billion more in February. The company reportedly now says it will not need additional loans unless the economy worsens.” From the Economist: “No end to the nightmare” “Realistically, the most GM can hope for is that it will have done enough by March to keep the drip-feed going until the second half of 2009, when things may start to improve. As for Chrysler—don’t even ask.”

GM CEO Rick Wagoner is out and about today, peddling his company’s ability to be all things to all people save, perhaps, enough customers to avoid bankruptcy, bailouts and brickbats. The AP reports that Red Ink Rick reckons retirees are golden. “General Motors Corp. Chief Executive Rick Wagoner said Thursday the Detroit automaker can survive long-term without cutting benefits to retired workers. Wagoner made the remarks on NBC’s Today Show, where he was joined by United Auto Workers President Ron Gettelfinger. The two made the appearance from Detroit ahead of their renewed labor negotiations scheduled to begin next week.” Nothing like a good long suckle on the taxpayer tit to bring out a little media-pleasing solidarity. I wonder how Ron’s base feels about that one. Prety good if they’re retired, and think Uncle Sugar will cotinue to fuel the gravy train for the next twenty years or so. Perish the thought. Now, about those congressionally mandated concessions…

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Reuters reports that Toyota is set to introduce its own version of GM’s OnStar telematics-based service: Safety Connect. The news agency’s story emphasizes… safety. “The service… is designed to provide drivers with emergency support in the event of an airbag deployment or an accident, through embedded cellular technology and a satellite-based navigation system. The system-equipped vehicles also come with an SOS button, through which customers can communicate with emergency call centers for 24 hours a day. In the event a vehicle is stolen, the service also assists in tracking the location of the stolen vehicle.” The AP widens that remit. “The luxury Lexus version also includes driver convenience features such as driving directions and an advanced voice command program.” You hurt your what? (Enhanced voice recognition.) The official press release adds the finishing touch: the Lexus system will be called “Enform,” which sounds a bit like a feminine hygiene product to me. Anyway, there are ramifications here…

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I caught a Google news alert this AM leading to the Detroit Free Press. The headline took me by surprise: “Toyota Sales in the Toilet.” That’s pretty strong language for the MSM. Was this the same paper that headlined GM’s -32.1 percent post-bailout December sales debacle with “An Improvement over November“? Did the Freep’s trash talking header indicate a new, darker chapter in the annals of Detroit cheerleading? I clicked over to a Freep page with a clear not-to-say-ginomrous anti-Toyota, pro-union slant. It’s a blog by editorial cartoonist Mike Thompson. “Japan does have its own version of the United Auto Workers, the Confederation of Japanese Automobile Workers’ Unions, so why aren’t these same columnists and bloggers blaming the Japanese auto union for Toyota’s woes? With a membership of 741,000 workers, it eclipses the 513,000 membership claimed by its American counterpart, the UAW.” It’s a good point, if entirely beside the point. But it’s easy enough to see that Motown’s hometown heroes are happy to put the hate on Toyota– the same hate for which they condemn critics outside Fortress Detroit.

Peter Delorenzo has spent the last year or so castigating anyone within earshot for their failure to support, coddle, subsidize and appreciate his beloved American automakers. Given his website’s increasingly strident tone, that description excludes no one. This week, the self-styled Autoextremist gives a shout-out to President-elect Obama– while ratcheting-up the rhetoric for the usual antagonists. “Yes, President-elect Obama will bring a different perspective to Washington – and the challenges facing the auto industry – but that alone won’t save Detroit. Not when there are southern senators and members of Congress who are hell-bent on destroying the Detroit Three in their quest to ultimately replace the nation’s homegrown auto industry with a loose network of imported auto manufacturing facilities based in the Southern Corridor. Not when there are members of the new establishment in Washington who are rabidly pushing for a huge green directional shift for industry and manufacturing in this country, with little concern about what the realities or the ramifications of that kind of massive shift on America’s manufacturing base or immediate economic future. Not when our leaders in Washington continue to give a free ride to countries and manufacturers who want to do business here, at the expense of our own industries and manufacturing base. And especially not when the nation’s consumers are locked in this painful reduced-credit or no-credit holding cell that has paralyzed commerce across the country.” So, Pete, what will save your hometown heroes? 

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I blame the Quakers. My Friends-owned alma mater’s motto is “For the Honor of Truth.” What the Hell does that mean? What for the honor of truth? And, as my father liked to say, that and 50 cents will get you downtown. From my admittedly skewed perspective, finding and disseminating truth is about more than just personal honor. It’s about providing a service that’s fundamental to society’s survival. A society that lies to itself will always be in danger of self-destruction (e.g. GM). Hence the reason why Mother Nature creates mutant truth-tellers, who love honesty so much they’re wiling to risk everything to share it. OK, maybe “share” is the wrong word. Bit too touchy-feely. “Confront liars” is more appropriate. Again, ultimately, it’s for their own good. Convincing people of that fact is a life’s work. Even so, when it comes to the public purse, the desire for the truth has a wider resonance that gives me hope. Now, let’s get out those coals and that rake…

Can we forget the BMW M3 for a moment? If you analyze the IS-F from a evo-lutionary perspective, the highly-horsed Lexus four-door is a loser. Looks, handling, pedigree, charisma, horsepower– the IS-F is the Bimmer’s bitch. Instead, imagine approaching the IS-F as I did, after test driving the LS460. Driving along in Japan’s big ass barge, the usual pistonhead thoughts occurred. Sweet engine! If only the throttle was a touch more responsive. If there wasn’t this dreaded Old School floaty rebound. If the car was a bit… smaller. I don’t know. Fun. And then you jump into the IS-F. Mission accomplished. Only who asked Lexus to build a car for me?

“Gas stations in Michigan now have greater incentive to provide alternative fuel to the public,” The Michigan Policy Network writes. “Though it may not be quite the incentive they were looking for. A recently passed bill will provide a tax credit to gas station owners who install or upgrade existing fuel pumps to dispense E85 or biodiesel fuel. The credit is for up to 30% of the total costs of installing or upgrading the pump, with a cap placed at $20,000 per taxpayer per year.” But Wolverine State taxpayers shouldn’t worry too much: “The tax credit will be available from January 1, 2009 until December 31, 2012 and station owners must first receive a certificate of approval from the Energy Office of Michigan. In addition, there is a $1 million cap placed on the total amount of tax credits that can be given out during any given year. The Senate Fiscal Agency analysis notes that the likelihood of reaching this $1 million cap is very low considering the diminutive demand for these kinds of pumps currently.”

Wow, Manny. You need to get with the program bro’. Dissing hybrids is not gonna make you any friends. Not in DC. And not with your hometown homies, who know that global warming is a crock of “I can’t believe it’s not Toyota” with which to butter their bailout bread. What are they gonna say when they read this? “They cost more than most people can — or will — pay; they provide fuel efficiency benefits only for specific and limited driving conditions; and the technology isn’t going to solve America’s oil issues. Sure, they’re still somewhat trendy, and select members of Congress as well as Hollywood hypocrites regularly remind people that they drive the so-called green machines. Good for them and for the few others in America who are all hopped up on hybrids, but they are the few and the proud. And the declining.” Yeah, we know that Manny. But what if gas prices go back up? You know; if there’s a sudden disruption of oil supplies due to tensions in the Middle East or another speculative bubble? It could happen. Not in Manny’s world. And the News’ Auto Editor wants to point out– again– that consumers are friggin’ hypocrites…

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