Topgear.com/us/blog reports that NBC has decided not to add the U.S. version of the British car show to their prime time line-up. Well, to any part of their lineup. “We have a scoop on the much-anticipated U.S. version of ‘Top Gear’: BBC has decided to take the show to cable, where presenters’ funny mouths, from which often spill foul words, will be more at home. There are no hard feelings and NBC will be sharing custody of ‘Top Gear’ dog. A number of cable networks were delighted with the news… watch this space.” Yeah right. NBC killed it– I mean the BBC “moved it” to cable because of swear words which, as everyone knows, can’t be deleted or bleeped and would cause NBC’s twenty-four prime time viewers to change channels. And the presenters couldn’t be happier with all this. In any case, given Top Gear US’s phenomenal, NBC-funded budget, we’re looking at one of two possibilities. First, Top Gear US will air on cable, and then die. Second, it will air on cable, and then live– as a MUCH smaller-budget program. And then die. Meanwhile, the mess is so bad, the Top Gear blog is distancing itself from the wreckage. “This gives us an opportunity to clear up some of the confusion regarding why TopGear.com is here. Lots of people, judging from comments and discussions in the forums, think we’re the support website for an American ‘Top Gear’ television show. We’re not. Heck, we couldn’t even discuss a pilot that was allegedly filmed at some point last summer somewhere much warmer than the frigid climes that surround our office in New York.” If you think it’s cold now…

I’ve been watching the polemics coming from the media within Fortress Detroit with increasing fascination. As the bailout bill has stumbled, faltered and face planted; the hometown cheerleaders’ tone has evolved from arrogant and bombastic, to arrogant and vindictive, to plain old vindictive. Detroit News carmudgeon Daniel Howes has always been one of the less aggressive of this cohort. His commentary has consisted of equal parts commiseration, head shaking and exhortation. Now that the Detroit bailout bill is DOA, Howes is struggling to put what Jalopnik calls the “carpocolpyse” into palatable perspective. Last night’s column, written as the bill went up in flames, frames the defeat as a North – South deal. “[The unions’ Political Action Committees] ignored the Republicans, even auto state Republicans, who represent the so-called ‘New American Manufacturers’ in places such as Kentucky, Tennessee and Alabama… Stripped bare and put in the regional context of union vs. nonunion and domestic vs. foreign, the toughened conditions pushed by Sen. Bob Corker, R-Tenn., are legislative cruise missiles aimed directly at Detroit’s business model, the UAW’s Solidarity House and 70 years of Big Three bargaining tradition.” While Howes considers Southern senators’ attempt to force the UAW to modernize is “understandable,” given “given Detroit’s glacial pace of change,” he predicts bad, bad things. In that “don’t tug on the tiger’s tail” kinda way…

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TTAC’s Best and Brightest have spoken. TTAC has listened. You’ve asked for less negativity and more car passion non-death stuff (to use the technical term). So I’m cancelling the Tesla Death Watch. The Silicon Valley company has delivered its 100th Roadster– or so they say– and, well, how great is that? I still believe Tesla doesn’t have a hope in Hell of staying in business. But it will take a while for that to play out. We’ll continue to cover Tesla as and when the situation merits. But TTAC won’t be hovering over Elon Musk’s minions vulture-like, waiting for the latest insult or injury. I made my point: they’re a company fuelled by tree-hugging hype rather than solid engineering or accountability. Tesla Death Watch out.

Well, you know how it is. Every now and then we turn our anti-flaming rules off so that we can debate our editorial stance– or, more precisely, stances. In other words, if you wish to slam the site, this is the time and place to do it. That said, I will delete comments that stray over the line between you suck and here’s why and you suck you NSFW NSFW NSFW. To get things started, I’ve republished an email from a “fan” after the jump, with my answers to his main points. In any case, thanks for all your comments, which help make TTAC an island of semi-sensible discussion in a sea of inchoate insults.

Greg Shotwell is my kinda guy. He’s a GM employee, United Auto Workers member and the founder of the Soldiers of Solidarity pressure group. I don’t agree with half of what he says, but man does he know how to say it. “When the tantrums are over, President Bush will appoint a ‘Car Czar’ to strong arm the ranks into a marching band for martyrdom-layoffs, plant closings, bank-ruptured dealers,” Shotwell writes in an advance copy of his next polemic, attained by TTAC. “It’s uncanny how heavy handed politicians are with irony. A Russian title for the federal agent assigned to dictate demands to the auto industry? What next? Hammers and sickles for hood ornaments? But don’t worry, Wagoner, Nardelli, and Mullaly won’t be hawking their options at the low end. They’ll fleece the cons and field dress the union. Before you know it, they’ll be bitching about taxes and regulations and clearing their nostrils with Ben Franklins.” Shotwell is just warming up his rhetorical Howitzer. And the jobs’ bank is in the crosshairs..

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“We thank the House and its leadership for their bipartisan vote to support America’s domestic automakers at this most critical time for the nation’s economy. The House vote brings us closer to saving jobs and to creating a more competitive U.S. auto industry in order to maintain America’s economic vitality. We encourage the Senate to act soon so that we can continue at full speed on the restructuring and advanced technologies plans that will form a stronger, more viable GM.”

Automotive News [AN} reports that the U.S. House of Representatives has passed H.R. 7321 by a margin of 237-170. Thirty-two Republicans and 205 Democrats approved the measure. The bailout bill authorizes the Department of Energy to loan General Motors and Chrysler $14b (in total) at a rate of five percent for the first five years and nine percent thereafter (until?). The car czar is a go! Under the terms of the legislation, the de facto bankruptcy judge can “compel automakers, their creditors, workers, suppliers and dealers to agree on restructuring for long-term viability– or emergency loans would have to be returned.” Collateral? An equity stake for taxpayers and “go to the head of the line” debtor repayment positioning. Prohibition against payment of stock dividends, no corporate jets, limits on executive compensation, yada yada yada. If they are to return to the Hill to say the magic words (please sir, can I have some more?), General Motors and ChryCo must bend to the will of the car czar by March 31. Or April 30, depending on… the car czar. So where does this leave the bailout bill?

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I’m not a constitutional law expert. But I’m a fan (of the document, not the lawyers). And I’m extremely uneasy at the prospect of the United States government assuming control of Chrysler, GM and (maybe) Ford ahead of the company’s legal owners AND its creditors. Of course, I’m not the only one. And, once again, we turn to the just plain folks at The Heritage Foundation for a heads-up on a bailout-related issue. “A key provision of proposed legislation to bailout the General Motors and Chrysler, which say they are on the brink of insolvency, may be an unconstitutional taking of private property… General Motors and Chrysler already carry significant loads of ‘senior’ debt with priority over other claims, and it is a standard feature of such debt agreements that borrows cannot subordinate this senior debt—that is, as a condition of the loan, the borrower agrees not take on additional debt that has a higher priority and would therefore imperil the senior debt. But that’s precisely what the bailout bill purports to do.” In other words, “Without providing any compensation to senior creditors, the bailout legislation would convert their loans to junior debt, increasing the likelihood that they will not be paid, which amounts to a partial or total taking. There is also a real question as to whether this taking would be for a ‘public use,’ as also required by the Constitution.”

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I’m a fan of Saturn. The dealers, not the products (or the planet). Oh, the product are OK, I guess. But the dealers rock. I mean, despite the fact that the “different kind of car company” was assimilated by the GM Borg years ago, as a group, Saturn dealers are friendly, informed and straight-shooting. Yes, the word “relatively” probably belongs in there somewhere. In fact, considering the justifiably low esteem with which the average car dealer is held, praising Saturn dealers for their business ethics is a bit like saying the average ten-year-old lemonade stand proprietor is a financial genius compared to GM CEO Rick Wagoner. But you have to remember that, in terms of respectful and courteous customer care, Saturn was Lexus for working folks. Cook-outs and all. And as with Lexus, the quality of the cars really isn’t important. You know important, but not that important. Is that worth “saving?” Sure. But GM ain’t savin’ nothin’. That ship has sailed. Still, you can’t blame the Saturnalians at saturnfans.com for wanting to keep the brand alive. And an online petition makes perfect sense. But where’s the justification? And why connect that defense with support for the D2.8 bailout when the feeling is a long, long, long, long way from mutual? Love truly is blind.

End of Days’ Sale, I guess. Seriously, there is some strange shit going down in the autoblogosphere today. Automotive News [sub] pegs my WTF meter with “Midwest credit unions pledge $10 billion in auto loans to help GM.” According to AN, here’s the deal. “A group of credit unions from Michigan, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois is pledging $10 billion in low-cost auto financing to its more than 12 million members for the purchase of General Motors vehicles.” Hmm. Low cost? Like HOW low-cost? Zero percent? Once again, AN fails to provide the money shot (so to speak). So I click onto the relevant website: ilovemycreditunion.org. Rates? Nada. But there is a GM discount, revealed in the article as… wait for it… $250. OK, click on the credit union discount button. Whoa! $250 bucks PLUS “supplier pricing.” Click on Contact Us, call the toll free number and voila! I’m through to GM. The rep wants to give me an authorization number. Yes, but what about the finance rates? Hang on, I’ll transfer you to GMAC. So, it’s like that is it? Yes, it is. Oh and the two-mode Saturn Vue hybrid is excluded. Go figure.

Yes, yes, The Heritage Foundation. Right wing whack jobs. But TTAC is open to arguments from all ends of the political spectrum, from Prius-driving socialists to S65 AMG-driving free marketeers (I’m looking at you Shoes). As always, you’re free to make of this what you will. “The Detroit automakers explain in their SEC filings that their benefit expenses are for current workers, not former employees. This is because they follow generally accepted accounting principles in preparing these estimates. If the figures did include current retiree benefits, the average hourly amount would be much higher than they actually report. UAW employees earn far more than most Americans do.” So, now how much do they pay? “Chart 1 shows the average hourly compensation for UAW workers and the average compensation for all private sector workers. These figures are based upon calculations by the Detroit automakers themselves as published in SEC filings, their annual reports, and other materials. According to briefing materials prepared by General Motors, “The total of both cash compensation and benefits provided to GM hourly workers in 2006 amounted to approximately $73.26 per active hour worked.”

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Bloomberg reports that Tesla Motors’ self-appointed CEO Elon Musk is threatening to not build its [theoretical] $57,499 four-door electric vehicle at a $250m San Jose factory if Uncle Sugar doesn’t fork-over $350m from the soon-to-be-depleted (or not) U.S. Department of Energy $25b loan program. This must please CA officials no end, as they risked the wrath of the entire Golden State business community by extending “special” tax credits galore to Tesla to “convince” the EV maker to locate production of their [theoretical] WhiteElephant sedan in The People’s Republic of California. (Hey! Didn’t New Mexico do the same thing? With the same result?) “We can’t move forward with that without a major amount of capital,” Musk told Bloomies. “If we don’t get any government funding then what we need to do is we need to wait until the capital markets recover, which could be a year or two years from now.” Or, in Tesla’s case, never. Hang on; $350m? Wasn’t that $400m the last time we looked?

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