Not the best metaphor for a writer (or reader) who’s feeling a bit thick-headed this AM (although I have to say, Jay, that Coppola’s Director’s Cut chardonnay is wicked pissa). Anyway… first we had Honda’s robot playing violin for the Grosse Pointe gadflies at the symphony hall. Now Toyota is expanding– as in opening not closing– a new facility in York Township. Toyota’s press release re: their new Toyota Technical Center (TTC) is full of gloating, snickering and sneering. Not. But it does feature some of the same characters we last saw sticking their noses in the federal taxpayers’ trough, rooting for bailout billions on behalf of ToMoCo’s competitors. Yes, Shigeki Terashi, TTC president, “celebrated the grand opening of its new engineering and safety testing facilities here today with Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm and U.S. Congressman John Dingell, as well as several hundred government officials, community leaders, suppliers and Toyota team members.” Those team members will now be “engaged in engineering design, prototype building, vehicle evaluation and engineering, materials engineering, powertrain tuning and design, regulatory affairs and advanced technical research. TTC has developed the Avalon, Sienna, Solara, Tundra and Venza vehicles for the North American market.” Now what?

If there’s a product recall that illustrates a particularly important point– like the GM hot fluid windshield wiper story (I’m getting to it)– TTAC will cover it.  Otherwise, no; if we didn’t cover all recalls, it would look like we were picking-on a particular manufacturer– and we can’t have that now can we? But this recall story from mylemon.com works for me because, well, it’s someone else’s blog. AND it fits into a genre that normally annoys the pee out of me, that helps lift TTAC’s numbers every year (i.e. our forthcoming Ten Worst awards). AND it makes me wonder how a lawyer who runs a site called mylemon.com can drive anything other than a lemon. AND the story lets me play around with this gallery thing, which is also annoying the pee out of me right now. So, here are David J. Gorberg & Associates’ rogue’s gallery, for which the Lord should make him truly grateful.

Car manufacturers are transitioning from one disaster to another, as the economic meltdown makes high gas prices seems like a blessing. Automotive News [sub] reports that two of the top prognosticators in the biz have looked at the proverbial tea leaves for the year’s U.S. sales figures and come-up with a soup tureen of not good. J.D. Power says 13.6 million. Global Insight says 13.8 million. GM says who called the whole thing off? Nigel Griffiths, Global Insight group managing director of global forecasting, has the answer. “We are moving from a liquidity crisis to an insolvency crisis right now. There is increasing evidence that this has affected the real economy, and as we see the automotive industry as the heart of the real economy, we are really taking a hit now.” As opposed to the fake economy (i.e. sub-prime loans)? Makes sense to me. But here’s the weird part. “It’s worse than if we saw oil at $200 a barrel on a sustained basis. At least with that, there was a transfer of wealth to countries like Russia that are inclined to buy automobiles.” So much for GM and Ford depending on foreign markets to stay afloat. George Magliano, Global Insight director of automotive industry research for North America, says you ain’t seen nothing yet. Magliano said it could take until 2013 for sales to recover to 2006 levels.

It’s cruel, I tell you, cruel! The moment Autoblog’s Sam Abuelsamid steps out of the office for an all-expenses-paid transcontinuental trek in a diesel Audi, green auto news hits the autoblosphere, rendering his journey something less than interesting. No wait, I mean, important. Or is it both? Anyway, in this case, Audi– the self same company that organized this non-event– have announced that they’re going to build an electric-powered version of their up! up! with people! minicar. “Last week at the Paris Motor Show, management board member Peter Schwarzenbauer reportedly confirmed that again to Britain’s AutoCar magazine.” And who covers this development, and leaves Mr. Abuelsamid’s Day 3 report off its AM Autoblog blogroll? Autobloggreen! When the guys back at the office ignore you on the third day of your story, you know you’ve been SITB. Hey Sam! How about blogging this bad boy for us? I mean if the highest average speed was 51mph, and you’re going from NYC to CA via Chicago, there’s still plenty of time left.

Self-styled Autoextremist Peter DeLorenzo has few– as in no– kind words to lavish upon Maranello’s latest Parisian fashion. “For me, the Ferrari California is a derivative, uninspiring, design mishmash of creases and folds (and horrific dimestore-quality side vents) that lacks cohesion and imparts an overall feeling of cheapness when viewed in person that just cannot be swept under the rug.” So who’s sweeping? I mean, Sweet Pete must know that there are plenty of ugly, ungainly Ferraris in the brand’s canon. And what possible difference does that make to anyone, anyway? ‘Cause the new California is brand sacrilege! Not only is the car ugly, but “It could also be termed the first ‘parts bin’ Ferrari, as it shares pieces with the Maserati Coupe GT and Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione underneath (even though Ferrari insists that it’s ‘all Ferrari’).” And there’s another problem. “It’s also the first time that Ferrari has come up with a car blatantly designed to expand its production capacity for its burgeoning global reach in markets around the world.” And that puts Ferrari on the same path as Porsche, maker of SUVs and four-doors. What? “With the California, Ferrari’s iron-clad grip on its soul has started to slip. It may be imperceptible at this point, but the fact remains that they made the conscious decision to build a lesser Ferrari – and make no mistake that’s exactly what the new California is – and it will prove to be a defining moment in Ferrari history. As we like to say around here, Not Good.” As we like to say around here, drive the car.

Detroit’s movers and shakers have a chip on their shoulder larger than the Rock of Gibraltar. They feel besieged, besmirched and belittled by the feds and liberal elites. Of course, that was BEFORE the Beltway Boys lavished bailout bucks on Motown’s moaners to retool their factories to build better cars than their competitors. Detroit’s playing kissy-face with their former antagonists now, right? Wong. “Clearly, now that Washington is loaning Detroit auto makers $25 billion to begin repenting their evil ways, legislators will try to turn the fuel-economy screws tighter so they can limit the number of unhealthy vehicle choices General Motors, Ford and Chrysler are able to sell weak-willed consumers.” Well, duh! What part of CAFE doesn’t WardsAuto scribe Drew Winter not understand (other than, you know, the actual regulations)? The part where everyone does the same thing, apparently. “When I see pictures of them [Chevy Volt, Toyota Prius], I can’t tell them apart. It reminds me of Soviet-era central planning. Yes, all these cars further The State’s goals of reducing carbon emissions and consumption of foreign oil, but comrade, they look boring and not everyone can drive one… Forgive us for our decadent and unhealthy choices, oh wise members of the new Washington Automotive Politburo. Fast red convertibles and big utility vehicles are the opiate (or tobacco) of the people. But this still is America, where people should be allowed to buy what they want and auto makers should be allowed to make a few dollars off our human weakness. Pretend the profits are from something politicians like, such as casino gambling. This still is a capitalist society after all. At least, it still was at press time.” Wow.

OK, so I’m not convinced this full-size sedan shootout deal isn’t important for Hyundai. In other words, America loves an underdog. And while there’d be a lot more love if the underdog in question was American, as the alpha dog in the cross-hairs is German, well, that’s that, really. And this whole tugging on superman’s cape deal couldn’t come at a better time for the Korean brand. While no one would cross-shop a Genesis against a 7-Series, never underestimate the power of making class-bound shoppers feel good about not being able to afford something better. VW NA was born of reverse snobbery– and abandoned that market position for MOR. If the Phaeton had been priced at $35 to $45k… Anyway, Hyundai’s also in tune with the political climate. By “going negative” on BMW, they tap into the prevailing “I hate fucking everyone” gestalt. And you know what? I want to drive one of these Genesis things. FAST.

Supercars used to be the world’s fastest hairshirts: hot, restrictive, smelly and uncomfortable. They were also completely unreliable and as dangerous as a Cape buffalo (with roughly similar handling). On the right road, under the right conditions, with all cylinders firing, they still sucked. I burst that bubble the first (and last) time I got behind the wheel of a Maserati Bora. But hope (coil) springs eternal. Until I drove enough icons to think, oh God, here we go again. What’s the rattling under the hood the Lotus Espirt? A loose rubber band? At some point, supercars cleaned-up their act. They’re now as docile as most modern Audis– if not actually being a modern Audi. Suits me fine. Now when I get into a bad ass car, I expect everything. And get it. BUT there are a few machines I’ve owned that started-off offering me everything and ended-up giving me Arpege. (’70’s joke.) The Jeep Grand Cherokee was a bad ass hot rod that got cheaper every ten minutes, rattling more than a church full of snake handlers. And I couldn’t wait to get rid of my 4.3-liter TVR Chimaera, a bad ass hot rod that got crazier with every drive. So what car did you start off loving– whether from near or afar– that ended-up like the first wife from Hell?

Paris 2008: The Girls

Holy moly! Are we really getting to that point in geologic where you can order a brand new retro Camaro from your local Chevy dealer? Yes! And we’ve got the order book to prove it! I’m not really sure what the most exciting bit is, but I’m vacillating between the USB port or the availability of “Inferno Orange Paint” with an Inferno Orange interior. If you think that’s a bit much, then <em>don’t</em> opt for the High Wing Spoiler. As for Chevy dealers, Camaro allocations will be based on total Chevy sales ending August 2008 (did they ever) and, get this, “Mustang registrations for the twelve months ending June 2008 in your DMA.” Click through for the full workbook. Click on the image again to spare your eyes.

TTAC’s longstanding policy: remain skeptical about all surveys. Check the source, scan the methodology, parse the results, throw-up our hands and walk away. To wit: we’ve just received a press release from HNTB, a troika of construction companies that designs and builds airports, bridges, tunnels, toll booths, convention centers, sports stadiums. parking lots, libraries and… a couple of commuter rail stations. So I guess they’re expanding that last bit, because they want the world to know that “more than 24 million Americans — 11 percent of the adult population — are using buses, light rail, commuter rail and other forms of public transportation more than they did last year. An even greater percentage of survey respondents, 16 percent, said they expect their ridership to increase in the coming year.” Uh, how much more? And if this is the same group that was using public transportation before, what does that actually mean? Peter Gertler, HNTB’s national director of public transit services has the answer. “As today’s Americans face increasing demands on their time and money, riding public transit is shifting from something they should do, like eating their vegetables, to something they want to do.” Because of.. rising gas prices! Hang on; doesn’t that move public transportation back into the broccoli category? And here’s my takeaway: environmental concerns are at the bottom of the switch list, at just four percent. Of course, all that’s based on an emailed opt-in survey of 1000 “random” Americans. (I know exactly how they feel.)

As promised, we’ve switched TTAC’s layout from all reviews in the left hand column, to every thing we do in chronological order in the left hand column. We made the move because TTAC has evolved from a review only site, to a review and rant extravaganza, to a review, rant and blog farrago. We altered the layout (a retro-mod for those who can remember back six years) because the old format didn’t offer immediate visual evidence that we’re generating masses of new content. In addition, we’ve finally added proper photo galleries (working with it now), which will give pistonheads another excellent reason not to waste their time visiting our competitors. We’ve also reinstated product reviews. And added a stock tracker (suggestions for which stocks to follow would be most appreciated). The nav buttons at the top of the home page should help you find everything, or you can scan the menus on the right hand side. There will be a few more tweakettes in the hours to come, but them’s the basics. Feel free to share your feedback, but we’ve blown the development budget; any appropriate suggestions for improvement will have to wait until the next round. Meanwhile, TTAC’s content itself remains as is: irreverent, cocky, abrasive and honest. I hope you enjoy the new look and functionality.

Paraphrasing, of course. But the European Union is struggling these days, what with member states breaking ranks to save banks. And now just-auto [sub] reports that the bureaucrats in Brussels are in no mood to indulge European carmakers’ “demands” for a government bailout to help them do whatever it is Ford, GM and Chrysler will do with their share of $25b worth of low-cost federal loans. “European carmakers’ association ACEA had asked for a EUR40bn loan, equivalent to just two years of the research and development budget of its members. The EU responded this would equate to over one third of its annual budget. ‘This idea does not even merit discussion,’ a European Commission source told a German newspaper on Tuesday.” And yet here we are. The only other talking point: the ACEA would AT LEAST like some EU-wide “incentives” for car owners to scrap vehicles over eight years old, over three years, to speed fleet renewal. In other words, ban/tax the Hell out of old [CO2-spewing] cars to stimulate sales of new [CO2-sighing] cars. Sounds like a plan to me!

You know how it is. You step out of the office for a transcontinetal journey to prove the worth of diesel propulsion to a skeptical– not to say distracted, disengaged and dismissive– nation and bang! The whole oil burner thing blows up in your face. Well, not literally. That would be WAY too exciting. No, I mean the major diesel story lies elsewhere. This time it’s Toyota, who’ve announced that they’re NOT going to build a diesel-powered Tundra. Automotive News [sub] reports that ToMoCo NA Prez Jim Lentz confirmed that the development of a diesel-engine variant of the Tundra has been deep-sixed. While a diesel option has “not been canceled outright,” it’s been cancelled forthwith. (See how that works?) AN says “That’s a big step back from Toyota telling dealers at the National Automobile Dealers Association convention last year that a diesel would arrive by 2010 or 2011.”

President Richard Nixon’s transcripts of the missing 18.5 minutes on the Watergate Tapes admitted that he’d contemplated the possibility of suborning evidence. “We could do that,” the words read. “But it would be wrong.” Of course, Tricky Dicky said no such thing. As we all know, politicians are sleaze-bags who’d steal $700b of your children’s taxes just for one more shot at re-election. But it’s a nice thought: a man of power contemplating a quick fix– who pulls back at the last second because of moral qualms. I’m sure there was an occasion when Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac’s guardians faced a similar [real] moment of truth. “We could write billions of sub-prime mortgages to people who can’t afford them… but it would be wrong.” By the same token, GM didn’t have to rely on “Zero Percent Financing for Anyone with a Pulse” to keep factories chugging along. (Ditto Ford and Chrysler.) They chose to do so. If American automakers didn’t understand the implications of their actions, we should not protect them from the consequences of their decisions. If they did, we should still stay out of it. Responsibile companies find new ways to make mistakes. Irresponsible ones adhere to Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity. More than that, enabling Motown to “have another go” at doling-out easy money will only hasten their destruction, not prevent it.