AuoblogGreen is at it again, doing whatever it can to support Tesla Motors in this, their decade of need. This time 'round, the tree hugger's favorite automotive website is trying to referee what the Brits call a "slanging match" between ousted Tesla founder Martin Eberhard and Tesla mouthpiece Darryl Siry re: Eberhard's Roadster. As in where the Hell is it? Is Eberhard's Roadster VIN number 2 or the second car produced or both or neither? What did the company promise him? Why did Tesla build VIN 3 and 4 first? Feel free to click over and get the "he said, she said" version. Suffice it to say, I couldn't give a shit. And I have a very hard time understanding why anyone would. The reason I'm blogging this: we still don't know whether or not to end this Birth Watch (and convert to Death Watch). Hard to believe, but Tesla hasn't announced a single "real" customer delivery. We've heard unconfirmed reports that Autoblog founder Jason Calacanis got his (so to speak). Tesla should either promote this fact or tell Calacanis to shut up, while Autobloggreen should focus on what's really going on (or not) at Tesla. IMHO.

Worldscreen.com reports that NBC will see Ford's Knight Rider and raise it an everything. In other words, GM has cut a product placement deal that should see the peacock network festooned with GM products, featured in everything from "My Own Worst Enemy" to "Top Gear." Yes, there is that. Anyone harboring the idea that the NBC version of the no-holds-barred British car program will be critical of advertisers' vehicles would do well to clock the fact that this GM – NBC tie-up is worth several tens of millions of dollars. That and the admission that the accord (so to speak) is "not just been about media units, it's also about how we as an advertiser can dig deeper into their brands… and ours." This from Dino Bernacchi, GM's director of marketing alliances and branded entertainment. But the inappropriately-branded car puns don't stop there. "NBC has really been aggressive to promote alternative ideas in-program and around-the-program that leverages multiple touch points. We call it Fusion Marketing— partnering with the creative community around ideas that build relationships with a passionate audience but done through the lens of the entertainment property to showcase the cool, new great cars and trucks we offer. This deal sets a tone for how we'll be approaching this year's upfronts." Hey, at least they're up front about it. Or, as far as viewers are concerned, not. 

First there was a "perception gap"– the alleged discrepancy between the quality of GM's products and public perception of the quality of GM's products. Now, for GM's import-fighter-turned-importer Saturn brand, we have an "awareness problem." GM NA Prez reached this conclusion based on some pretty solid evidence. As Automotive News [sub] helpfully points out, "Over the past 15 months, Saturn has launched a complete line of vehicles including the Aura sedan, which won 2006 North American Car of the Year. Yet Saturn sales are down 15.4 percent through April." So does Troy recognize the connection between Saturn products and the brand's disappearance off the consumer's radar? As South Africans say, ja nee. "In GM research of coastal markets, consumers who saw pictures of Saturn vehicles could not identify them," Clarke said, revealing that he regularly reads TTAC. On the other hand, “If you look at the purchase funnel, you ask, 'Do we have a consideration problem on Saturn or a conversion problem?' The fact of the matter is we have a basic awareness problem.” To sort this shit out [paraphrasing], Clarke says… lots. "Saturn's advertising must start over with something 'a little more basic' than the current 'Rethink' theme… Just as if you're introducing a new brand, we'll probably spend about the same amount of money, but we'll repurpose it so that it's more focused on awareness than consideration.” Sure; that'll do it.

OK, let's start with this: we're not jealous that Tesla tossed the keys to a prototype Roadster to AutoblogGreen scribe Sebastian Blanco during his recent visit to Tesla's new LA dealership. We're furious. Lest we forget (and we don't), Tesla Spokesmouth Darrel Siry promised TTAC a drive back when they didn't have any cars– I mean "prototypes." And then DS wimped-out rescinded his offer. Yet this fanboy gets an unsupervised spin just by showing up? We challenge Tesla to face the music, to lend TTAC a Roadster so that we can arrange independent testing of the two critical variables– which still remain unverified– range and recharge time. Meanwhile, Blanco liked Tesla's two "wonderfully decorated bathrooms" and the car is "simply too much fun to drive." Oh, and "During our drive, we happened upon an electric vehicle charging station and stopped for a little photo shoot. Sure, the connectors are all wrong, but for our pictures little details like that didn't matter." Tesla and AutoblogGreen; a match made in Heaven. 

You'd think The New York Times would love the smart fortwo. It's trendy, chic and politically correct in an entirely metrosexual kinda way. True to form, Eric Taub's review starts with a love-in: "the Smart Fortwo may be the cutest and most unusual-looking production vehicle to arrive in this country since BMW’s front-loading Isetta 300 of the 1950s." Yeah, those wacky old Bimmers! Who needs a life can forget them! And then Taub gets waylaid by the smart's herky-jerky, unacceptably quirky automatic transmission– the only autobox in the world capable of competing with the M5's SMeGma cog swapper for the title "worst gearbox in the history of the world ever." "It may be enough to make you reach for the Dramamine: the engine temporarily slows as the car is about to upshift, jerking the driver forward and then back with each shift. Several times, my wife threatened to walk home. This may bring back fond memories of your first pathetic attempt to drive a manual transmission car. The solution — if you can time it right — is to lift your foot off the accelerator when you think the transmission is about to shift, something I was able to pull off about 50 percent of the time." Throw in mediocre mpg's and even Taub can't resist the conclusion that the smart is stupid. "With its limited carrying capacity, seemingly mediocre fuel economy, erratic handling and fitful acceleration, one question that potential buyers in this part of the world should be asking is, what’s the point?"

All hail Frank Williams. TTAC’s Managing Editor spent the best part of last week speccing-out our new website. Every current and future link, every button, every function, every everything. Frank’s road map contains the kind of “granularity” that code writers adore, that I consider “grit,” whose creation requires true grit. In the course of this odyssey, Frank and I made a lot of strategic decisions. Most were easy (a strong brand makes it so). While I’m completely confident the new TTAC will leapfrog the competition (no Volt comparisons please), there’s an 800-pound feature in the room that we need to discuss: forums.

Justin's got a job. A real job. Of course, TTAC's Managing Editor and myself excepted, everyone who writes for this website's got a real job. But props to Justin for landing a government gig. The position will pay-off his student loans, put a roof over his head, keep him off the streets and give him an opportunity to be glad-handed by President Bush. Although I fully expect this work to lead to a world-class whistle-blower moment (and, thus, a six-figure movie deal), I'm glad my tax dollars will soon be supporting Justin in the lifestyle to which his girlfriend is accustomed. Justin's a tireless worker with a sardonic sense of humor (regular listeners and readers will know that already). He'll be relocating to LA, and continuing to contribute news, reviews and blog items to this website on a need-to-know basis. Of course, the podcasting will have to cease (which is ironic, considering his Question of the Day). I'll be auditioning contributors for a suitable replacement. But Justin will be missed.

Sometimes I am astounded by how much content we generate on this site. Astounded in the sense of blurred vision, caffeine jitters and Daaaaaaddddyyyyyyy! Come NOW! Not to mention (although you know I'm about to) an inability to produce coherent thoughts. OK, a more-pronounced-than-usual inability to tap these keys in some kind of entertaining, informative, auto-oriented fashion. In my defense, I write plenty o' blogs, the odd editorial [sic] and edit every single word before it enters our little corner of cyberspace– other than our commentators' efforts. Whose entries I read without exception. Well, I take exception to a few, but you get my drift. Which is what I'm doing now, I suppose. Anyway, yesterday, I ran out of podcast posting time. This week, the news bear has been chasing us (Frank, me and the boys) like we're smothered in honey (as if). Even as I type, Frank's catching-up on the remainder of yesterday's posts– a tactic we normally leave to Autoblog. And I have miles to go before I sleep. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Front line web work is not for wimps. I salute the troops and resume command (in a completely non-arrogant but still alpha dog kind of way). That is all.  

Once upon a time, the myth of Icarus personified the warning that pride goeth before a fall (literally). These days, the RMS Titanic’s death by iceberg– on its maiden voyage no less– illustrates the dangers of hubris. That’s because the public considers the concept of an unsinkable ship patently ridiculous. In fact, the Titanic should have been unsinkable (save tsunami, torpedo or ballistic attack). The reasons the ocean liner eventually slipped into the depths have much to tell us about the ship’s corporate equivalent, General Motors.

Pistonheads reports that Suffolk police are leading the charge to ensure that all UK motorists are banned from driving. OK, that's not the goal– even if it isn't entirely unimaginable. As befits the British Nanny State, the police are trying to ticket as many speeders as possible to stop them from killing themselves. Or others. Yes, we've been down this road (at the posted speed limit) before. But I think it's important for TTAC's Best and Brightest to appreciate the Suffolk Po-po's full commitment to public safety. Pistonheads reports that the constabulary nailed 94 percent more mobile scofflaws between April 21 and 27 than they'd collared during their previous six-day high water mark. We're talking 854 selfish bastards vs. 264 'scrotes. Assuming the absolute minimum possible fine for all [who bloody well should be] concerned– £44 or $86.2749– The Suffolk Old Bill added £37,576 ($73,668.63) to the county coffers. If they could maintain that pace (£6,262.66667 per day), they'd raise £2,285,873.33 ($4,481,316.10) in a year. But that's not the point, is it mate? Speaking on behalf of "you should see what I've scaped off the pavement" police everywhere, Sgt Steve Knight said a "significant" number of motorists have "failed to grasp the concept" that speed kills. "Motorists really have no excuse," he said. 

Forgeddabout that unstable idle. (We're pretty unstable when we're idle too. Alternatively, unstable idles are the devil's plaything.) The new Mercedes SLC looks to be what the Mercedes McLaren wasn't: affordable. Wait, that's not it. While I'm busy thinking of a witty repost, play the video and contemplate the joys of burning a gallon of gas every couple of miles with your tail wagging like a miniature Schnauzer that just eviscerated a large rat (no animals were harmed in the making of this metaphor). Pistonheads' passive construction workers [via Motor Authority; you know how that goes] tell us that the SLC "is likely to be a direct successor to the McLaren SLR and is expected to be fitted with an AMG 6.2-litre V8 producing almost 700bhp." But who's listening when that monster motors' mauling the tarmac? Never mind all that when did TTAC start promoting gas guzzling hypercars while criticizing gas-guzzling hypercars stuff. When did Mercedes decide it was OK to crib the font end design from a 1979 TVR 3000 S? And how the Hell do you get out of a gullwing supercar in a supermarket parking lot? [Frank: very carefully.]

I know: it's been bugging me too. I mean, here we have "the world’s best-selling hybrid," a "must-have accessory for carbon-conscious show business players." A PC-mobile that's "cleaner than a smoking Beetle [and we know what it's been smoking, too]. Quieter than a roaring [where's the caps lock key when you need it] Mini. Able to leap through car pool lanes with a single occupant." And yet and Hollywood's going gaga over a multi-phallic race car from 1967. Sure, Speed Racer features a few vehicles described by The Old Gray Lady's picture captioneers as "post-petroleum cars." But c'mon! The Prius is… God! Well, it was/is His chariot. "God drove one, briefly, in 'Evan Almighty,' a [Bruce Almighty come lately] comedy that struggled at the box office when Universal released it last summer." Must've been the Prius. I'm not saying Michael Cieply's article reads like a press release for Toyota, but, as regular readers will know, I am. Why else would he include this little ditty (a.k.a. apologia)? "According to a Toyota spokeswoman the Prius goes from zero to 60 miles per hour in 10.1 seconds, but could go faster if, like the Lexus hybrid, it were tuned for performance rather than efficiency." And now, back to blogging real news. 

The New York Times reports that Toyota reports (and we report their reporters reporting the report) that Toyota's profits sank by 28 percent. "For the year to March 31, 2009, the Japanese automaker forecasts net profit to fall 27.2 percent to 1.25 trillion and operating profit to decline yen 29.5 percent to 1.60 trillion yen, breaking a seven-year string of record results." That's a whole lot of yen. And make no mistake: ToMoCo is hurting. Stateside sales of the new Texas Tundra are up 24.8 percent year-to-date– but that's less than 7k units. And despite several hot-selling products, overall U.S. sales are down 3.3 percent (789,447). This after Toyota put the pedal to the metal on production, building big ass factories worldwide. Equally painful in that "be careful what you wish for" kinda wayl, worldwide market growth has sent commodity prices through the [optional sun] roof. Not to mention the fact that all that Detroit-sourced kvetching about Japanese currency manipulation has proven to be so untrue it literally hurts (the dollar's down 10 percent on the Yen). Still, these guys are strong enough to weather the storm. The Times concludes by pointing out that Toyota is still valued at about $180b, and compares that to Daimler and VW combined. We'd like to point out that Yahoo!Finance puts GM's "enterprise value" at $32.94b. 

Energy Business Review reports that French hypermarketeers System U are pulling the plug on their bio-ethanol pumps for one simple reason: no one's buying E85. Needless to say, critics of the critics who criticize E85– including the publication's "staff writer"– view the move as insupportable. "Plans to stop selling the fuel are being driven by a lack of consumer demand, perhaps because the French government has not yet developed a taxation system that offers sufficient incentives for motorists to purchase E85 vehicles." Zut alors! Meanwhile, System U has betrayed the farmer-friendly French government's best laid plans. "This marks a further setback for the French government, which had set an objective to open 500 E85 stations by the end of 2007, but has seen only approximately 200 installed to date." In Total? "French fuel retailer Total made an agreement with the French government through which it was to open 400 of the 500 planned E85 sites by the end of 2007. However, Total has only installed E85 pumps at 35 of its service stations." So who's the scélérat here? "By focusing tax benefits purely on tailpipe emissions, to the detriment of the fuel's carbon-positive effects, the government has been unable to provide an environment in which demand for E85 can flourish. 'End Intelliext." C'est la vérité, n'est-ce pas? 

Pistonheads (PH) reveals that the Nissan GT-R that pushed aside Porsche's Nurburgring record is not– as previously reported— a current production car. Nissan's 'ring-er was a modified Japanese GT-R: a better-handling version GT-R that's headed for the U.S. and European markets. Allegedly. More specifically, PH says the record holder had a "number of tweaks that are intended for its European launch… Nissan is understood to be including three harder engine mounts and a stiffer transaxle mount for the US version, resulting in an even finer tuned suspension and powertrain. The European GT-R will be enhanced further with a recalibrated rear diff and slightly revised steering, although this will be signed off in September." Bottom line: it's unclear if the GT-R that lapped the Green Hell in 7:29 is/will be the exact same car that will go on sale… anywhere. Not that TTAC GT-R reviewer Stephan Wilkinson could give a shit.