Why a duck? Why no chicken? Hey, Ford asked the question. And by God, Ford’s answered it. On nationwide TV, the most compelling rational for sending your hard-earned money in Dearborn’s direction proffered is: “Why not?” [NB: “most compelling” does not necessarily equal “compelling”.] On the Why website, the Glass House Gang has another go. Why Ford. “Ford has the most fuel-efficient mid-sized sedans in America with quality that Toyota and Honda can’t beat.” Why Mercury. “Mercury Milan is the most fuel-efficient mid-sized sedan in America and Mariner Hybrid, the most fuel-efficient SUV on the planet.” Why Lincoln. “Lincoln has the luxury vehicles you want with the technology you need.” Like . . . an engine. Brakes. Rear window power sunshade. A 10GB hard-drive for photo storage. That sort of thing. So now I ask you, our Best and Brightest, to grade their answers and, perhaps, provide alternatives.

Sweden’s Dagens Industri reports [via Reuters] that Ford is not spoiled for choice when it comes to selling the money pit known as Volvo. Despite speculation about a Swedish group’s offer for the moribund manufacturer, China’s Geely Automotive has submitted the only concrete bid so far. You may recall that FoMoCo CEO Alan Mulally began his administration by swearing up, down and sideways that Volvo was not for sale. Last month, The Glass House Gang announced that it was “in discussion” with a “number of interested parties” to ditch their Swedish subdivision. Party of one? As we’ve said before, Volvo would be a coup for Geely—countering America’s distrust of China’s ability to create safe products in a single stroke. While Ford could use the money (and how), dumping Volvo on the PRC would give Geely traction in both China and, eventually, the US of A. What’s a mother to do?

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No. Really. GM’s top execs [not shown] stood up in front of their Midwestern dealers at the Rock Financial Showplace and told them that new car sales will rebound by 15 percent next year, ascending to an annual tally of 12.5 million vehicles. That’s fantastic news. But the real shocker: our mole reports that the suits only said the word “faster” once. The company’s new mantra: our costs are less, so we can charge you less. No, wait; that’s a local Toyota’s dealer’s come-on. I mean, our costs are less, so we can keep our jobs longer. Or make a profit. Or something. Meanwhile, Automotive News [sub] reports that GM has formed a special task force to “try to retain 3 million ‘free agents’ — customers that have lost their favorite brand, nameplate or dealership this year.” Interesting use of the word “favorite” . . .

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Barry Zekelman is not short of a bob or two. Canada.com reports that the Windsor industrialist recently sold his steel tube-making business to Russia’s OAO Novolipetsk Steel for a cool $1.5b billion. Baz worked hard for the money; he helped build-up the family biz from its $2 million dollar roots. So it’s no surprise, really, that Zekelman isn’t a patient man when it comes to plunking down $1,553,354.47 for a Veyron-shaped plaything and getting bupkis in return. Earlier this month, Mr. Zekelman filed a lawsuit against VW’s luxury brand in Michigan court [pdf here]. After pointing out that “although it conducts business in Troy, Michigan, it has not registered with the Michigan Department of Energy, Labor and Economic Growth as required,” Zekelman’s briefs accuse Bugatti salesman Ross Dressel of ye olde bait and switch routine . . . .

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The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has unveiled a new regulation mandating automatic reversal capability on power windows and panels with “express-up” or “one-touch closing” operation. The proposed reg [pdf here] extends the NHTSA’s power portal caveat, which currently directs manufacturers to fit their products with “recessed switches to minimize the likelihood of accidental activation.” The actual language of the public consultation doc is a bit, uh, misleading: “The amendment would require power windows and panels on motor vehicles to automatically reverse direction [through force-sensing technology] when such power windows and panels detect an obstruction to prevent children and others from being trapped, injured, or killed.” Anyway, according to the agency, “approximately 6 fatalities and 1,955 injuries result every year from the operation of vehicle power window systems.” The tales are as horrific as they are infrequent. Whilst welcoming the move, one wonders how many KSIs result from the “normal” operation of car doors.

The Autoblog fantasy living room keeps on growing fuller (and tackier) by the day. And while we may pine for the occasional item from our growing list, most of the time we’re thankful our significant others (or our own sense of good taste combined with our blogger’s budgets) keep us from going overboard.

One place you won’t find news of New GM’s reanimation of Old GM’s family and friends discount: GM’s website. To quote the Corleones, “you gotta be family.” Head to www.gmfamilyfirst.com, as the notification below specifies:

It’s back: GM Employee Discount for Friends

Share your savings all month long. Get your authorization number by September 30, 2009, through the GM Employee Discount for Friends program and share employee pricing with anyone who owns a competitive vehicle. Everything you need is online just go to gmfamilyfirst.com to request your authorization number.

All active salaried GM employees can request two GM Employee Discount for Friends authorization numbers now through September 30, 2009. Plus, your friends can combine employee pricing with most current incentives for an even better deal. PASS IT ON. Help your friends get a great deal on a new vehicle with the GM Employee Discount for Friends today!

When GM released the Chevrolet Traverse, it ended speculation about the American automaker’s ability to stay on the “no badge engineering” band wagon. The CUV is a lightly-disguised fourth iteration of GM’s Lambda-platformed mini-behemoths, appearing after the GMC Acadia, Buick Enclave and Saturn Outlook. Equally important, the Traverse hailed from GM’s Spring Hill, Tennessee, factory; ground zero in the epic failure known as Saturn brand. Or, more poignantly, the plant that’s located smack dab in the middle of Senator Bob Corker’s patch. You remember Corker: the politician who raked Chrysler, Ford and GM’s CEOs over the congressional coals when they appeared on Capitol Hill with their multi-billion dollar “bridge loan” begging bowls. All of which is a preamble to the fact that GM’s removing Chevy Traverse production from Spring Hill and sending it to Delta Township in Lansing, Michigan. Payback? Or a sign of a dead model walking? Yes and maybe, as the sales numbers reveal . . .

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Post-clunker mortem, CNNMoney says 700,000 clunker-traders “probably got a good deal.” The rest, not so much. “If you bought a car without a clunker in the last month, you’ve overpaid.” Ya think? “During the weeks the Clunkers program was in effect, buyers of the Toyota Corolla paid 29% closer to the full sticker price than before the program started, according to data from Edmunds.com. Prices were also higher on other popular models. Ford Escape prices were 13% closer to full sticker, and Ford Focus prices were 12% closer . . . on a dollar-for-dollar basis, car buyers were getting less car for their money after negotiating the deal.” And now?

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A tipster writes:

Long-time reader here. I’m sure you hate anonymous tips as much as the next internet pontificator, but I’m gonna throw one your way anyway. You noted a few days ago that some NUMMI capacity could potentially move to the Blue Springs, MS, plant. The word here in Tupelo is that equipment has been quietly moving into the facility at night for the last few days. Supposedly, they’re trying it out to see if they can make use of the place. NUMMI would make a logical source of that equipment if the rumor is true. I’m not much of a 2am spy run type of guy, so I’m afraid rumor is all I have to go on.

Thanks to Uncle Sam’s Cash for Clunkers program, even the weakest of America’s mainstream automakers will live to die another day. Meanwhile, the so-called “mass luxury” brands are hurtin’ for certain. The falling tide of the global economic meltdown has left Audi, BMW, Cadillac, Lexus and Mercedes stranded, flopping around on the metaphorical beach, gasping for the oxygen of financial lubricity. It’s hard to feel sorry for any of them. The upmarket marques marked the last ten years or so by chasing volume sales with “entry level” models that cheapened and weakened their brands. Is it any surprise that the very customers that fueled their expansive profits have abandoned them in droves, as badge snobbery has kept pace with financial security (or lack thereof)? In other words, the fact that these “luxury” brands are “suddenly” in worse trouble than everyone else is their own damn fault.

I’ve got to come clean: I use an automatic car wash. I’m WAY too OCD to start cleaning my whip at home. Thanks to a press release from the Splash Car Wash chain, I’ve got a cover story: environmentalism. The company whose name is begging for a spear wants us to know that it’s qualified for the International Carwash Association’s WaterSavers™ program. And you haven’t. Which makes you—and you know who you are—bad, bad people. “The Facts: Using a commercial car wash helps you go green because compared to driveway or parking lot car washing, effluent is routed to treatment facilities as opposed to the curb and storm drains. Once in storm drain systems, toxic wastewater can enter local lakes, streams, rivers and oceans where it becomes a threat to aquatic life. The contaminants found in car wash wastewater are twofold. Firstly, there are the residual chemicals and matter — more severe than run-of-the-mill dirt and dust — that are freed from a car’s exterior when washed. These substances can include oils, greases, rust, trace amounts of benzene and residues from brake pads and exhaust fumes. Secondly, the wastewater can include chemical residues originating from the cleaning agents (soaps, degreasers, sprays, wipes, etc.) used in the car washing process.” And then there’s the water . . .

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Pistonheads has spy shots of Camaro drop-tops Holden on to the good times in GM’s Australian outpost. “These soft-top Camaros have been spotted lined up at the Australian Fisherman’s Bend Holden plant, which seems to support the idea that we will see production versions of the V6 and V8-powered muscle cars sooner rather than later.” Note the word “seems.”