My Car is my Lover – Five/BBC America

Commentator kobo1d writes:

My wife and I are in the market for a slightly used car. I would like to ask the Best and Brightest: what cars should we take a look at in the under $15,000 (out the door) almost new category? Is there anything decent in this range? We want a sedan/wagon/hatch still under factory bumper-to-bumper warranty, long-term reliable, and fun to drive. Wife can’t drive a stick, and ABS is mandatory. Must get 30 Highway MPG to guarantee our low loan rate. Can it be done?

Our UK readers my be interested to learn that the Obama administration has introduced a rival to Postman Pat: Preliminary Pat. “The White House Council of Economic Advisers gave the [Cash for Clunkers] program a preliminary pat on the back Monday,” The Detroit News reports. “Saying it created or saved 21,000 jobs in its short, four-week life by forcing automakers to boost production and add shifts.” That, however, is not our money shot. A little wood, please, as the Council addresses the question of whether or not C4C simply bribed buyers to buy earlier than they would have. Stimulating new car sales but not actually increasing them. The Council admitted the possibility, but wasn’t fussed. “This time-shifting is valuable if the economy is in recession because the economy is likely to be closer to full employment in the future.” All the birds are singing, and the day is just beginning. Pat feels he’s a really happy man.

VW has dreams of moving 150,000 Porsches per year by 2012. Meanwhile, Stuttgart’s finest is struggling with a nightmare market. Porsche spokesman Tony Fouladapour told TTAC that the automaker’s franchised dealers are now holding more than a 100 days’ worth of 911s, Caymans and Boxsters. (That’s up from the 92-day supply reported by Automotive News for August 1.) Not to mention the 100 to 150 box-fresh units already heading stateside. Responding to the glut, Porsche’s pulled 2010 inventories from all their dealers’ websites; some 273 Porkers have disappeared into the ether. Or is that from the ether? Either way, Porsche’s hit delete on all but a few ’10 special editions (e.g., the GT3 and Cayenne S Transsyberia). When will the 2010s return to cyberspace (or any other marketing venue)? “When the inventory situation improves.” To that end, the brand’s launched “The Porsche Moment”: 1.9 percent financing. [Thanks to The Comedian for the heads-up.]

The Detroit Free Press reports there’s “a $10-billion provision tucked deep inside thousands of pages of health care overhaul bills that could help the UAW’s retiree health-care plan and other union-backed plans. It would see the government — at least temporarily — pay 80 cents on the dollar to corporate and union insurance plans for claims between $15,000 and $90,000 for retirees age 55 to 64.” So the union giveth: accepting stock in GM and Chrysler in place of future, theoretical contributions to their health care VEBA (in addition to $3 billion cash payments). And the union taketh: scarfing $10 billion in federal health care payments. Did the UAW know this was coming down the pike? As the hunter in Jurassic Park said just before the raptors tore him to pieces, “clever girl.” The autoblogosphere is alight with accusations of “union payoff.” And for good reason . . .

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Just kidding. No zombie watch for the Cash for Clunkers (a.k.a. C.A.R.S.) program, even though it’s already burned through one life and two dealer deadlines. Automotive News [AN, sub] reports that Uncle Sam’s extended the dealer deadline again, thanks to ongoing computer problems. Transportation spokeswoman Jill Zuckman “didn’t specify a particular time for the deadline, and said it depended on how long it would take the government to get the clunkers Web site up so that dealers could file claims.” While the boffins sort that out, more “issues” are arising. As of early Monday morning, dealers submitted 635,186 claims worth $2.65 billion in rebates. Although AN says the number puts the payout “close” to the $3 billion limit, C.A.R.S. may already be over budget. Add up the administrative costs and the rebate requests “stuck” in the system, and the question arises: what happens to those deals that may arrive once in a lifetime, after the money’s gone? Meanwhile, a group of dealers is keeping its “shadow” Cash for Clunkers plan going . . .

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When Russian automaker GAZ teamed-up with Canada’s Magna Corporation to make a play for GM’s Opel division, TTAC’s Best and Brightest saw the danger: the Russians could use GM’s global small and midsize platform to build cars to compete with Chevy in the Motherland. “Ви́лами на воде́ пи́сано!” they proclaimed. True dat; the deal was written with a pitchfork on a flowing water. Wabusinessnews.com reports that the German government snookered GM; the feds will only provide funding for Opel if Magna is the preferred bidder (over remaining rival RHJ International SA). So why didn’t GM bite the proverbial пуля?

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I drive a Mercedes GL450: a vehicle that struggles to get 18 mpg. On the highway. Downhill. Downwind. Unladen. At the posted speed. But here’s the thing: I don’t drive my Merc much. I work from home. I live in a “walkable” community. I walk. I ride a bike. And I got rid of our second car. In other words, like many Americans, I want my gas guzzler and a clean conscience too. God bless America; when the market perceives a need, someone fills it. In this case, it’s our friends at the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers (AAM). The industry lobby group is providing the juice behind the trendily hyphen-aversive EcoDriving movement. Which, to my mind, is a bit like the pre-nascent DietFeasting movement. I may be guilty but I’m not stupid. Or am I?

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Whatever happened to Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous? Robin Leach’s TV series motivated class warriors and aspiring entrepreneurs alike, fortifying the former group’s conviction that they had a sacred duty to redistribute wealth (if only on aesthetic grounds) while inspiring rappers, coke dealers and other venture capitalists to redouble their efforts to reach ever-greater heights of conspicuous consumption. These days we have federal stimulus packages and MTV’s Cribs, which doesn’t include a single golden bath fixture (or a single book, but that’s another story). Ah, but we pistonheads will always have Pebble Beach, where we can watch old money compete with modern-day robber barons to pocket the world’s automotive crown jewels. One can almost hear Robin’s Harrow twang calling the tune: “One lucky collector bought home this 1938 Bugatti Type 57C Special, Ettore Bugatti’s personal car, for $1.38 mmmmmillion dollars.” Leach-like, the majority of the MSM would have you believe the collector car market defies economic gravity. The New York Times sets us straight.

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King Henry III’s motto was qui non dat quod habet non accipit ille quod optat. He who does not give what he has does not receive what he wants. Henry Ford III is down with that. Autoweek.com reports that Crazy Henry’s not-short-of-a-bob-or-two great-great grandson spent two years as a junior high English and math teacher. So tell me what he wants, what he really wants. Three Sticks is a bit cagey on the “someday this will all be mine” front. “‘That’s not something I’m really focused on,’ he said politely, sounding like the young William Clay Ford, a guy who eventually did take over the company. ‘At this point in my career, there’s so much to learn about the auto industry and I really enjoy the learning aspect.'” So what has the 29-year-old scion (small “s”) learned? “I think the Ford products are far and away superior to our competitors right now,” he said. “I drove an Accord, Civic, Pilot, I don’t think they’re as well-designed, I don’t think they drive as well, I think our products are far ahead of them.” Absit omen.

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Via Wikipedia:

Whale tail is the Y-shaped waistband of a thong or g-string when visible above the waistline of low-rise jeans, shorts, or a skirt that resembles a whale’s tail. Intentionally or unintentionally, a whale tail is exposed above the trousers mostly when sitting or bending, or even while standing. The frequency or occasion depends on the style of trousers, the style of underwear, and the way they are worn. Flashing whale tails became popular in the early 2000s, together with the rise of low-rise jeans and thong underwear. The trend, popularized by a number of celebrities including Christina Aguilera, Victoria Beckham, Mariah Carey, Melanie Blatt, Paris Hilton, Jordan, Anna Kournikova, and Britney Spears waned within the decade.

The Cash for Clunkers program is finishing its final weekend. By all accounts, the program has been a tremendous success, driving traffic back into tumbleweed-strewn showrooms, helping to cool the planet and reanimating idled automobile factories. Well, not by ALL accounts. The Wall Street Journal leaves no word unminced in its evisceration of the C.A.R.S. program: “The idea that a temporary subsidy program will launch the auto industry onto some new, higher sales and production plane defies logic.” As we shall see—or not—come September. Meanwhile, the media’s fixation with the NHTSA’s inability to send dealers rebate checks within a few weeks defies logic. For one thing, dealer ineptitude. For another, the NHTSA had three weeks to set up [what turned out to be] a $3 billion program. And lastly, it’s the federal government. What did anyone expect? Prediction: the dealers will get their money, the industry will gloat over August’s sales figures, and then it’ll be back to non-business as usual, until the housing market recovers. Whenever that is.