If the refreshes go as well as the Five Hundred to Taurus redo, it may not make a Hell of a lot of difference. But it probably will. This website has constantly derided The Big 2.8 for letting popular (and unpopular) models wither on the vine, as their transplanted competition raced one or two or even three (four?) steps ahead with newer, shinier, better versions of existing products. So we're happy to report that FoMoCo's global product chief Derrick Kuzak put his hand on a stack of Automotive News' [sub] sales stats and swore by all that is saleable that his employer will now be "carrying out a product cadence that calls for change at three-, six-, nine- and 12-year markers." And Derrick's he's not weaselling, either. "At every one of those milestones, every one of our products, (we will make) a change that is marked and recognizable by the customer." Yes, well, that assumes consumers can identify Ford, Lincoln and Mercury's anodyne models in the first place– never mind their updates. But we quibble. Clearly, Ford CEO Alan Mulally's desire to emulate Toyota continues apace. Which is just as well; the clock is ticking. 

See? I knew this video box thing would come in handy again. Obviously, we need someone to scan and blog YouTube on TTAC's behalf (robert.farago@thetruthaboutcars.com). Meanwhile Frank ran into this gem of a site while looking for the official EPA mpgs for the Hummer H2. Did you know the mondo-SUV is still exempt from EPA mpg requirements (it gets "around" 10 – 12 mpg)? I bet the impolite webslingers at FUH2.com do. After all, the site's strapline and pretty permalink both read "Fuck You and Your H2." Their beef? "While our brothers and sisters are off in the Middle East risking their lives to secure America's fossil fuel future, H2 drivers are pissing away our 'spoils of victory' during each trip to the grocery store." More specifically, they claim the H2 is a polluter (producing "3.4 metric tons of carbon emissions in a typical year, nearly double that of G.M.'s Chevrolet Malibu sedan"), a death machine ("You'd better hope that you don't collide with an H2 in your economy car. You can kiss your ass goodbye thanks to the H2's massive weight and raised bumpers") and, most aggravatingly of all, a tax loophole ("Under the current tax laws, business owners can deduct nearly half the cost of their H2s"). Anyway, there's a certain monotony to the 4470 pics of one-finger saluted H2s, but we like page 355. What do the Padres have to do with this?

In '78, OPEC put America's balls in a vise. Responding to the Oil Crisis, Washington enacted a “gas guzzler tax.” The law levied a federal surcharge on the price of any new automobile that burned fuel at the rate of 21.5 mpg (combined), but less than 22.5 mpg (combined). The worse the car’s EPA mpgs, the higher the tax its buyer had to pay. The effectiveness of the federal gas guzzler tax is beyond debate. Literally. No one claims the purchase tax did anything whatsoever to reduce America’s oil consumption. And yet it’s still with us. What’s more, it’s about to make a comeback.

CSM Worldwide [via Automotive News, sub] is the bearer of bad tidings: the slowing new car market will force The Big 2.8 to cut even more production in the second quarter than the first. The auto forecasting firm says Chrysler will slash second-quarter production by 19.1 percent (compared to the same period last year). Ford will trim production by 16.3 percent. And GM production will drop 8.1 percent. Joe Langley, CSM senior market analyst for North American forecasts, sees an end to the pain for Ford and GM in the fourth quarter, with production edging ahead of year-ago levels. He doesn't see a Chrysler turnaround until 2009. Saying that, Langley attributes Ford's potential upturn to the debut of the MKS (Lincoln somethingorother) and Flex (xB on steroids) and ongoing sales of a TTAC Ten Worst finalist, the Ford Focus. And just in case you were thinking this is "a falling tide sinking all boats" deal, "the three biggest Japanese automakers expect to ride out a recession without serious pain. Toyota is expected to boost North American production 3.1 percent, Honda 1.9 percent and Nissan a whopping 11.0 percent."

The Wall Street Journal's "Boss Talk" chin wag with Nissan boss Carlos Ghosn begins innocently enough, providing a potted history of the Brazilian-born exec's career to date. As soon as the Q & A starts, things get ugly– for Detroit. "WSJ: Who is hurting the most in this market? Mr. Ghosn: Obviously, the Big Three. So how much more are they going to be able to sustain this kind of pressure and what's going to happen? That's a very important question for all the industry. WSJ: Can all the auto makers survive in such a difficult environment? Mr. Ghosn: No." And then, "WSJ: When it's all over, is there a native U.S. auto industry? Mr. Ghosn: Frankly, I don't know. I can tell you it's going to be very different from today. But whether there is going to be one left or two left or none left I don't know." Huh.

In round one, GM retained its crown as the world's largest automaker by cheating; counting vehicles it produces as a minority partner in a Chinese venture. In round two, GM beat Toyota for customer loyalty in a Polk Automotive survey; whose details the "we work for all the major automakers" company didn't want to discuss with TTAC (we'll keep trying). Now, in round three, we learn that Toyota may not have sold as many cars as GM in '07 (if you count the spurious Chinese models), but ToMoCo built more. The AP reports "Toyota Motor Corp. said Monday it had made a record 9,497,754 vehicles worldwide in 2007, up 5.3 percent from the previous year. That's about 213,000 more automobiles than the 9.284 million that GM made last year." Is this a case of The Emperor Strikes Back? Toyota brass say no. "Toyota's earlier, less precise production estimate for 2007 was 9.51 million. Toyota spokesman Paul Nolasco in Tokyo said there was no special reason for the change from the estimate." Other than what, accuracy? It looks like the numbers rivalry between the two automaking giants is the story that wouldn't die. At least here at TTAC.

The San Jose Mercury News reports that tano kubwa have tested the Tesla. Yes, well, the buff books' jobbing journos only got a couple of hours behind the wheel. What's more (or less), Tesla gently revealed their Roadster is a "two mode" vehicle. Tesla now claims 220 miles per charge (down from 250) on "maximum range mode" and 165 miles in "standard mode." Motor Trend missed this wrinkle, and reported the higher number. Autoweek didn't mention the dual-mode deal, but reported they traveled just 93 miles on a single charge– with a limp-home aftertaste. And all the journos tested the Roadster with a "this is not my beautiful transmission" either locked into the higher of its two ratios, or, uncomfortably, not. Which doesn't square with Tesla mouthpiece Darryl Siry's claim to TTAC that the mags tested two different transmissions. In short, Tesla failed to provide journalists with a production-ready Roadster less than two months before its supposed production date. 

Wow! That's fast! Faster than GM fastest Corvette, the ZR1, which looks like it's going to be a really fast car. Of course, it's not what you might call true: the Tesla Roadster can't even make its long-promised sub-four second zero to sixty sprint, never mind hitting the ton in that time. But expecting GM's Car Czar to have a handle on motorized minutia is like expecting Bill Gates to go on Safari. To wit, Bob told Autonet.ca how he's ironing-out some of the plug-in electric – gas hybrid Volt's "issues." “In the first year, we’re not going to be in super-mass production," Bob revealed. "We’ll do about 10,000 units, and keep them fairly close to home so we can deal with any issues before we really crank up for high volumes." What exactly does that mean? That Chevrolet will only sell Volts in the mid-west– perhaps to GM employees– until they can work out the kinks? Does that make any sense? Do we believe it? Does Bob Lutz believe it? What about statements like “We’re finally breaking out of this thing where we’re selling only to our owners.” Hang on; if GM's market share is declining AND they're gaining conquest sales, does that mean they're losing loyal customers at the same time? Here's a more important question: why are so many journalists following Lutz' seemingly endless trips down the rabbit-hole? Don't they know Wonderland when they see it?

A brief recap. When it began, Caddy was truly, no joke, I swear to God, the standard of the world. After the Depression, not so much. After the Oil Crisis, not at all. Since then, close but no cigar. And then, with the Saabilac BLS (sold in the Eurozone, Mexico and South Africa), not even close. While I still consider the new CTS sports sedan the finest Pontiac ever built, I'll spot you that one. But how about this: the $42k Cadillac BLS Station Wagon. Why, you ask? "Launching the first-ever wagon in Cadillac's history gave us the opportunity to revise the 2008 BLS Saloon model line-up to enhance our presence in the premium UK market," Cadillac UK head Jonathan Nash told just-auto [sub]. What presence? The BLS is a sales catastrophe; it barely racked-up double digit monthly sales. Seriously, they can't even sell a thousand of them. And yet, hope– like Caddy’s brand defilement– springs eternal. Fleet sales! "The two new engines – the 180ps diesel and the 200ps Flexpower petrol/bioethanol unit – give us an opportunity to highlight the upgraded models' attributes to the business market." Meanwhile, Henry M. Leyland has just completed his forty-fifth grave spin.  

"Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, 'What the fuck.' 'What the fuck' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.' Of course, we here at TTAC say WTF on a regular basis, albeit in a more quizzical context. But it behooves Ford CEO Alan Mulally to put on those clear glasses of his (sunglasses would be metaphorically appropriate, but there you go) and deal with the fact that automaking is a risky business. Ford's amazingly talented engineers lack freedom. The engineers' freedom is Ford's opportunity. And opportunity can make FoMoCo's future. As a proud American, I am disgusted at the decline and fall of The Big 2.8. GM; I don't need to say anything about GM today. Chrysler is run by a man who already pocketed $200m for running a company into the ground. But Ford clearly know what they should be doing. Bold Moves? Yes please. But they aren't doing it. I blame Mulally. Mulally is the beancounter GM CEO Rick Wagoner thinks he is. Great. Good for him. Toyota-away I say. BUT DON'T BUILD TOYOTAS. Build something uniquely American and completely spectacular. And then, if you have to, go bankrupt. But do not do so building Camcord clones in Mexico. 

It's a rare day that TTAC gets to report a roll-back on government (i.e. taxpayer) funding for ethanol, but that's the way it's going down in… Michigan. Yes, the Daily News reports that the home state of the American [owned] automotive industry, where a trio of carmakers are LOVING the federal fuel economy credits given their dirt-cheap-to-mod greenwashed E85-mobiles, has rolled back a seven cent a gallon corn juice tax credit. State Rep Dan Nitz is not amused. "This tax break was good for consumers, GM and Ford, and the environment. With nearly $777,000 saved, it's obvious that people are taking advantage of this incentive, and I can't figure out why keeping it is not a priority." No? What about the legislature’s desire to pocket every damn penny in revenue they can find to support their political power? Nah. Meanwhile, gas station owner Jim Little does the math. "With a capital investment of almost $70,000 to install E85 pumps, I want to make sure I have some kind of incentive to sell E85 to customers. This incentive was a cushion to help me keep E85 at a lower cost for consumers and still be able to afford to sell it." Otherwise… why bother?

Did I or did I not just blog that Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A. Inc. Group Vice President and Lexus General Manager Mark Templin wants his customers to "hang out" down at the dealership? I did. WardsAuto now reports that the self-same suit says his dealers should learn from its Scion brand's customer relations– and give their customers the bum's rush a time-efficient service. "What Scion buyers want – and future Lexus customers will desire, as well – is a quicker purchasing and no-fuss service experience." Lexus' new goal is to make sure "customers who do come into the showroom to buy can get in and out fast, providing around-the-clock service facilities or offering pickup and delivery of vehicles needing maintenance." Templin sees no contradiction in these goals; the in-and-outers are young money, while the let-me-tell-you-about-my-hernia customers are old money. Can Lexus be all things to all demographics? No, but it can try. Oh, and we love that crack about the Newport Beach dealership “where each of the palm trees cost $100,000 apiece."  Is that God's way of telling a Lexus dealer he's making too much money?

Hey, the entry form for iAfrica's competition for VW track instruction at the Kyalami Grand Prix Circuit doesn't say anything about residency requirements. If you scoop their prize (chosen entirely at random of course), you'll attend the VW Driving Academy to gain "practical experience and confidence in dealing with potential dangers — from avoiding collisions to the optimal way to respond in a hijack situation." (Hint: aim you Glock at their chest, not their head.) After spending the morning hooning about on the skidpan and an executive lunch ("I eat executives for lunch"), you will "move onto the racetrack for some driving sessions around the circuit, brake distance recognition and an ESP exercise" (I'm thinking of a number). While I wait for the caffeine to wear-off, an insider's tip: don't send them the R32 engine's output in 'Merican-style horsepower stats. Think Reddy Kilowatt. 

[Complete list of RSA's VW driving courses here] 

So GM bitches and moans about a "perception gap," then shamelessly manipulates its worldwide sales figures to cling to its title of "world's largest automaker," while telling the world that the competition doesn't mean en effing thing, really. What's worse (if that's possible) is that the automotive press A) accepted GM's proclamation without looking into the numbers and B) failed to set things straight when Automotive News [sub] revealed the ruse. You will, for example, note that Autoblog's home page still has a link under "Breaking News" that reads "UPDATE: GM sold more in 2007 than Toyota." For a breath of fresh air in this despicable spinmeistering we turn to Rick Newman at U.S. News & World Report . After recounting the debacle, Newman says "GM should simply hand over the crown and get this all over with. It should agree with the Automotive News calculations, or rebook some '07 sales in '08, or even give back some cars if that's what's necessary to become No. 2… With clever leadership, GM can even benefit from becoming the underdog. But first it needs to attain No. 2—and give the analysts something else to write about." Amen.

German Car magazine Autobild reveals that Audi has given the A5 "Sportback" the green light. The German Car Blog provides the airline magazine English translation: "It's basically an Audi A5, but with 4 doors and a modified rear look. They also claim to know that Audi is going to introduce the Sportback type into the whole model line-up, even besides the already existing Avant for many models." Huh? So Audi buyers will have a choice of ordering their A4, A5, A6 or forthcoming A7 in either passenger-friendly form or as a four-door coupe? Not to mention (oh why not?) the Avant Sportback versions. So… two body styles AND two design languages per Audi model. Yeah, that makes sense. Come to think of it, why not an Q5 or Q7 Sportback? Or if Ingolstadt wanted to build something really ugly, they could just bring back the A2.