Speaking to Autmobilewoche (via just-auto), Opel CEO Hans Demant's let slip that GM's German division will not book a profit for '07. Although an Opel spinmeister later retracted the revelation on Demant's behalf, the facts speak for themselves. According to the Kraftfahrt Bundesamt government vehicle agency, Opel's domestic sales sank 14.7 percent last year. (The overall German car market fell nine percent; its lowest level since reunification.) In fact, the future's so dim, Demant's pulled the shades. He says the entire German market is no longer profitable, either for the automaker or for its dealers. Proving that RenCen doesn't have a lock on the old finger-pointing to avoid accountability routine, Demant said the "endless discussion" about a new CO2-related tax system, and the introduction of eco-zones in big cities, had led to customers going on strike. Uh-oh. Does this mean war?

"If demand goes down substantially more than what we are predicting," Alan Mulally told an Automotive News-sponsored industry confab [AN, sub]. "Then we'll fire all our market analysts." Just kidding. In that event, Big Al pledged to "continue to restructure our business to that new demand." While the Divine Mr. M's statement isn't exactly Earth-shattering– what else could Ford do but continue to downsize to match diminishing demand?– FoMoCo CEO's remarks represent the growing realization that Detroit is heading into hurricane-force headwinds. And while GM brass are busy predicting an economic uplift at the end of '08, Mulally is "selling" his company's ability to grasp the proverbial nettle. "It's just so important in business to always be looking through clear glasses — looking at the world and the way it is, the way it's going and have a point of view and then responding… The worst thing is to not look (at reality) and not have a point of view about the future and then not have a strategy and plan that delivers profitable growth in that environment." Look out GM; them's fighting words!

"We're trying to create a feeling in our car dealerships more of a luxury hotel than a car dealership." This according to Lexus NA GM Mark Templin, speaking at the Automotive News [AN, sub] "world congress" (information without representation!). Templin encouraged U.S. Lexus dealers to offer the brand's customers enough upmarket creature comforts that they'll want to "hang out" down at the dealership, quaff a latte, check their emails, buy a car or something. Templin highlighted other advancements in the famous Lexus dealer experience, upon which its 178 purveyors (in 224 outlets) spent a cool billion bucks over the last three years. "They are making their Web sites more interactive," AN breathlessly reported. "Including virtual tours of the dealerships, their vehicles and even staffs." A virtual tour of a staff member? Whoa. That's taking the whole customer relationship deal a bit far, methinks.

Sharp-eared listeners to the TTAC daily podcast know that Justin shares his life with a number of canine companions. Single-minded bastard that I am, I've never asked my colleague how many dogs are in situ (situ!), their names or occupations. But I do know that Justin's father is a veterinarian. So clearly, Justin's a dog person and a pistonhead. As such, Justin does not follow the piss-poor example of pop star princess Britney Spears. He doesn't drive with a dog on his lap. Now I know that a mini-rant on the dangers of driving with a domesticated pet perched on your private parts doesn't really qualify for TTAC's hard-edged tell-it-like-it is news, views and reviews coverage; but this really sticks in my proverbial craw. If your local state government can (and does) ban drivers from talking on their cell whilst automobiling, why would they let license holders pilot a couple of tons of metal with a simple-minded animal (sorry Rosie) between them and the car's major controls? Come to think of it, I wonder if our spiritual leader, ex-Car & Driver editor and part-time paramedic Stephen Wilkinson can tell us what happens when an airbag explodes into a dog sitting on a driver or passenger's lap? Or, more generally, what happens when a front seat passenger gets hit with an unsecured pet flying through the air at 50 or 60 mph? Seriously folks, get a pet seat belt. Or, potentially, die. 

Well that didn't last long. TTAC reader Nick Goddard's claims his love affair with the first official U.S. smart car is still hot and heavy, but four days after taking delivery he's put it up for sale on eBay. When I contacted him by phone, the 25-year-old owner was more than a little cagey about his motivation for the sale, claiming that he didn't really want to sell the car. He's just "curious to see what people are willing to pay." Apparently, his curiosity was piqued by a Manhattan car dealer, who told our nick2ny that someone walked in and offered $10k for a place on the smart waiting list. Anyway, the answer to the question "what's a six-day old 'historic' smart car worth?" is… we'll see. Goddard paid $20,500 for the vehicle, and putting the smart up for auction on eBay obliges him to accept the highest bidder's offer (incurring various penalties if he doesn't). Our man Lang reckons he'll get $5k over sticker. Any other estimates? Oh, and what are the odds smart may want to snag it for themselves?

Ever since Apple hammered their way to advertising glory with their Big Brother Superbowl spot, and probably before, advertisers have saved their biggest guns for the big game. We've got no problem with that. And we can understand why the people signing the checks for these big budget productions get all excited about their multi-million dollar 60-second contributions to America's popular culture (and the TV network's bottom line). But excuse us for not sharing in the excitement to the same extent, and wondering why Audi would think we would. In fact, their pre-game Superbowl ad hype has gone from feverish to dangerously manic to fully-fledged monomaniacal madness. We've just received an email declaring "Soon, a bold challenge to the tired old myths of luxury will be hitting millions of TV screens across the land. A new viewpoint. A new way of thinking. A new era." Yes folks, "You will have a chance to witness the moment that will set the nation talking. The countdown has started." A follow-up missive declares that this new era will be issued in by none other than actor Alex Rocco, who portrayed Moe Greene in the first “Godfather” movie (also "Man with Ice Cream" in the 1973 James Caan comedy "Slither"). One piece of Audi advice we agree with: "Don't miss the moment of truth."

After I finish this post, I'm off to the U.P.S. store to post a memory stick of my audition for Top Gear (posted on YouTube here). Thanks in part to the writers' strike, NBC is attempting to fashion a uniquely American version of the highly sarcastic (to say the least) British program. It's important to note that British Top Gear airs on public TV; which is funded by a TV tax. The U.S. version will air on "free" TV, funded almost entirely by advertising. Now I'm not sure how much of GM's $2.1b annual ad spend the peacock network enjoys, but I bet it's a fair old whack. And Ford's no stranger to signing huge checks with the letters "NBC" in the important space. Not to mention Chrysler, Mercedes, BMW, Subaru and the rest of The Truth About Cars fan club. So you gotta wonder about the relationship between my chances and American Top Gear's editorial freedom. My brilliant career aside (as it has been for many years), the idea of a mainstream TV show that "dares" to be critical of crap cars sounds preposterous. But I've still got that Honda-friendly ELO song ringing in my ears. So WTH. I'm sending the stick (not Stig). Wish me luck. And rest assured that while every man may have his price, the ability to tell the truth is mine. I know.. I should be so lucky. Well, guess what? I am.

In the grand scheme of things, in the face of a federal mandate calling for U.S. production of 36 billion gallons of renewable fuels per year by 2020, a $55k grant to The Cornhusker State's Ethanol Board is a meaningless gesture. But ours is not to do or die; ours is to wonder why. According to Nebraska Farmer, "Funds will support workshops to train ethanol producers, E85 distributors and marketers for the direct marketing of E85 from producers to local retailers. The one-day workshops will be offered on multiple dates and cover EPA ethanol storage requirements, fuel tax incentives, ethanol safety and handling training, and E85 marketing and brand awareness." The money will come from the Nebraska Department of Economic Development, The Clean Fuels Development Coalition, the National Ethanol Vehicle Coalition and the Clean Fuels Foundation. "Ethanol has brought much in terms of jobs and wealth to Nebraska," says Todd Sneller, administrator of the Nebraska Ethanol Board. "By encouraging direct relationships between ethanol producers and their communities, drivers get a cheaper fuel for their cars and the number of E85 pumps in Nebraska increases." I wonder how much Todd gets a year… 

The feds made us do it! I'm tempted to say that the Dow Jones' Marketwatch interview (via CNNMoney) with GM's Car Czar is Maximum Bob unplugged. But that assumes that Mr. Lutz was, at some point, connected with reality. Anyway, here we have Maxi Bob taking his "raised federal fuel economy standards are like forcing fat people to wear small clothes" argument to the next level. "With the federal mandates at 35 miles per gallon coupled with cheap fuel, it puts us at war with our customers. At $3 a gallon (for gas) many people still want full-sized pick up trucks (and) full-sized sport utilities with V8 engines… and we're not going to be able to sell it to 'em because we if we do we won't make (the federal mandates)," Lutz told the Dow folk, adding, "It's ridiculous." Strengthening his already bullet-proof rep for spouting Pollyanna prognostications based on sweet FA, Lutz also says he's spoken to bankers who think the worst is over for the "mortgage meltdown crisis and the liquidity crisis." Anyway, who cares? "If everything goes well in the rest of the world, we can take a couple hits in the U.S. and still be okay." And just in case you thought Bob's reality divorce papers weren't signed yet, how about this: "We are working on the electrification of the automobile because my personal theory is the best way to save fuel is to use none at all." 

As Motown's chief cheerleader, The Detroit News is all about the spin. But every now and then, the paper kicks it up a notch to kick Toyota in the teeth. Columnist Daniel Howes recounts ToMoCo's '07 "challenges." For those of you who aren't regular readers of the DTN or TTAC (or any other automotive publication), Toyota stands accused of hypocrisy for perpetuating their green rep whilst selling gas-guzzling trucks and SUVs and lobbying against an increase in federal fuel economy standards (unlike…?). "Yes, UAW President Ron Gettelfinger had it right up on Mackinac Island last May: Toyota is not a division of Greenpeace — and it never was." Howes then rounds on Toyota for its Consumer Reports downgrade and product recalls, and shares an unsubstantiated anecdote. "On a separate press event to unveil the car, two Camrys were knocked out with transmission problems. In contacting Japan, they were told Toyota engineers there knew of a problem with a coupler in the transmission but failed to notify their colleagues in the States." In sum, "One of the lessons of this year's auto show is that for the first time in what seems like forever, a fair amount of Detroit's metal is reaching (if not exceeding) parity with its chief rival Toyota. That means a whole new kind of competition is about to begin and Detroit is back in the game." Fair enough?

GM wants to consolidate its eight automotive brands into urban megastores. According to Automotive News [AN, sub], Marketing Maven Mark LaNeve even has a name for these Buick, Pontiac, Saturn, GMC, Cadillac, Hummer, Saab and Chevrolet megastores: "GM Collections." Apparently, the concept would help GM to "maintain a high profile in cities where real estate is costly." To that end, dealers would be encouraged to move service and parts operations to "satellite centers." Ya think? To represent, a GM megadealer would need at least 49 demo vehicles. And then there's all the pickup truck variants. Even without considering exterior colors or option packages, that's a lot of choice. Too much? Not according to AN writer Jamie Larau. "The superstore approach likely would make GM brands more attractive to big dealer groups such as AutoNation Inc. and Sonic Automotive Inc." (Maybe he should have asked them.) And what of GM's divisions' brand weaknesses, and the obvious product overlap? [crickets chirping] Folks, arguments can (and will) be made for this idea, but there's a compound word for the concept, and the first part of it is "cluster."

There's not much new in the [UK] Times analysis of Detroit's troubles, save the above paranoid, defeatist, defensive, sour grapes quote from GM Car Czar Maximum Bob Lutz. (We're no longer number the world's largest automaker? What a RELIEF!) Oh, that and the headline, an extremely non-Detroit News-like "US carmakers still on the wrong road." The gist of the matter: longtime auto industry observer Ray Hutton reckons The Big 2.8 got caught with their small car pants down. And he's not buying the idea that ANY of Motown's former maestros can pull themselves back from the brink– at least in the U.S. In fact, Ray reckons "Nobody expects a big turn-round in America, where the market for cars and light trucks is at best static, at about 16.5m a year, although some analysts predict a steep decline in 2008." And that's about it, except for the fact that Chrysler CEO Robert Nardelli is either developing a penchant for Zen koans or developing new ways to tell the press to f-off. "The advantage of being private is that we can be private."

The Detroit News' story on Rick Wagoner's recently professed intention to continue consolidating Buick, GMC and Pontiac dealers is straightforward to the point of wondering why the Hell they bothered. GM's got too many dealers (14,118). Wagoner wants to trim the network. This is news? Alright then, we'll play. Given that all GM dealers are protected by their state's franchise laws, how exactly is Wagoner going to git 'er done? Is the General going to spend [some more of the bank's] billions and buy-out stand alone dealers? Are they going to swing their ax and defend their position in court? Or are they simply going to continue starving Buick/Saab/Hummer/Pontiac of killer product until the brands die of natural causes– or just long enough to force them to consolidate and then turn the models into variations of a single brand? Three brands? Four brands? Inquiring minds want to know! The closest scribe Sharon Terlep comes to providing an answer. ""We do it one and two at a time," GM Marketing Maven Mark LaNeve told her of the consolidations. "Every situation is unique." So now we know.

In the old fairy story, con men convince a naked sovereign that he’s wearing fine clothes. Applying that cautionary tale to General Motors is not as straightforward as it seems. Is GM CEO Rick Wagoner aware that the enormous automaker is tumbling towards bankruptcy? Or is he living in a dream world, demanding that his "kingdom" admire his invisible finery? Whether Wagoner’s deluded or deluding, his ”GM Statement on Turnaround Plan” indicates that GM is still buck naked.

Over the years, I've noticed that TTAC flamers arrive in groups. Usually, it's down to a reader posting a particularly blunt TTAC editorial or negative review in a fanboy forum. While these single-minded venues usually prefer to kick the snot out of TTAC in the psychological safety of their own website, an emotionally charged individual or two (or three) often feels compelled to vent their home site's collective ire in the forum that gave rise to it. Needless to say, I gently remind them of our policy, issue a warning and invite them to write an 800-word rebuttal– which is WAY too much work for most. Recently, as The Big 2.8's blunders have escalated from dumb moves to farce, the flamers have reappeared in force. I take it as yet another sign that the domestics are facing "the end of days." Later today, I'll pen a Death Watch on Rick Wagoner's pronouncement that his turnaround plan is working. Meanwhile, I noticed that USA Today published a review of a plug-in electric hybrid Toyota Prius– some two years ahead of GM's now we say it, now we don't launch date for the Chevrolet Volt. Yes, it's different technology. But surely we can conclude that it's all over bar the shouting. Which is, of course, our job.