Well, somebody should. Dallas News columnist Chuck Bloom steps into the branding breach left open by FoMoCo's inability to define itself in the marketplace. In fact, Bloom doesn't just know what a Ford is, he's it: a Fat Old Rumpled Democrat. I know: nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. While Bloom's Op Ed raises the now-familiar Chevy Silverado-friendly America-first, look what they done to my factory jobs Ma socio-economic mindset, he distills the argument down to something altogether more interesting. "I have always believed that no man needs to own a Rolex or any other expensive watch in order to tell time. A Bulova or Timex does the same thing at a fraction of the cost. After all, isn't that the 'function' of a watch? Same holds true for being a FORD. My beliefs will get me to where I want to go; no need to own and maintain an expensive, overpriced philosophy. And when the others in this area realize that a FORD works as well, or better, than any BMW, things might get changed for the better." To which we might add, when Ford builds a car that works as well, or better, than a BMW, they'll sell a lot more cars. 

The majority of this morning's New York Times article on the auto-oriented provisions of the new energy bill profiles the industry's posturing, infighting and kvetching over higher Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) standards. To wit, “'We’re not whiners,' Dominique Thormann, a senior vice president at Nissan North America, said in Washington during a lunch with reporters on Wednesday, in a thinly veiled jab at competitors that originally fought fuel economy increases." Breeze through this politically correct interpretation– transplants ready to rumble, domestics foot (not to say knuckle) draggers, Toyota playing both side down the middle– and Michelle Maynard finally reveals some of the more important "details." For example, we learn that the bill offers federal loan guarantees to "help auto companies that invest in factories that are at least 20 years old to build vehicles with advanced technology." Hey! Guess what? The General will [theoretically] build the new Chevrolet Volt plug-in electric hybrid at a Detroit factory that opened in the early '80s. No word on the new "footprint-based" CAFE calculations– which make a mockery of fleet-wide fuel economy averages– or ethanol credits– capable of transforming a gas-sucking SUV into a high mileage green machine (in regulatory terms).  

We're preparing our reapplication for press credentials to the Detroit Auto Show, but it's hard to know what to send. TTAC's mono-maniacal Managing Editor Frank Williams sent in the original application, and Frank didn't get to be a Lt. Colonel in the USAF by failing to follow directions. My phone conversation with the PR flack didn't help; the credentials committee (whose members' names she declined to reveal) doesn't provide an explanation for their rejections. Which is fair enough, given the thousands of journalists who flock– or seek to flock– to The North American International Auto Show each year. My gut tells me this is personal. But I don't want to make it so until after I jump this final hurdle. And if our reapplication finds favor, I will publicly declare my faith in The Detroit Auto Dealers' Association– who run the gig– and state my desire to have the credentials committee's baby. Meanwhile, suffice it to say that TTAC is dedicated to telling the truth (duh). We will not compromise this mission for anyone, anytime, ever. If that means we're denied press cars (as we are) or access to auto show press days, so be it.

The Detroit News (DTN) reports that Chrysler CEO Boot 'em Bob Nardelli told his troops that the automaker will lose $1.6b this year. That's $.6b more than Steven Landry, executive vice president of North American sales, let slip to some students in Halifax last month. It's also a signal that Cerberus is about to start the "strip and flip around Christmas" program mentioned by Mr. Nardelli at another employee "pep talk." [Note to Bob from the Motivational Speakers Association: don't quit your day job.] While DTN spends most of its article soft-pedaling the red ink revelation– "A loss on the magnitude of $1.6 billion is not unexpected for Chrysler, said Joe Phillippi, principal of AutoTrends Consulting Inc. in Short Hills, N.J."– the problem isn't this year. It's next. And next year is looking to be a bitch. Whatever exit strategy led Chrysler's private equity taskmasters to buy the automaker in the first place– we're still thinking MAGNA is on Cerberus' speed-dial– is sure to be accelerated by the new numbers. 

We called it: Detroit's reliance on"zero percent for anyone with a pulse" financing to move moribund metal is coming back to haunt them. The Wall Street Journal (WSJ) cites a study by Lehman Brothers that reports that 4.5 percent of '06 auto loans were at least 30 days delinquent as of the end of September. That up from October's 2.9 percent, and represents the biggest one-month jump in at least eight years. And here's the really worrying bit: that's the stat for "top-rated borrowers." At the lower end of the food chain, 12 percent of subprime borrowers were delinquent on their 2006 auto loans as of September. That's up from 11.1 percent the previous month; it's the highest level since 2002. Seen from another perspective, "In the second quarter, borrowers were at least 30 days behind on 2.77% of all auto loans made by nonbank lenders, the main players in the market, according to the American Bankers Association. That was the highest delinquency rate since 1991." Although the WSJ has some soothing words for nervous auto execs, we reckon this one's gonna blow-up good. Tightened credit will remove one of Detroit's most effective sales devices (low-cost loans) and a flood of repo'ed cars– which are usually heavily abused– will further destroy residuals. Lest we forget, Mitsubishi barely made it back from the brink when its low-rate loans to credit-challenged buyers came back to bite them in the ass. Those who do not learn from history…

Well, there's a few million dollars saved, then. Still, with a $2.1b annual ad spend, you gotta wonder why The General would axe its Superbowl spectaculars. Adweek has the answer. "The reduced in-game spot count is 'driven by product launch timing,' the [GM] rep said. New introductions this year for the Malibu and Cadillac CTS models are essentially complete. 'The timing is such that we just don't need to purchase as many in-game spots.'" You know, I'm thinking that Chevy should've launched their $150m Malibu campaign at the Superbowl, as the brand should have a bunch of new 'Bu's on dealer lots by game time. Anyway, GM hasn't pulled-out of the biggest TV event of the year entirely; Chevy's bought eight spots in Fox' pre-game show and Caddy's stumped-up the dough for three post-game ads. As for the in-game ad, those of you expecting another flying car spectacular (last year's 100k mile warranty unveil) may be disappointed. Or you may not. AdWeek reports that "creative has not been finalized for the ad yet."

Unique visitors. I just love that term. It's not quite as Walt Disney World politically correct creepy as "special"– all visitors to Mickey's Kingdom are special Johnny– but it's close. People love to think they're "unique"– when in fact our species' very survival depends on astounding similarities of thought, emotion and behavior. And yet teachers, 'caregivers" and other members of the Western cult of human uniqueness drill the idea into us by from the time we discover we can't do stuff that other people can. While geneticists can confirm the fact of this assertion, they'll also tell you we're all just a few chromosomes away from getting our heads blown off by a Rwandan hunter looking for a nice big gorilla hand to make into a Chinese ashtray. And I saw an episode of Mega-Ultra-Wikkid-Big Disasters (yes that again) which said an asteroid-induced mega-tsunami reduced the human population to a hundred guys living in a tenement in the Upper East Side about 80k years ago. Or was it Africa half a million years ago? Probably Africa. Anyway, TTAC is up to 465,559 unique visitors (that's you!) per month, racking-up 1,368,121 page views. Apparently that's not good enough for the Detroit Auto Show organizers, who've either never heard of us, or, more likely, have (if you know what I mean). Our request for press credentials has been turned down. No reason given. We're reapplying, hoping that The Detroit Auto Dealers Association reconsiders and extends us the warm hand of friendship, once we re-introduce ourselves. Pleased to meet you. Hope you guess my name. 

Fitch Ratings isn't overly interested in Detroit News columnist John McCormick's assertion that Motown's recent model introductions promise brighter days ahead for his paper's hometown heroes (Big 3 get it right with new vehicles). The hard-nosed financial analysts are more concerned with the cancer eating away at the Big 2.8: debt. The automakers' recent agreement with the United Auto Workers to establish a union-controlled VEBA health care superfund threatens to evoke that old saw about straw-carrying camels. While Fitch doesn't reveal the total financial burden weighing down The Big 2.8, they reveal that Ford's debt has grown by $21b since 2001, while GM added $31b worth of debt in the same time period. Uh-oh. "Increasing interest costs from higher net leverage will represent a more significant claim on operating cash flows," Fitch managing director predicted to Reuters. Mark Oline was quick to add that liquidity isn't [yet] an issue, but "with few assets left to divest, liquidity positions will likely drop through 2008." So, how low can you go?

As we've been saying for years, China is only going to allow foreign automakers to do biz in The People's Republic as long as it takes them to figure out how to do it themselves. Hence the law stipulating that all carmakers setting-up shop in China must do so as part of a joint venture with a Chinese company. And the China half of these companies are already preparing for divorce. Guangzhou Automobile Industry Group, currently shacked-up with Toyota AND Honda, is the latest Chinese automaker to strike on its own. As WardsAuto reports, Guangzhou is readying an as yet undeclared model under an as yet unannounced brand name. "Construction of a research and design center and vehicle plant site already is under way in Guangzhou’s Payu district. The Chinese auto maker will invest some $916 million, including $404 million on the R&D center and $512 million on production facilities in order to launch its own brand of passenger cars by 2010." It's only a matter of time before the Chinese government games the market to favor their "independent" domestic automakers. 

SafeSpeed reports that Med Hughes, the UK's "top traffic cop," has been disqualified for 42 days at Wrexham magistrates court for driving at 90mph in a 60mph zone. The now former chair of the Association of Chief Police Officers road safety committee has been the locus of particularly virulent anti-speed camera ire since he was hoisted by his own electronic petard. The court case put the Welsh cop in the Mother of All PR binds: if he wasn't banned, it would be a tacit admission that speeding isn't dangerous per se. If he was banned (as he now is), it would show Hughes to be a good old-fashioned English (Welsh?) hypocrite, heaping dishonor on his rep, the police and Hughes' camera-wielding "road safety partnerships." Sensibly enough, at least as far as we've heard, Hughes has said sweet FA about his brush with the law. Predictably enough, SafeSpeed's Paul Smith put the boot in. ""We don't believe for a single second that Mr Hughes was driving dangerously and he must now tell us the truth about the role of speed limits in road safety… The hypocrisy is breathtaking. Mr Hughes should clearly have been preaching what he practices – because clearly he knows that exceeding the speed limit isn't necessarily dangerous."

[Watch a video of Med talking about the importance of speed limits here.] 

When Toyota unveiled their all-new, supersized Tundra pickup, they confidently predicted/promised that the model would hit 200k sales in its first years. Despite some early teething troubles (e.g. underestimating demand for the iForce 5.7-liter V8 engine), strong competition (e.g. GM's determination to discount its Silverado and Sierra to thwart the competition) and economic headwinds (i.e. a contracting housing market and rising gas prics), Toyota execs reckon they just might meet the target. Admitting that "It's going to be close," ToMoCo's U.S. group vice president and general manager laid out the results of regional battles “We’re seeing record market share on the West Coast and good growth elsewhere, particularly in the Midwest,” Bob Carter told WardsAuto. “Tundra has maintained leadership in California and has gained leadership in the Pacific Northwest.” Sales of the Texas-made Toyota climbed by 43.2 percent in November (compared to sales of last year's outgoing model). Although Ward's forgets to mention it (doh!), Toyota sold 177,336 Tundras YTD. That leaves them with 22,664 Tundras to go.

Sometimes my fascination for all things automotive scares me. What if Yellowstone blows up and plunges the world into a new Ice Age– mit famine? The arcane automotive knowledge lodged in my brain won't do me a damn bit of good in that situation, now will it? [Note to self: no more watching Mega Disasters on The History Channel, or, alternatively, must stock pantry and buy another shotgun.] Still, I could have become an ornithologist (the truth about the slender billed curlew) or numismatist (the truth about Tetradrachm). At least if worst comes to worst, I can amuse myself by identifying the rusting hulks populating the post-apocalyptic landscape. You know, if I'm alive. Anyway, an obscure press release hit the inbox this AM that pressed all the wrong buttons: Dupont's 55th international car color report. White/pearl dominates NAFTA-land and Japan, silver rules Brazil, South Korea and China and Europe always looks slim in basic black. What does this tell you? Only that OCD pistonheadedness is a communicable disease. Pass it on. 

The internet is abuzz over the White House's threat to veto the Energy Bill, what with Congress failing to hit the Prez' target for alternative fuels (35b gallons by 2017), neglecting to resolve the issue of who controls Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) and automotive emissions standards (the Environmental Protection Agency or the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) and the unwelcome caveat (at least to coal producing states) that electricity suppliers have to generate 15 percent of their power by 2020 using renewable sources. Meanwhile, The New York Times reports the startling news that legislators have opted for vehicle footprint-based CAFE standards– as opposed to fleet-wide average. As we pointed out back in May, the "sliding scale" footprint-based system is a game changer that completely games the system in Detroit's favor. (As we know footprint calculations would hurt the United Auto Workers, and UAW-supported House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has added union protections to the Energy Bill, it seems likely footprint is a go.) Combine that with ethanol credits and the current methodology used to calculate CAFE mpgs (not the same as sticker mpgs), and the whole 35mpg by 2020 misegos could be nothing more than not a lot more than what we already got. As if you didn't suspect that already.

No woman no cry? Actually, as The New York Times reports, a lot of people were left in tears when Ryan Holle lent his Chevrolet Metro to a friend– who used it to drive himself and three men to a drug dealer's Florida home, where they murdered the dealer's 18-year-old daughter. After Holle admitted to the police that he had foreknowledge of the burglary and possible murder, he was convicted of first-degree murder. At his trial, prosecutor David Rimmer defended his application of felony murder rules with the rationale in the headline above. The Times highlights the debate over the legal principle, and the difference between American states that adhere to felony murder rules and other country's views on the legal consequences for criminal accomplices. Although the Times fails to mention the fact, one our law enforcement employed readers reckons the stricture helps police get "wheelmen" and "friends of a friend" to cough-up names in capital cases. 

So Tesla has a new CEO: Z'ev Drori. Drori made his money back in the '70's founding and running Monolithic Memories, a producer of bipolar PROMS (nothing to do with Steven King's Carrie). Drori sold out and acquired Clifford Electronics, maker of car alarms. That worked out pretty well, with Drori eventually flogging the built-up biz to Allstate Insurance. We hear he's a pretty good race car driver. ANYWAY… Drori's appointment completes the ouster of Tesla founder Martin Eberhard, who's none too happy that his as-yet-unborn baby has been taken away by the suits. Although Martin's banned from saying squat about his predicament thanks to a "non-disparagement agreement," ships are sinking upon his loose lips. "I am not at all happy with the way I was treated," Eberhard whines on the unaffiliated Tesla Motor Club forum. "And I do not think this was the very best way to handle a transition – not the best for Tesla Motors, not the best for Tesla's customers (to whom I still feel a strong sense of responsibility), and not for Tesla's investors." And not for Martin's bank balance, apparently. "Ze'ev is a bright and experienced guy. Unlike me, he's made a zillion dollars from his past ventures…" In an ironic echo of his work for Tesla, Eberhard promises to post his true feelings on his new blog teslafounders.com– which doesn't even have a placeholder page. Meanwhile, no word from Drori when the first Tesla customer gets theirs (so to speak).