Our good friends at The Department of Transportation report the latest C.A.R.S. (Cars Allowance Rebate System) or Cash-for-Clunkers clunker stats as of right . . . now.

Total Vehicles Sold: 16,351
Funded to Date: $68,923,000
Passenger Cars Due for Euthanization: 10,114
Trucks Headed for the Crusher: 6237

Meanwhile, we intercepted this communication from a dealer: “I wish you would let us opt out of the cash for clunkers deal. Three dealers on the conference call stated that they were not fucking with this bullshit. You wouldn’t believe the bullshit involved in this. I don’t see this costing us any significant sales. We will waste more time fucking with this than it will ever be worth. The rebates are in place to subsidize the deal. Collecting our money will be a full time job.”

TTAC commentator Kixstart writes:

Once again, GM has dodged the question on the Volt’s ultimate flat-can fuel economy. From their FastLane Blog, a CoverItLive session with Bob Boniface, I read the following exchange:

[Comment From David]
Hi Bob, Can you give us an approximate number of how many mpg the volt will achieve after the battery runs out?

2:04 Bob Boniface: When battery is depleted you should expect several hundred more miles running on engine generator.

I imagine several people immediately pounded away on their keyboards with “How big is the gas tank?” But that question was never selected and the answer never offered.

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Ford applied for $11 billion dollars from the Department of Energy’s Advanced Technology Vehicles Manufacturing program (ATVMP). It received $5.9 billion, payable over 25 years. They are applying for another $5.1 billion. The mainstream media meme—that The Blue Oval Boyz are “pure” capitalists untainted by the stink of federal handouts—is bunk. Lest we forget, the DOE loans were the original bailout: a thinly disguised attempt to channel funds to the domestics. The money pays for retooling that the recipients would otherwise have to fund—freeing those funds for other purposes. Keep the lights on kinda stuff. When the “viability” requirement made the DOE loan a moot point for Chrysler and GM, THEN they headed off for “bridge loans.” Which became an investment in shares or, in Chrysler’s case, a partial write-off. Oops! Question: does anyone believe the DOE loans will help ensure that Americans drive more fuel-efficient vehicles? Anyway, Ford is on the take. Period.

From WIFR, on the occasion of the reopening of Chrysler’s Belvidere (Illinois) factory. Belvidere is the birthplace of the Dodge Caliber, Jeep Patriot and Jeep Compass—all winners of TTAC’s Ten Worst award.

“The whole economy’s gonna pick up, once everybody’s back to work and starts making money they’ll be spending money and they’re talking about some overtime and stuff like that so they’re talking about good things ahead. So everybody’s optomistic [sic] and looking forward to the future,” says Belvidere Chrysler worker Ray Battistini.

[thanks to segfault for the link]

Yoga teacher and ForbesAutos refugee Matthew De Paula has brought his zen insights and love of top ten lists to MSN Autos. Given the popularity of the genre (which we now usurp in the name of truth, justice and the American way), Bill Gates’ Boyz must be happy enough with the result—although Matt makes a few choices that will surely give pistonheads pause. We report, you deride. Well, we do too, but I’m sure you catch my drift.

1. Ford Fusion — I’m not saying De Paula is a Detroit apologist, but if ever a qualifier seemed po-faced, well, here it is: “The Ford Fusion doesn’t just hold its own against competitors, it beats them in some ways: The least expensive 4-cylinder Fusion is as fuel efficient on the highway (34 mpg) as the pricier Toyota Camry hybrid.” And that’s it: the only way mentioned. Oh wait. “The updated 2010 Fusion uses higher-quality materials, has better fit and finish, and a quieter ride than the model it replaces.” Don’t you just love it when relative excellence means relative to itself? Me neither.

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The good old days of 2007. A time when I could visit a parts store and walk away with hundreds of dollars in free stuff. I remember O’Reillys giving me 24 quarts of synthetic oil for about $8.00 in taxes. Advance Auto Parts seemed to have access to every cheap Chinese tool set ever made with mail-in coupon in tow. As for Autozone? They gave me 12 free batteries when I established a commercial account there. I used them all that winter and made money on the cores. Ahh, those were good times! They’re no more. But you can still pick up a good deal here and there.

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Despite TTAC’s GM Death Watch and Chrysler Suicide Watch, the MSM was asleep at the wheel during the domestics’ dissolution. Now that New Chrysler and New GM have appeared, like sin from Satan’s head, the MSM is . . . asleep at the wheel (obscure reference of the day: “miles and miles of taxes”). That said, U.S. News and World Report has this Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP) thing wired. The magazine commissioned the Ethisphere Institute to consult its weekly TARP index to calculate the odds that We The People will see our $700 billion (that’s billion folks) “investment” again. The bottom line: the Institute says anyone who thinks we’ll get out bailout bucks back from Chrysler, GM and GMAC should be committed. Make the jump for the run down on the troika of former auto industry stars disappearing your tax money down a TARP-shaped black hole.

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Now that Steve Rattner has surrendered his position as head of The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles (to attend to a federal bribery investigation into his old crew), Ron Bloom is the man running two of America’s three domestic carmakers. I’m sorry? Did I say “running?” I mean to say, “passively protecting.” ‘Cause Ron says his twenty-four member mob—responsible for guarding taxpayers’ $50 billion “investment” in Chrysler and GM—is backing off from hands-on management (e.g., capping GM CEO Rick Wagoner’s ass). They’re only going to step in on “core governance issues” and “major corporate events or transactions.” Did all those quote marks tip you off? It’s true: this makes no sense at all. Didn’t when the checks were cut. Still doesn’t. Anyway, the Detroit News reveals that Big Ron II’s continuing to stretch the bounds of linguistics and credulity to the event horizon. Yesterday, Bloom told the congressional panel in charge of overseeing the overseers that “the best way to get out as quickly as possible is not to commit to a defined schedule.”

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As well it might, given that the German automakers are about to game the Environmental Protection Agency’s new “greenhouse gas” emissions standards. The Wall Street Journal reports that “Under a provision of a plan to curb greenhouse gas emissions, the Obama administration has proposed to set less stringent standards for car makers that sell fewer than 400,000 vehicles a year in the US. That target defines the major German brands as well as a few smaller Asian manufacturers such as Suzuki Motor Corp. and Mitsubishi Motors Corp.” This has not pleased the America-first crowd or the friends of the earth . . .

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