Tesla Motors says it’s delivered 500 Roadsters to date. Rather than keeping overheads low and consolidating its position in the EV sports car market, Tesla is busy expanding its dealer network and talking up the Model S. One wonders how Martin Eberhard, Tesla’s ousted founder feels about the company’s current direction. Probably pretty good; like Tesla CEO Elon Musk, Eberhard is one of those big picture guys. But there’s one thing for sure: there’s no love lost between Marty and Elon. In fact, Eberhard is suing Musk for defamation. Have a look at the the court filing pdf here. This is one of those original sources that’s actually well worth reading—if you’re a fan of ego wars. And who isn’t? Humor much? Oh yeah.

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Readers of a certain age will recognize the latter part of this headline as the “gag” title above a Boston Globe editorial about President Carter—that somehow made it into print. I evoke it here because ex-ChryCo CEO Bob Nardelli’s goodbye letter to his troops involves a different sort of gag response. While you’re invited to read the full text after the jump, here’s the short version: I didn’t fuck up. I mean, he. Nardelli. Bob the Un-Builder. The Home Depot despot. A man who drove not one but two large corporations into the dirt.

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Buick: Enclave, LaCrosse, Lucerne

Cadillac: CTS/CTS-V, CTS Sport Wagon, DTS/DTS Platinum, Escalade/ESV/EXT/Platinum, Escalade Hybrid/Platinum Hybrid, SRX, STS

Chevrolet Cars: Aveo Sedan/Aveo5, Camaro/Camaro SS, Cobalt/Cobalt SS, Corvette/Corvette Z06, Corvette Grand Sport, Corvette ZR1, Impala, Malibu

Chevrolet Trucks: Avalanche, Colorado, Equinox, Express, HHR/Panel/SS, Silverado 1500, Silverado HD, Silverado Hybrid, Suburban, Tahoe, Tahoe Hybrid, Traverse

GMC: Acadia, Canyon, Savana, Sierra 1500/Denali, Sierra HD, Sierra Hybrid, Terrain, Yukon & Yukon Denali/Yukon XL & Yukon XL Denali, Yukon Hybrid/Denali Hybrid

Pontiac: Vibe

NB: The Chevrolet Volt is currently scheduled for “late 2010” as a 2011 model year vehicle. [thanks to JT for the heads up.]

Not thrilled meaning, I suppose, that they’re not in favor of it. Using that definition, AutoPacific’s summation of their survey of 900 Americans is an example of English understatement. According to their poll, “Fifty-four percent of respondents believe that General Motors should have been allowed to fail, while 58% believe that Chrysler should have been allowed to fail.” Not too bad you say, the words “simple majority” springing to your lips. Anyway. It’s a done deal. Yes, well, “Eighty-one percent of the respondents agree that the faster the government gets out of the auto business, the better.” The government’s counter-argument? We agree with your agreement! Meanwhile, don’t worry: good things are going to happen! The voters aren’t quite so happy-clappy at the prospect . . .

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We’ve given you the heads-up on the federal government’s plans to favor domestic automakers with “stimulus sales.” And so it has come to pass. The U.S. General Services Administration (GSA) reports—eight days after the fact—that they’ve ordered 17,205 “fuel efficient vehicles” at a cost of $287 million. Breaking it down: Uncle Sam bought 2,933 Chryslers ($53 million); 7,924 Fords for ($129 million); and 6,348 General Motors vehicles ($105 million). Does it strike anyone as odd that FoMoCo gets the largest contract? Not-so-secret hat tip for NOT taking bailout bucks, while competing against those who have? Or just a reflection of the fact that the Crown Vic rules! Which reminds me: by NOT revealing the exact models ordered, one has to wonder about the depth of the GSA’s commitment to greening-up the fed’s fleet. On this point, the press release is suitably vague, and yet completely revealing . . .

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An anonymous reader sent us the before and after agreements sent to GM dealers by the post-bankruptcy corporate mothership. Here’s the controversial post-bankruptcy GM dealer agreement before the National Automobile Dealers Association intervention (and media condemnation). And here’s the controversial post-bankruptcy GM dealer agreement after they faced the dealer revolt. The differences between these two documents are not as profound as their similarities. As Casey Raskob (a.k.a. Speedlaw) points out in a comment below, “In short, Dealer agrees to let GM dictate cars purchased, the buildings they are sold in, and this deal is subject to change at the whim of GM. Now GM dealers know how we normal folks feel signing a car lease.” Make the jump to read the analysis provided by our sharp end tipster.

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As GM stares down the barrel of bankruptcy—oh wait, they’re already bankrupt. My bad. You see, I was reading Ed Welburn’s rant on GM’s FastLane blog. Eddy’s pissed-off at Gerald Sindell’s “Open Letter to GM CEO Fritz Henderson,” which says GM’s designs reek of “Older white guys wearing suits to the office in Detroit, except for one woman and one black guy.” As the one black guy in question, Welburn’s on the warpath. Hence my confusion. I mean, with GM in C11 and all, you think the head of design would have something better to do than accuse the media of race baiting—even if it is. Which it isn’t. To steal a line from another legendary zombie, can we talk?

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Thanks to my free market-based, anti-bailout stance, some of TTAC’s Best and Brightest view me as an autoblogospherical arch-conservative. Which often leads to comparisons to or, at least, invocations of Rush Limbaugh. This despite the fact that I’ve pointed out that the liberal’s largest (in all senses of the word) bogeyman has been sucking on GM’s adver-teat for years, artfully slipping references to “wonderful GM products” and “this great American company” into his rants. Until, that is, Ralph Nader filed a complaint with the FCC. At which point Rush continued to accept GM payola for his personal imprimatur, only with a disclaimer. During this “transition,” I’ve highlighted Limbaugh’s (and Hannity’s) resulting philosophical discomfort (i.e., hypocrisy) on the Motown meltdown. Blame it on unions, congress, anyone but the people signing their paychecks. OK, so, the Detroit News reports that el-Rushbo is now calling for a GM boycott. Ish.

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Bloomberg asked Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne whether Fiat would pull out of the Chrysler deal (money for nothing and your Fiats for free) if it’s not completed by the automaker’s June 15 deadline: “We would never walk away,” Marchionne said. “Never.”

General Motors is at war with itself. Thanks to a staggering though not unexpected lack of decisiveness, GM’s management has managed to completely alienate its major, public-facing “stakeholder:” GM dealers. Without the guys on the sharp end moving the metal, General Motors might as well declare bankruptcy and surrender the keys to the executive washroom to a 25-member federal quango led by Washington insiders with no manufacturing experience whatsoever. Oh wait. In fact, GM needs its dealers even more now that it’s a zombie than before, when it was also a zombie (but didn’t know it). And of all the items of GM CEO Fritz Henderson “to do” list, not throwing GM’s entire U.S. dealer network into chaos should have been somewhere near the top. I want to say something about a “race to the bottom,” but I’ll let you connect those dots.

ABT Sportsline press release: “For many years ago people used to wear their hair, even in Kempten, in styles which seem strange to us nowadays. ABT Sportsline, however, already knew how to properly “style” cars from the VW group 50 years ago. Since then the motto ‘cooler, faster, wider’ has lost none of its fascination.” None?

Don’t worry Detroit: you’re not being singled out for “special” federal supervision (perish the thought). The New York Times reports that Congress is taking control of the pay and compensation for all beneficiaries of federal largesse who’ve double-dipped into the taxpayer’s purse. “The Obama administration plans to require banks and corporations that have received two rounds of federal bailouts to submit any major executive pay changes for approval by a new federal official who will monitor compensation, according to two government officials.” A Pay Czar! Heads-up, bosses, meet the new boss of bosses: Kenneth Feinberg. You may remember Mr. Feinberg as the 9/11 victims’ compensating lawyer originally tipped to be Obama’s Car Czar—a job so big the Prez eventually gave it to Wall Street insider Steve Rattner and 24 of his closest friends. Anyway, there’s an important (if not exactly auto-oriented) dynamic in play here . . .

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Land Rover is still alive, still owned by India’s Tata Motors, still begging for money from the UK government and still building toweringly expensive SUVs that suck gas like The Detroit Lions, uh, suck. (Despite an endless, unpolluted stream of corporate green initiatives.) Gaydon’s latest top-‘o-the-line, go-anywhere land yacht: the Range Rover 5.0-liter Supercharged. Tata revealed the plutocrat’s rolling throne at the London Motorexpo this morning. US prices have yet to be announced, but Brits will pay £79,995 for the privilege of staying off the country’s green lanes (at the pain of death) and not daring to drive five miles per hour over the speed limit for fear of speed cameras on poles, gantry-mounted elapsed time speed cameras, camera vans and police holding speed cameras [not shown].

Boston.com reports that “The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe outsold every car in the United States in 2008 with more than 457,000 units delivered . . . The company has sold more than 10 million Coupes worldwide in the model’s 30-year run.” [Thanks to Dangerous Dave—not shown—for the link]