Does this sound strange to you: Chrysler proposes spending $224 million of your tax money (bailout bucks) to land another $244 million of your tax money (Department of Energy green bucks). They plan on using the money to develop and, yes, build electric vehicles. Volt Envi much? Hang on; is the DOE money a “grant” or a “loan”? I mean, in all this $100 billion bailout excitement, has everyone forgotten about the $25 billion Department of Energy retooling loans? Is this deal part of that deal or the billion dollar battery research thing? Anyway, Reuters doesn’t say from whence cometh this particular part of the feds’ attempt to fix Motown’s meltdown. But they do put quote marks around Chrysler’s “partners” (you and Fiat sitting in a tree?) and parrot the zombie automaker’s enviro-agitprop without question.

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No surprise there. GM needs its former in-house parts maker to survive, and Delphi is as dead as a doornail. After almost four years in bankruptcy, no one in their right mind would invest in Delphi. In other words, you’re up! Automotive News [sub] reports the glad tidings (without once threatening to connect the dots): GM is to re-absorb five Delphi plants. “General Motors has agreed to assume ownership of five Delphi Corp. plants in the United States and operate the UAW-manned factories as a wholly owned subsidiary, according to union highlights of the tentative new contract between GM and the UAW . . . Delphi spokesman Lindsey Williams said announcing the deal is premature. ‘Any agreement regarding Delphi assets is subject to approval by lenders who have loaned money to Delphi in bankruptcy as well as approval by the court,’ he said.” Premature in the sense that adding to GM’s bailout bill is not to the most politic of maneuvers. Premature in the sense that Delphi was due in court on Thursday to hash out its impending implosion. But true, nonetheless.

The Wall Street Journal reports the terms of the United Auto Workers (UAW) deal with the feds re: their payoff to join post-bankruptcy “good” GM. Uncle Sam will “contribute” $10 billion worth of stock to the union’s Voluntary Employee Beneficiary Association (VEBA) health care superfund, paying off half of GM’s unfunded obligations in one fell swoop. The Treasury Department will also give the UAW a $2.5 billion promissory note. GM (i.e., the federal government) will pay off the note in cash, in three installments (2013, 2015, and 2017). And just in case that’s not enough to entice the union to join “good” GM, the UAW will also receive 17.5 percent of the new post-C11 GM (no longer a controlling interest) AND stock warrants for an additional 2.5 percent of the reorganized company. The $6.5 billion in preferred stock includes a nine percent cash dividend—that will pay out $585 million annually. Saying that, this is all subject to a federal bankruptcy judge’s approval.

It’s pretty quiet today, news-wise. We’re picking-up dribs and drabs from here and there, but it’s the calm before the storm. The big news is, of course, GM’s forthcoming bankruptcy filing. As the Brits would say, it’s all over bar the shouting. Final confirmation arrives at midnight tonight, when the deadline expires for GM’s bondholders’ to swap $27 billion in debt for a 10 percent equity stake in a new GM.

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TTAC’s Best and Brightest spent some time this weekend examining the question of whether or not Chrysler and GM needed to terminate nearly 2000 dealers between them, both pro and con. We didn’t look at WHICH dealers got the axe, for two reasons. First, despite receiving nearasdammit $20 billion in taxpayer money (so far), GM has steadfastly refused to release a list of the 1100 dealers emailed their walking papers. The Huffington Post blog (of all people) has a partial tally, but GM ain’t gonna spill. Which, if you think about it, protects car dealers at the expense of taxpayers, who might not know they’re buying a car from a dead dealer trading. Bastardos! That said, when GM’s Marketing Maven, Mark LeNeve, announced the cull, he claimed that the business brains who made the cut based their decisions largely (if not exclusively) on volume. Chrysler, in contrast, produced a list of the dispossessed—and it’s all over the show. Urban, suburban, large, small, medium; the logic underpinning their choices is an enigma wrapped in a “Dear John” email. Or is it? The internets are abuzz with the tin foil hat-wearing theory that the cuts were made based on partisan politics. Check it out . . .

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The Hoosier State is trying to throw a monkey wrench into Chrysler/Fiat/Uncle Sam’s plan to create a born again American (ish) automaker. Indiana’s State Treasurer, Richard Mourdock, filed papers with judge Arthur Gonzalez, asking the federal bankruptcy court to appoint an examiner to, um, examine ChryCo’s books. Mourdock also wants Gonzalez to take ChryCo away from the Presidential Task Force on Autos (PTFOA) and hand it to an independent trustee. Mourdock claims to be protecting pension funds for his state’s retirees. Chrysler claims his actions would throw the company into liquidation, which would eliminate four thousand Indiana jobs and endanger the incomes of those self same nine thousand pensioners. So there, nuh. The chances of Indiana slowing down the PTFOA fast track strategy are roughly nil; Chrysler accounts for less than one percent of the state’s pensioner fund. So what gives? Make the jump for the real reason Indiana wants to make Chrysler’s life miserable . . .

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I’ll never forget my first ride in a BMW. I remember the excitement, anticipating a high speed run in an [echt] autobahn-tuned automobile. The driver never broke Nixon’s double nickel. In fact, he stayed in the right lane for the entire trip. Flash forward to two hours ago, G-forcing through the S-curves into Providence. In the middle of the second bend, a Nissan GT-R zipped by my minivan like it was standing still. Hakuna matata. What a wonderful phrase. Hakuna matata. Ain’t no passing craze. The GT-R driver was there. In the moment. In control. Safe?

Automotive News [AN, sub] reports that ex-GM CEO Rick Wagoner missed out on a $39.2 million payday. We already knew about Red Ink Rick’s as-yet-unpaid $22.1 million pension fund. (The Presidential Task Force on Autos (PTFOA) won’t sign the company killer’s pension check for fear of an epic bailout backlash.) We now learn that the GM Board of Directors—an august body so deep in Wagoner’s pocket it nearly suffocated in lint—could have “awarded” Wagoner an additional $17.1 million in severance pay. Bailout regulations put paid to that bonanza. Wagoner also saw the value of his stock plummet from $93.62 a share to nearasdammit niente. Are we feeling sorry for Rick? During the GM lifer’s 17-year tenure as a senior executive, he banked some $9 million via stock options. I’ve yet to read about Rick’s total salary to date (he’s currently earning a buck a year) or the perks he will continue to enjoy into his dotage. As the Brits would say, I’m sure Rick’s not short a bob or two.

This one make more sense than the Mitsubishi and Saturn hook-up floated last week. Automotive News [sub] reports that Roger Penske thinks it’s a good idea to import Korean-built Renault-Samsung Motors vehicles to sell through the Saturn dealer network. (Apparently, Roger’s been en France kicking the idea around with Renault – Nissan CEO Carlos Ghosn.) Remember: I said more sense. Not a lot of sense. The details that would make this deal seem sensible are . . . uh . . . sketchy. “It’s not known which vehicles would be sold by Saturn or whether they would be current Samsung offerings or new ones based on Renault engineering. Also unclear: the corporate relationship between Penske and Renault-Nissan.” In the deal’s favor, the move might return Saturn to its roots as the first-time car buyer’s first port-of-call. Against, plenty. But it does back-up what we’ve been saying for some time: Renault – Nissan is sniffing around GM’s remains, looking for a tasty snack. Saturn or . . . the whole company? Watch this space.

Automotive News reports that bailout binging, eleventh-hour-back-room-rule-change bank (and former captive financier) GMAC has one set of rules for Chrysler dealers, another for GM’s. “Chrysler dealers must make monthly payments totaling 10 percent of the original outstanding balance on new vehicles that have been sitting on the dealership lot at least a year. [Plus a $25 “surcharge” per year-or-older car.] By contrast, GM dealers make monthly payments totaling 10 percent of the original balance on new vehicles that have sat on dealership lots at least 18 months. [Plus a $15 “surcharge” per year-or-older car.] Hey! Not fair! “And GMAC will finance just 80 percent of the purchase price when Chrysler dealers buy used vehicles at auction, compared with 100 percent for GM dealers.” Double not fair! GMAC’s reasoning (or lack thereof) after the jump.

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Mr. Niedermeyer has crafted another “Curbside Classic” for your literary delectation and pistonhead perusal. I’ll publish the latest in his series tomorrow. Meanwhile, we’ve started our contest to “name that curbside classic.” This week’s booty: Mr. Herbert H. Blaha’s most estimable work Taschenwörterbuch der Kraftfahrzeugtechnik. That’s a German – English, English – German pocket dictionary of automotive engineering to you and me. [Also available from www.brandstetter-verlag.de.] So, first one to identify this week’s curbside classic gets the tome with which no transplanted Volkswagen technician (or owner, come to think of it) should be without.

Fiat, RHJ International and Magna have all submitted bids for GM’s European unit, Opel. In an interview published today [reported by The New York Times], German economy minister Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg reserved the right to reject all three suitors, sending Opel into bachelor’s bankruptcy. “We must first have a high degree of certainty that the significant tax money we will have to provide is not lost,” KTzG pronounced. Roger that. All three offers depend on German financial backing; without which NONE of them will go forward. After those glad tidings hit the net, KTzG went into damage control mode. Speaking to journalists in Berlin, Mr. Guttenberg’s spokesman “clarified” his position: “we want to avoid bankruptcy, but bankruptcy has to be an option. Apparently, an “orderly insolvency” would “not be the end of the company.” Who’s the oxymoron now?

[NB: ANPR = Automatic Number Plate Recognition]

God I love Google Translate. Where else can you generate Zen koans like the one above, allegedly attributable to Honda CEO Takeo Fukui? OK, it’s not actually a koan. But I sure would like to know what this “big mistake” is gonna be. Meanwhile, Bloomberg reports Fukui’s interview with Japan’s Yomiuri. Apparently, the Japanese carmaker’s going to hybridize everything they build, including our ’bro Asimo. I made that bit up, obviously. In truth, Honda’s  “considering” introducing gas-electric minivans, sports cars and luxury sedans. If they’re as good as the new Insight, we have two words of advice: don’t bother. Oh, and I think Bloomberg translated the aforementioned techno-statement a little more accurately: “Fukui said it’s a ‘huge mistake’ for merging carmakers to expect cost savings on research and development.” Or anything else for that matter. Not that Fiatsler or their patrons (that’s you!) are listening. Hang on . . . now that I think about it, Google’s translation is actually pretty accurate. Huh.