We’re on pins and needles here, waiting for part two, in which the beautiful Charlene (best pronounced Flight of The Concords style) enters into Gary’s office and emerges with a new car; I’m betting. Can you believe this thing had zero views when I found it? I’m also betting that will change. Sexist bastards.

The Detroit News reports that GM is delaying the launch of the Chevrolet Cruze. The nationalized automaker’s next big—I mean small thing will now hit U.S. showrooms in the third quarter of 2010. In theory. GM’s explanation for the delayed denouement: it wants to ensure “a flawless launch.” Given GM’s on-again, of-again product planning chaos, and their failure to get enough Buick LaCrosses on the ground, you’ve got to wonder why they would set themselves up for failure with talk of perfection. Oh right; the automotive media has the memory of a goldfish. Meanwhile, the company’s camp followers can take heart in New GM’s new determination to get things right—while those of us who’ve heard it all before sigh, shake our heads and say “Flawless. Yeah right.” No matter how you slice it, the Cruze’s failure to set sail by the advertising for-sale date isn’t news to gladden investors’ hearts. After all, the ur-Cruze (the Korean Lacetti) debuted on October 30, 2008. The EU-Cruze has been plying European roadways since February. The delay means the Cruze will not arrive before GM’s kinda maybe sorta I know we said we would but tempus fugit mid-2010 IPO. Between now and then, stand back! GM’s predicting a sales spurt!

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The Wall Street Journal rips the veil off of General Motor’s true identity, revealing Government Motors in all its ignominious glory [sic]. The piece lists numerous examples of political interference with the automaker’s business, each worse than the one before. “Democratic Sen. Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota persuaded GM to rescind a closure order for a large dealership in Bloomington, Minn. In Tucson, Arizona Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords did the same for Don Mackey, owner of a longstanding Cadillac dealership with 80 employees. Rep. Giffords argues it made sense, even for GM, to keep the Mackey dealership, which sold 750 cars last year. ‘All I did was to help get GM to focus on his case,’ she says.” So that’s alright then? In America, politicians own you! “Lawmakers say it’s their obligation to guard the government’s investments, ensure that bailed-out firms are working in the country’s interests and protect their constituents.” Swallow blood pressure meds, continue . . .

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It sure looks that way. The Detroit Free Press reports—without any commentary whatsoever—that six out of eight locals who’ve voted have rejected the deal. This despite the usual specter of United Auto Workers’ voter fraud/intimidation issue (contract votes are not subject to independent monitoring). To wit: “Details of tally not available” and “Number of represented workers not available” and “51% of workers who voted were for the deal” and “according to that unit’s Web site.” Not to mention this nugget from the main news story: “Not all UAW locals that have completed voting have divulged precise tallies, and UAW officials in Detroit have declined to provide details.” Anyway, it looks like the proposed contract with Ford is failing fast. So . . . now what? As we’ve said before, the usual M.O. is for the UAW to go back to the bargaining table, get the required headline change (no no strike clause) and return with the same basic deal as before. In these post-GM C11 days, a strike at Ford seems completely beyond the realm of possibility. But if push comes to shove, expect Ford—lauded as the non-bailout queen—to send more production outside the country. Which they have done and will do, anyway.

In yesterday’s housekeeping post, more than a few readers took TTAC to task for writing flame bait, and then expecting readers not to flame the site, its authors or fellow commentators. A commentator compared us to a seedy bar that expects its patrons to behave like ladies and gentlemen. Compliments on the metaphor, mate, but there’s a reason why TTAC has a ‘tude. It’s the same reason I started this site some nine years ago: the mainstream automotive press are, in the main, craven toadies living in the pocket of the industry that they cover. As a trained journalist, I can see it in the questions my colleagues don’t ask. The obsequious way they timidly point out slight flaws in vehicles, marketing or executives—-and the scurry back to the party line, hoping not to get swatted by the objects of their non-ire for daring to point out that not everything is sunshine and roses, really. With me or without me, this site’s raison d’etre: tell the the no-holds-barred truth about cars. If TTAC’s boisterous or (yes) bombastic in its editorial content, please, look what we’re up against. I present to you Automotive News publisher and editorial director Keith Crain’s revelatory masterpiece: “Whatever Happened to Ethical Behavior” [sub].

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The New York Times reports that the “troubled finance company” known as GMAC is hitting-up Uncle Sam for more, as-yet-unspecified billions. The Gray Lady tells us it’s not a question of “if”, it’s a question of how GMAC and the Treasury can sleaze the deal, so that taxpayers don’t end up owning the company. ‘Cause that would “reignite” the “debate” over the bailouts that have already been given. “GMAC and Treasury Department officials have been locked in negotiations over how to structure the third bailout as it approaches a crucial deadline in early November for shoring up its finances [as a $5.6 billion payment comes due]. The government has injected $12.5 billion into the company and already owns about a 35 percent stake from a broader restructuring of General Motors, its onetime parent.”

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The Ford Mustang is not only Autoblog’s meat and potatoes, it’s also America’s most modded machine. Turning the relatively demure ox-cart suspended pony car into a overwrought, overpowered death car is big business. As our Best and Brightest know, the Las Vegas SEMA show is the temple of VTEC—I mean, modded motors. This year, Ford is sponsoring the show and bringing the noise (or whatever the current colloquialism may be). They’ve sent the usual herd of free ‘Stangs to the tuners with the inevitable results. White wall tires are in again? Who knew? “SEMA is important to Ford,” said Brian Wolfe, director of Ford Racing. “It’s not only about making great cars, but for those enthusiasts who want to take their cars beyond what manufacturers build.” So does that mean that people who take their cars beyond what manufacturers build are not making great cars? Perish the thought.

Sometimes, I come across a quote that is, in or itself, perfect. Like this one from 11alive.com, re: the theft of seven Shriners parade cars.

What these burglars have done is really set the organization back in terms of our parades. Our next parade would have been the College Park Parade, in College Park. And without our cars, it’s just real difficult. So me and the other members of the Temple, we’re going to have to come up with a plan and see what we can do to try to put ourselves back in the parades…. The Temple has clowns. But if you didn’t have the mini-cars, I mean, to me, it’s not a parade.

Anyone with coulrophobia, a kind heart or both can send your donations to Nabbar Temple Motor Unit, 330 Auburn Ave., Atlanta, GA 30312. Meanwhile and in any case, click here for my favorite Shriners’ Mini car site.

It’s your classic case of schlechte/gute Nachrichten. Post-Chrysler Daimler is predicting positive earnings in the fourth financial quarter—before interest and tax. After that, after the federal money’s gone, things will go from worse to worserer. “Global demand for cars should fall this year by only around 10 percent thanks to state incentives . . . Negative effects on demand can be expected when the state support programs are phased out in the following years, particularly in the volume segments of more mature markets.” Reuters’ numbers tell the tale. Sales at Daimler’s high margin division, Mercedes-Benz Cars, fell by 15.7 percent in the first three quarters of the year to 825,600 vehicles. Remember: that’s compared with last year, which was no sales bonanza, Hoss. Without a buoyant Chinese market uh, buoying Mercedes, the numbers would be even bleakerer. Meanwhile, Automotive News reports that Honda has revised and tripled its profit forecast—and sounded the same alarm. “Honda, the world’s seventh-biggest carmaker, attributed the bulk of the revision to state-backed measures to stimulate sales and warned a real recovery in demand was still some time off.”

Will Ford go bankrupt? I doubt it. Not while the “bad” automakers that suckled on the federal teat go on and on and on and on. A FoMoCo C11 would expose the government’s Detroit bailout for what it was/is: unfair, ineffective, ill-conceived and unsustainable. Politically, Ford’s failure is not an option. If push comes to shove, Uncle Sam will send Ford more Department of Energy loans, some juicy subsidies and generous tax breaks; anything and everything up to and including cash money. This despite—I mean because of the fact that Ford is guilty of the same sin that sank GM and Chrysler: taking in less money than they spent. Political calculations aside, is it even possible that Dearborn’s darlings will be forced—forced I tell you—to prostrate themselves in front of federal taskmasters? Once again, to answer that question, feel the burn.

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Is anyone surprised that the lawyers who guided “old” GM into the dustbin of history scored $255,555 a day for 90 days? The $23 million price tag seems like small beer to me. According to The Detroit News, “AP Services, headed by Al Koch, who doubles as the chief restructuring officer of GM’s bankruptcy estate, had a team of 153 people working on GM’s bankruptcy case, and several charged $835 an hour in June.” Fair enough, you know, for a $50 billion-plus taxpayer “investment.” Besides, AP dropped their rates when the Justice Department bitched about them to a federal judge. Of course, the move wasn’t retroactive. But then, why would it be?

Remember the scene in Jaws when Quint is being eaten by a great white shark, where he kicks his legs at the beast’s head, trying to avoid its endless rows of razor-sharp teeth? I reckon Lincoln’s designers based the MKT’s snout on Bruce’s man-eating maw. Sure, there’s a touch of Hannibal Lecter’s mask to the […]

We now know that OnStar is a PITA if you’re doing a quarter mile in a 700hp+ Hennessey-tuned Cadillac CTS-V (a.k.a. V700). The service doesn’t know the difference between a performance run and an accident. Har har. Even so, this incident raises some questions about GM’s Big Brother division.
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