A mainstream carmaker has no business building niche products. Literally. For one thing, they’re hardly ever profitable. For another, even when they are, their profits are relatively insignificant. And most importantly, “halo cars” are four-wheeled glass and steel versions of Dumbo’s magic feather. They lead manufacturers to mistake cause with effect: if we build this, we must be good. In fact, any automaker that focuses its creative, financial and corporate resources on a halo car risks forgetting how to do what it did to get those resources in the first place– and an eventual plummet towards the circus floor. The Chevrolet Corvette may be only one of GM’s magic feathers, but it’s the most famous and, therefore, visible. GM should kill it, STAT.
Oh, for Christ’s sake. Seriously. I’m a good Jewish boy, but so was Jesus (his mother thought he was God, he went into his father’s business, etc.) and he left some sage advice for auto industry suppliers looking to suckle on Uncle Sam’s bounteous breasts. And no, I’m not talking about neither a borrower or a lender be (bombus terrestris). ‘Cause Shakespeare said that. I speak (spake?) here of “Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” In other words, just because General Messup and the Crisis Corporation scored $13.4 billion in federal no to low-interest loans (excluding DOE boondogglage) is no reason to ask for $18.5 billion for your troubles. Although Automotive News [sub] says, “The loans will help suppliers survive until production rebounds,” it behooves these suppliers to admit that it will be many a moon before any bounding becomes re. As JC said, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Every now and then the mainstream automotive press gets its inner TTAC on. Normally, those moments are reserved for vehicles that A) don’t advertise very heavily and B) don’t advertise very heavily. To be fair, the Nissan GT-R doesn’t advertise very heavily. So it’s fair game for USA Today carmudgeon James Healey. You may recall Healey’s previous work, in which the scribe often sounds like he’s holding a conversation with a PR flack– with Healey playing both critic and spinmeister. (Except when he actually quotes the manufacturer’s rep.) In this case, we get less prevarication, more kvetching.
But, c’mon, for a starting price of about $77,000, shouldn’t the power-window switches and the inside door handles be easy to reach? Shouldn’t the high-falutin’ dual-clutch transmission engage more gently than a whack in the back by a Caterpillar D9? Or the shift lever move toward the words “manual” and “automatic” to choose your mode instead of going one way only? Shouldn’t the outside door handles be easier to grab and yank?
Hey, Robert, since you’re posting stupid window stickers, here’s one from a Chrysler dearler near me barely on life support (aren’t they all). 3 months ago they had 42 Crossfires with this additional mark up sticker. There are still 39 there.
Why did Chief BMW Designer Chris “Flame Broiled” Bangle introduce this vehicle to the world? His successor, Adrian van Hooydonk, was responsible for its genesis (in the non-Hyundai sense of the word). At the unveiling, the outgoing design meister said Mr. Hooptie was in The Big Apple on Bimmer business. In any case, what a waste of time. (Not to mention money, as the industry is currently so awash in the stuff.) That said, it was nice to hear Mr. Bangle tell the assembled 3D-glasses wearing throngs that they looked “cute” in a 1950’s Life magazine cover photo sort of way. And I was intrigued to discover this four-door career coupe de grace offers more rear headroom than an X5. Will this, uh, thing ever make production? Do you care?
Paraphrasing, of course. Somehow I don’t think Thomas Donohue has been tapping into urbandictionary.com to burnish his street cred. Which is a shame, really. ’Cuz American slang is one of this country’s best, fully domestically-produced products and an extremely popular export. Unlike “domestic” automobiles which are, when you look at it, not so domestic after all, eh Mr. Bond? The Big 2.8’s foreign production and foreign-sourced parts are a DLS—but not to Uncle Tom. The Detroit News reports that the head of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce knows what’s what. “The domestic auto industry is not a domestic auto industry at all. If you went from bumper to bumper, you would find parts made from all over the world.” True dat. And Tommy’s crew is working furiously to make sure there aren’t any “buy American” provisions in the “stimulus package” (a terrific euphemism for . . . something). “We’ve got 30 lobbyists trying to keep an eye on that language,” Donny declaimed, assuring the Detroit Economic Club that he wasn’t fornicating Fido. Now, how are those guys going to Land it in the Hudson?
Surprised? Neither are we. From the moment Chrysler execs mooted a Nissan hook-up—a moment born of Congress-appeasing desperation—we heard rumblings that it wasn’t gonna happen dot autoextremist. Our sources in The Volunteer State volunteered the information that nothing was happening, Nissan-wise. Again, no surprise. If the Nissan will build us a competitive car (’cause we don’t have a fucking clue, mate) and we’ll sell ’em Rams to rebadge as Titans deal was going down, Chrysler wouldn’t have floated il madre of trial balloons known as the great FIAT giveaway. Still, as any good Catholic automaker knows, confirmation is a big moment in a bogus story’s life. Although they were happy to repeat the propaganda without question at the time, Reuters rocks!
Why wouldn’t the classic car market crash? Not only are the bonus boys getting bounced, but swanning around in multi-million dollar cars is just not done in these turbulent times. And even if it is, the temper of the times still calls for restraint re: purchasing four-wheeled frippery without which even the wealthiest amongst us can survive. The weird thing here is how long it’s taking the MSM and even the specialist press to acknowledge and declare the collapse of the collector-car market. It’s almost as if they’re in cahoots with the people promoting and selling the vehicles, along the lines of those real estate magazines whose articles are as thin as the “there’s never been a better time to buy” logic contained within. Reality checking is a tough job, but someone’s got to do it . . .
It’s insane. Chrysler and GM’s executives run their companies into the ground, shedding billions of dollars worth of shareholder value, destroying tens of thousands of jobs, sucking-up taxpayer funds, and the public gets all bent out of shape about a couple of jet flights. Still, point taken. And TTAC can now reveal that two Pentastar chartered jets (a former Chrysler subsidiary) took off from Oakland County International Airport on the morning of December 2, two days before the hearings wherein Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli appeared before Congress. (where all three Detroit auto execs made a big deal about driving to the hearing and arrived on the Hill in their company’s hybrid vehicles.) A Gulfstream G550 [aircraft pictured above], left at approximately 6 a.m. A Gulfstream IV [$5700 per hour], left at 8:45 a.m. Both planes flew to Teterboro Airport, NJ. Both planes were carrying Chrysler executives. We have reason to believe Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli was on board one of the planes.
Well good for them. As we said at the time, whenused responsibly, a private jet is an invaluable management tool. An executive lording it over a far-flung empire can use private transpo to gather otherwise unobtainable on-the-ground intelligence. (Body language is 65.7 percent of all human communication.) Not to mention instilling the fear of God by all-of-a-sudden showing-up amongst his or her minions. Of course, as far as we know, and they ain’t sayin’ nothin’ (surprise!), that justifiable jet set savvy doesn’t apply to Chrysler, Ford or GM.
Back to this morning’s wildly exaggerated rumors of GM’s resurrection, via today’s USA Today. After Wagoner has his Annie solo, Sharon Silke Carty (I ordered one of those for my wife for Valentine’s Day!) offers a prescription for GM’s Return to Greatness. The fact that the list doesn’t come from Wagoner is, perhaps, the most irrefutable evidence of the CEO’s incompetence ever not documented (if you know what I mean). Top of the list, in bold and all: More federal loans. Need I say any more? I thought not. But just for SAG: More customers. “‘We’re hearing that people are paying attention to us,’ says Mark LaNeve, GM’s head of North American sales and marketing. ‘It’s a great opportunity.'” Yup, it’s Marketing Mark up on that cross with Rick. Dealers hoping for salvation would be best advised to look elsewhere. To wit: this, under the helpful topic “More coastal support.”
You may recall Phil as one of our Best and Brightest, a forensic accounting gumshoe hot on the trail of who owns Chrysler. You know, the company that sucked-up $3b of your tax money, looking for $4b more. And the rest (DOE loans and whatnot). Well, Phil outed Franklin Templeton Investments as one of the firms holding Cerberus CNG Investor I – III paper. Phil and I wanted to know a few things about Franklin’s folly. Why did they list the funds under “Consumer Credit” in their annual report? What’s with the Cerberus’ bonds paying 12 percent by 2014? So Phil called Big Ben. And . . . nothing. Despite a promise to answer his questions. So Phil’s not a happy camper. Not at all.
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