I’ve been very lucky as of late. Last week I found a 1976 Cadillac Eldorado with only 33,000 original miles sulking in a friend’s garage. New battery. An oil change and the beauty flew like a wing of God. I still have goosebumps over that ride and for $4,000. Definitely worth the thought. Then I found a more contemporary 1988 Lincoln Town Car on the side of the road. Perhaps this would be the first opportunity to plan for the government’s impending debt-icide for this country? What do you say John Q government subsidizer? As a dealer, should I now plan to start accumulating these insatiable steel coffins of eternal debtnation?

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Even if I were a billionaire, I would still buy the store brands at the local supermarket. Names really mean nothing to me and the better deals always seem to be with the unproven or unpopular brands on the bottom shelves. Especially if they come with the right coupon as an incentive. When it comes to cars, I generally have the same attitude. Yes, there are brands that I personally disfavor on the low side (Daewoo-based Suzukis) and on the high side (BMW) as ‘keeper’ cars. But in between I’ve found a lot of great cars that simply carry the wrong name on their hood. And the loser – winners are . . .

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What was the best selling import SUV ten years ago? 4Runner? Passport? Daihatsu Rocky? It’s really a trick question because the vehicle in question was actually made in Indiana. Nope, not a Subaru Forester. It was the last successful GM import model, the Isuzu Rodeo. For most of the 1990s, Isuzu was indeed the star player in the import SUV segment. The Rodeo was their big one hit wonder. So big that Honda decided to trade badges and give Isuzu a minivan (Oasis) in exchange for the Rodeo’s street cred. On the flip side, their other SUV was the Trooper: a tall and awkward SUV on stilts that somehow managed to become . . well . . .

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Let’s assume you do about 5000 miles of commuting a year. It’s a typical miserable commute. But the job is great and come hell or deficit spending, you’ll be there as long as you like. While daydreaming about those glorious TPS reports you get to write every day, there’s a knock on your door. The fellow down the street who you’ve known since Clinton was enjoying his office has an offer you. “If you pay me $20 a week to help me with gas, I’ll drop you off at work and pick you up every day until 2020.” Your friend also offers you his car for those times when he’s on vacation, and should he move, die, or become another OJ, you get his car free and clear. The spouse overhears the conversation and exclaims, “This is great! We can sell the car and become a one car family!” You don’t care because like most employees of Dunder Mifflin, cars mean nothing but transportation to you. Your life revolves around the office. Here’s the question:

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Enthusiasts consider this idea every once in a blue moon. “If you could have just one car for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Last-gen BMW M5? Porsche 911? Corvette? Pontiac G8? Lotus Elise (just kidding). But how about folks who don’t care about cars? What should they get? The Camrolla and Civords would likely be at the top of the lists for the frugal and apathetic. But maybe a Grand Marquis or Crown Vic Interceptor would do fine. Then you have pre-Daimler Jeep Cherokees, RWD Volvo wagons, Subarus of certain stripes, and old Benzes that may now require German translations and Indian parts. The 10+ year old used car world has several winners for the tightwad crowd. But what about new and late model cars?

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I bought my first hybrid back in 2006. An ’01 Prius that was an absolute dealer queen. Oil changes every 3k. Every recommended service by Toyota performed. A brand new battery. New factory-spec tires from the dealer. It was a complete freak of nature amplified by the fact that I bought it at a time when I was the only dealer in the auction lane. The cost including the auction fee was $6650. It never left the auction. I took 24 pictures. Wrote a glorious soliloquy on eBay, and sold it to a guy from Alabama for $8800. That sale represents the only profit I’ve ever regretted.

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Not “a” Saturn. “The” Saturn car company. Yes, that’s right: ladies and gentlemen, Saturn has just left GM’s building. Bloomberg reports that the feel good GM division that had once seemingly overcome GM-itis, only to be sucked in by the Borg of GM’s divisional infighting, has finally achieved independence. The Penske Automotive Group has offered a bid in the low nine’s ($100 to $200 million) for a company that has gone through well over ten billion dollars and not a penny of profit. Was it all GM’s fault? Is the Saturn “no haggle”-friendly dealer formula still a winner in today’s heavily discounted world? There’s no telling. But there is a twist. Apparently the cars that may be used for this “different kind of company” will be Renault based and built . . . in South Korea. Who wants to bet that the PRC will also be in Saturn’s orbit within the next few years? Any takers?

I was 23. White upper-middle class suburban punk. A year back I had been majoring in toxicology and pharmacology at Emory. Hell, I figured I had only so much time to enjoy, and I was right. A year later, I found myself helping take public a company that would be inevitably intertwined with the 9/11 bombings. The COO used to say that if the applicant passed the mirror test they would hire them. The job? Aviation security. Which reminds me of how things are shaping up for Volvo at the moment.

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I’m sick and tired of all the GM crap. Four brands will die. Boo friggin’ hoo. Nobody seems to mention that virtually all the cars are either cannibalistic shitboxes or uncompetitive black holes. I won’t miss them. In fact, I wish GM would take a whole lot of other brands with them to the pit of liquidation. For starters . . .

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What do you get for leaving Toyota and kneeling to Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli? How does a townhouse in NYC at 178 East 64th Street sound to you? The New York Observer (“Nothing Sacred But The Truth”) reports that Jim Press decided to splurge on a $13.5 million four bedroom house in the Big Apple during his first month with the little C. The fringe benefit came complete with, “a grand marble foyer, an oak-floored living room with an antique wood-burning French fireplace, a full-floor master bedroom suite, a den with a wet bar and humidor, plus a finished basement with a gym and a 1,000-bottle, temperature-controlled wine cellar.” However now with the bankruptcy in full swing, Jimmy wants to unload his load. To the tune of $15.7 million. Oh wait! it’s NO LONGER FOR SALE. Sold! At 14,995,000! If only Press could have helped Chrysler make that kind of money.

My wife and I are among the few remaining newspaper readers. She peruses the ‘Living’ section, scouring every square inch for coupons. I just look for deals on motor oil. Sometimes my eyes will wander around to cheap tires or the latest headlight cleaning shtick. I despise cheap tires and God knows cleaning Chrysler headlights is far from my list of to-do’s these days. But finding a great deal? That’s what I live for. At least when it comes to eliminating any future purchases. For those of you seeking the frugal nirvana I have two words for ya. Forget retail.

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I was sitting around with the COO of one of Atlanta’s largest dealer networks. They now have nine different dealerships. Most of which have historically catered to the upscale and affluent. That is until now. For the first four months of this year, 60 percent of their retail sales profits came from vehicles that sold for $4500 or less. New car. Used car. CPO. Everything. That completely floored me. Then he asked the very same question I’ve heard at least fifty times this year, “How many new cars would it take for us to make as much as we get from these sleds?”

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Every day I see a wall. On the outside are tens of millions of consumers who lack the commitment, integrity and responsibility to keep their word. Debt, crime, and fraud are their elixirs and it’s literally destroying this country. It fills the lots and keeps the auctions busy for hours. Then I see the other side of that wall. Hundreds of millions trying to get ahead and do the right thing in their lives. They are my buyers, the lane clerks, the ringmen, the consigners, and all the people outside the auction who choose a better path. Everyone thinks that the auctions are a cut-throat place where only the knowledgeable and careful survive . . . and they’re right.

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I always wanted to control the Big Three. Not the once-mighty Detroit automakers but the three biggest personal expenses: house, car, and food. Thankfully, I got lucky with the house. Cars are my living. And food? My wife is an awe inspiring Zen master; I’m still working on spaghetti. But over the course of time our priorities have changed. Health care crept up. Then education. Now it’s saving for the volatile road of the near future. The world has changed, more folks are embracing frugality, and the world of cars reflects this seismic shock.

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10 years, 6 months, and 1 lifetime ago, I bought my first car at auction. It was a base 1986 Honda Civic hatchback. One owner. 166k miles and power nothing. Not even close. It did have A/C and a radio (thank God!). But it was little more than basic A to B, which was fine because I was in school at the time. I bought it for $525 at a public auction, which came to $630 including taxes and auction fees. It was a beautiful buy at a point in my life when I literally needed to save every nickel in my pocket. So what did I end up doing?

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