This year is going to be a devastatingly bad one for car valuations. If you’re a keeper, this is great news. New and near-new cars are going to continue with their proverbial freefall. You will more than likely be able to get a good vehicle with 80 percent of its useful life for 40 percent of the price (two to four year old vehicle). The frugalists amongst the keeper crowd will likely do even better than that. A well-engineered seven- to nine-year-old vehicle may truly be the best sweet spot in the market right now. With some diligence, you can find a conservatively driven car with 50 percent of its life (90k to 120k miles) for a mere 20 percent of its new car price. But what will be the absolute best deals? Read on . . .

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I hate the word fetish. It beckons the thoughts of neurotic foot lickers and perverts the world over. I always believed the word “aficionado” was more apt for my liking of old Volvos. It’s true that a lot of normal folks idolize the Porsches and Ferarris that embody the “speed” of the automotive experience. Some of us love the luxuruies of Rolls Royces and Bentleys . . . hell some idolize the Toyonda clones for their high quality and simplicity. In times past I’ve been ‘all’ there. I love the contributions all these manufacturers have given to our culture and our garages.  But these days, I really appreciate longevity . . . and frugality . . . and functionality . . . which is why I absolutely love old Volvos.

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I used to travel over 40,000 miles a year . . . and enjoyed it. No offices. No cubicles. Only me and the radio on the way to auctions in three different states. Heck, I didn’t even have a cell phone at the time. So long as I showed up at the auctions thirty minutes before the start nobody really cared. I read books. Wrote articles. Saw the rural south, and probably met about 2,000 people in my travels. But these days my priorities have changed . . . I hate losing all this time. And I’m not the only one.

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I used to fly in to do an old auction out in Baltimore. It was a strange place reeking in decrepitude and there were a lot of weird things out there. A 130,000 mile Saab 9000 with no registered owner, ever. A couple of Peugeot 505s with huge attached bumpers that were used to push non-running junk through the block (apologies to Paul Niedermeyer). Oh, and about 300 Daewoos rotting away in no man’s land.

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The Honda Accord [shown] had at least seven things wrong with it. The non-primed hood was the color of pure rust because, well, it was. The tranny would need at least a computer and probably a vehicle speed sensor as well. Damn. Those few things alone were going to cost as much as a junkyard transmission. The trunk hinges were bent. The driver’s window regulator was bad. The chrome windshield trim was missing and shade tree glue was all over the place. The radio was kaput, and the tires were as worn out as an old broom. A $250 trade-in with at least $1000 in repairs . . . would it be worth it to fix?

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Welcome, folks! This evening we have two lightweights vying for the price crown of an adoring public auction crowd here in Red Top, Georgia. In the domestic corner weighing in at 2,363 pounds, from General Motors, please give a thunderous round of applause to the 2007 Chevrolet Aveo 5 Special Value Hatchback. For this prize fight the Aveo has been equipped with the absolute basics. 5-speed, no A/C, power nothing . . . but . . . it does come equipped with a really nice CD player and a rather attractive silver exterior trim free of dings and dents. 40,000 miles. Her opponent?

From Honda of Japan, weighing in at 2178 pounds, give a nice warm welcome to a pristine 1992 Honda Civic VX with 152,000 miles. No rips or tears. Beautiful exterior graphic design. Cold air, Honda factory tape player, and aluminum wheels small enough to fit on a scooter. So which one sold for more . . . and how much? Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Make your bets (guesses) now.

GM is still trying to bean count their way out of this mess. But, thankfully, they’re using better quality beans. The powers that be (or were in this case) have designed a new program that affords customers the opportunity to once again become conspicuous consumers of GM products. Two of these items are old hat. The 5-year/100,000-mile warranty is now, get this, a 5-year/100,000-mile warranty. Did we mention GM has a rather large PR department? You also can get one year of OnStar which, again, isn’t newsworthy. But there are a couple of interesting additions designed to minimize the “fear factor” of making a dumb car buying decision.

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I always tell people that their footwear will have a greater impact on their life than the car they drive . . . and they laugh. Then they start to think about it. All that money that goes into purchasing, financing, repairing, and insuring a car can be used for so many better purposes (for a non-enthusiast). College. Vacations. Cheap wine. You name it. The list is endless and the knowledge to achieve those ends is definitely out there. But how can it “really” be done? How can the laymen amongst us overcome the stacked deck of MBAs and conspicuous consumption that is seemingly “the American way” when it comes to cars and so many other things?

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A car can be an incredibly expensive, sophisticated, intricate, and downright scary thing to own. Changing oil? Are you nuts? Heck, before I got my license I couldn’t even tell you the difference between a Capri and a Caprice. There were far too many other things going on in my life that were far more important. College for one. Girls (or in my case, girl) for another. Money . . . well, unfortunately not so much. That’s why I now tend to be very forgiving when it comes to teaching others about cars. Speaking of which . . .

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I hate trash. Unfortunately we live in a society that is waist deep in it, thanks to “planned obsolescence” and the unfathomable cost cuttings of the day. Case in point? Well, a ten-year-old Ford Taurus [pictured here] recently went through a Carmax auction. I bought it for $200 and, yes, it actually runs quite well despite the elephant man front end. The engine has been given regular changes over it’s 109k miles. The transmission shifts smoothly enough (for now) thanks to its recent replacement. And the interior isn’t in bad shape at all. So why did the owner decide to get rid of it and later sell at auction for so little? Read on.

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Orlando is the unpopular car capital of the world. You name the dying models and brands. The City the Mouse Built has them in abundance. As I was counting the Mitsubishis and Chryslers on my way to a Disney Cruise, my mind began to wander and wonder. What if we avoided all these wasted resources? Surely there must be a few kindly politicians out there who can appreciate the more fiscally conservative amongst us. Somebody? Anybody? Bueller?

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A reader writes:

“Would you have any idea on the auction value of a low mileage 2007-2009 Toyota Tundra CrewMax Limited 4×4 5.7? I have been looking to upgrade from my current 2005 Tundra to one of the new ones but hate all of the new car dealer shenanigans. Thanks so much for your time and response. I really appreciate it.”

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Ugly ain’t it? This Dodge truck looks like it got into a fight . . . and lost. Three front body panels need to be replaced, stat. The ladder rack is as big and surface rusted as a 1970s beater, and the truck has more nicks and scratches than Boy George’s last escort. This would be the type of vehicle most folks would run away from and be ashamed to have on their driveway. Screw ’em. I got a helluva deal.

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