If there’s a poster car for wholesale heaven, the Mercury Milan is it. No surprise in my neck of the woods. The oft-forgotten sibling of the Ford Fusion is flogged by a dealer network dwarfed by Ford’s name brand Goliaths. More to the point, around Atlanta, it seems like Lincoln/Mercury dealers are either closing shop, changing brands or giving-in to the white flag of consolidation. I saw over 50 Milans today. Only 10 sold. The number of Lincoln Mercury dealers buying? Zero. The Toyota Prius, on the other hand, is on fire. I saw a low-end 2004 model go for $15,800. When you incorporate the auction’s fee, that equates to a $2500 premium over a similar Prius on Ebay’s completed items section. Near-new Priora are following suit. Low-mileage 2008 examples were only going for around $21k a few weeks back. Many of them are now selling in the $23k to $25k range. When the Prius factory comes on-stream in ‘Ole Miss, prices should ease. But will they? A rising tide may lift all boats, but the Volt begins life seriously outgunned.

Despite all the hush-hush talk of Russian oligarchs and Indian auto magnates, the tree-hugger (and GM’s) four-wheeled nemesis is still on the block, unloved and unsold. Yes, The General’s finally dropped the pretense that their HUMMER brand is under “strategic review.” With the American automaker scrimping for lost change (and borrowing billions from Uncle Sam), GM Treasurer Walter Borst is touring the globe with his cart and pony show, now with a “Make Me An Offer on Our French Factory” slide. According to the AP, who bought a “I Went to the Deutsche Bank Leveraged Finance Conference and All I Got Was a Lousy GM Brand” T-shirt, “The slides posted on GM’s [investor] Web site Wednesday say the assets under review are worth $2 billion to $4 billion.” With high labor costs in Old Europe and rampant overcapacity everywhere, it would be wildly optimistic to think that the Strasbourg plant would get even a quarter of that amount. As for HUMMER, could there be a worse time to sell the brand? The really scary answer: yes. Meanwhile, GM’s determination to slice its way to profitability– or at least survival– continues unabated. The Detroit News reports that GM plans to “accelerate” its $10b cost-cutting program. Product development– save the federally funded and subsidized Chevy Volt and Cruze– is sure to take a hit. Look for more badge engineering at a dealer near you.

For 33 years Jane Hoyt has been driving her baby blue 1975 VW Beetle. Is it love? Madness? A '70's thing? When I asked her about the appeal of her longtime automotive companion, it was none of the above. "It's a story of inertia. Really, it's a metaphor for my life. I always stay too long at the fair." That last word struck me as kinda funny. If a car ownership is a metaphorical "fair," can you get a lifetime of kicks from a four-wheeled Ferris Wheel? 

Once a car salesman "data captures" you, the calls never stop. Some are rude. Some are sweet. All are pushy. The salesman's goal: get the sale. Meet the quota (placate the Alpha Dog). Pay the bills (placate the Ex). In America's cratered new car market, the chances of a car salesman making his nut are only slightly less than that of the squirrel in Ice Age. Has this stopped dealers from getting up to their old tricks? Hell no. If anything, they're abusing their customers MORE. Still, if you know how to handle the heat, this is The Mother of All Buyer's Markets. Here's how to work the system…

All across the nation, SUV Sally's and Sam's are cussing at the pumps. They're watching the readout with mounting horror: $80, $100, $120+ per fill up. The automotive source of this pain of portly plenitude is has become the pink elephant of the American lifestyle. And it's true: SUVs suck. Not just gas. Depreciation, insurance and street cred. And so, the "Livin' Large" folks of the Oil War Era are giving up their SUVs en masse. Which brings us to a simple question. Should you?

$11,800. That’s the price for a 2008 Chrysler PT Cruiser down at my local Chrysler dealer. Throw in the “Refuel America” $2.99 per gallon guarantee into the equation and you end-up with a pre-tax, tag, title price right around $10,200. Not bad. Not bad at all. Then again, is it? There are a lot of factors to consider when approaching any of the bargain basement cars currently on offer during this, Detroit’s [most recent] dark days. Join me as we journey down the PT-shaped rabbit hole…

Kia is one of the only car brands sold in America that's never built an enthusiast's car. Sensible Swedish Saab offered the 900. Before their core clientele started losing their pulse, Buick ran the Grand National. Saturn looked to the Sky for salvation. GMC got caught up in a Typhoon. Even Hyundai has the Tiburon circling its enthusiast oriented customers. Kia? Nothing but cheap. Or… maybe not. "Being practical doesn't mean you have to take the joy out of life," their web copy proclaims. "That's the thinking behind the Rio. It's affordable and likes a good time as much as you do." What exactly does THAT mean?

Last year, I scored over $400 worth of auto supplies. All it cost me was sales tax, a few stamps and about thirty minutes of my time. It was a lot of good stuff too: 24 quarts of synthetic motor oil, six gallons of coolant and a seemingly endless amount of top quality car waxes and detail products. Heck, I was even able to get three different tool sets and free wipes once all my maintenance work was done! Unfortunately, for a frugal enthusiast like me, that was then and this is now.

My next door neighbor is one of those classic 'car traders.' He buys, fixes, drives, fixes, drives, fixes, etc. When the repairs finally get to be too much time and hassle, he sells the car. I've seen a lot of nameplates come and go through his driveway. Hondas and Nissans stay for a while. Saabs require constant weekend tinkering. And Volkswagens need more plastics than a Barbie factory. Only one brand has stuck around, for nearly a decade now: his family Volvo wagon. And therein lies the tale.

Scrap metal. The phrase may not mean much to you, a pistonhead who takes pride in his ride. But scrap is one of the most lucrative industries in the car business today. That old junk car in the neighbor's yard that would have been lucky to get $50 seven years ago is now going for over $200– on the steel content alone. When you throw in the recyclable platinum, aluminum, copper and lead into the mix, the revenue on an average junker is anywhere from $350 to $600 per vehicle. This inflation has implications for both the average Joe and the entire American automobile industry.

The Buick Roadmaster Estate Wagon was God's gift to Perry Como fans, the last of the great all-American trucksters. It was also my gift to the family for last year's Christmas road trip. I figured I’d nix my penchant for narrow European wagons to forestall the cantankerous habits of our two darling creatures. They needed space. We needed space… and boy, did this car have space!

Four vehicles. That’s all you’ll find on Mercury's web site. If you’re as “lucky” as I am, Mercury will respond to your browsing by asking if you want to spend five minutes on a questionnaire. Say what? Asking for five minutes of your customer's time before you even show them your products? That isn’t the smartest thing to do to a spam-weary public. Then again, once you click on the word "No" and return to the actual products, you begin to realize that the entire Mercury product line represents the brand’s not-so-smart existence.

From candy corn to Lincoln Continentals, Craigslist is the ultimate Turkish bazaar. It's an almost universally accessible free market for millions of folks who once paid (and paid) for the ‘privilege’ of selling their stuff. From a pistonhead perspective, Craigslist seems to be a great place to buy and sell automobiles. Even a brief scan shows that the site offers a vehicle for every type of appliance seeker, enthusiast and hobbyist. I’ve been using Craigslist as my site du jour for nearly three years. During that time, I’ve sold more than a hundred vehicles through the service. But I'm a pro, and I’m here to warn you that there's a dark side to the deal.

“Wooden Shoe Rather Be Dutch?” Sigh. Bumper sticker humor aside, the Subaru Legacy had 140k miles on the clock and a well-maintained powertrain (records in the glovebox). The hardback book about Abraham Lincoln under the driver’s seat gave me hope that the owner was equally conservative with his driving. After a bit of tire kicking, I slowly concluded that the old girl had plenty of life left. Fortunately, the kicked-in driver’s door and smelly interior made the other dealers turn-up their nose when the Subie went across the block. For $500, the Legacy became mine… all mine. BWAHAHAHHA!!!!

“Is that yours?” Millions of car buyers spend billions of dollars hoping that this statement will be born of admiration rather than pity. When these words come out of a car dealer’s mouth at trade-in time, they can be especially hurtful– even if the salesman is as honest as their spiel is long. That’s the moment when most car buyers finally discover whether or not their automotive “investment” has walked off a cliff and fallen into the financial abyss known as depreciation. Here’s how to avoid the freefall…