Maserati doesn’t want me and they don’t care if I know it. So says Maserati President of North America, Jim Selwa. Not even the “mass affluent” who have to purchase their cars on credit interest them. The makers of the fanciest of all Fiat’s is “focusing on the super wealthy, the top half of one percent who control all of the world’s wealth.” Despite recent economic woes that the rest of us are feeling, the super rich are still spending. In fact, it’s been a good year for Maserati. In fact, it’s been a good decade, with worldwide sales up 700% since 1997. Apparently, I have a better chance with one of Maserati’s models than I ever have of stumbling into Maser’s target demographic.  In other words, I have no chance at all.

Click here for another TTAC picture of Maserati's curb appeal

I’m not big on ceremony. Throw in a couple of blowhard politicians, a bevy of self-congratulatory industry execs and a swarm of self-important journalist jackals; and meetings like the 12th Annual International Car of the Year Awards are like kryptonite to my modest superpowers. The invitation from the friendly folks at Road and Travel Magazine read, “Regrets not Required.” In my case, regret was inevitable. Still, I donned a monkey suit and took one for the team with as much enthusiasm as I approached my first doctor’s visit after my fortieth birthday. Fortunately my doctor was quick and his gentle finger was warm, so that experience was not as bad as I had grimly anticipated. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the green-themed ICOTY award pageant.

Heavy frost blanketed Broken Bow Lake, Oklahoma, where my sons and I bade farewell to 2007. Thirty hearty souls braved the sub-freezing night for a fly fishing adventure. Predawn light revealed our trucks standing sentinel over the smoldering remains of the previous night’s campfires. Through my billowing breath, I examined ice crystals forming a thousand little shrines on the SUVs’ sheet metal. A thought occurred to me: everyone that made the journey to our pine needle-carpeted glade did so in a heavy bodied American SUV or pickup. In that early morning chill I wondered, is the Kia Sorento ready to join the club?

Pistonheads had a chuckle last week when we read that F1 legend Michael Schumacher took the helm of his cab so that he and his family wouldn’t miss their flight home. The retired racer dashed 30 kilometers to the aerodrome in Coburg mit wife and kids in a nine-seat Opel minivan. The exotically named cabbie involved, one Truncer Yilmaz, reported that the journey went pretty much as you'd expect. “He drove at full throttle around the corners and over-took in some unbelievable places.” Cool, eh? According to AFP, the Bavaria police aren't amused; they've begun an official inquest into Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. “That was an offense against the Personnel Transport Act,” the Coburg traffic authority told German tabloid, Bild. “We will have a hearing with the taxi driver to resolve the matter.” (Jackboots at dawn?) Meanwhile, Herr Yilmaz is looking to cash in on his passenger's infamous exploits. In addition to receiving a €100 tip, Yilmaz has put his“Schumi taxi” up for sale.  So far, he claims he has at least ten interested buyers, with one bid in excess of €63k. “I need the money,” the cabbie explained.  “Because of the Schumi-Ride I could be in big trouble with the police.” Stimmt?

Like a lemming following Jeep off a cliff, Land Rover is looking to expand its image eroding soft-roader lineup. In a thinly-veiled effort to generate buzz prior to an official announcement, the legendary British automaker leaked photos of the Land Rover LRX concept to Auto Motor und Sport and other European automobile sites. Billed as a crossover coupe, the exterior’s cutting Edge design (geddit?) attempts to put a modern face on an historic marque. Unfortunately, the look is about as consistent with Land Rover’s off-road mystique as Jeep's Patriot games are for that storied off-road marque. But on the positive side, a real world LRX would help lower the brand's egregious not to say potentially fatal fleet fuel economy averages. And it's nice to see a parting shot ahead Ford's corporate defenestration. And the seats are swathed in the same sumptuous leather that blesses my favorite reading chair. Ummmmm, chocolate.

In the movie “Out of Africa,” Denys Finch-Hatton’s 1923 International Harvester stalls on an open savannah amidst a herd of seriously cranky water buffalo. After a few nervous minutes tinkering with the engine, Denys tells Karen Blixen (Meryl Streep) to manually crank the engine. It explodes to life, and they continue their illicit journey into cinematic history. Substitute a Canon DSLR for Blixen’s .416 Rigby, and in my mind, I’m there. As for the Harvester… what about an all-new 2008 Toyota Land Cruiser?

Autumn in Texas plays host to a weekly cultural phenomenon known as high school football. Burgeoning grid iron gods burst on to the field of play from inflatable tunnels through mists of smoke and a phalanx of sparkly drill team coeds. A 300-student marching band plays the school fight song while two dozen cheerleaders power tumble across the field to herald the arrival of the young jocks. The stadium fills with ten thousand spectators-– mostly proud parents and rabid students-– who arrived to the game in typical Texas fashion: by truck. It is under the glare of these Friday night lights that I examine the value of GM's new hybrid SUVs.

Lexus has gone green. That’s right. The Japanese luxury automaker’s website encourages actual and potential customers to explore eco-design and hybrid living. Meditative Asian music and beautiful nature photographs accompany the explanation: “Hybrid Living explores new ideas of how we can experience our lives in such a way that minimizes our impact on earth without sacrificing comfort and luxury.” Kinda makes me want to fire-up an incense stick, slip on some sandals and go for a slow Sunday afternoon drive in an ecologically-tuned Lexus. But my inner cynic won’t let me enjoy the ride. Despite Lexus’ posturing, the two-and-a-half ton LS600hL doesn’t run on herbal tea and happy thoughts.

I’ve spent countless hours rolling down serpentine highways through the deserts and mountains of the West’s big sky country. Hundreds of times my knuckles have whitened, pupils dilated and pulse quickened as I got up my gumption to pass a velocity-challenged vehicle. In my younger years, this TED (Time Exposed to Danger) was delivered courtesy of a wheezing four-banger struggling to crank out double-digit horse power. This week I put Mazda’s modern incarnation of the family hauler, the CX-9 Grand Touring AWD, to the test. Yup, it’s déjà vu all over again.

Buyers of the first generation KJ Liberty fell into two camps: those who appreciated the trucklet for its off-road, severe weather and towing capabilities; and those who thought it was adorable. Let’s face it: the oh-isn’t-it-darling? brigade made the Liberty a star; they drew it to their collective bosom like a Hollywood starlet clutching the only real friend she ever had (a Chihuahua). The Liberty became one of America’s hottest selling mini-SUVs. As fashion dictates, those days are gone. Upon the redesigned Liberty, dubbed the KK, Chrysler’s cute ute comeback hopes reside. But this time its neither fish nor foul.

Bad branding was one of the prominent themes of TTAC’s 2006 Ten Worst Automobiles Today (TWAT) awards. No fewer than four vehicles on the list were derided for their corrosive effect on their brand. Ahead of our ’07 rundown (so to speak), RF has thrown a spear at Lexus’ decision to launch a performance-oriented F-Series sub-brand. The publisher claims a hot shit Lexus derivative is bad branding on wheels. So will a Lexus’ F-Series eventually find a place in TTAC’s Hall of Shame, or is it simply a case of line extension done right? 

The House that Henry Built was close to ruin when Junior Bill fell on his sword to bounce Boeing’s best to The Blue Oval. One year later, BusinessWeek (BW) gives FoMoCo CEO Alan Mulally an A-. And yet the reaper’s blade still hangs over Dearborn. And Mulally still toils to prove that his first year’s effort was worth $133.55 per minute (based on a 60 hour work week). Meanwhile, surveying the lay of the land post-Mulally, we reckon BW’s senior correspondent had more than sweetened tumbâk in his hookah when he penned this report card.

I test drove Nissan’s 2008 Altima Coupe 2.5 S on a sunny summer morning in Denton. Keen to clock the whip’s curb appeal, I stunted and flossed around the University of North Texas campus, stopping to pose (the car) in front of the school’s giant beetle larva-inspired fine arts auditorium. Blurry-eyed students of the Fast and the Furious generation yawned as they made their way to classes. And yet the Altima Coupe’s flying off dealer lots. Does that mean this car’s sex appeal is designed for people who like to wear sensible shoes? Uh-huh. 

Cell phones cooler than cars? No way! Way. CNW Marketing Research recently reported that thirty-two percent of today’s 16 to 29-year-olds view Apple’s new cell phone as the hot ticket to campus stardom. Only twenty percent made the same claim for a car. In fact, the survey found that any kid fortunate enough to lift an iPhone to his or her ear was guaranteed a seventy percent popularity rating. If we accept that the iPhone is the King of cool, what does Apple know that has the U.S. automobile industry doesn’t, that allows a nerdy little electronic device to trump the [formerly] ultimate symbol of adult independence?

Do ya have a hankerin’ for a cheap small car that can’t be satisfied by an offering from Korea, Japan, Europe or the good ‘ole US of A? Me neither. But Chrysler’s CEO thinks you– or someone– does. On July Fourth (no less), Tom LaSorda finally inked a deal with China’s Chery Automobile Company. As early as 2009, Chrysler could be offering Dodge-branded, Chery-manufactured subcompacts in the US and Europe. Target price: $7k. Too good to be true? You bet it is.