Over the years, I’ve become inured to the mainstream automotive press’s mindless Motown cheerleading and irrational optimism. But every now and then, they really get my goat. The Detroit News ran a feature today by Bryce J. Hoffman clunkily entitled “How would Henry Ford react to today’s automakers?” It’s bad enough that Detroit’s zombies have suckered the federal government into endless subsidies by re-writing recent history. (We were doing GREAT until the economy tanked!) But for a journalist to raise an important historical question and then let Detroit apologists spin it without question is, uh, enervating.

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TTAC commentator carguy can’t leave well enough alone as he prepares to boldly go where no factory warranty will go with him:

I have a question that I would like some feedback on from the TTAC best and brightest. I am about to take delivery of a BMW 335i and am contemplating some mods for the engine (after all, 300hp seems like a waste when you have a 3-liter six and two turbos). My question is two fold:

1. Should I run the engine in and then get the mod or should I run the engine in with the mod in place?

2. I was considering a Dinan stage 1 or 2. Any feedback from TTAC readers on this mod or any other would be much appreciated.

Automotive News [sub] reports that a 1,400 employee auto assembly operation is moving into the former Guide Corp. plant in Monroe, LA. No word on the identity of the new tenant. Until tomorrow, anyway. So how’s about a little game of “tomorrow’s headlines today?” Here’s some grist for the mill. Financing for the deal comes courtesy of Silicon Valley venture capitalists Ray Lane and John Doerr of Kleiner, Perkins, Caufield & Byers. According to thedeal.com, Kleiner Perkins has over $65 million invested in Fisker. Too bad, then, that Fisker has a contract with Finnland’s Valmet. KPC&B has also invested in Th!nk—leading Autoblog‘s Sam Abuelsamid to the conclusion that the Louisiana plant will build Norwegian city EVs. Want a real dark horse? How about the mythical $35 million bid for Chrysler’s Viper business in which investors were reportedly meeting with Louisiana officials? We shall see . . . .

Am I the only one who misread this Autoblog headline? Yes, I read “porno” instead of “promo.” So, yes, my mind is in the gutter. But so is Detroit. Autoblog’s wistful nostalgia does absolutely nothing to convey the horror of modern-day Motown. For that, you need to turn to the Wall Street Journal. Their article about the death of retail in the Motor City is, perhaps, one of the most depressing dispatches from the Motown Meltdown that I’ve ever read. To wit: “Last week, Lochmoor Chrysler Jeep on Detroit’s East Side stopped selling Chrysler products, one of the 789 franchises Chrysler Group LLC is dropping from its retail network. It was Detroit’s last Chrysler Jeep store . . . Hundreds of buildings were left vacant by the nearly one million residents who have left. Thousands of businesses have closed since the city’s population peaked six decades ago . . . Meanwhile, the former Lochmoor Chrysler Jeep is now Lochmoor Automotive Group, a used-car dealership and repair shop. Gina Russo, daughter of the dealer’s longtime owner, is being groomed to take over the family business. She has agreed to start selling small pickup trucks made by India’s Mahindra & Mahindra Ltd.”

I am turning to the B & B for some new (used) car advice. My current bad weather bomber is a 2004 Jeep Liberty (I ride a bike on any and all good weather days). While it’s served me well, the commute is becoming Novocain for my soul. That and summer trends for higher prices at the pumps is a pain. I’ve narrowed my search down to two finalists: 2002 BMW 325Ci or a 2002 Subaru WRX wagon. The bimmer appeals to my inner snob, while the subie to my inner hoon. Both have around 200k (km’s not miles) but both pack a 2-year warranty. With the Subaru I get the AWD for Toronto’s increasingly snowy winters and the convenience of a wagon for schlepping just about anything I want. The 3 Series was/is the ultimate driving machine. Both run on premium juice, but beat the Jeep hands down for fuel (and fun) efficiency. The WRX has a $2K price advantage, too, but lacks the leather lap o’ luxury the Bavarian boasts. Feature for feature, it’s BMW all the way, but the toys all come at a high price (of maintenance). So what say TTAC’s panel of experts? Test drives start tonight!

Did you know that BMW owns Rolls-Royce? Of course you did; you’re the Best and Brightest. Which means you also know that the new Ghost is not going to be a very expensive, modified 7-Series with bespoke bodywork and cabin. (Of course not.) But you’ll also recognize that the chassis technology trumpeted in today’s RR press release below is boilerplate BMW. I mean, they didn’t even change the names, dear boy. Which makes me wonder: what should they call this stuff? Active Roll Stabilisation [English spelling, Jeff] implies, well, roll. Variable Damping Control should at least have “en” in the middle of the middle word for the car’s effect on the fairer sex. Any suggestions (bonus points for clever acronyms)?

At the heart of the Rolls-Royce Ghost’s magic carpet ride will be a state-of-the-art chassis which uses an intelligent four corner air suspension system and multi link aluminium front and rear axles. Designed to be fully integrated, each of the cars dynamic handling and safety systems has been engineered to work together in harmony. Systems such as Active Roll Stabilisation, four corner air springs and Variable Damping Control operate as one, imperceptibly to the driver and passengers to provide the best possible comfort for occupants and to ensure that the tyres maintain optimum contact with the road, even on rough surfaces for driving safety.

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Buick: Enclave, LaCrosse, Lucerne

Cadillac: CTS/CTS-V, CTS Sport Wagon, DTS/DTS Platinum, Escalade/ESV/EXT/Platinum, Escalade Hybrid/Platinum Hybrid, SRX, STS

Chevrolet Cars: Aveo Sedan/Aveo5, Camaro/Camaro SS, Cobalt/Cobalt SS, Corvette/Corvette Z06, Corvette Grand Sport, Corvette ZR1, Impala, Malibu

Chevrolet Trucks: Avalanche, Colorado, Equinox, Express, HHR/Panel/SS, Silverado 1500, Silverado HD, Silverado Hybrid, Suburban, Tahoe, Tahoe Hybrid, Traverse

GMC: Acadia, Canyon, Savana, Sierra 1500/Denali, Sierra HD, Sierra Hybrid, Terrain, Yukon & Yukon Denali/Yukon XL & Yukon XL Denali, Yukon Hybrid/Denali Hybrid

Pontiac: Vibe

NB: The Chevrolet Volt is currently scheduled for “late 2010” as a 2011 model year vehicle. [thanks to JT for the heads up.]

Roger Penske has got to be a busy guy these days. His purchase of Saturn is a characteristically audacious move that is simultaneously compelling and terrifying. Penske’s Saturn dealers will sell current GM products until they reach the end of their lifetimes. “Concurrent with that, we’ll go around the world to see what products could be brought into this country,” Penske tells Edmunds Inside Line. The “World Market” approach seems to do away with much of the industry’s basic understanding of branding, but Penske insists that aerodynamics, fuel efficiency, safety and styling will continue to be the defining characteristics for new Saturn products.

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ABT Sportsline press release: “For many years ago people used to wear their hair, even in Kempten, in styles which seem strange to us nowadays. ABT Sportsline, however, already knew how to properly “style” cars from the VW group 50 years ago. Since then the motto ‘cooler, faster, wider’ has lost none of its fascination.” None?

The question/headline comes to us straight from Automotive News [AN, sub]. Is there ANYONE who DOESN’T see this as a possibility? Probability? Certainty? Done deal? Meanwhile, I love this riff from AN‘s unnamed writer: “Two decades ago, Texas tycoon Ross Perot dubbed his fellow GM directors ‘pet rocks’ who sat silently beside then-CEO Roger Smith. More recently, the board was considered too close to former CEO and Chairman Rick Wagoner, who was ousted by President Barack Obama’s administration in March after the company lost tens of billions under his watch. New blood for GM’s board may be a welcome thing.”

A TTAC reader writes:

So I’m down to considering three cars for my next purchase. As my soon-to-be commute is something like 7 minutes, I’m not overly concerned with putting an ape-load of miles on whatever I buy. My heart is focusing in on three cars: 1) pre-2006 Mazda Miata, 2) 2005 or so MINI (although I’m slightly considering a lease of a new one, just because I don’t intend on driving the wheels off of one), and 3) a 2006 Civic Si. I’ve driven three Miatas and while I desperately want to love this car, each test drive (two Mazdaspeeds and one LS) has left me disappointed. They are so very jittery and nervous. I have driven two MINI Cooper S and am head over heals as to how they felt driving them, but I’m truly concerned regarding reported reliability. The Civic Si would seem the best compromise in terms of performance and reliability. Head says Civic Si, heart is leading towards MINI (I have yet to drive the “base” Cooper. I don’t really need 168 HP for a five minute commute). What say the B&B?

Advertising Age asked the same question of a brace of marketing experts, with predictably hilarious results. Early on, one Mad Man suggests revamping GM by introducing “a promotion that would transform General Motors into America’s first truly owner-owned company: The government issues anyone who purchases a new GM vehicle in the next 12 months 1,000 shares in General Motors stock. Then GM shareholders become people who are motivated to make both better products and a better company.” Seriously. As if the cure for GM’s woes were for marketing to wag the entire bankrupt dog. Anyway, check out the whole thing for a wild assortment of interesting ideas and pure, unadulterated crazy. Then riddle me this: how does GM take advantage of its new structure and piles of tax money while minimizing bailout backlash? Or does it? Can a government-owned firm be popular with the public under any circumstances?

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Now that we’ve nailed that whole cupholder thing, it’s time to tackle the important stuff: trunk hinges. I reckon trunk lid hardware is an excellent indication of a given model’s overall build quality. Bad hinges, bad car. Great hinges, great car. There’s a range of important factors here: materials quality, appearance, reliability, longevity and action. To wit: I was appalled when I pressed the Maybach 57S electric trunk closer and watched the rear lid descend like an old, poorly made guillotine (don’t ask me how I know). My Odyssey’s tailgate closes in a more graceful arc. So, again, here’s the deal: email robertfarago1@gmail.com with your nominations for best trunk hinges, your rationale and a jpeg (or link to same). I’ll post them in a gallery. Then Eddy and I will choose the top ten based entirely on your wit and our whims. Thanks, in advance for your help.