You might have noticed a somewhat depressing tone in car news lately. Keith Crain has, and by the tone of his latest column at Automotive News [sub], it sounds like he’s ready for a refill of his favorite SSRI. But while Crain’s beloved Detroit firms may have a monopoly on federal bailout money, they certainly aren’t the only ones suffering. In addition to shelving overseas factory plans, Suzuki has announced that their entry into the “large car” market is now on hold according to Automotive News Europe [sub]. That means the sedan based on the Kizashi 3 Concept pictured above (spy shots here) won’t be hitting markets in 2010. For what it’s worth, the concept had a 300 hp 3.6 liter V6 mated to an AWD drivetrain. If the SX-4 strategy is anything to go on, the production model could have offered a decent entry-level AWD sports sedan at a truly competitive price point. But could Suzuki really do to the A4 what Hyundai is trying to do to the Lexus LS? I suppose we’ll never know now. And even amidst all the big bad news right now, I think that’s just a bit depressing.

With Chrysler going on what may be a permanent Christmas vacation, things aren’t going good at all round Auburn Hills way. Especially with the Cerburian masters busy sweating the GMAC situation. Automotive News [sub] communicates the urgency of the situation the only way it knows: by extolling how much more necessary this makes a bailout. But you won’t learn much by reading the rhetorical flailings of bailout-backing legislators. No, to get the real skinny on how bad things are you need a good old-fashioned racing metaphor from Dodge Motorsports director Mike Accavitti. “We are going to throttle back,” he tells Automotive News [sub]. “We have to reduce our spend. We have to get our expenses in line with our revenues.” Madness. And what of the literally hundreds of people who buy Avengers because of their epic oval exploits? “NASCAR is not exempt from anything else that we do to market and promote vehicles,” reveals Accavitti, who says Chrysler has plans to cut its NASCAR spending by more than 30 percent next year. Not too shabby for a company that’s literally at death’s door. Honda, Subaru and Suzuki ditched high-profile racing programs this year due to declining sales. And they all plan on staying open past December without receiving government aid. What’s wrong with this picture?

The fate of GM’s dead brands walking generates rumor and hearsay like few other topics. GM is unraveling into a buyers market, and secret talks are typically denied within hours of their leaking. Ironically, one detail that rumors seem to have in common is the proliferation of Opels in the United States. Thus far Saturn has been the defacto donor brand for American Opels, but Motor Trend now claims it “makes sense” for Buick to cover Opel with brand familiarity. Read More >

While waiting for video of the Kia Soul to show up in the ol’ inbox, I decided to give the one press release I do have a read. And to be honest, I’m kind of regretting the decision. I fully understand that one should never be surprised by what might happen when asking a company to describe its own product. Still… well, let me show you what I’m talking about. The first thing you learn is that the Soul is a “brand defining” addition to the Kia lineup. Fair enough. Kia’s brand needs definition only slightly more than my rapidly aging, 26 year old blogger physique does.  But instead of heading for the branding gym with its most promising product to date, Kia (like myself) is whipping its image into shape by texting and playing Wii. For example, did you know that Kia’s formula for its hip whip name reads “Soul = Style + ValU + SafeT”? No? Well the brand definition continues apace with the puzzling non-sequitor “L8st head-trnr will impre$ w/ personality & gr8 options ☺.” I kid you not. At this point I’m expecting Soul owners to receive a steady stream of text messages from their “attractive and customizable vehicle” suggesting they skip fourth-period history in favor of Cartoon Network and bong rips.

The NY Times explores one of the great riddles of the automotive world today, namely Detroit’s near-pathological inability to consistently produce quality compact cars. Scribe Rob Sass revisits the development of American compacts, and concludes that in addition to being hurt by low historic concern for fuel economy, compacts “had the bad luck of being produced by chronically undercapitalized independent automakers. These compacts were not particularly thrifty, had no distinctive engineering features and rather than being stylish but sensible, they were simply cheap and frumpy.” And as appealing as many classic American compacts now are as collectibles, the argument rings true.

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Back in ’05, the year that Bob Lutz turned 74 for the first time, GM’s Car Czar called Buick and Pontiac “damaged brands.” Even the Detroit-friendly media seized on Lutz’ remarks as a sign that someone in RenCen had woken-up to the fact that eight is more than enough. It’s too god damn many. But no. Bob was forced to backpedal. “Everyone always says that I was sort of implying we were going to cut Buick and Pontiac. I never said ‘irrevocably damaged’ or ‘irreparably damaged” or ‘terminally damaged.'” And now, Mr. “The threat of bankruptcy is absolutely out of the question” has been forced to backpedal on his backpedaling. Maximum Bob told Automotive News [AN, sub] that “It’s really much better to have fewer brands, do it well and then market the hell out of them.” [Note: you gotta love any article that begins “If General Motors survives its cash-flow crisis…”] Of course, the winner of TTAC’s Bob Lutz Award didn’t hit the heights without hints. To wit: “Lutz declined to indicate exactly what will happen to Saturn and Saab but said business as usual is not an option. ‘They’re under strategic review,’ he said. That’s the corporate code, Lutz said, for: ‘We realize they’re not working, and something needs to be done.'” HUMMER, Saturn and Saab are (nudge nudge) bye-bye but the original damaged brands (Buick and Pontiac) live on? Bob lives is a strange world. Let’s visit!

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GM first made Saturn’s “strategic review” official in the bailout-begging, condition-floating context, although Lutz swears Ol’ Man Wagoner was on it months ago. Anyway, now that the industry has processed the news, there’s a rash of post-Saturn plans flying around.  Our man in China seems fairly convinced that Chinese firm SAIC could make a bid for Saturn and its conveniently independent dealer net of over 400 stores. Another possibility that might be more palatable for GM comes from Automotive News‘ [sub] Richard Truett, who reckons the General could kill two birds with one stone, by “handing the keys to the Saturn brand to GM’s German affiliate, Opel.”

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For some companies, the ongoing financial crisis will be fatal, but for others, it may turn out to be a historical opportunity to re-define themselves. When weak brands disappear, others can fill their niche. Honda, for one, seems to be one of the first car makers to seize the opportunity that the industry’s re-structuring is providing. “Where we want to be by 2015 is the environmental leader. I mean that in a credible sense, not a greenwash sense,” Chris Brown, the head of marketing for Honda Motor Europe, told The Guardian. Which is easy to say, although Brown says Honda does support an eco-rating system to prevent misleading environmental advertising claims. But the first step in this branding conversion was announced last week, when Honda said it would be terminating its Formula One activities and re-assigning its F1 engineers to work in eco-technology. Egads! Is Honda about to put all that talent towards becoming the car for the dour, anti-car league?  Honda is directing its $150m+ ad budget for Europe and Africa towards addressing this question. As Brown puts it, “We want to change the conversation completely. At the moment everything is heavy-handed, preachy and overwhelming. We want it to be positive, optimistic, joyful, powerful.” Read More >

Jalopnik has the latest in the ongoing “Ford sues everybody over use of its logo” story. Having already sued the Black Mustang Club (in a move that PR Squared called a reminder that “customers are in control of the brand”) and the Calgary Stampeders (whose stampeding horse was trademarked twenty years before the Mustang) Ford’s lawyer are continuing their reign of pathos. Therangerstation.com and nearly every website with “mustang” in the url have been targeted by Ford’s lawyers, demanding “the relinquishment of all Ford trademarks including domain names, banners, signs and merchandise as well as a restitution payment of $5000 by December 19th, 2008.” The huge irony in this is, of course, that Ford doesn’t really even own its logo, having mortgaged the blue oval during its $23b borrowing spree. Meanwhile, Mustang Evolution appears to have contacted Ford’s Scott Monty who reveals that some sites may have been selling “unauthorized Ford decals.” Still no word on whether or not it’s illegal to have a ford product name in your domain name.

It’s should be fairly obvious by now that Saturn is a dead brand walking. Little remains of Roger Smith’s import-fighting concept anyway, as the “different kind of car company” now consists solely of rebadged and Americanized Opels, fine young CUV-annibals, and the Sky. None of which sell very well. So, dead by Thursday, and that’s all she wrote? Not according to those crazy, mixed-up kids at Automotive News [AN, sub]. “Saturn has a product program, both current and future, that is currently in our plans,” GM Marketing Honcho Mark LaNeve tells AN. “But a lot of what is in our plans is in a state of flux right now given the state of the economy and everything.” Understatement of the week day hour? GM hopes to conceive a new business model to make the brand profitable, according to LaNeve, because a sale won’t happen. Hello, China? Then again…

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Bloomberg reports that Ford is seeking $6b for its Volvo division, and is “counting on the strength of the brand to draw bidders”. Dearborn has hired JP Morgan to advise in the sale of the final remaining brand from Ford’s erstwhile Premiere Auto Group. But even with a Wall Street heavyweight easing the deal along, Ford isn’t likely to get anywhere near that much. “Anything other than a heavily discounted sale seems unrealistic,” says Ferdinand Dudenhoeffer of Gelsenkirchen University. “For a buyer it’s the best time that one could wish for. But it’s not ideal for Ford.” With the global players facing a sales downturn, Dudenhoffer figures that only cash-rich Chinese automakers, buyout firms, or a group of investors backed by the Swedish government might be interested at all. Bloomberg quotes a mysterious “person familiar with the situation” as saying Texas-based TPG Inc may be interested in Volvo. TPG, which has more than $50 billion of capital under management, was among four private-equity companies to make preliminary approaches for Jaguar and Land Rover last year before Ford sold the businesses to Tata Motors. SAIC and Dongfeng are among the Chinese firms that could bid on Volvo.

And there we were saying Ford doesn’t have branding. Anyway, fun is a serious business, apparently. Bloomberg reports that Ford has been trying to trademark the word “FUN” (all caps?) in connection with “some” of its European automobiles since 2005. In 2007, the EU courts said, in effect, geddowdahere. And while we’re dealing with the surreal, how about this: the original case was brought in German. Spaß; Freude; Scherz; Lachen; Gelächter? Bloomberg seems to think that today’s ruling clears the way for Ford to resume its claim on FUN, but I think they got it exactly backwards. The adjudication itself is, remarkably, a hoot. Seriously, the jump is well worth your time, as it includes some language Bloomberg neglected to mention. Where’s their sense of fun?

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Brand management can be so easy. Take car brands. You take a good clear look at your portfolio, you write down in simple language on one piece of paper what positives, negatives, and potential of each brand. Kill the brands that are below par, lack a USP (Unique Selling Point) and/or wouldn’t fetch chump change on the market. At least, that’s what I’d do with Seat, Lancia, Maybach, Daihatsu, Kia (or Hyundai?), Mercury, Dodge, Pontiac, Cadillac, Hummer, Saab, Vauxhall. Did I forget anything? Yugo, girl! Yes: Tony Fixed It Again, this time for good. Fiat, bless their soul, has decided it will close down the Yugo brand. Just-Auto reports that, contrary to previous plans, Fiat will not do a Dacia. The Balkan factories will be used for low-cost manufacturing, and nothing else. Serbia is grieving: apparently, Yugo was one of the (few) things that held Yugoslavia together. Anybody who ever sat in a Yugo or God forgive, ever drove one, rejoices. The Topolino, a two-cylinder urban competitor to the Smart and the iQ, will be built in Yugo’s former Serbian digs from around 2012. Also, Serbia has high hopes to join the EU, sooner or later. Life goes on, often better than before, after you cull a sick brand.

Bob Lutz rode to Motown greatness on a wave of bombast, charisma and general maximum-ness. And his ability to act like Patton in full advance, even in the face of dismal business results, has been crucial to GM’s several year long “product revolution” denial offensive. But when the war is over, and the other general’s are already discussing the terms of surrender, men like Bob Lutz are suddenly seen less as inspirational figures and more as, well, liabilities. Buried in an otherwise unremarkable piece on the LA Auto Show in MSNBC, we get a little taste of just how minimum things are at GM right now. Global Insight analyst Rebecca Lindland reveals that GM won’t be sending the man of maximum to LA to launch the new CTS Coupe. “The perception of Cadillac is of excess; it’s a high-profile, low volume vehicle and not the type of vehicle you want to be seen flaunting right now,” she said. “And you can’t take a chance that the media will catch Bob Lutz swilling Champagne or puffing on a cigar — it’s a PR nightmare waiting to happen.” Just wait till you see the post-bailout spa bills.