Well, they didn’t kill the Corvette, but GM’s iced its performance tuning division. Automotive News [sub] reports on the car-nage.

GM today disbanded High Performance Vehicle Operations, which is based at the company’s suburban Detroit technical center, and redeployed its engineers, said spokesman Vince Muniga.

“All high-performance projects are on indefinite hold,” Muniga said. “The engineers are moving into different areas of the organization, and they will work on Cadillacs, Buicks, Chevrolets and Pontiacs.”

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Chrysler has just released its 177-page “Viability Plan.” It will no doubt take plenty of time to go through (and this, of course, was unintentional on Chrysler’s part). In the interim, some highlights:

—Chrysler wants $5 billion by the end of March for “working capital and other operating expenses.” This would mean a total bailout purse of $9 billion, an increase over the $7 billion requested in December.

—The theme is “pay us now or it’s going to cost you more money than you can possibly imagine— or print.” This sounds suspiciously like like some word I learned once. Axtortion? No. Extourtan? What was it?

—There’s plenty of bankruptcy and liquidation analysis, projecting what the costs would be if they went bust.

—The “Stand Alone” business plan includes a $600 million profit in 2010, followed by a loss of the same amount in 2011, then another loss of $600 million in 2012, then a break-even year in 2013, followed by a projected $1B in profits in 2014.

—24 product launches in 48 months. I can only assume they are counting different paint colors as individual product launches.

—Fiat could, in theory, take another 20% stake of Chrysler for a majority share of 55%.

—“No American taxpayer money would go to Fiat.” Semantics.

Our deadbeat automakers will turn in their viability plans today, but, according to a number of reports, these plans (like their predecessors) will be short on workable details. Which helps explain why GM and Chrysler will be turning in their plans after the close of the markets today. The Treasury will receive the “plans” electronically at 4 p.m. today, but a public press conference won’t happen until 5:30 p.m. Which is probably for the better. GM’s stock price has dropped by double digits today, despite reports that their second tranche of bailout cash has already been approved. But having “scored a trillion dollars” as Bowie puts it, there’s still plenty of panic in Detroit.

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Open letter from GM’s Union Leaders:

“Renaissance” plan for Europe is not viable. It will finish off the European GM brands and companies and includes unacceptable risks of litigation—the alternative is the spin off of the European operations

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The United Auto Workers (UAW) contracts are facing unprecedented public scrutiny. It could have something to with the fact that it’s now OUR money the automakers are pissing away—sorry, “lavishing upon” union members. Or it could be that the normally passive—sorry, “pro middle class” MSM’s smells blood in the union boss’ water. In any event, here’s one for working class heroes: free legal advice. The Freep: “Established in 1978, the UAW Legal Services Plan provides ‘personal legal services,’ to about 725k workers, spouses and retirees from several companies, according to the program’s Web site. It is the largest pre-paid legal services program in the country. Before I give the jumpers the inside dope (in a non Michael Phelps kinda way), you wanna guess how much 290 attorneys cost the Big 2.8 et al.? Seriously, you gotta guess. ‘Cause the Freep doesn’t even estimate the cost. Blood boiling? Ready for the jump then . . .

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That’s TTAC Ken Elias earlier today in Bailout Watch 394. And lo, it did come to pass. Just hours later, Automotive News reported: “General Motors is expected to identify more than $1 billion in savings from additional plant closings and factory work-rule changes when it files a viability plan with the US Treasury on Tuesday, said a source familiar with ongoing stakeholder negotiations.” And no, it wasn’t Ken. Of course, Elias goes on to say big whoop. “[It’s] not enough to right a ship that’s losing $2B+ a month in cash flow.” Somehow that perspective didn’t make it into the AN piece. Still, the article’s well worth a read—if only for a laugh. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new (yet old) straw man to set alight: True North.

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My almost-three-years-old Acura TSX has been developing an annoying cosmetic problem: the plastic bumpers and sill trims have slowly but surely been turning a different color from the rest of the car. We live in a mild climate and I work from home, so the vast majority of the time that car sits protected in a garage out of the way of the sun’s UV rays. Even so, the sheet metal is still blue-silver while the plastic bits are turning a pale green. Argh, I know that over time it is just going to keep getting worse, and my warranty is almost up (45k miles down out of 48k).
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Shame on us that we’ve overlooked a startling statement made by Crisis LLC’s Prez. In a speech last Thursday at the Economic Club of Chicago, Jim Press basically said that anyone who expects more than 10m SAAR (annual selling rate) anytime soon is on drugs. Instead of getting better, it might get worse,

“It would be a mistake to assume that this ‘10 million market’ is an aberration. Instead, we need to accept and come to grips with it,” Jim Press said. Coming to grips with it means that it will be a 10m market for – gasp – at least for four years. In January, the annual sales rate (SAAR) was just under 10m units. Press is preparing the world for worse: “I’ve told our dealers that one day we may even look back on January of 2009 as the “good old days!”

Then, a second moment of startling truth…
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Oh, for Christ’s sake. Seriously. I’m a good Jewish boy, but so was Jesus (his mother thought he was God, he went into his father’s business, etc.) and he left some sage advice for auto industry suppliers looking to suckle on Uncle Sam’s bounteous breasts. And no, I’m not talking about neither a borrower or a lender be (bombus terrestris). ‘Cause Shakespeare said that. I speak (spake?) here of “Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” In other words, just because General Messup and the Crisis Corporation scored $13.4 billion in federal no to low-interest loans (excluding DOE boondogglage) is no reason to ask for $18.5 billion for your troubles. Although Automotive News [sub] says, “The loans will help suppliers survive until production rebounds,” it behooves these suppliers to admit that it will be many a moon before any bounding becomes re. As JC said, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Surprised? Neither are we. From the moment Chrysler execs mooted a Nissan hook-up—a moment born of Congress-appeasing desperation—we heard rumblings that it wasn’t gonna happen dot autoextremist. Our sources in The Volunteer State volunteered the information that nothing was happening, Nissan-wise. Again, no surprise. If the Nissan will build us a competitive car (’cause we don’t have a fucking clue, mate) and we’ll sell ’em Rams to rebadge as Titans deal was going down, Chrysler wouldn’t have floated il madre of trial balloons known as the great FIAT giveaway. Still, as any good Catholic automaker knows, confirmation is a big moment in a bogus story’s life. Although they were happy to repeat the propaganda without question at the time, Reuters rocks!

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With the third deadline for Detroit’s viability plans rapidly approaching, President Obama needs something, anything, to work with. “My goal, consistently has been to offer serious help once a plan is in place that ensures long-term viability and that we’re not just kicking the can down the road,” Obama tells Reuters. “What the nature of what that help ends up looking like, I think is going to depend on the plan.” And at first blush, Detroit’s task appears to be an easy one: tell the President what you need to survive and he’ll give it to you. But there’s a catch. “If a plan is presented to us premised on 20 million sales when we just know that’s not going to happen, then we’re going to have to ask them to go back to the drawing board,” says Obama. Seriously though, isn’t a plan premised on 10m sales this year a bit overoptimistic?

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And why wouldn’t they? As attractive as 30 cents on the dollar for equity in a firm that has five frantic days to produce a viability plan is, there seems to be some . . . hesitation. The Detroit News reports that GM is trying to finagle a $9.2b debt for equity swap with the holders of its unsecured debt to fulfill the requirements for federal loans. According to the usual anonymous sources, bondholders are holding out for 50 cents on the dollar. They say the figure mirrors the value of concessions being negotiated with the United Auto Workers. (Sound familiar?) Luckily bondholders seem to have an ingenious solution for the UAW-bondholder deadlock: the government could just lend GM more money. This is some seriously high-stakes poker.

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Well good for them. As we said at the time, when used responsibly, a private jet is an invaluable management tool. An executive lording it over a far-flung empire can use private transpo to gather otherwise unobtainable on-the-ground intelligence. (Body language is 65.7 percent of all human communication.) Not to mention instilling the fear of God by all-of-a-sudden showing-up amongst his or her minions. Of course, as far as we know, and they ain’t sayin’ nothin’ (surprise!), that justifiable jet set savvy doesn’t apply to Chrysler, Ford or GM.

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You may recall Phil as one of our Best and Brightest, a forensic accounting gumshoe hot on the trail of who owns Chrysler. You know, the company that sucked-up $3b of your tax money, looking for $4b more. And the rest (DOE loans and whatnot). Well, Phil outed Franklin Templeton Investments as one of the firms holding Cerberus CNG Investor I – III paper. Phil and I wanted to know a few things about Franklin’s folly. Why did they list the funds under “Consumer Credit” in their annual report? What’s with the Cerberus’ bonds paying 12 percent by 2014? So Phil called Big Ben. And . . . nothing. Despite a promise to answer his questions. So Phil’s not a happy camper. Not at all.

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I don’t know about you, but if I’d earned $14m in ONE YEAR, and I’d worked for the same company for thirty-two years, at least eight of which delivered unto me similarly (if not equally) spectacular amounts of pay and benefits, I wouldn’t really be all that worried about what happened next. OK, yes, reputation and all that. But we’re talking about Rick Wagoner, the man that’s flown the GM jumbo jet straight into the dirt without once recognizing that funny looking thing called the yoke. Any reputation that remains is purely in Rick’s head, and the heads of the sycophants who wear their “Pay No Attention To That Man Behind the Curtain” T-shirts with pride, without irony. So don’t expect me to be surprised that USA Today reports “GM, [Wagoner] says, is crouched and ready to pounce if the auto market begins to rebound. ‘We just need to get the storm over, and we’re about ready to go.'”

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