Notice the word “claims.” You see, the thing is, TTAC starts off from a cynical perspective. And then we consider past history. For example, Chrysler. And Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli. And Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli’s claim that he was misquoted when he said that his [then new] employer was “operationally bankrupt.” Followed by the “news” that the ailing American automaker was actually “profitable.” Or the hype that accompanied the pre-D.O.E. loan program introduction of three electric vehicles, “one of which is headed for production.” Or PR guy Scott Brown’s assertion earlier today that the company had “a lot” of orders for the Aspen and Durango HEMI-hybrids. Clearly, Reuters isn’t keeping score. They’re happy to repeat Chrysler’s announcement that they’ve “received multiple bids on its Viper sports car business and was reviewing the offers.” Strangely, “Chrysler… did not disclose the number of bids or the timeline of the sale.” Although “One person familiar with the process said no additional bids were likely to be considered.” One person unfamiliar with the process says they’ll take the best offer, right up to the moment they sign the contract selling now-GM Car Czar Bob Lutz’ seminal moment. So to speak.

WTF, right? If I was a United Auto Workers worker looking at a pile of cash to piss off during these End of Days times, I’d grab it with both hands and get the Hell out of Dodge, Chrysler, Ford, GM, etc. But it seems UAW boss Ron Gettelfinger doesn’t think domestic automakers can bribe any more of his members to quit their jobs. “I’m not sure the value of a buyout at this point and time,” Big Ron told The Detroit News’ Johnny-on-the-spot at a Goodfellows awards ceremony honoring the union boss. (And no, I’m not making this shit up.) “Gettelfinger reasoned that UAW-protected autoworkers who were in the position to leave their jobs would have taken one of the previous rounds of buyouts and early retirement offers and he didn’t see the ‘effectiveness’ of another round.” For whom? If he means the automakers themselves, I’m down with that. Anyway, guess what? Ron reckons the $52b Mother of all Health Care Funds (a.k.a. VEBA) is still alive. And that’s final! “We do not want to open up VEBA. That was one of the most difficult and challenging decisions I ever had to make.” Compared to what, your choice of retirement villas? I kid. I kid.

I like Scott Brown. I spent six hours in Manhattan Motors’ parking garage with the ChryCo PR guy, waiting for NFL assassin Warren Sapp to appear for a Celebrity Car photo shoot featuring a [then red hot] 300C and a Rolls Royce Phaeton (neither of which Warren owned, natch). But then I tend to like all automotive spinmeisters. You couldn’t meet a nicer, friendlier, more auto-savvy group of people. Of course, they’re all congenital liars (although they’d probably call themselves “public relations professionals”). To wit: “The demand for our full-size SUVs has really dropped off this year,” Chrysler spokesman Scott Brown told Edmunds’ Inside Line. “Even though we got significant orders for the hybrids, it doesn’t make sense to keep the plant open for just the hybrids.” Of course, Edmunds isn’t a million miles away from the “never call a triangular-shaped digging implement a spade” philosophy. “Chrysler wouldn’t say how many of the hybrid SUVs it had planned to build at the plant in Newark, which is scheduled to close at the end of December.” The vehicles only went on sale at the end of September. But I bet Chrysler could count the number of Aspens and Durango HEMI-Hybrids sold this month on one hand and still have enough fingers left to salute TTAC. Not that Scott would ever do such a thing… [thanks to MK for the link]

To: All GM Renaissance Center Tenants and Marriott Hotel
From: John A. Cullen
Date: October 14, 2008
Re: GM Renaissance Center Escalators—Energy Conservation

In an effort to make the GM Renaissance Center more energy efficient, we will be shutting off the designated escalators beginning tonight and until further notice:

Tower 100 Level 1–Level 2
Tower 200 Level 1–Level 2
Tower 300 Level 1–Level 2
Tower 300 Level A–Level 1

Every Monday through Thursday, these escalators (up and down) will be shut off at 7:00 pm and turned back on at 6:00 am the following morning. During the weekends, the escalators will remain off from Friday 7:00 pm until Monday 6:00 am. For your safety, stanchions will be placed at the top and bottom of each escalator.

Deep Throat predicts, Reuters reports. Following our main man’s heads-up that GM’s lackluster products are in the firing line, the news agency reports that GM’s delaying “the unveiling of a new Buick LaCrosse model that it had planned to show at the Los Angeles auto show in November in part to reduce costs.” Also not showing-up: the Cadillac CTS coupe. While GM spinmeister Scott Fosgard says the two cars will make the scene at the Detroit auto show, I take that to mean “when Hell freezes over.” I mean, assuming GM will have a [last] stand at the LA Auto Show, how does NOT showing two cars save them money? In other words, bye-bye Buick (though product starvation) and who the Hell would buy a CTS coupe anyway?

BusinessWeek reports that Sirius-XM may soon go away. “Sirius signed top talent-including Stern, Martha Stewart, and Oprah Winfrey-to draw in subscribers. But programming costs have triggered heavy losses.” The now-merged former competitors have been on a two-decade spending spree, paid for with Godzilla-sized credit cards. Putting a name to the pain, Sirius-XM’s looking at $1b in debt’s coming due next year, without any way (otherwise known as positive cash flow from operations) to pay off the note. Sirius claims it can continue to fund operations and avoid filing for bankruptcy by raising money from existing lenders, who will be “flexible” about an additional $350n due in May.” Hey! I’ve done that! You get yet another credit card with which to pay the minimum payments due on the old card, right? Well, good luck with that. With people around the globe tightening their belts, and iPod connectivity in cars, you have to think that the satellite radio subscription will be one of the easiest spedning cuts motorists can make. And if there is a God, Howard Stern will find himself out of work.

Get in line, bub. Still, it’s nice to see GM’s CEO not get credit where credit’s not deserved. The Wall Street Journal is the bearer of bad tidings for the Wagoner clan, delivering Red Ink Rick’s pink slip in the most public of manners. Yes, “people familiar with the matter” of the GM – Chrysler merger reveal that Cerberus wants some “fresh air at the top.” Anonymous sources are breaking out all over, and it’s an endless row of shot glasses full of not good for GM’s current management. “Cerberus and other investors who pump money in the new entity would want to keep significant equity and have the ability to appoint members to its board and influence its management, these people said. Cerberus’s position suggests GM could be in for a shakeup of the nonconfrontational culture that has developed between its 14-member board and its management team, led by Chairman and Chief Executive Rick Wagoner.” Noconfrontationalsmytuches. How about clinicallyinsane? So who’s going to steer this new ship of fools?

Read More >

The Wall Street Journal [sub] reports that there’s blood on the carpet in Auburn Hills, as ChyrCo CEO “Boot ‘Em Bob” Nardelli lives up to his TTAC nic. The announcement came in the form of a Dear John letter. “Chief Executive Robert Nardelli said the cuts are necessary because of the deep downturn in the economy and the tightening credit situation, which are choking off auto sales. Mr. Nardelli said the company is facing the ‘most difficult economic period any of us can remember.'” (Bob was speaking professionally, of course.) So, let’;s count the carnage, shall we? One thousand white collar workers were terminated at the end of September. The new cuts are on top of those cuts, which should eliminate another five thousand non-unionized employees. “The employees whose jobs are being eliminated will leave the company payroll Dec. 31, Mr. Nardelli said in the letter. An unspecified number of the 5,000 employees will be offered early retirement or buyout packages. Others will be terminated involuntarily. Those affected will be notified between Oct. 24 and Nov. 5.” Will the last Chrysler employee please turn off the lights? Meanwhile, here’s Bob’s letter…

Read More >

You may recall that Daimler maintained a minority share of Chrysler when it sold the American automaker to Cerberus. About a year ago, ChryCo’s German “partner” (and author of the abortive DaimlerChrysler “merger of equals”) valued its 19.9 percent Chrysler stake at $2.2b. At the end of June, the number slid to a scarecely creditable $268m. And now The Detroit Free Press says Daimler believes that its ChyrCo position is without any financial value whatsoever. Which should make Cerberus’ negotiating position re: buying back that stake so it can “sell” the whole kit and caboodle to GM, or just C7 Chrysler, a little easier. But in fact, it’s important to note that Chrysler has long-term liabilities to its unionized workforce, and lots of ‘um. Billions of dollars worth. If/when Chrysler goes Tango Uniform, you can bet the United Auto Workers, jilted suppliers and other debtors will come knocking on Daimler’s door. So I’m thinking Daimler may have to pay Cerberus to rid themselves of this troublesome man. Watch this space.

BusinessWeek tells us that “cash is getting so tight at General Motors (GM) that management has launched another wave of cost-cutting. The company is even scrutinizing the electricity bills.” Just how much cost cutting is left to be done by these serial-cost-cutters? Yet more new vehicle programs are being delayed, with “sources” saying the Cruze has been put off until 2011 and the next generation Malibu pushed into 2013. BusinessWeek is even using the naughtiest word: bankruptcy: “The delays will save precious cash at a time when analysts say bankruptcy is a real possibility.” How bad is it? “GM is also looking at more miserly ways to save money. The company has told engineers and product development staff at its sprawling technical center north of Detroit to turn the thermostats down to 66 degrees and turn lights off after hours.” Nothing boosts productivity of the development staff like keeping it cold enough to discourage naps. But with critical programs delayed, what exactly is there for these well chilled engineers to do? Somehow survive until 2010, that’s what: “These are tough decisions, but the company has to save cash to stay out of bankruptcy in hopes of making it until 2010. By then, concessions in a new labor contract with the United Auto Workers will kick in, saving several billion dollars annually.” Are they really still hanging onto the old saw about UAW contracts being GM’s biggest problem?

What’s up with The Detroit News? When it comes to partially or completely unattributed rumors surrounding the GM – Chrysler merger, there’s no source vague enough to warrant exclusion from their news pages. But when they’ve got a hold of a really juicy rumor, they get all coy on us. There’s no reason for “GM mulls Tiger Woods’ Buick contract” to exist– other than as a nudge, nudge, wink, wink word in your ear Guv’nor that The General and The Tiger are about to go their separate ways. How’s this for a suggestive juxtaposition: “Buick, which has had an endorsement agreement with the world’s No. 1-ranked golfer since 1999, has no plans “right now” to scale back its golf sponsorships, [Woods’ agent Larry] Peck said in a telephone interview. The company’s stock has dropped more than 74 percent this year to $6.19 at Wednesday’s close, and GM has cut 53,000 union workers since 2005.” Given The General’s exsanguination, Woods’ other agent was appropriately sanguine. “I want to see where they are, and they want to see where we are,” [mark] Steinberg said. Will they wave at each other? You know, as GM says goodbye? Look for a Tiger at a BMW, Mercedes or Audi-sponsored event soon.

Not bad, you know, considering. Considering that Chrysler has pretty much stopped spending money on capital expenditure (small stuff like developing new cars). Even so, ChryCo was quick to launch its crack [smoking] damage control squad. “Chrysler issued a statement saying that the second-quarter loss is $660 million when taking into account the differences between international and U.S. accounting standards,” The International Herald Tribune reports. “The Auburn Hills-based company says Chrysler’s automotive operations lost $570 million, with the rest of the loss attributable to Chrysler Financial.” So, that’s alright then? Anyway, Chrysler is continuing to negotiate with Daimler to buy the German’s automaker’s remaining share in the Crisis Corportation. “On a conference call this morning, Daimler Chief Financial Officer Bobo Uebber said negotiations with Cerberus continue. Cerberus is seeking to buy all of Chrysler and is negotiating with General Motors Corp., the combined Nissan Motor Co. and Renault SA, and other companies for the sale of Chrysler.” Yup, that about covers it.

Edmunds Inside Line (TTAC takes the racing line) reports that Pontiac has decided to let the critically-acclaimed Pontiac G8 die on the vine. “According to sources,” Edmunds reveals, in the style to which automotive journalists have become accustomed. “Pontiac will not get a version of the next rear-drive platform that underpins the Australian Holden Commodore.” Still, you’ve got to give Eddy credit for sarcastic snark. “This move is indicative of a fundamental switch in direction for Pontiac, the General Motors division that just a few years ago was envisioned by Bob Lutz to be the American BMW. The deaths of the Solstice and the eventual discontinuation of the next-generation G8 will leave Pontiac with zero rear-wheel-drive vehicles.” So, one wonders, how does GM sum-up this “new direction?” Dead brand walking? Nope. “Inside Line says: You’ve still got plenty of time to pick up your very own G8 — the high-horsepower GXP and the quasi-pickup-truck ST versions are still to be introduced. But you don’t have forever. — Daniel Pund, Senior Editor, Detroit” Nor, of course, will your G8’s residuals be very healthy. Just sayin’.

Cost-cutting carnage continues at the artist formerly known as the world’s largest automaker. The Detroit News reports that GM spinmeister Tom Wilkinson has announced that his employer is “temporarily suspending company matching of its 401(k) program as of Nov. 1.” Also gone by the end of ’09: tuition reimbursement and adoption assistance programs. (Tommy is a good boy who loves working at GM. Won’t you open your heart and help find him a home?) Meanwhile, the DetN is doing what it can to help, claiming the moves arrive as GM “navigates the downturn in the auto industry.” (As a group of non-romantic viewers chanted during the first half of the movie Titanic, “Ice berg. Ice berg.”) Oh, and Tommy said the automaker’s buyout program for salaried employees has been “well-received,” though he refused to reveal the number of workers who accepted the offer. So how about an update on the jobs bank, then? No? Never mind.

Automotive News [sub] begins the day with a snippet from former Chrysler and current Chrysler Prez Jim Press. The headline grabs a quote from Jimbo’s address at the ironically-named Convergence 2008 conference. Press’ exhortation tells a tale of corporate defiance and American grit: “Dontcha wish your pension was hot like mine?” Just kidding. “We’re going to be here,” Press pronounces. How inspirational is that? But credit Jim for a sense of humor, you know, providing you don’t actually work for Chrysler. “He said he had to acknowledge ‘the elephant in the room,’ then quipped, “There is a lot of distraction in our industry that is fueled by speculation. All I ask is stop reading the newspaper.” What’s a newspaper? Anyway, like any Motown exec wearing a golden parachute, he just had to take it that one step too far, explaining why GM is intent on swooping down on ChryCo to hoover its cash and pick its bones clean and leave it for dead (which it will be). “Our strategy is working. Maybe that’s why lots of people are sniffing around the Chrysler vault lately.” Yeah, that must be it.