Few people will recognize the name Salman Rushdie. Those who do will know know Rushdie as the Indian-born fiction writer whose novel The Satanic Verses inspired the Ayatollah Khomeini to issue a death sentence against its author. After attempting to read the work in question, I can tell you that it’s far more likely that the the fatwa was, in truth, an act of literary criticism, rather than a divinely-inspired retribution for Koranic blasphemy. Suffice it to say, the rest of Rushdie’s literary canon can be safely placed in that special category pretentious people call “challenging.” In fact, Rushdie’s greatest work was penned when he worked as advertising copywriter for Ogilvy & Mather. The headline above is one such Rushdie meisterwerk, written for the UK’s Egg Council. He also wrote “Naughty but Nice” for a cake maker. But just try and find a bio that gives proper credit for these bon mots, or explains the creative process they required. As Justin and I dissect ad slogans on this podcast, try to remember that it takes a blazing talent to find a few words that can carry a car brand into the hearts and minds of consumers. And a great company to recognize and embrace them.

Failing upwards is a very strange concept, one that I don't pretend to understand. For example, Mark Fields took the reins of  Ford's doomed-from-birth Premier Automotive Group (PAG) from founder Wolgang Reitzle in 1998. During Field's four-year tenure, PAG continued its inexorable decline. Fields didn't staunch Jaguar's wounds (i.e. kill the X-type) or introduce hit models (i.e. the Jaguar F-type) or do anything to pull PAG into profit (i.e. launch the Volvo XC90). And yet his service at PAG earned Fields the position of President of the Americas and a temporary slot as CEO-in-waiting. No doubt Fields is a handsome, energetic, personable, intelligent and hard-working Ford employee. But it seems that his ascension has more to do with these traits than what business people like to call "results." The fact that Fields is still in situ tells me that Ford's diseased corporate culture remains intact– which is far more worrying prospect than even its bone dry product pipeline. Can ex-Boeing CEO Alan Mulally retrain Ford's old guard in his new (old) ways? Maybe. But I'm reminded of a piece of advice I found in an Atlantic magazine article some 20 years ago. What's the trick to training a dog? Answer above.  

I'm sure many of you share "the one that got away" syndrome. You know: the car you should have bought for peanuts and stashed away. My two four-wheeled pangs are a neighbor's Dino and my old man's Mercedes Benz 300SEL 6.3. I know both of these cars were/are hideously expensive to maintain, and that time has this way of making cars you haven't driven in twenty years seem like great cars when, in fact, a Volkswagen GTI could run rings around them. Well not so fast Mr, Bond. I had the pleasure of driving a 6.3 in England before the country's anti-speeding jihad lead to the existence of more speeding cameras than ear, nose and throat specialists. It was just as fun steering that bad boy with my right foot. It was still a blast watching puff of blue smoke as the points cleared themselves at rock steady triple digit speeds. And it still smelled wonderful. As for the Dino, a properly restored (rebuilt?) model proves the old saw about having more fun driving a slow car fast than a fast car slow. It's wonderfully balanced and incredibly charismatic. If I looked around today for cars I would stash if I could stash cars, I'd go with my Boxster S (3.4-liter, 19's), the E55 Mercedes station wagon and, get this, a Corvette-engined Chevrolet SSR. Which you can still buy new.  

I'd love to produce a TTAC TV program. Can you imagine? Now, try to imagine a network that accepts automotive advertising putting us on the air. It behooves fans of Top Gear to remember that the program is a BBC production. In other words, it's aired on a non-commercial channel funded by a mandatory TV tax that's enforced by roving cat loony TV detector vans. There's no way the egomaniacal Mr. Clarkson could bully his co-hosts and pontificate on the crapitude of crap cars (or the sexual pleasures of fast ones) with such ill-mannered, bombastic, no-holds-barred abandon if his cart and pony show aired on American commercial TV. Realistically, the only U.S. media outlet that could/would air a TTAC TV show would be PBS or one of the paid cable channels. While we're ready to go on our end, I'm not actively pursuing such a venture. No time. Which reminds me: we're looking for an intern. No pay, lots of responsibilities, work from home. Applicants must suffer from at least mild auto-related OCD and have a basic command of the English language as she is spoke. Drop an email to robert.farago@thetruthaboutcars.com. Oh and no major ego issues please. That's my purview. 

Sorry; I went off on a major tangent. Let's try the on-message thing again. So… the podcast focused on Newsweek's list of eight vehicles Chrysler should kill. Me, I'm Machiavellian. Cut more deeply than you have to. So I'd terminate everything Chrysler makes except the 300. If you must, keep the Town and Country minivan. But make it the world's fanciest minivan. Move both models WAY upmarket. Why not? Who's representing American luxury? Caddy doesn't get it. Lincoln's dead. Once more into the breach, dear Chrysler! Dodge? If their current passenger car lineup proves anything, it's that Dodge can't build a competitive small or mid-sized car. No way Jose (or the Chinese equivalent). Just drop it. Build pickup trucks. Three sizes: small (remember small?), medium and friggin' gigantic. Done. Jeep? Kill everything except the Wrangler (two sizes) and the Grand Cherokee. Sound risky? Never was anything great achieved without danger. Anyway, who cares about cars, minivans or trucks? Boot'em Bob's first job should be booting them. Why is LaSorda still in situ? Why is Nardelli embarking on a full court press when he hasn't retired the losing team members? In fact, why haven't thousands of Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep white collar workers been fired? It's completely obvious to me– and Nicolo– that the only way to "cure" a diseased corporate culture is to leave it knee deep in blood. If Bob isn't true to his moniker, mark my words, all will be lost, both for Chrysler and Nardelli. As Big Mac said, "it is much more secure to be feared than to be loved."

My career at CNN prepared me for this work. Like TTAC, Ted's 24-hour news channel was an insatiable maw that required constant feeding. Miss a deadline? Never happened. Couldn't happen. You did the best you could within the time frame available and that was that. I soon discovered that quality was not a function of time. CNN's hourly newscasts were as good as the net's daily productions, if not better. Nor was money the deciding difference between "us" and "them". We had a hundredth of NBC's budget; yet we missed nothing. So what made it work? Contrary to some books on the subject, it wasn't esprit de corps— there was far too much alcohol, cocaine, envy and ambition for that. I reckon it was the sheer joy of having a voice. Of being able to say something without a stultifying bureaucracy reigning-in our style, creativity and passion. Obviously, that's changed since then. But freedom of expression has a home here at TTAC. So whenever I wonder how the Hell I'm going to raise this brand out of its ghetto with just one full-time staff member (me), I think back to those crazy days when everyone– everyone— said CNN wouldn't cut it. We didn't believe. We just enjoyed. In other words, sorry I missed yesterday's podcast Justin, and put this one up late. But you gotta admit: it IS fun. 

Over the weekend, I ate at little Rhody's most celebrated (i.e. expensive) death-by-meat-house. The experience was more-or-less as expected. As I left, the waiter confronted me with his best crestfallen/concerned expression. "Was everything all right?" he inquired. In other words, why'd you stiff me? As I'd left 10 percent of a very hefty tab, I ruled his plea out of order. Besides, the bastard had [temporarily] confiscated my knife. MY knife: a prized folding lock-back whose sharp edge makes slicing meat as easy and sensually satisfying as corner carving in a Boxster S. "Oh no, you need this!" he'd said, removing MY knife and proffering a cutting instrument straight out of Pirates of the Caribbean, with a blade as dull as Congressional testimony. In general, I don't mind surrendering authority to someone who knows what they're doing. But when someone's a bully AND an idiot, well, like I said, the waiter had removed MY knife. This reaction also explains why I detest car dealers. Sounds like Justin feels the same way. 

"I just got a new wing mirror for my Skoda." "Sounds like a fair trade." And it's true: I remembered the joke; I didn't surf the web for it. Although these days, one wonders why you'd want to remember anything. Everything's on the web. OK, a lot of the information is inaccurate; as our resident rivet counters remind me whenever car info gleaned from the meta minds at Wikipedia proves to be erroneous. But it is a brave new world, where you can find facts (and pseudo-facts) on the most obscure aspects of motoring with just a few taps on the old plastic keys. Although Toyota's hired a guy to scan the blogs, I'm sure the big bosses throughout autodom don't get it. Their egos are too fragile to answer a question "I have no friggin' idea. Let's Google it." Why else would GM Car Czar Bob Lutz– a man who can remember the warm glow of vacumn tube radios– try to name all VW's brands, when it was clear he had no idea? By now, it should be OK to not know stuff. Lyndon Johnson knew the score when he proclaimed "A decision is only as good as the information its based on." Add in the old saw "A bad decision is better than no decision" and you have a recipe for executive success. And I'm looking at that picture of the Optima and deciding to get back to the real work of this site before the weekend closes in. Aloha.

Back in the day, the descriptive phrase "living room on wheels" applied to an automobile was a compliment. That I never got. I simply couldn't understand why anyone would want to experience the joys of driving completely insulated from the joys of driving. While I didn't expect everyone to lust after a Dino (the car, not the animated dinosaur), there were BMWs and Mercedes and Toyotas and VWs about that offered a Miley Cyrus solution. Why couldn't Detroit at least move in that direction? When I drove the first Honda Accord, I rejoiced: the Japanese "got it:" road feel, steering feel, handling, braking, the works. I remember thinking right then and there that Detroit was going to get its butt kicked. I was wrong and I was right. As the success of the originall Lexus LS proved, the Japanese understood that building better American-style (i.e. pillow-soft and deadly silent) cars than the Americans was the key to mainstream success. While there are plenty of driver's cars for sale these days, it behooves those of us who prefer them to remember that most people don't. Or do they? If you put an Avalon driver in a BMW 3-Series, would they eventually learn to stop worrying and learn to love the Bimmer? The success of the new Lancer suggests not.

VW may be moving from Detroit to Washington, DC. So it's out of the frying pan, into the home of liars. Other than DC's proximity to the regulators who determine what kind of cars get built and the city's more convenient airline connections to the Fatherland, I can't fathom any good reason for the brand to move to Cap City (in both senses of the word). I've got nothing against DC, but it's another highly insular company town. I mean, if you were the head of a car company looking for a place to attract world class talent and keep them from sticking their collective heads up their collective asses, wouldn't you go to the home of car culture? As Jed Clampett's friends said "California's the place you ought to be!" Actually, I'd put my people in Knoxville, TN. Low-cost of living, friendly folk and The Tail of the Dragon, one of this country's wildest public roads. Yeah I know: the police have cracked-down on TOD hoons, big time. But you could cut a deal. Anyway, as much as I love Little Rhody, this is not motorhead mecca– as Mr. Berkowitz so KINDLY pointed out. I wonder how much houses go for down in Knoxville…

Sorry for the late post, Justin. My daughter's musical education demanded an emergency trip the Bundus to secure a larger violin from the only gray-haired man I've ever seen with a Beatles-style (a.k.a. bowl) haircut. Stepping out of the Volvo S80– a press car that my wife had scratched only hours before while choking on a mint in an underground parking garage– I noticed that the Bee Gees-era Chevrolet Caprice parked adjacent was adorned with a sticker: "RI State Troopers. Always there when you need them." I had to laugh. I mean, you pay a "donation" to a "benevolent fund" (how mafia is that) and you get this sticker that asks the cop not ticket you 'cause you reached into your pocket when a highly paid telemarketer ignored the national Do Not Call list to tell you how many police officers died so that some meths-crazed loser wouldn't interrupt the crucial last five minutes of Iron Chef America– like he just did. I say, if you're that worried, drive a Volvo S80. If ever a car discouraged rapid progress, this is it. In fact, the Caprice driver would have LOVED the S80; same floaty drifty dynamics, touchy brakes, unsupportive seats, slow and complaining engine and family-friendly packaging. In fact, it's the missing link! Anyway, I digress. Here's the podcast.

I really do wonder about the clash of ideologies inherent in the green movement. I'm just about old enough to remember America's transition from seemingly boundless self-confidence and optimism (retro-actively captured by Donald Fagen's masterpiece The Nightfly) to cynicism, doubt, fear and self-loathing (typified by Buffalo Springfield's "Stop, hey what's that sound"). Automotively speaking, what greater contrast could you have than the bold, brash, befinned Cadillacs of the '50's vs. today's Kremlin-style DTS? But the wider point perplexes. Are we really supposed to be the generation that turns it back on conspicuous consumption in favor of social responsibility? While I am, at heart, a minimalist, I find the idea of peak oil and global warming and don't drive an SUV or a Ferrari 'cause you're killing my child, your child, everyone's children to be somehow antithetical to the American way. I know that the 50's weren't a lot of laughs for a lot of people, and that "the American way" as described revolts many people, but is it really so wrong to celebrate conspicuous consumption? While some– and I'm thinking Tesla here– capture the public imagination with a "cake and eat it too" solution, I'm not so sure we can have it both ways. Nor am I sure I can give up the things I love for the greater good. Just sayin'. 

You may have noticed a few changes to the site over the last few days: disappearing and reappearing car reviews, some new functions, a flaming warning above the edit box, a bigger edit box in which not to flame, etc. Yes, our most excellent programmers have been busy doing a little pre-winter cleaning. The editorial side of this endeavor thank them for their hard-work, creativity and perspicacity (in cyberspace, no one can smell you sweat). And now, finally, we can return to podcasting. I've chosen Mr. Justin Berkowitz for our daily cast. He's got the right 'tude for the job and doesn't actually have a job– the "real" kind that doesn't let you podcast from a company-sponsored cubicle. We'll be riffing on our content for your dining and dancing pleasure. Enjoy. Oh, and the best way to clear your cache to see the prettified site: click on "classic" in the header bar, then click on "new" in the top right corner.