What’s up.

It’s your boy, JB. You know, the guy who isn’t allowed on your press trips any more. I’m not sure exactly why. It has something to do with me supposedly misusing one of your complimentary hotel rooms as a place to do something besides examine the press kit. I don’t know why it’s a big deal. You’re acting like I put on a satin “dragon suit”, performed immoral deeds using a mudshark, and/or threw a TV out the window. That didn’t happen. I specifically left my satin dragon suit at home that weekend so I can say for sure that it didn’t happen. Maybe that wasn’t it at all. I don’t know. We don’t need to discuss it now. Just censure me and move on.

Plus, it isn’t like you guys haven’t made mistakes yourselves, and more recently, too. I mean, Jimmy Fallon? Curating Tweets? CURATING TWEETS? JIMMY FALLON “CURATING” TWEETS? I need you to stop reading this letter right now so you can go home, cut out a section of your garden hose and savagely beat whoever came up with that idea until they can’t walk any more. Wait. Make that “type”. Can’t type any more. That’s especially important. Because I think that idea probably originated with them typing an e-mail to someone, and until that can’t happen again none of us are safe.

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Just kidding, no they won’t!

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Mitsubishi’s commitment to the American market seems to hinge on two crossovers, one plug-in, and a hilariously undersized A-segment car. The plan is so absurd that it may have a chance of succeeding.

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Well, that was quick. GM is apparently planning a mid-cycle refresh for the Chevrolet Malibu in 2013, 18 months after the car was released in showrooms.

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Despite the failure of the BMW 5-Series GT, BMW is determined to capture the economies of scale of its rear-drive platform and shoot for unprecedented volume by cranking out even more ugly variants of its core models. Case in point, the 3-Series GT.

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As part of its agreement with the CAW, Ford will open up 400 jobs to laid off workers from its Windsor and St. Thomas plants (aka the birthplace of our beloved Panther) – but with 885 potential applicants and 400 jobs, allocating them will be tricky.

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Mazda is remedying the biggest complain regarding its wonderful CX-5 crossover; the lack of power. Starting next year, the 2014 CX-5 can be ordered with the new 2.5L Skyactiv engine offered in the new Mazda6.

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Yesterday we showed off the profile of the 2014 Kia Forte. Now here’s the mug.

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Part Fiat 500C and part GMC Envoy XUV, the Volster C3 rolltop concept has a rolling canvas roof (like the Fiat) designed to help make it easy to carry tall objects (like the XUV). The roof can roll two ways, away from the cargo area to carry tall objects, or away from the passengers to help get some sunshine on their heads. Underneath, it’s all Veloster Turbo mechanicals.

Whether you love or hate Acura, there’s no denying that they stick to their guns.

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Despite embargoes keeping things under wraps, journalists found another way to break this bit of information early; by going to the display stand and looking at the information.

And that’s how we confirmed that the 2.2L Skyactiv diesel engine will power the 2014 Mazda6. With 173 horspower and 310 lb-ft, the oil burning Mazda should be an interesting alternative to the VW Passat TDI. And apparently, you can get it with a manual as well.

The Ford Fiesta ST looks even better in a bland color like silver. It’s the kind of car you could leave parked on the street without worrying about theft or vandalism. Try that with a hot Honda from the 90’s. The ST’s big change might be the ST-specific seats installed here. There’s only a small badge, and the alloys don’t exactly scream “performance car” either.

The Jaguar XKR-S must be self-destructive. The elegant lines of the XF and the awesome 550-horsepower supercharged V8 are marred by the retina-searing blue paint and the tuner-esque spoiler on the rear. Can that be deleted? If so, I’ll take one in black.

Aside from the antiquated gearbox, Toyota’s next-gen RAV4 is also ditching its third row seat and V6 engine option. The 2.5L four-cylinder option making 176 horsepower. Oh, and the liftgate now opens upwards, rather than sideways. Excuse me, my heart feels like it’s beating too fast…

Fiat dropped a product onslaught at the LA show, revealing two variants of the 500L, and an Abarth version of the 500C, so I can better sunburn my enormous bald spot.

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