Why do so many folks hate SUVs? Is it angst driven? Environmental? Ideological? Or maybe a fear of domestication? I honestly don’t know and rarely did I give two flips about it until late August 2005. Once Katrina hit, the car market in the United States forever changed and so did yours truly’s viewpoint on the All-American SUV.
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Category: Hammer Time
I love stability. Give me a world where folks can put forth a solid effort in their work and not worry about their future, and I’ll gladly join it with membership in hand. But then with too much stability also comes mediocrity. In times of yore, a lot of folks could simply get by with offering products and services that were less than world class. To put it kindly, they sold crap. But they also benefited from a playing field where the strongest and fiercest were kept far from the action and their kids inevitably got the education needed to make the laggard company successful. Auto Companies in South Korea, Japan and now China have benefited from protectionist policies that offered different degrees of medium-term stability and long-term learning for their once weak automakers. Should we follow suit?
Retirement. We all dream of that day when we can take our cell phones and chuck them in the ocean… forever. Some folks dream of painting Tahitian nudes after that beautiful moment. Others simply want to live in a planned community with everything but kids and ‘stuff’. As for me? I just want solitude. A good axe for chopping wood. A nearby library. A garden… and the seasons. Oh, and a car.
I saw the strangest thing yesterday. Driving down a country highway there appeared to be a tattered old Toyota pickup and a 1990’s Chrysler LHS spread amongst five foot tall weeds. Further peering in resulted in an Escort Wagon, 3 Oldsmobile Cutlass Convertibles and 2 Sebrings. I wondered… had Monsanto finally invented some special car seed to plague the Americas? Not yet. Thankfully. Instead it was a dealer friend who was literally hiding his compulsions amongst the kudzu. His case may be extreme since he apparently has nearly 30 vehicles strewn throughout his prairie land. But he’s not alone.
I’m sitting inside one of the largest auto retailers in the world. Khakis. Shorts. Blue shirts are wandering. Aimlessly. Finally a family of ‘fish’ enter this pond of corporate hookery. They look at the displays. And then a nice middle-aged female lady comes to make her greeting. And the fun begins…
Most folks believe that hybrids are frugal. If only it were so. Hybrids carry a price premium worth their weight in cadmium. Despite over a million sold, it’s damn hard to find a good deal on one. In five years of searching I’ve only found three solitary steals. Conventional gassers though can be as cheap to buy as a wore out mop. Name your brand (within reason). Name your size. If you’re patient enough, you can almost name your price. Gas beaters are truly cheap to buy. But to own . . .
The nearby junkyard has over 450 Clunkers, with a couple hundred more to go. Explorers, Suburbans, Town Cars, Durangos, Rodeos, and Expeditions are literally growing like kudzu. You want parts? Forget the dealership. In fact, you can even forget the parts store and mail order companies at this point. The gravy train of cheap has come to feed the hogs of yesteryear. For John Q Gearhead, this may mean that the economics of beaterdom have changed forever. Namely . . .
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Who here would have been willing to spend $15,000 on a Dodge Dynasty? Oh c’mon now. Those trombone case red interiors were quite luxurious in the Imperial days of the Reagan era. But okay then. How about a few more Franklins for a zonker yellow Suzuki X-90? No? Maybe a Daihatsu Charade? Perhaps a Honda Ridgeline? Ten years from now I believe we’ll see a very long line of models epitomizing the worst of value and design. Your nominations? Oh . . . and no. Reincarnating the 1990’s aquatic Taurae and the Daewoo Lanos (and the hands of fate) don’t count.
No car is perfect. Regardless of the myth of brands, a Toyota can get engine sludge. A Honda transmission can go south for eternity. Even the vault that is an old Mercedes will need to be lined with the insulation of greenbacks from time to tomb. There are definitely tendencies when it comes to cars. But no absolutes. Nada. Like the game of baseball, the winners are threshed out through experience. What makes the real difference in all that time?
Go to any auto auction. Chances are you’ll see 2001 Accords and Camrys go for higher prices than 2003 Tauruses and Grand Prixs. Is that premium justified? Well, I’ll put it to you this way.
Guess what happens to the car market between Labor Day and Thanksgiving? Nothing. Nobody buys cars unless they absolutely need to during this time. You have no shopping holidays. No ‘tax season’ with refunds aplenty. Not even a hint of any government windfall or pork barrel rolling down Capitol Hill. This is the time of year where 2009s and even 2008s will slowly make their march to the ‘deep’ discount aisle. Should you buy?
A 2005 Maserati Quattroporte to be exact. 35,000 showing on the odometer and no warranty whatsoever. The auctioneer drew down the bid in freefall fashion from $40K to $32K in the hopes that somebody—anybody—would bid on the garage queen. Finally, a dealer went for broke at $30K. Another joined in. The two duked it out to the exact tune of ‘hundred, hundred, half’ until the 67th bid came in. Of course by this time everyone was sick of looking at the exterior which can only be described as ‘Aqua Velva’ blue. The hammer fell and the four door Ferrari went to one of the nicest drug dealers in Atlanta (just kidding, Frank!). Seriously. It was a good buy—except for the fact that Maserati apparently won’t give extended warranties anymore. Now all Frank has to do is find a spare junk car at a salvage sale, a freelance Maserati mechanic (I’m sure we can all find one on Craigslist these days), and a Virgin Mary for the dashboard. Hmmmm . . . he had better make that a plastic Jesus.
I’m neither Republican nor Democrat. To paraphrase the late Frank Zappa, I realize that stupidity is indeed the building block of the political universe. Thanks to a long line of political careerists at all levels of our fair land, we now have speed limits laws that encourage a lack of respect for the law and a strong hatred for governments. We also have thousands of police officers who aren’t pursuing bad guys anymore. They’re busy being meter maids for the state. The same is true for code enforcement officials, toll booth collectors, and the ever lovable camera brigade. What’s the solution to all these unproductive resources that are used to subsidize our government’s (cross out safety) activities?
600 to 1500 miles a week. Some of you may consider this travel excessive, or, perhaps, bordering on the psychotic. In the auto remarketing business it’s a way of life. Wholesalers, auctioneers, ringmen, and managers of varying stripes all have to spend their time on the road. Auctions are often separated by several hours and states. Not to mention that the folks in the Great White North often have to travel to different provinces, upwards of 2000 miles a week, to get where they’re going. That’s a lot of time with a seat, a dashboard and a radio. You may think that a Camcord or some type of hyper-efficient vehicle would be the car of choice for so much travel . . . but you would be dead wrong.
Now that cash for clunkers has gone the way of GWB, used car values are plummeting in earnest. Last Monday, I visited three auctions in the metro-Atlanta area. Sale number one was without their two heavy hitters and prices were down a solid 10% across the board. 2008 Land Rover Discovery HSE with TV’s and 30k miles? $32,000. A few weeks ago it would have been closer to 36k. Sale two had fewer buyers than any time since November 2008. An immaculate 1991 Chevy Suburban with 142k went for only $700. A 1998 Trooper? $500. A 1997 Avalon with only 43k original miles and dealer maintained? That was the surprise. $5700. Tthat one was a dogfight, though, and it was one of the very few.
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