Automotive News [sub] reports that Ford has less than $15b in cash, and a burn rate of “somewhere between $1.3 billion and $2.57 billion” in the fourth quarter. CEO Alan Mulally had earlier indicated that Ford had a solid $15b to work with, but a spokesman now reveals that his number is off. Ford has not closed the books on the fourth quarter yet, says Mark Truby, “however, our cash position will be lower than $15 billion. It would be premature to say anything more.” Ford is sticking by its earlier guidance that cash burn was reduced in the fourth quarter, but that’s not saying much considering the Blue Oval torched $7.7b in the third. In addition to the “under $15b” cash on hand, Ford has access to $10.7b in credit. But with nothing else to borrow against, survival until the brand’s Euro-revival takes hold could come down to a requested-but-unapproved $9b government “emergency line of credit.” Or magic. Never stop believing in magic.

Bloomberg reports today that despite receiving $4b in government aid, Chrysler refuses to open its books to the public which involuntarily bailed it out.  It turns out that when Robert Nardelli pledged “full financial transparency” while begging the government to buy into his Pentastarred hell, he was really offering “partial financial transparency.” As in, ChryCo will share the numbers with the Treasury, but nobody else. The weekly status reports, biweekly cash statements and monthly certifications to the Treasury are required to demonstrate that Chrysler is complying with policies on expenses. But as Chrysler Spokesperson Lori McTavish puts it “we are not in a position to mirror publicly traded companies, as our investors remain private. However, the company is obligated to our private investors and lenders, and as such, keeps them apprised.” Earth to Chrysler: your major investor is the public. And we expect more than just a thank you card.

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The New York Times’ Dealbook blog takes it to the GMAC bailout with TTAC-like zest today, methodically doling out blame to all sides of the deal. Many of their points have been covered in TTAC’s ongoing coverage of the deal, but the Dealbook post does a good job of summarizing everything there is to hate about the handout. For one thing, there’s the fact that (unlike other TARP packages) the Treasury failed to secure warrants backed by GMAC common equity. This means that we the American taxpayers have no upside to the deal beyond earning back our money with eight percent interest. Furthermore, the warrants that Treasury did receive are worth only five percent of our $5b investment in GMAC, far less than the 15 percent warrants required of other TARP borrowers. Oh yeah, and the $1b that GM received to invest in GMAC is secured only by GM’s stake in GAMC. Not only do these considerations increase taxpayer risk, they also destroy the “our bailout is better/more fair than theirs” relativism that the auto biz rode into Bailout City.

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Clearly, The Big 2.8’s head honchos did themselves no favors by swanning into DC for a federal teat suckle on big ass private jets. And Ford CEO Alan Mulally’s family outings on the company Gulfstream G500 were a bit OTT for a company on the ropes. But used judiciously, there’s nothing wrong with private jets per se; they can greatly increase an executive’s ability to get information from front line troops. By not sticking-up for private aviation, by slinking back into town via hybrid, the Big 2.8’s CEOs threw a valuable industry into disrepute. No, I mean the private aviation industry. AIN Online reports that “H.R. 7321, the auto bailout bill, which would have prohibited the financially strapped automobile manufacturers from owning outright, leasing or owning any interest in private passenger aircraft, as long as the government debt was outstanding; and required the manufacturers to sell or divest any aircraft or interest that was owned before the bailout. Even though the bailout bill failed, the damage was done. “Jeff Beck, a Gulfstream contract pilot, had one word to describe the state of the economy and the fallout following the GM and Ford announcements: bad. ‘As soon as [people] started talking about the auto executives and their private jets, it just killed the contract pilot business and the aviation business,’ Beck said. A number of other flight departments followed suit, Beck said, and now there simply aren’t enough jobs to go around.” Needless to say, there’s yet more perfidy here in GM and Ford’s craven capitulation to the congressional class worriers.

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Automotive News [sub] reports that, thanks to you the taxpayer, GM is offering 0 percent financing through Monday, Jan. 5, on the discontinued Chevrolet TrailBlazer, GMC Envoy and Saab 9-7X, 9-3 and 9-5. “We’ve been trying to hold onto market share with one arm tied behind our back,” says GM Marketing individual Mark LaNeve. “Any tool they can get to make credit available and put deals together is a good thing.” Especially when taxpayers pick up the bill. But Mr LaNeve, what do you say to critics who argue that artificially low rates and subprime lending is what got this country and your firm into trouble in the first place?  “Six hundred twenty (FICO) is not a subprime score,” argues LaNeve. “That’s a very creditworthy buyer. Hopefully, we’ll have access to more of the market that is out there.” Meanwhile, Saab dealers aren’t exactly thrilling over the decision. “We need product, and we need a clear decision made” on Saab’s future, one Saab dealer tells AN. Either “we’re going to continue to be a part of General Motors’ family, or we have a buyer lined up, and here’s the buyer.” And though that decision doesn’t seem to be immediately forthcoming, at least everyone can pretend like it’s the nineties for another week. Trailblazer at zero percent interest? If that doesn’t get the nostalgia flowing, I don’t know what will.

Shortly after receiving its second bailout of the month (first Chrysler, then GMAC), Cerberus Capital Management announced that it is limiting investor redemptions. Finalternatives reports that Cerberus recently notified investors that gate provisions on its Cerberus Partners hedge fund were triggered after clients sought to withdraw more than 16.5% of the fund’s assets. Investors will be allowed to withdraw one-fifth of their year-end redemptions, and Cerberus is magnanimously waiving 60 percent of its incentive fee for one year after it recoups losses. Cerberus lost over 18 percent in October and November alone, and its Chrysler investment is likely a total loss. “This is a very hard decision for us, and the realization that taking these steps is now necessary is deeply disappointing,” says Cerberus top dog Stephen Feinberg.

From the “there but for the grace of god go I” file comes the story of one GMAC debtor who can’t catch a break from the company that is catching breaks left and right. The New York Daily News profiles the plight of Chastity Strawder, an unemployed schoolteacher who is falling behind on lease payments for her Pontiac G6. Having leased two G6s (after all the usual credit checks), Strawder developed health problems and lost her job. Now falling behind on lease payments, Strawder is being treated to a series of angry phone calls from GMAC who want their freaking money, man. And Strawder seems to believe that since she and GMAC are in the same boat (“can’t make ends meet”), they might treat her with the same generosity that she (as a taxpayer) is showing them. Apparently not. $6b of public funding or not, GMAC is still in it for GMAC. Or is that Cerberus? Either way, the moral of the story is that bailouts won’t weaken the world’s most powerful force: compound interest.

When the news came across the e-transom last night that Cerberus’ chairman John Snow’s pals at the U.S. Treasury had decided to “invest” $5b in GMAC, my blog was filled with words like “bat shit crazy” and “disgusted.” After the shock wore off, I edited the post to remove my angry jibes and let the nonsensical nature of the move speak for itself. And respect the views of those who feel that pissing away $6b (an extra $1b for GM) is in the national interest, free market principles be damned. And anyway, I figured this is only the tip of the insanity iceberg. It didn’t take long to get a look below the waterline. Marketwatch (can someone lend their logo a sweater?) reports that the plucked-from-bankruptcy lender is lowering its lending criteria, from a FICO score of 700 to 621. “The actions of the federal government to support GMAC are having an immediate and meaningful effect on our ability to provide credit to automotive customers,” said President Bill Muir in a statement. “We will continue to employ responsible credit standards, but will be able to relax the constraints we put in place a few months ago due to the credit crisis.” Need I say more? Oh, one thing: we still don’t know whether or not GMAC met its debt-for-equity target. I wonder why…

According to Automotive News [sub], investor Kirk Kerkorian’s Tracinda Corp sold off its 133.5m share position in the Ford Motor Company. Tracinda first revealed that it would divest its Ford holdings in regulatory documents filed in October. It has now confirmed the complete sale. Tracinda spent over $1b on Ford stake beginning in April, paying an average of $7.10 per share. At the time of writing, Ford is selling at $2.22 per share and falling. Kerkorian’s losses in Ford are estimated at over $660m. Still, the ninety-year-old money man can take the hit. Not only because he’s close enough to the end of his life to not give a dman, but also because Forbes rates “the Lion of Las Vegas'” current net worth at a $16b. Ford was the third Detroit automaker to attract Kerkorian’s attention; the sale marks the end of his tortured involvement the major domestic auto OEMs. Of course, when they file, Kirk or his minions might go bargain hunting…

Poor Gina Proia. Not only does she have a last name that she can never leave for the order takers at Panera, but she also has to defend GM. AND look herself in the mirror in the morning. But plucky lass that she is, Gina (may I call you Gina?) is doing her best to fend off media enquiries about the debt-for-equity swap at troubled (as in death rattling) lender GMAC. The company needed to convert 75 percent of its $38b of issued debt into preferred stock to raise $30 billion in capital to become a bank. The deadline for the swap– upon which GMAC’s transformation into a bailout-rescued bank depends (no matter what Gina says)– expired Friday at 11:59pm. Since then, not a peep from the participants. Especially Gina. On Sunday, she played the inscrutability card: she’d let us know in the “near term.” Today, she told Bloomberg “Once the results are finalized, we will disclose that information.” Is she asking us to believe GMAC doesn’t know if it lives or dies or gets Uncle Sugar to change the rules? This could be much ado about nothing. Or it might be time for GM CEO Rick Wagoner to bone-up on his King Lear. So to speak.

GMAC. Bank or bust? We still don’t know. As we’ve reported at least twice previously, if the troubled lender failed to make the leap to hyper-suckle by Friday at 11:59 pm (i.e. get investors to swap out enough debt for equity to morph into a bank and scarf $6.3b or so from the Trouble Asset Relief Program, and a bunch more as federally secured debt), then the whole house of cards known as the domestic auto industry will come crashing down. Automotive News [sub] reports that GM spinmeister Gina Proia said the company expects to put out the results of the debt-for-equity swap in “the near term.” Let’s call that option C. Option A? GMAC did the deed but remained tight-lipped for the last two days because majority owners Cerberus never met a cloak of invisibility they didn’t wrap around their operation like Christo covering the Arc de Triomphe. After all, this is the same privately-held company that owns Chrysler, which expects Uncle Sugar to “lend” it $4b, despite the fact that we don’t know how Cerberus paid for it in the first place and/or who owns the paper on what now, after the sale and (presumably) deep borrowing against assets. And now, option B…

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In our coverage of lender GMAC’s struggle to become a bank (i.e. suckle on Uncle Sugar to avoid bankruptcy), we pretty much assumed it was a done deal. The Fed’s decision to grant GMAC bank status if/when they completed a mega-debt-for-equity swap seemed like the come-on reluctant investors needed to take their chances with the U.S. taxpayer, rather than a bankruptcy judge. The dealine for the d-for-e swap expired last night at 11:59. If GMAC made it, it’s just another step down the road to recovery, or nationalization, depending on your perspective. If they didn’t, all HELL will break loose. GM simply can’t survive without GMAC covering its dealers’ floorplan costs (loans for inventory). If GMAC goes down, thousands of GM dealers go belly-up. While that’s exactly what GM needs, they don’t need it all at once. The market would be flooded with hundreds of thousands of units of unsold inventory, supplier confidence would disappear, etc. So which way did it go, then? “We have not yet issued final results,” GM spinmeister Gina Proia told the AP. “But intend to in the near term. I have no further comment on the exchange until then.” Someone somewhere is holding their breath.

Well, someone had to do it. Automotive News [sub] reports that the Fed will use its $200b Term Asset-Backed Securities Loan Facility to provide new-car dealers floorplan loans. It’s been understood since its November 25th spawning that TALF would “secure” auto loans, but a Fed FAQ released today reveals that “for TALF purposes, auto loans include retail loans and leases relating to cars, light trucks, or motorcycles and auto dealer floorplan loans.” In news that won’t thrill the small-town dealerships, the minimum TALF loan size is $10m with a three year maturity. Sorry, credit card debt is not eligible. Suzuki Motor Company announced that it would discontinue floorplan financing precisely (if you believe Automotive News [sub]) four minutes after the announcement. Coincidence?

Credit is at the heart of the current auto crisis, a fact agreed to by all sides of the debate. But while the pro-bailout crowd wails about needing a 700 FICO score to get a car loan, the fact of the matter is that cheap credit allowed Detroit to create this problem in the first place. Mother Jones correctly points out that Detroit has been redlining the American auto market for years, by finding the easiest profits possible. And no, they’re not talking about SUVs. The thesis is that with car pricing easily available online, dealerships relied on financing offers to lure consumers into the store. Loans were loaded with extras, interest rates would be bumped for kickbacks, and upside-down trade-ins were rolled into the new loan which often stretched to six or seven year terms. These tactics, which MJ calls “endemic,” have left a US market where 85 percent of Americans with a car loan have negative equity. On average upside-down Americans owe $4,400 more than their car is worth. And all the while congress has played right along, from including a provision in the 2005 bankruptcy “reform” which forces filers to repay the entirety of a car loan, even if they owed substantially more than their car was worth, to engaging in fraud themselves. Now, as Rosemary Shahan of Consumers for Auto Reliability and Safety puts it “no matter how much money Congress throws at the automakers, it’s car buyers who will rescue them or not.” With 85 percent of American car owners looking at an average of $4,400 negative equity on their vehicles, Mother Jones is absolutely correct in assuming that the $17.4b bailout band-aid won’t bring back the business Detroit needs. Which proves that even when their main product was financing, the Detroit Three still just couldn’t get it right.

You might think that Barron’s would ease-up on the “bet on GM” advice. In a June 2 cover story, Barron’s told its readers to buy shares in the ailing automaker. At the time, The General’s stock traded at $17.10. “GM’s turnaround will accelerate over the next two to three years, even if the U.S. cyclical downturn dims the outlook for the next 12 months,” Barron’s prophesied. “The shares could rise to at least 30 and maybe as much as 45 once those big cost reductions drop to the bottom line in 2010. And if the stars align perfectly — the economy enjoys a second-half uptick and the housing market and consumer confidence turn for the better sooner than expected — the stock’s rebound could be quicker. Even a small improvement in sentiment could bring a disproportionate rise in the stock.” To be fair, in November, when the excrement and air movement device had already collided (but good), Barron’s did the mea culpa thing: “Our enthusiasm for GM was clearly wrong, as was a suggestion that its bonds, like the senior note maturing July 15, 2041, would be more valuable.” And now, Ward’s Auto reports “GM restructuring may make bonds best bet-Barron’s.” There’s more, but we’re not subscribers– to either publication. At close of play Friday, GM’s stock traded at $4.49 a share– and that’s AFTER the bailout.