On one hand, Polk Automotive's 2007 Loyalty Awards are "based on actual consumer transactions, with over 6 million household records per year being analyzed to determine the winners." On the other hand, I never trust a list of award winners that doesn't provide the full results, including the losers. So, GM wins the manufacturer loyalty category, with a staggering 62.89 percent customer retention rate. Take THAT Toyota! Uh, hang-on. ToMoCo wins the "make" loyalty category, with 56.69 percent customer retention. What's the diff? (We'll phone Polk later.) GM scoops six segment titles: Small Car (Saturn Ion, 23.5 percent), Large Car (Chevrolet Impala, 33.89 percent), Sports Car (Pontiac Solstice, 19.08 percent), Full-Size Pickup Truck (Chevrolet Silverado, 36.64 percent), Full-Size SUV (Chevrolet Suburban, 23.21 percent), and Prestige SUV (Cadillac Escalade, 33.61 percent). Toyota takes five segment titles: Mid-size Car (Toyota Prius, 33.34 percent), Luxury Car (Lexus ES, 32.8 percent), Prestige Luxury Car (Lexus LS, 44.41 percent), Compact Pickup Truck (Toyota Tacoma, 17.73 percent), and Midsize SUV (Lexus RX, 29.04 percent). There's something strange about all this. Did I mention that we're phoning Polk? 

Proving the old bromide that "many a truth is spoken in jest," Wal-Mart may be fulfilling a prediction made by some of TTAC's erudite readers: selling Chinese cars alongside the toilet plungers and plastic shoes. According to Bloomberg, Wal-Mart CEO H. Lee Scott has revealed that the monolithic megastore chain has been talking with automakers about selling gas-electric hybrids and plug-in EVs at Wal-Mart. Lee decline to specify which carmakers are involved, or where they were located. Scott would only say the potential suppliers were "major" companies. He also unveiled a proposal to provide recharge stations for EVs, generating the juice via wind turbines or solar panels or some other politically correct means. Of course, there are logistical challenges, such as getting planning permission for a windmill at your local Wally World, training part-time minimum-wage stock clerks how to sell cars, and figuring out a way for customers to get their shiny new EV through the self-service checkout lane.

You slowpokes in your Koenigsegg CCR's and Bugatti Veyrons, pull over! There's a new king of the hill. According to BusinessWeek, the Shelby SuperCar Ultimate Aero claimed the title of the world's fastest production car on September 13 last year. The [non-Saab or English candy bar] Aero averaged 256.18 mph during a Guinness-certified run. And if that ain't scary enough for your heated, air conditioned and climate-controlled garage, the wind tunnel tests at NASA show that the $600k 1,183-hp rear-wheel-drive car (with no traction control and 1,094 ft-lbs of torque) vehicle would be stable up to 273 mph.Virginia-based Shelby (no relation or association with 'Ole Shel) says it's building "just" 50 of these not-so-daily drivers. They built and delivered five Aeros in 2007; they have eight orders for 2008. What's next on the company's agenda? A four-door luxury sedan that'll do 220 mph, of course.

Even if the stars don't leave the lines at home for this year's Grammy awards– must respect the little people's writer's strike– Chevy will be there. Their press release proudly proclaims "Chevrolet will bring an eco-friendly presence" to the awards this year. The gas-friendly to gas-free automaker will provide "a mix of 100 Tahoe Hybrids and FlexFuel E85 ethanol Tahoe and Suburban SUVs" to ferry oblivious talent to the award show "in a fuel-efficient way." And if that wasn't enough to prove GM's green creds to the music industry, they'll also "'electrify" the red carpet with a show-stopping display of the extended-range electric vehicle Chevy Volt Concept car." [NB: That's not the hidden-from-the-public, aerodynamically dumbed-down revised Volt headed for Chevy showrooms by… uh… when-ever.] What a difference a year makes. In '07, Cadillac provided non E-85 gas-guzzling Escalades for the same affair. I guess that was SO last year.

The Detroit News reports that golfing phenom Tiger Woods is set to tackle Buick's one foot in the grave image. In a new series of ads, Woods waxes eloquent about driving his Lambda gimme– despite the fact that it's made by a brand that's more Geritol than Gen X. Or Y. "Growing up I thought it was for my mom and my dad and that generation and certainly not for someone in their 20s and 30s." But now that Tiger's a husband and father, he "appreciates the Enclave's safety features" and how easy it is to stuff his family, pets and golf clubs into the Tahoe-sized CUV. The multimillionaire also likes his $40k mom-mobile's style. "The Enclave looks cool– you feel like this car was specifically made for you." I'm sure it was. Hey! How about lending it to one of those potential Enclave buyers who can't get their hands on the crossover (before they cross over) because GM screwed-up the parts supply? And if the Enclave is already hot, and GM can't meet existing demand, why pay Mr. Woods to turn-up the heat? Someone needs to tell GM's marketing minions that timing is. Everything.

After rebadging the lackluster Five Hundred as a slightly-blingier-but-still-lackluster Taurus, Ford CEO Alan Mulally's still trying to recapture the magic. The Detroit News reports Big Al's talking about jacking-up the Taurus nameplate and sliding a new car under it in 2009. Speaking in Detroit yesterday, he hinted that a new new Taurus would arrive on the scene in the next "year or so." What's more "the new Taurus is the one we should have made originally" (you mean originally originally or later originally?). And then Mulally clammed-up, saying "I've probably said too much." The usual fictional unidentified "other company sources" told the DetN the new new Taurus would be built on the same platform as the existing one with totally new sheet metal, a new interior, better fuel economy and an optional EcoBoost engine. Viva la evolution!  

"We're trying to create a feeling in our car dealerships more of a luxury hotel than a car dealership." This according to Lexus NA GM Mark Templin, speaking at the Automotive News [AN, sub] "world congress" (information without representation!). Templin encouraged U.S. Lexus dealers to offer the brand's customers enough upmarket creature comforts that they'll want to "hang out" down at the dealership, quaff a latte, check their emails, buy a car or something. Templin highlighted other advancements in the famous Lexus dealer experience, upon which its 178 purveyors (in 224 outlets) spent a cool billion bucks over the last three years. "They are making their Web sites more interactive," AN breathlessly reported. "Including virtual tours of the dealerships, their vehicles and even staffs." A virtual tour of a staff member? Whoa. That's taking the whole customer relationship deal a bit far, methinks.

Once again, pictures of a new car have leaked onto the web before the manufacturer's official debut date. Sometimes this sort of thing is an actual leak involving skullduggery, corporate betrayal, miniature cameras and journalistic derring-do. These days, it's usually a manufacturer's thinly-veiled attempt to whip-up interest in a relatively mundane product. Anyway, as you can see on Autozeitung's website, the changes to the new Mercedes SL-class roadster are hardly revolutionary. The new bits primarily involve the front clip, where a RetroBig grill now resides (RetroBig is my name, not theirs). The SL's headlights have also morphed, from ugly double blobs to somewhat different ugly blobs. Looking at the front of this thing, you can't help but wonder if the outgoing model's a more reasonable evolution of the old 1990s Mercedes SL500. The next gen's front end looks more like a mutation. Other changes include a hideous bodykit all the way around, fishier gills on the side and an even more schizophrenic interior. Seeing one for yourself in person is the only real way to be the judge. In the meantime, the takeaway word for the new SL: busy.

Ever since Apple hammered their way to advertising glory with their Big Brother Superbowl spot, and probably before, advertisers have saved their biggest guns for the big game. We've got no problem with that. And we can understand why the people signing the checks for these big budget productions get all excited about their multi-million dollar 60-second contributions to America's popular culture (and the TV network's bottom line). But excuse us for not sharing in the excitement to the same extent, and wondering why Audi would think we would. In fact, their pre-game Superbowl ad hype has gone from feverish to dangerously manic to fully-fledged monomaniacal madness. We've just received an email declaring "Soon, a bold challenge to the tired old myths of luxury will be hitting millions of TV screens across the land. A new viewpoint. A new way of thinking. A new era." Yes folks, "You will have a chance to witness the moment that will set the nation talking. The countdown has started." A follow-up missive declares that this new era will be issued in by none other than actor Alex Rocco, who portrayed Moe Greene in the first “Godfather” movie (also "Man with Ice Cream" in the 1973 James Caan comedy "Slither"). One piece of Audi advice we agree with: "Don't miss the moment of truth."

GM Marketing Maven Mark LaNeve is changing his tune faster than a short-circuited juke box. Yesterday, speaking to Automotive News [AN sub], GM's Marketeer outlined the idea of creating metro superstores. LaNeve said he'd run the concept up the proverbial flagpole at the annual National Auto Dealers Association (NADA) convention next month. When the story appeared, LaNeve saw that no one was saluting it. In fact, dealers were firing Howitzers at the damn thing. So Marketing Mark sent a polite message to dealers (and AN) stating "there will be no announcements of any kind regarding any new initiative or change to our channel strategy." In classic GM what-you-thought-you-heard-wasn't-what-I-should-have-said style, LaNeve claimed that the AN story "gave the impression of a major policy announcement of shift in strategy." On the other hand, he also said GM is discussing the cost of real estate in prime markets and the inclusion of "more than one" brand at some locations. What LaNeve didn't say was how many irate phone calls and emails he received from NADA members threatened by his metro megastore misegos.

Soon, the answer to "that thing gotta Hemi in it?" will be "Huh?" While plenty of pistonhead's have debated the current motor's right to that legendary moniker, it may soon be a moot point. According to Automotive News [AN; sub], Chrysler co-president Jim Press says that buyers not of the baby-boomer generation don't have the emotional attachment to the name their parents do. "The Hemi is not the powertrain of the future. It's the powertrain of today." (I guess he followed Pumbaa's advice and put his behind in the past.) So what engine will the next generation embrace as the performance engine of choice? Press reckons it'll be high-performance V6's and electric motors– even though the Hemi will continue for a few more years nestled in the snout of the Ram pickup. Somehow the idea of Paul Revere and the Raiders singing "Forget about your electric motors and your GTO's…" doesn't have quite the same emotional resonance.

The feds made us do it! I'm tempted to say that the Dow Jones' Marketwatch interview (via CNNMoney) with GM's Car Czar is Maximum Bob unplugged. But that assumes that Mr. Lutz was, at some point, connected with reality. Anyway, here we have Maxi Bob taking his "raised federal fuel economy standards are like forcing fat people to wear small clothes" argument to the next level. "With the federal mandates at 35 miles per gallon coupled with cheap fuel, it puts us at war with our customers. At $3 a gallon (for gas) many people still want full-sized pick up trucks (and) full-sized sport utilities with V8 engines… and we're not going to be able to sell it to 'em because we if we do we won't make (the federal mandates)," Lutz told the Dow folk, adding, "It's ridiculous." Strengthening his already bullet-proof rep for spouting Pollyanna prognostications based on sweet FA, Lutz also says he's spoken to bankers who think the worst is over for the "mortgage meltdown crisis and the liquidity crisis." Anyway, who cares? "If everything goes well in the rest of the world, we can take a couple hits in the U.S. and still be okay." And just in case you thought Bob's reality divorce papers weren't signed yet, how about this: "We are working on the electrification of the automobile because my personal theory is the best way to save fuel is to use none at all." 

Once upon a time, GM had to pull a TV spot for the Corvette because the media nannies thought it would encourage 10-year-olds to drive America's sports car recklessly. And now the Canadian Press reports that Ford's yanked a newspaper ad in Saskatchewan and Manitoba because the (thought?) police says it encourages auto theft. The full-page ad showed the rear of a Ford SUV with a bumper sticker that reads "Drive it like you stole it," with "Built for life in Manitoba" underneath. Ford of Canada spokeswoman Gina Gehlert has thrown herself on her PR sword (guaranteed non-fatal), saying "It was never our intention to offend anyone." But Gehlert refused to comment on whether the ad will appear in other markets or be reworked into something that doesn't lead Canadian youth into a lifetime of crime. May I suggest a bumper sticker that says "Drive it like you rented it?" No, that's not it. Any suggestions?

Yesterday, we took a "Whose Fault Is It Anyway?" look at consumers who used carmaker's easy credit to buy (in the ironic sense of that word) vehicles they couldn't afford. Today, the San Antonio Business Journal reports that The Alamo City guv'mint has teamed-up with Ford "to make it easier for more working individuals and families to buy a new or used car." Here's the deal: low income buyers save up $1000. FoMoCo and San Antonio's Department of Community Initiatives match the buyer's grand with two more, creating a $3k down-payment towards a new or used vehicle from one of eight participating Ford or Mercury (!) dealers. To qualify for the "down payment assistance program" the buyer's income must not exceed 300 percent of the federal poverty level (that's $61,950 for a family of four). Applicants must also be a San Antonio resident, an insurable driver, not have declared bankruptcy within the last seven years and be "current" with all creditors. (Driver's license?) Oh, and they have to qualify for financing. Welcome to America! 

Usually I ding manufacturers for switching to stupid alphanumeric model names at the expense of memorable word names (Legend became the RL? Seville became the STS? What happened to the Continental?). But Volkswagen is doing their best to make anonymous letter/number combinations look more appealing by choosing the most unpronounceable names they can find/devise. First, we had the Touareg ("twa-reg"), which is embarrassing no matter how you say it (especially to the eponymous semi-nomadic tribe who didn't get a dime from the deal). Then VW unleashed the Tiguan ("tig-wan"), a cute-ute (their tails are made of rubber, their backs are made of springs). Yesterday, VW attempted to top both of those– and the Nissan Qashqai (don't ask me)– by calling their rebadged and slightly reworked Chrysler minivan the Routan. Route-tan? Rootin'? With apologies to Sid and Nancy, I'm going with "Rowten." Or not, as the case may be.