April Fools’ Day is a dangerous proposition in this day and age. I mean, where does the media get off giving people the license to turn everything into a joke when just about everything is one giant joke anyway? Oh well. Post-post-post-irony’s gotta have its day in the sun too. And with that in mind, let’s set a course for the joke-or-not heart of darkness: The Detroit Free Press. The Freep is running wild with its license to giggle today, loudly proclaiming GM’s new CEO Fritz Henderson’s ability to, like, fix stuff. So is this good news for folks stuck with malfunctioning GM transmissions? Or does Fritz The Fixer just know a guy who knows a guy? No, apparently the big difference between Wagoner and Henderson is that “where Wagoner, 56, often spoke in sentence fragments that strung several thoughts together, Henderson’s answers are more direct, his speech more clipped.” Oh, yes, and “when GM defused a potentially explosive standoff between the UAW and parts-maker Delphi Corp. in 2007, union President Ron Gettelfinger singled out Henderson as the peacemaker.” So he’s a short talker that makes nice with the union. Sounds like a fixer (-upper) to us. Funny stuff, Freep.
Ousted GM CEO Rick Wagoner is being posthumously hoisted onto a cross by Michigan’s Governor Granholm and the Detroit News, which is running a piece today entitled “GM Workers Upset That Wagoner Became Sacrificial Lamb.” Huh? Better him than them, right? “Here we got past all the bad media, all that fury during congressional hearings, and now they want him to resign,” says UAW Local 599 (Flint) Chair, Terry Everman. “It’s really a setback, because you don’t know what new direction GM will take.” And it’s not just the uncertainty that has workers in a kerfuffle over the Wagoner pink slip. “It just didn’t seem appropriate for the administration, rather than the board, to dictate,” says OnStar Manager, Bryan Bateman. “I think Rick was a sacrificial lamb in all this. I think he took one for the company.” Except that Red Ink Rick should have been dumped years ago, and the irresponsible board members that kept him around have been canned by Obama as well. Oh, yeah, and GM turned its fate over to the feds the second it took public bailout money. But, hey, one man’s sacrificial lamb is another man’s tasty entrée. To (you guessed it) more government intervention on behalf of the General. Of course.
There’s a big brouhaha brewing between an organization called Think Progress (TP) and Fox News Analyst Bill O’Reilly. After Billy Boyz ambushed ThinkProgress.org Managing Editor Amanda Terkel, TP is urging advertisers to pull their ads from Billy’s show. Here’s a response from a Ford spokesman who wasn’t spoking on behalf of Ford, but felt free to use FoMoCo’s imprimatur:
Thanks for the heads up. And while I agree with you about the rantings of the hopelessly pig-headed Mr. O’Reilly, recognize that I am just an innocent bystander in this email letter silliness. I work at Ford and support Ford, but have no idea how the decisions are made on where we advertise. Frankly, as a mainstream company, we advertise everywhere there are good ratings. That is not an endorsement of the show — that is recognition that people are watching the show. Don’t know why they watch that mindless ranting. But they watch in droves. Welcome to America, I guess.
The MSM knows GM’s broken. (Ya think?) They also know the Presidential Task Force on Autos (PTFOA) is on the case, writing checks as fast their little pens can scribble; it takes a LOT of checks (and no balances) to keep the zombie automaker from going belly-up. The press also realizes that something must change! But . . . what? Rick Newman over at US Snooze and World Report (that was unnecessary, but fun) reckons he knows what GM needs to do that it isn’t doing now. Do what the competition’s doing. Pedants note: Rick’s not suggesting ten new products. I think. He’s simply saying that the following machines are “some of the top cars from which the Detroit automakers can learn.” Presumption up with which GM’s top brass can not put. Presumably. Oh, and Rick, you might want to check the sales charts for some of these, and/or ping TTAC’s B&B for slightly more meaningful memes than Detroit hearts building big.
There’s only one thing worse than realizing you’re a cynical bastard: realizing you’re a cynical bastard and the world really IS that corrupt. Oh well. The truth hurts, both giving and receiving. In this case, I had high hopes for the Tata Nano. As the son of a Romanian immigrant for whom car ownership was proof positive that America is the world’s greatest country, I believe that the motorization of the world’s largest democracy would unleash that nation’s creativity, productivity and prosperity. But when Tata “launched” the Nano two days ago, without a factory to produce it, I smelled a rat[tan]. The next day, there it was: Tata’s in not-so “secret negotiations” for a billion dollar UK bailout for their ill-advised—not to say hubristic—purchase of Jaguar and Land Rover. So, there’s your timing then. Oh, and the announcement on Autobloggreen this morning that the NSFA (Not Safe For America) Tata will export the micro-car to America (with a few mods, ’natch) in 2011 or 2012 (or 2020) is not to be taken seriously. The argument that Tata’s pie-in-the-sky promise to do the same for Europe actually weakens the case, not strengthens it. Or maybe that’s just me being cynical again. One can only hope.
Cars.about.com‘s Aaron Gold is what I’d call a pushover. So Chevrolet pushed him over.
I know a lot of people are going to fall in love with the Camaro, and I’m glad — this is a gorgeous car, and I can’t wait to see it on the road and listen to it go by. I’d even like to try a second date, if Chevrolet will let me borrow another one (not that they’re likely to after reading this review). But a long-term love connection with me and the Camaro? I’m afraid it ain’t gonna happen. So much for getting everything you want. — Aaron Gold
According to the About page at PostCardFilms.com, Mariessa Jonasz “can be seen in the television show “I Didn’t know I Was Pregnant,” which aired on Discovery Health.” Folks, we’re talking about women who didn’t know they were pregnant until they gave birth. How creepy is that? Not quite as unsettling as the news that Mariessa is married to this PR film’s narrator, Jedrzej Jonasz. Mr. Jonasz’ credits include a Canadian TV documentary called “Why is it sexy?” The mind boggles. And the question remains: how did this entirely unlikely pair blag their way into a brand new BMW (even for a few days) and (presumably) flights, hotel, meals, museum tickets, gas expenses and (for all we know) a per Diem budget?
Truth About Cars, The arrival of Spring means three things: Cars come out of the garages they’ve been hibernating in all winter, new cruising music arrives and women can finally start to show off a little skin again! To celebrate, Zinio has put together a sale that every man should take advantage of: For a limited time, during their ‘Motors, Music and Models’ sale, anyone who picks up a subscription to Maxim or Blender will also receive a free subscription to one of sixteen different automotive magazines, including Car and Driver, Hot Rod, Import Tuner and Lowrider. In addition, subscriptions to Maxim and Blender are lower than they’ve ever been before, so it’s a great time to pick up two magazines for less than the price of one. We’re only publicizing this offer through blogs and other social sites, and if you’d like to let your readers know about this special offer, I’d be happy to set you up with a few subscriptions of your own. Just point your readers to http://maxim.ziniooffers.com/special/ and send over a list of the magazines you’d like to receive and I’ll take care of the rest. I look forward to hearing from you, so please don’t hesitate to send over any questions that you might have. Thanks! – XXXXX
I know, right? I mean, both the Dodge Caliber AND the Jeep Patriot (snap!) made TTAC’s Ten Worst® (just kidding about the ®). A stripper Caliber would be unimaginably dire. And yet there it is: a poll question for the Chrysler Listens customer advisory board (death CAB for cutie). “How interested would you be in purchasing an ultra-base version® [just kidding again] of the Dodge Caliber (estimated MSRP $16,495) or the Jeep(R) [that actually is there] Patriot (suggested MSRP $17,495) if either were offered later this year?” Oh, and don’t forget “Jeep is a registered trademark of Chrysler LLC.” The odd thing is that someone—anyone—responded in the affirmative. What does that tell you?
More than a few members of TTAC’s Best and Brightest have joined the Chrysler Listens customer advisory board. We’re starting to get some of these comms back, and they’re about as revealing as you’d imagine®. Only more so.
This message is a follow-up to our chat with Steven Landry, EVP of North American Sales, Marketing, and Mopar® Parts and Service at Chrysler:
This is a follow-up to the e-mails we sent last week regarding the Fiat® alliance. At Chrysler, we are working tirelessly with the assistance of the U.S. auto task force to continue our progress in meeting the requirements set for us by the government. At this historic time, we need every one of our Customer Advisory Board members who support our ongoing efforts to get the word out to all our local, state and federal representatives that Chrysler is a viable business on a stand-alone basis.
With what one hopes is feigned incredulity, the Freep‘s Sarah Webster marvels at how political the issue of GM’s bankruptcy has become. “I must confess,” writes Walker with a conveniently wide-eyed naiveté, “I was quite surprised when the issue of whether General Motors Corp. or Chrysler LLC should file for bankruptcy took a turn to the political when the automakers first approached the federal government for a rescue package last fall.” Yeah, it’s a shocker alright. But why is Walker so surprised?
I was going to email TTAC commentator kazoomaloo to tell him I’d deleted his TTAC flame (“Dude, this is a pretty lame story”) when I clicked on his web addy instead of his email. I stumbled upon his pitch for a Ford Fiesta, as part of FoMoCo’s early adopter contest. I thought it worth sharing here because A) I like it and B) I’m showing the red card (or is that green card) for his assertion that the Fiesta is American. Hecho en Mexico,amigo. Moving on—I mean forward [ED. Fordward?]—I mean ahead, it’s the best day ever for Ford. CBS News is blowing some serious smoke up America’s @$$ regarding Ford’s relative health. Today, Ford received top billing as part one of The Morning Show’s weeklong series, “Early Across America,” featuring stories of “hope and optimism amid all the economic gloom sweeping the nation.” You can’t buy publicity like this. Oh wait . . . Anyway, there’s more!
Today’s the day that the embargo on Camaro reviews ends. First, as a taxpayer, a big thank you to all the automotive publications and websites that abided by the terms of GM’s proscription. You’ve helped my corporate beneficiary concentrate its marketing firepower for maximum effect. Second, I want to re-iterate my suspicion—based on historical precedent—that all Camaros tested were “ringers” (specially built and prepared versions). And third, I’d like to point out that Detroit News carmudgeon Scott Burgess and I share something: we both hate people. OK, I hate the lies that people tell and Scott hates anyone who hates Detroit. I’ve said time and again that the number of people who actually care enough to hate Detroit is statistically irrelevant. But Scott’s world is constantly under imaginary assault from people who vilify the cars he loves. Which, needless to say, includes the new Camaro. Althoughly, strangely, Scott doesn’t bless with his 100 percent seal of approval. In fact, reading between the lines, the new Camaro’s not even a 90 percent car. First the ho-sannahs . . .
I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I loathe auto shows. And I’m talking about the press days, where I can meet all my good friends from Automotive News, The Detroit News, Autoblog, Jalopnik, Motor Trend, etc. and score tons of child-friendly swag and jump into any vehicle I want without getting my knuckles rapped. Of course, it’s work. You couldn’t get to me to the civilian side of these events for love (for cars I got lots) nor money (which my writers could certainly use). Look don’t touch? Touch don’t drive? Line-up to see something you saw on the Internet weeks or months ago? Pay for the privilege? Crap food? I get the bonding with the kids thing, and I know there are OCD brochure collectors out there. Modelizers need apply. But other than that, why bother? Manufacturers are wondering the same thing. So . . . say goodbye to the British Motor Show, where attendance has plummeted in recent years. Tokyo’s next. Another sign that the traditional industry template is broken. And not a moment too soon. A bit late, actually. But there you go.
Is is that time again? The time when the MSM drinks copious amounts of Kool-Aid labeled J.D. Power Vehicle Dependability survey (VDS)? Assuming that there are TTAC readers who’ve joined us in the interim, let’s consider a couple of salient facts (as taught to us by Michael Karesh at the no-longer-TTAC-affiliated TrueDelta). First, the differences between brands in J.D.’s VDS is insignificant. Buick has 122 problems per 100 vehicles while Lexus has (shock!) 126 problems per vehicle. In the real world, this doesn’t mean you’re less or more likely to experience a problem in YOUR Buick or YOUR Lexus.
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