When it comes to creating reporting wild ass merger rumors, The Detroit News says game on! The latest chorus of "Daimler and blank, sitting in a tree" would have the artist formerly known as DaimlerChrysler selling 20 percent of itself to… BMW. Sussex scribe Neil Winton dutifully, perhaps even exhaustively lays out the rationale. "Audi is owned by German mass car maker Volkswagen, and Lexus by Japan's gigantic Toyota. This means that the cost of many basic components like engines, transmissions and components, which are used under the skin of ordinary as well as exotic machines, can be spread over huge numbers of vehicles allowing the interlopers what could be a killer long-term cost advantage." It's a simple if bogus premise: Mercedes and BMW could share parts and platforms to compete against Audi and Lexus. (Strangely for the home town paper, no mention of Cadillac.) It's also not Winton's idea. The entire story is based on a report written by Adam Jonas of Morgan Stanley. To be fair (why not?), Winton unearths a coherent naysayer in the form of Professor Ferdinand Dudenhoeffer, managing director of B&D Forecast. "The only thing that makes sense is that Morgan Stanley as investment bankers is going to make strong profits if they can sell someone a merger." Which makes the whole thing a bit of a non-story, don't you think? 

As much as TTAC likes to make fun of, well, everyone, we tend to focus our rhetorical cannon on auto-related hypocrisy and cant. Not so The New York Times. The Old Gray Lady's LA Bureau Chief Jennifer Steinhauer decided to smack down the California Department of Motor Vehicles' (DMV) perfectly understandable, in fact laudable decision to put driver training videos on YouTube and create its own myspace page. Steinhauer starts off nasty ("As YouTube videos go, Kyle’s driving test has nothing on Gizmo, the toilet-flushing cat") and gets nastier ("Since the department’s effort at youtube.com/californiadmv began last month, some of the clips have been viewed nearly 5,000 times. In comparison, “Gizmo Flushes” has been viewed 3.4 million times over the last 18 months"). Other than the fact that nobody's visiting the site and page– an issue that the snarky article helps rectify– her main complaint seems to be that the content is, as the Brits say, naff. "There is abundant instruction on the meaning of dotted white lines, parallel parking and blind spots, much of it set to music apparently performed by an ’80s glam rock cover band." At the risk of sounding hopeless web 1.9, the DMV is not supposed to be cool. It's supposed to be effective.

Nationally syndicated radio talk show host Michael Savage makes no bones about his antipathy towards, uh, well, I better choose my words carefully here. Because no matter what you think about Savage's views on American attitudes and policies towards Muslims, both extremist and otherwise, both here and abroad, one thing's for sure: he's got some extremely well organized opponents. To wit, The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) has members throughout the U.S. listening in to his show to identify Savage's local advertisers, as part of their ongoing campaign to pressure the show's sponsors to withdraw. Automobile recently published CAIR's most recent press release, which takes AutoZone to task for allowing ads for the chain to appear on The Savage Nation. Apparently, it was a slip-up. A spokesman declared that "AutoZone has a 'Do Not Air' policy against the Michael Savage show and that has been in place for over 6 years now." When TTAC contacted CAIR and asked what automotive-related companies advertise on the program, they named Hyundai, Tom-Tom GPS and GM's OnStar. We'll see if CAIR's campaign forces a retreat…

Speaking to The Detroit News (DTN) at the LA Auto Show, Jim Farley criticized his new employer's history of pouring money into vehicle launches and then leaving the new models to languish in the market without… advertising support. You thought I was going to say "mechanical updates" didn't you? No such luck. While Ford's Toyota-poached multi-million dollar marketing maven (exact salary undisclosed) places a high value on hype advertising, he's doubly sure that "This is a time for us to be really realistic." In the spirit of this new realism, Farley said he wants to ignore/trample upon Ford's Volvo strategy and take Lincoln upmarket, "re-engage" Ford dealers (as opposed to long overdue euthanasia), meddle with product development ("That's where I can help Derrick and his team") and generally scare the **** out of Ford veterans ("What if we paid people if something went wrong with their car? It's an idea"). The DTN ends their "welcome to the club" feature by describing an encounter between Farley and an ex-Ford marketeer. "'There was no process. It was just chaos,' the former member of The Blue Oval Boyz told Farley. 'Now, I wish I'd stayed.'" Be careful what you wish for.

I make "typos" (a.k.a. spelling mistakes) all the time. Even though WordPress has a built-in Jacuba spell checker, like all such programs, it's an idiot savant (that doesn't recognize the word "Jacuba"). If you misspell a word, but it's a legitimate word (just out of context), the hidden school marm says nought. And Jac doesn't do Jack on the headline bit (i.e. this morning's Freudian header about the "Dodge Durange"). All that said, if I was a highly-paid copywriter carefully crafting laudatory prose for a glossy Car and Driver insert on the "world's first two mode [why no hyphen?] SUV," I'd make damn sure I correctly spelled the ALL CAPS text underneath the arrows pointing to the vehicle's seven salient features. And you'd kinda hope that if I did miss something, the next guy up the literary food chain would catch it. No such luck here: "LOW ROLLING RESISTENCE TIRES." An indication of GM's quality control? Perhaps. Oh, and Jacuba caught it. 

[Thanks to Arcata Eye for the tip.]

The cheerleading team over at The Detroit News (DTN) is happy to report the GM is set to launch "a massive, worldwide [environmentally-themed] marketing campaign and a lineup of vehicles that uses a variety of fuel-saving technologies — including some that have yet to be created." Skating over the potential irony of that statement (and the obvious connection to the Doobie Brothers' "What A Fool Believes"), they also reveal that "As part of the announcement, GM today will debut its gasoline-electric Chevrolet Silverado, the nation's first hybrid pickup." Huh? What about the Sierra SLE Hybrid we reviewed in July 2004, and the, uh, Silverado version launched at roughly the same time? Never mind. Apparently, "the automaker is struggling to overcome a less-than-stellar reputation when it comes to the environment, and trying to do so without an iconic hit like Toyota Motor Corp.'s Prius hybrid." Ya think? Oh, and here's the real news, GM will also provide Walt Disney with 10 more fuel-cell-powered Equinoxes to let the Hollywood entertainment company claim green credentials while their execs and stars shuttle around in limos transport workers and "others" at Disney facilities in California. Just in case you think we're being too hard on GM's newfound love of all things green (as if), we'll give the last word (as does the DTN) to Michael Robinet of CSM Worldwide. "Robinet said GM has the product to become credible, even among import-loving East and West coasters who want to drive green vehicles." Fair and balanced enough?

The New York Times has issued a stern warning to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Leader Harry Reid not to accept a smaller hike in federal Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) standards. In an editorial entitled "Where's the energy bill?" (the word "frickin'" didn't make the cut), the Old Gray Lady asserts that "The single most effective way to address the problem of oil imports and consumption is to improve the efficiency of cars and light trucks, which use more than two-thirds of all the oil burned in the United States." After that failure of imagination, the piece hits Congress with both barrels. "Efficiency standards have changed little in 30 years. The Senate bill mandates an ambitious 40 percent improvement by 2020. The House ducked the issue — but Ms. Pelosi promised to fight for stronger standards in later negotiations. She must now honor that pledge." Or what? The Day After Tomorrow? Anyway, if you're a free marketeer with an anger management problem, you might want to give the link a miss. 

Advertising Age [sub] reckons a TV ad featuring actor/singer Harry Connick Jr. touring Katrina-ravaged New Orleans in a Lincoln MKX [YouTube] is unconscionable exploitation. In the great TTAC style, columnist Bob Garfield doesn't pull any punches. "They seem to have persuaded themselves somehow that they are doing something positive — celebrating the spirit of a city, shedding light on its challenges, recognizing its heroes. Bullshit. What they are doing is exploiting its victims to advertise luxury SUVs. It is vulgar. It is grotesque. It is disgusting." From there, Garfield returns to GM's contribution to the "automaker with a heart" ad theme. "Who can forget GM's 3,000-Dead Sale-a-bration, a yearend price promotion staged on the still-smoldering ashes of Ground Zero? Ford got in on the Sept. 11 sweepstakes too, with its own version dubbed "Ford Drives America." Yeah, to the brink of depravity" While we're not quite sure how these ads deprave American citizenry, hats off to Ad Age for calling out Young & Rubican's execrable example of Lincoln's dopey "Dreams" campaign. 

We're big fans of The Detroit News (DTN). While we never hesitate to hold the paper's editorial feet to the proverbial fire for failing to maintain a jaundiced journalistic eye, we respect the comprehensiveness of their coverage. But the paper's decision to diss a blogger reveals a side of their 'tude that makes us wonder if the patrician paper will ever understand the distinction between "us" (jobbing journos) and "them" (the car industry). A Business Insider piece mocked the cluelessness of a Joblo.com blogger at a Ford Mustang Bullitt intro. "JoBlo didn't show much interest in the 4.7-liter V-8 with a cold-air intake, the brushed aluminum dash or the enhanced suspension that lets the car cut corners like an ultra-cool movie icon. In fact, during the first day of the drive, he talked about movies, life in L.A. and the cool fog coming off of the mountains, which reminded him of 'Friday the 13th' movies. When it came time for JoBlo to take the wheel, he passed, citing one problem Ford forgot to check. 'I really don't know how to drive a stick,' he said." Not nice.

With $150m in their pockets, Chevy's ad men are touting the new Malibu as "The Car You Can't Ignore." Apparently the dealers can ignore it, though. I went to not one, not two, but three dealers in search of the new 'Bu. At the first, Performance Chevrolet in East Meadow, NY, they don't have any in stock. "We will have more by the end of the month." Uh, that's almost a month away. At dealer two, Robert Chevrolet in Hicksville, NY, neither the front space facing the street nor the showroom had a new Malibu (although they did have a Corvette sitting next to an Aveo). Around back they had a Malibu LS tucked away from public view. But the salesman couldn't find the keys to unlock it. "You can look in the window though." Gee, thanks. The third dealership was the charm. Charm as in lucky; the dusty dealership has all the charm of the DMV. East Hills Chevrolet Oldsmobile, in Roslyn, NY, had several Malibus in stock. I was even allowed to sit in one (Egad!). Just goes to show: it doesn't really matter how good the car is when the dealers bite.

After GM racked-up a $39b third quarter deficit, BusinessWeek (BW) wants to know if GM CEO Rick Wagoner is finally ready to unfurl his golden, bankruptcy-proof parachute. Their answer: maybe. Clocking the "muted" reaction to GM's latest losses, they attribute Rick's survival to the loyalty of GM's employees and board of bystanders directors. However, BW also notes the status may no longer be quo should the fourth quarter reveal "any more nasty surprises." Perhaps they should also question the longevity of CFO Fritz Henderson. Fritz reacted to GM's arterial spray by dropping such bon mots as "the economic pace and the market are certainly … something we need to be cognizant of." Up with this insight stockholders should put? What of "we're not signaling [their seasonally adjusted selling rate is] worsening or anything, but today it's certainly below trend"? This after GM missed their mark by about a million vehicles in October. In any case, it looks like the mainstream media is– once again– beginning to smell blood in the water. 

Normally we don't blog the bloggers, but this gem from The Daily Kos blogging a Fast Company article caught our editorial eye (ouch): "The problem with Detroit isn't the laws of physics, it's the fact that a guy who never even went to high school can do things — with stock parts — that Detroit's auto executives and their armies of engineers claim is impossible." And what awesome feats of mechanical wizardry has Johnathan Goodwin achieved that earned the admiration of The Daily Kos? First up: inserting a diesel engine into a Hummer H2 and running it on grease from a Chinese restaurant. Next, bio-dieseling a '65 Chevy Impala for MTV's "Pimp My Ride," increasing mileage to 25 mpg and bumping-up the shove from 250 horses to an entirely useful 800hp. With the acknowledged help of Kevin Kluemper, the lead calibration engineer for GM's Allison transmission unit. But does that slow down the Kos' anti-Detroit rhetoric? Hell no. "Remember — Detroit tells us it's impossible to increase gas mileage without taking a hit on horsepower. Yet here's Goodwin — with an eight-grade [sic] education — able to design motors that blow the doors off the conventional (and obviously bullshit) wisdom." And then a look at Goodwin's latest project: a bio-diesel hybrid H2 with a jet engine turbine powering super capacitor batteries, with a hydrogen injection system to cut emissions in half. "Think about it: a 5,000-pound vehicle that gets 60 miles to the gallon and does zero to 60 in five seconds!" So I guess it's official: Detroit is either too stupid, lazy or arrogant to realize your can have your cake down at the CAFE, and eat it too. [NB: I'm being sarcastic.]

In another case of under-informed greenery, Slate.com attempts to answer the question vexing America's automotive environmentalists: should American drivers switch to manual transmissions to save the planet? Answer: yes. Author Brendan I. Koerner says self-shifters can shave 15 percent off their annual gas consumption. "The Department of Energy estimates that the average American driver uses 500 gallons of gas per year, so we're talking about a reduction of 75 gallons. Since a gallon of gas emits 19.564 pounds of carbon dioxide… you'd be reducing your annual CO₂ output by approximately two-thirds of a metric ton." But then again no; American drivers lack the right technique/attitude to harvest the savings. "If you're lazy about shifting and allow your RPMs to soar unnoticed, then you might actually guzzle more gas than if your car were equipped with a well-engineered slushbox." Koerner seems blissfully unaware of the wide variety of cog-swappers on the market: slushbox, CVT, DSG, automatic clutch. But he's convinced that manual transmissions are a better bet, if only because "The brake pads on stick-shift cars… tend to wear out less rapidly than those on automatics. And manual transmissions are relatively cheap to fix and replace, so you can wait longer to buy a new vehicle." Who knew?

Well duh. More importantly, why is Michelle Maynard over at The New York Times publicly humiliating Chrysler's CEO for his non-car guyitude? That debate is so last August. OK, so Nardelli made some Home Depot-esque gaffes during his speech to the Magazine Publishers of America conference. Such as “I think a vehicle today has to be your most favorite room under your roof. I really believe that. I mean, it has to bring you gratification, it has to be tranquil. It’s incidental that it gets you from Point A to B, right?” Well no, obviously. But we get the distinct impression that Maynard was, well, picking on Bob. "'An automobile also needs “cup holders — some for water and some for…,' Mr. Nardelli said, but he did not finish that thought." Is the Old Gray Lady (the paper, not Maynard) seriously suggesting that the Chrysler CEO's inability to name any other beverage suitable for a cupholder indicates a lack of pistonhead credentials? The article gives Nardelli's PR handler enough rope to hang himself the last word.  "It’s his own spin on it,” Mr. Aberlich said. “It’s good to have that fresh perspective, and he’s bringing that.” Fair enough?

Relax. The BLANK awards will continue exactly as planned. Same nomination process (now closed), same writers’ comments, same press release, same no-holds-barred excoriation. It’s just that our ad guy (yes, we have an ad guy) is adamant: TWAT is an acronym too far. Potential advertisers (yes we have potential advertisers) can’t abide the locker room humor. I’ve made an executive decision to capitulate on this “issue” for the greater good (i.e. money), because TTAC needs more resources (i.e. money) to survive and thrive. In other words, needs must, and a pile of rolling garbage by any other name will still smell so sweet. Meanwhile, can you please help us devise a new, less sophomoric name?  Suggestions below ASAP. We’ll use it tomorrow to start the official voting. Never a dull moment, eh?