GM vs. Toyota over alt. propulsion. Now it's Time vs. Newsweek over crap cars. Not to be outdone by Dan Neil's selection of the 50 Worst Cars of All Time for Time, Newsweek's Keith Naughton got a list of 8 Chryslers That've Outlived their Time. After an excellent article on Chrysler CEO Boot'em Bob Nardelli's speech at the Detroit Athletic Club ("Speaking without cue cards to a room full of automotive reporters, he was heavy on GE-speak, waxing on about his 'vertical learning curve' and 'granularity.'"), Naughton gets out the automotive cyanide. The models Naughton– I mean "industry analysts" would send to the crusher are the TTAC TWAT-winning Chrysler Aspen and Jeep Compass; the Jeep Liberty, Dodge Magnum, Nitro and Dakota; Chrysler Pacifica and Sebring. How many of these will make this year's TWATs? Stay tuned.

Jim Miller over at The Flint Journal wants to dispel all those safety concerns surrounding hydrogen fuel cells. No, not the worry that your car will Hindenberg or that your hands will freeze and shatter into a million pieces during refueling. He's talking about giant vapor clouds over big cities and/or dripping water causing roads to freeze in winter. After dispelling these not-so-common misconceptions, Miller shows his inner Andy Rooney: "For every alternative fuel proposed, there are people looking for problems." (Hey that's us!) "Ethanol? It'll lead to higher food prices, and delivery is a problem. It takes a lot of fuel to produce it. Hydrogen? It costs money to produce, and there's no delivery system. Electricity? Batteries are expensive, recycling them is a problem, and most electrics have a short range. Enough already." Actually, not. Miller rags on gasoline ("Those supertankers aren't solar-powered") and finishes by chiding petrochemical recidivists. "Just remember, using oil is not the perfect answer either." True dat. 

Time has published a list of The 50 Worst Cars of All Time. While their rundown contains some deserving nominees– the 1956 Renault Dauphine, 1975 Trabant and 1982 Cadillac Cimmaron– it's poisoned by political correctness. The eds condemn the 1909 Model T because it "conferred to Americans the notion of automobility as something akin to natural law, a right endowed by our Creator [and] a century later, the consequences of putting every living soul on gas-powered wheels are piling up, from the air over our cities to the sand under our soldiers' boots." The '95 Ford Explorer is guilty of "setting this country on the spiral of vehicular obesity that we are still contending with today." The Hummer H2 was a "spiteful reactionary riposte to notions that, you know, maybe we all shouldn't be driving tanks that get 10 miles per gallon." And then are boneheaded choices, like the Chevrolet Corvair (same old Ralph Nader pap) and the Chevette (despite the author's statement "if there is a Chevette fan club, let it begin with me."). If Time wanted to show some real stones they'd run a list of the Ten Worst Automobiles Today. Oh wait; that's our job. Look for it next month. 

Reuters reports that Norway is banning manufacturers from advertising a car's green credentials. As far Norways's Department of Truth (a.k.a. Consumer Ombudsman) is concerned, "cars cannot do anything good for the environment except less damage than others." By that, state censor Bente Oeverli means that certain cars can be less harmful than others, but they're ALL bad for the planet. But don't try and claim your car is less harmful than the other guys, 'cause that's banned too. "If someone says their car is more 'green' or 'environmentally friendly' than others then they would have to be able to document it in every aspect from production, to emissions, to energy use, to recycling," she said. "In practice that can't be done." Meanwhile, in the UK, Volvo was told not to repeat a claim that the C30 car was "designed with the utmost respect for the environment in mind." Now that we can understand. Respect in mind? Tsk tsk. 

Detroit News columnist John McCormick's [undeclared] Caddy junket hath yielded a (gasp!) positive review of the new CTS. "Ready to confound your expectations," "pleasing evolution," "goes head to head with the best," yada yada yada. But before his paean to the brand whose "excellent progress" has resulted in a double digit sales decline, McCormick takes a few shots at potential Caddy customers who are unaware of the majesty that is the CTS. "The problem, as Cadillac general manager Jim Taylor acknowledges, is that even with brand new, competitive product, it is difficult to convey even basic information to buyers who are not knowledgeable enthusiasts." What was that about GM's $2.9b annual ad spend? Never mind. As far as McCormick is concerned, Detroit can't buy a break with the key demographic: German car-loving effete intellectual bi-coastal snobs. (Lexus doesn't get a look in.) "But with the launch of the all new 2008 CTS, Cadillac feels even more deserving of attention from the blinkered coastal sets." We repeat: there is no perception gap. 

According to Tim Higgins' front-page story in Wednesday's Detroit Free Press, "Chrysler's new chief executive office and chairman, addressed more than 300 senior executives at an all-day meeting Tuesday at Hyatt Regency Dearborn." Turns out Nardelli was sick on Tuesday. When the error was flagged, the Freep added this little ditty to the online version: "Correction: This story has been corrected since it was originally posted. The timing of CEO Bob Nardelli's address to executives was incorrect in early versions of this story. Nardelli is expected to speak to Chrysler execs today (Wednesday)." Yes, well, that's not much of an explanation is it? Clearly,Mr. Higgins wrote his report based on an advance copy of the speech. Oops. The next day, the gang over at The Detroit News felt obliged to include this info in their [follow-up?] story: "Nardelli was ill Tuesday and unable to address the group of 300 top Chrysler executives during the first day of a two-day meeting." They should talk. The Detroit News' relied on unnamed "sources" for its report on Nardelli's speech. As the Brits say, when you're in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging. 

When the temperature of the gasoline crests 100 degrees, the fuel loses roughly one percent efficiency. That may not sound like much, but OilWatchdog.org says its a freakin' scam. "At the higher end of fuel temperatures, 105 degrees, the energy loss is nearly a dime a gallon. Drivers' losses boost the bottom line of oil companies." Needless to say, the group supports the "hot fuel" class action lawsuit against ExxonMobil. They're also offering a free, official-looking "motor fuel ripoff notice" which you should "put on your car or anywhere it will be seen by many. Not, of course, on gas pumps, which could be construed as posting without permission." (This next to the words "STICK IT TO BIG OIL.") In the interests of journalistic objectivity, The LA Times also slams the oil companies for not adjusting prices by temperature ("The oil industry gets a lot of abuse, much of it without merit. But it's on the wrong side of the argument in this case."). Open-minded readers may wish to explore the issue over theoilddrum.com, which proclaims that "hot gas is hot air" and uses (gasp) science to make the point.

Digital Content Producer reports that The National Alliance of Women In Film (WIF) and GM are launching Traction, an "innovative and unique online magazine by and for women in the entertainment industry." Despite The General's sponsorship and the automotive double entendre, Traction has no automotive-related content. So why is GM involved? We're thinking product placement. After the Transformers movie featured four GM products (including the new… wait for it… wait for it… here it comes… Camaro), it seems GM has a hard-on for Hollywood. While Transformers' GM-heavy content has drawn fire for overkill, Product Placement News says the movie's director is unrepentent: "There are products in everything in everyday life. Do people think there shouldn't be brand names or something?" asks Michael Bay. "Everything is branded. I hate commercials when they take logos off of stuff. It's not real life."

OK, I'm paraphrasing. Freshly-minted (though perhaps not minty fresh) Chrysler CEO Boot'em Bob Nardelli rang-up The Rockford Register Star's star columnist Chuck Sweeny to schmooze. The fellow Auburn High School Knights yakked about federal corporate average fuel economy figures. Well, anyway, that's the news peg. And most of Sweeny's recollection sounds a lot like a PR release. But there is some meat to this matter. "Nardelli said he’ll need about 100 days before he can make a realistic assessment of what needs to be done to make Chrysler successful as an independent company, but he said his experience at GE is exactly what he needs to guide Chrysler: 'I’ve been there, done that before.'" First, BEB's 100-day assessment flies in the face of Cerberus' modus operandi, as reported by Portfolio ("When Cerberus pulls the trigger on a new purchase, it executes a detailed 100-day plan"). Secondly, it seems our fears of Boot'em Bob Six Sigma-ing Chrysler to death are not without foundation. Meanwhile, BEB's optimism knows no bounds, and he really, really wants to be seen as a car guy. "This is a really good business, and I’ve always had this romance about cars."

Reading this morning's PR Newswire press releases, I clicked on "The New Chrysler Awards $5,000 in Prizes at 13th Annual 'Spirit in the Words' Poetry Program." Well, fair enough. Nice to see Detroit as a patron of the arts. A reporter for WALB-TV, an NBC affiliate television station in Albany, scooped the $3k first place award for his ode "Corporate Brutha." Huh? I had to backtrack. Normally, members of the media are barred from corporate competitions, for obvious reasons. It got worse. Turns out the Chrysler contest is restricted to members of the National Association of Black Journalists (NABJ). Huh X2? Since when is it OK a company to run a $5k cash contest for journalists? Since when is it OK for them to accept the money? Quite some time, apparently. "The Spirit in the Word poetry program has been offered at diverse journalism conferences throughout the U.S. including UNITY, the National Association of Black Journalists, the National Association of Hispanic Journalists, the Asian American Journalists Association and the Native American Journalists Association." Shame on them. 

In The Washington Post, the dean of DC car hacks reports of his meeting with GM engineers to discuss gas – electric hybrids. The boffins convinced Warren Brown they're a duff deal. "In terms of what engineers call 'well-to-wheel energy costs,' gas-electrics actually are more energy consumptive and environmentally stressful than the traditional gasoline-powered cars and trucks they are supposed to replace. It takes lots of energy to design, develop, manufacture, transport and install nickel-metal hydride and lithium ion batteries. And, again, once their energy is used, once those batteries have become entropic, something has to be done with them." Full marks for recycling an old argument. But it's more than that; it's Warren's Road to Damascus. "It was in that context, over a luncheon of killed and cooked fish [dig the symbolism] we were eating to fuel our bodies, that we ventured into a conversation about Christian religious beliefs… Energy conservation is nothing more than an attempt to delay and manage the inevitable. It requires intelligence. It demands compromise. You can even argue that… it requires a certain amount of love. Essentially, it is an act of faith in something better." Amen.

Robin Chase has the answer to America's car pooling conundrum: Facebook. BusinessWeek reports that the Cambridge, Massachusetts-based founder of Zipcar is introducing GoLoco.org, a social networking-based service within Facebook designed to match potential riders and drivers. For those who are worried about the prospect of sharing a car with a total stranger they only know from an on-line conversation, GoLoco.org promises that "checks and balances are in place to make the system as safe as possible." Beyond registering on Facebook, GoLoco users must record a voice clip that tells the planet what they ate for breakfast that day. How knowing a complete stranger's culinary preferences makes them more trustworthy isn't exactly clear, but hopefully GoLoco's name won't ring true for the creepy guy sharing your ride on his way to Spahn's movie ranch.

I heard it too: the dig at Honda in Chrysler's radio ads. As part of the spiel touting their new lifetime powertrain warranty, the announcer declared "Unlike some other rat-faced bastards (or something along those lines), we don't make lawn mowers, motorcycles or ATV's." To which Business Week writer David Kiley replies "Are you nuts? Honda is the premier engine company in the world. Ask owners of Honda cars, motorcycles, scooters, lawnmowers or generators how they feel about Honda and how much they trust those engines." More to the point, "Chrysler is advertising this at a time when its credibility is in serious question. It's latest products have fallen in quality, compared with previous models. It's losing money. It just brought in a notorious cost-cutter and b*** breaker in Bob Nardelli to hammer the operations into something that might be profitable. And you are taking shots at Honda?" Apparently so. 

"The letter shapes of Highway Gothic weren’t ever tested, having never really been designed in the first place. 'It’s very American in that way — just smash it together and get it up there,' says Tobias Frere-Jones, a typographer in New York City who came to the attention of the design world in the mid-1990s with his Interstate typeface inspired by the bemusing, awkward charm of Highway Gothic. 'It’s brash and blunt, not so concerned with detail. It has a certain unvarnished honesty.'" Still with us? Then don't miss the six-page Sunday Times article on highway signage, specifically one man's quest to change the typeface used thereupon. No, really. "There was the original Highway Gothic; British Transport, the road typeface used in the United Kingdom; Univers, found in the Paris Metro and on Apple computer keyboards; DIN 1451, used on road and train signage in Germany; and also Helvetica, the classic sans-serif seen in modified versions on roadways in a number of European countries." Let us know how it turns out. 

Washington Post columnist Warren Brown doesn't have very much nice to say about the new Jaguar XJR. (Sit over here, Warren.) He reckons the model's lower-priced competition taunts it with an automotive rendition of "Anything you can do, I can do better:" "Where is the prestige in the XJR Supercharged sedan's 400-horsepower V-8 engine in a world where 200-horsepower engines for pitifully ordinary cars are the norm, and where anyone who can spend $30,000 can get a big 5.7-liter, 340-horsepower Dodge Hemi V-8 that would give any Jaguar a run for its money?" After dissing the Jag's sat nav and safety as pedestrian, Warren pronounces a paradigm shift. Apparently luxury car buyers are moving away from "excessive horsepower" towards cars that "show the world they are committed to clean and green living." After a huge metaphorical sigh, the self-pronounced old-fashioned snob writes the ungreen luxury car a fitting, politically correct epitaph: "Those days have disappeared — effectively erased by technology that has empowered the masses, and made irrelevant by a rapidly growing global appetite for oil, a natural resource that is getting more difficult to develop. In that world, the high-end Jaguar has become a dinosaur."