This GM bailout mishegos is driving the mainstream media meshugganah. To wit: conservative pretty boy Sean Hannity has been GM’s bitch for years, happily driving tweaked freebies and working plugs for GM product into his rants and “unscripted” comments. Now that his sponsor is toast, Mr. “We Love GM” has to defend the American automaker (to maintain his flag-wrapped appeal) and criticize Barack Obama for his corporate interventionism—knowing full well that the multi-million dollar Hannity–GM gravy train would have derailed months ago if not for your tax money. New York Times columnist Frank Rich may not be boxed in by GM payola, but the man’s clearly conflicted. “Even Rick Wagoner’s Firing Got Lousy Mileage” starts by kvetching that “pitchfork-bearing populists” (as opposed to Mac-wielding elitists) weren’t satisfied when President Obama brought them the head of Richard M. Wagoner. Although he, Rich, is. Mister! Are you following this?

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Land Rover? Indian-owned manufacturer of four-wheeled global warming devices by appointment to the Queen? The very same. The BBC reports that Landie has scored a $400 million “loan” from the European Investment Bank (Banque Européenne d’Investissement). While you’re wondering where the EIB figures in the shadowy conspiracy to create a world government (under the aegis of the Rothschilds), let’s show Auntie Beeb a little love for their mastery of English as she is spoke.

Jaguar Land Rover said it could be a number of weeks before any cash was handed over. Sources at the company were more cautious, stressing that whilst they were confident the money will be approved, they did not want to assume it would.

So other than calling the payment a “loan” (boy does THAT sound familiar), how does the EIB justify running roughshod over World Trade Organization (WTO) prohibitions against government subsidies? Environmentalism, of course. Wait; Land Rover? Yes.
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No, it has nothing to do with Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus. I know: I shouldn’t be dissing the Smart. Even though American purveyors of Daimler’s diminutive darling are having a little problem with customers walking away from their advance deposits, Smart was the only brand amongst America’s 46 automotive nameplates that posted a sales gain in March. OK, we’re talking about a one percent gain, to just 1,746 units (the rounding error for Camry sales). So . . . the Smart is one of a handful of cars that makes me want to get out and walk, but The New York Times hearts the fashion victim’s overpriced rolling penalty box, big style. About which the Gray Lady brings glad tidings! Daimler is dumping 200 Smarts into an Austin, TX car share program. True story. What’s more, YOU pay THEM for access to the cars.

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You want unintended consequences? You’ve got unintended consequences: The German Abwrackprämie is turning into an eruption of Mt. St. Helens proportions. When the German government launched their cash4clunkers boondoggle two months ago, the lawmakers earmarked €1.5 bn to pay for the program. At a rate of €2.5K for each German jalopy put out of its misery (exchanged for a brand new one), the money should have lasted for 600K cars. Mind you, the German new car market stands now at around 3 million annually, so 20 percent on top of that was seen as a goal to which nobody dreamed of aspiring. Now, Germany finds itself in the grips of the Abwrackprämien virus that’s spreading faster than the winter flu.

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As a kid, I was conflicted by The Land of the Misfit Toys. Sure, I could empathize with the discarded playthings’ emotional scarring. And I had a pre-Captain Planet understanding about the need to recycle—thanks to 10 years at a deeply dippy Quaker school. But the MFTs were clearly—how do I put this gently?—less than desirable. A train with square wheels? A cowboy riding an ostrich? A doll suffering from clinical depression? I remember thinking, what kind of child is going to love these toys? It’s the same question that pops into my head whenever I see a Chevrolet SSR, Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid, Plymouth Prowler, BMW M-Coupe or Lexus IS-F. These are all vehicles without a hope in hell of mainstream acceptance, destined for endless depreciation and permanent exile in The Land of Misfit Motors. And still the hits keep not happening, from economy cars (the Saturn Astra) right up to “priceless” one-off monstrosities (Maybach Exelero). And I love them all. So share with the group. What’s your favorite misfit automobile, and would you ever own one?

Unintended consequences are the meme du jour in blogoville. Here comes a juicy one: Grapefruits. Carmageddon is severely upsetting the international grapefruit trade, the Nikkei [sub] reports. Here’s why:

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In the pigs-will-fly department, newly installed GM CEO Fritz Henderson told the Financial Times that “private investors are interested acquiring a stake in Opel.” Wow. Really? We know that there are a number of people who’ve expressed interest, amongst them such unlikely prospects as some Opel dealers and the workers council. But do they have the wherewithal, the money, and the blessing of the German government, which would have to guarantee a large chunk of the loans needed, and seems to be more reluctant to do so as the days go by?

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Our Twitter handle: TTAC. Go figure. And there’s a bit more housekeeping I need to share with y’all. Our man Niedermeyer (the younger) is heading over to the Socialist Republic of Vietnam for a couple of weeks. He’ll be posting car-related material from the country whose motto is Độc lập – Tự do – Hạnh phúc (Independence – Freedom – Happiness). During that time, our posting pace may slow slightly. Your patience and support are, as always, most appreciated. Hey! With the big GM news on Monday, we ALMOST made a million uniques per month this week: 996,962. With a bit of luck, we’ll crest that number during the next shoe dropping debacle. I hope to have some other big news for you next month, including enhanced features for Friends of TTAC (Người bạn của TTAC). At the very least, we’re talking avatars and the ability for you to see all comments on all posts on one page, with instant access to the relevant thread. Of course, you gotta donate some money to the cause for those bells and whistles, but you don’t gotta do nothin’ to get the same TTAC for nothin’. Meanwhile, please use the comments below to give us a heads-up on what you’ve been enjoying on the site recently and, yes, what sucks. Which means the anti anti-flaming TTAC policy is suspended FOR JUST THIS POST. Go play. Have fun.

Look, I hate to be the one to tell you, but the Chevrolet Volt is dead. Now that The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles (PTFOA) has slammed the electric/gas Hail Mary as a pie-in-the-sky PR-driven panacea, it time to throw in the towel. I know: “While the Volt holds promise, it is currently projected to be much more expensive than its gasoline-fueled peers and will likely need substantial reductions in manufacturing cost in order to become commercially viable.” This little ditty gives Volt boosters something to cling to and argue about (Toyota didn’t make money on the Prius for three hundred years!). Surprisingly enough, it appears that the PTFOA’s Mr. Rattner has set aside green dreams for a little something called business. So just let it go, Automotive News Europe [sub].

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Yesterday, Germany went ga-ga (in a subdued German way) about a 40 percent bounce in new car sales in March. Today, the cold shower: German exports dropped 26 percent year on year in March, and plunged by nearly a third in the first quarter, Reuters writes. “Three out of four cars assembled in Germany are exported,” VDA President Matthias Wissmann reminds us. So despite the huge jump in domestic sales, overall car production fell by a fifth a March and was down by a third in the first three months of the year.
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We’ve got the link to GM’s Report Card to the Presidential Task Force on Automobiles. Bankruptcy is no longer that which must not be mentioned. In fact, the official recognition of this inevitability hardly gets a half turn of spin. End of days for Detroit. 

Bankruptcy Considerations-In order to be prepared for events possibly precipitating a bankruptcy filing (for example, unsuccessful bond exchange or VEBA negotiations), the Company continues to evaluate its in-court restructuring options as part of contingency planning activities. The Company believes that the impact of a bankruptcy filing on its business would be substantial, on both wholesale (GM to dealers) and retail (GM dealer to customer) levels, as discussed in the February 17 submission.

General Motors continues to strongly believe that out-of-court restructuring provides the highest value outcome for its customers and this country long term. However, if the changes needed for long-term restructuring cannot be obtained out of court, the Company is prepared and would consider in-court options. Such options would be enhanced by the Administration’s commitment to back GM customer warranties, and to provide support for a rapid emergence from any in-court process.

Our Ed Niedermeyer wrote that China may have a design deficit. Daimler thinks otherwise. Daimler’s Mercedes cars are already produced in China under a joint venture agreement with Beijing Auto. Now, the car with the star will be designed in China as well. Or at least some of it. Daimler is planning to open their Mercedes-Benz Advanced Design Center in China’s capital Beijing, Gasgoo writes.

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Or not.