OK, so the latest GM Fastlane PR exercise is actually entitled “What Is GM Doing With The Money?” Defensive much? Anyway, coming from Fastlane, there’s obviously no mention of giving Cadillacs away. Or throwing cash down the Delphi hole. Or paying Brazilian workers to sit on their hands. No, having received $13.4b, GM’s Steve Harris reveals that GM’s plan is to (wait for it) comply with the terms of the loan! In other words, “prove that we can repay the loan, achieve a positive net present value, and meet federal fuel efficiency and emission requirements, and manufacture advanced technology vehicles in the U.S. ” And with the federal money, GM is “making progress,” says Harris. How? By building concepts like the Cadillac Converj. And announcing vehicles like the 2010 Equinox (Saturn Vue cannibalism!) and the 2012 Spark and Orlando (which debut after the loan is due). Hallelujah!  And though Harris mentions the UAW Job Bank shutdown and “discussion” of plans to reduce dealers by 400 per year, his effort to “do a better job of communicating our successes (and) how we will be changing going forward” leaves out all the interesting bits.

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CNN Money reports that Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA) has pulled the “Clunker Culling” proposal from the economic stimulus plan making its way through Congress. The provision would have provided up to $4,500 in tax credits for scrapping a used vehicle with under 18 mpg and replacing it with a new car. The bill would have cost taxpayers up to $16b, according to CNN, which notes that lack of support from Republicans doomed the bill. Why? Apparently, “the provision required that the [new] vehicle be assembled in the United States.” Who knows, maybe common sense even had anything to do with it. President Obama did not take a strong position on the Clunker provision according to the Detroit News, but he is vocally backing $2b in battery development spending and a $600m purchase of fuel-efficient cars for the government fleet.

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There are two main problems with debunking auto-related misconceptions. First, not everyone is ready, willing or able to confront the truth. Second, once you debunk something, it doesn’t stay debunked. TTAC’s Bob Elton dealt with the roof crush standard issue in his editorial “The Counterintuitive Truth About Roof Crush Standards” back in June 2006. He argued that increasing roof strength only increases the number of rollover accidents. Common sense: the higher a vehicle’s center of gravity, the more likely it will roll. Elton also revealed that “In 74% of cases, roof intrusion was not a factor. Rollover accidents are fatal because the occupants are usually ejected, or partially ejected, during the crash.” And that’s because… they’re not wearing their seat-belts. And yet, The Detroit News reports that “The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety [IIHS] said Wednesday it will require automakers to dramatically increase the strength of vehicle roofs to receive its top safety pick ratings.” The road to hell? You don’t know the half of it…

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According to my Bloemfontein rose, the best way to cope with winter driving is stay inside. If it weren’t for the tail-out action afforded by the slippery stuff, I’d agree. Telecommuting, Stop & Shop Peapod, Netflix, Gamefly, school bus—why tempt fate? Throw another log on the fire (yup, they deliver those too), fire up the Mac and kick back. Still, there are millions of motorists who have to brave the elements to make ends meet. And winter driving can be brutal to the point of Fargo-style human popsicles. You’d kinda hope that anyone who lives the requisite 16 years required for a driver’s license whilst living in a cold climate would have a little common sense in this regard. But never underestimate the power of PR people to underestimate the intelligence of the average human being. This time we have Land Rover telling UK motorists how to survive their recent cold snap. After all, “Land Rover has 60 years of driving experience, with a line-up of supremely capable vehicles which boast permanent four-wheel drive and pioneering technology such as Electronic Traction Control, Hill Descent Control (HDC) and Terrain Response – which includes a snow setting utilising the vehicles’ traction aids.” Ready to be surprised? Then stand down, chill out and feel free to add something a little more . . . useful.

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Zees ees ze DS concept, timed to coincide with the last auto show standing in Geneva. (I keed. TTAC will be in The Big Apple in April for the show and a meet.) The nouvelle DS builds on the  aesthetic tradition established by the world’s most beautiful car, the original DS. Son of DS—just when you thought it was safe to worship an icon—relies on the same purity of form, startlingly simply but bold proportions, design originality and lack of affectation the made “Dessie” such a legendary design. And if you believe that, I’ve got a classically sculpted Lexus IS-F to sell you.

If you’re familiar with Delphi—a former GM division with the words “bankrupt since October 10, 2005” over the door—then you’ll know that they’re a not-so-hidden cancer on GM cancerous corpse. Even as The General seeks to survive with a federal IV stuck in its metaphorical artery, it continues to peel off just enough cash—now your cash—to keep the parts maker making parts. For vehicles no one’s buying; but that’s how the industry doesn’t roll these days. So, some bad news from the oracle then. First, GM’s told their pals at the SEC (accounting scandal forgotten) that they’re accelerating a $50m payment to Delphi. [NB: Delphi had asked GM for a $100m hurry-up.] Can you say running on fumes? Delphi can. “The Company believes the amendment and accelerated GM support will enable it to preserve available liquidity given the difficult economic environment, particularly in the global automotive industry,” Delphi said in a filing with their pals over at the federal bankruptcy court. Judge Robert Drain, no less. And the cutbacks keep on happening!

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Saw this ad on TV for the first time whilst fantasizing about a Rachel Maddow vs. Bill O’Reilly death match (rules upon request). The first thing that struck me: the Aptera is the only car in the world with less sideways visibility than the 1938 Bugatti Type 57SC Atlantic Coupe. Second, what is that hulk those guys are washing, and does the man from Griot’s Garage wince every time he sees that paint-scratching action? And lastly, I reckon the Volt has had its day in the sun. It’s not a profound Insight, but by the time Chevy’s not-so-slammed electric/gas hybrid appears, the Volt’s gee whiz factor will have drained off into the gestaltosphere. The Volt will have to compete with real cars in the real world, offering real advantages to real buyers. As you may have noticed, GM isn’t so good at reality. Still, where there’s a will, there’s an Uncle Sugar. The feds are lining up some $10k worth of tax credits for GM’s Hail Mary. Per vehicle. Is it enough? And will the clock run out before The General can even send in the special teams? Your guess is better than theirs.

Toyota will end their fiscal year ending in March badly bruised. Financial Times reports that ToMoCo’s losses will be three times larger than previously forecast. The worst industry slump in decades has put a painful crimp in an amazing run. Last year, Toyota earned a record operating profit of $30b. In the same year, they became officially the world’s largest automaker, a title many had said should have been given to Toyota a year before. In November 2008, Toyota still projected a profit of $6.6b. Then, carmageddon caught up with them.

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An overview of what happened in other parts of the world while you were in bed. TTAC provides round-the-clock coverage of everything that has wheels. Or has its wheels coming off. WAS is being filed from Tokyo this week.

Geely doesn’t want Volvo: China’s largest privately owned carmaker Geely has denied reports that it is acquiring the Volvo car unit from Ford Motor Co, China Daily reports. Ford has also approached Chery Automobile Co and Chongqing Changan Automobile Co. Li Chunbo, an analyst with CITIC Securities Co in Beijing, said when a Chinese enterprise attempts to acquire a foreign rival it has to consider how it will benefit from the deal and whether it is capable of dealing with the purchased unit. “When you compare the market value of Geely and Volvo, you will ask how can Geely raise enough money to buy the European car brand,” he said. If this goes on much longer, not much money may be needed.

La bella clunker culleria: Italy is hopping on the European clunker culling bandwagon. Italian consumers will be given six months to go out and buy a new car under a “strong package” of incentives that Silvio Berlusconi’s centre-right government expects to approve today, Financial Times reports. The package would provide possibly up to €1,500 a car, to exchange models at least 10 years old for new, relatively small cars. The government would also provide credit guarantees to banks to finance purchases. The incentives are not limited to Italian cars, but the conditions attached—small capacity and least polluting—“would clearly favor Fiat,” the FT says. Protectionism, with style . . . .
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Bloomberg reports that the U.S. government has retained white-shoe NYC law firm Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft to advise the taxpayers’ reps on GM’s restructuring and possible debtor-in-possession financing. The Dickensian-sounding law firm joins Chicago’s Sonnenschein, Nath & Rosenthal (with newly acquired structure finance experts Thacher, Proffitt & Wood) and investment bankers Rothschild (which advised Delphi and gives Buickman conspiracy conniptions) in taxpayer-financed retainer heaven. The troika’s job: get Uncle Sam’s arms around the mess President Bush created by lending money to these failing, futile companies. And here’s the [overused metaphor alert] kicker: the U.S. government failed to get an inter-creditor agreement with the existing lenders done prior to the funding. So, when it all blows up, taxpayers’ claims on Chrysler and GM’s collateral are open to “debate.”

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So it’s the dealers’ fault if Chrysler goes down in flames. Nothing to do with Daimler, who gutted the company like a fish. Or Cerberus, who wanted to gut the company like a fish, but found itself without a fish to gut. Or the company’s current management, who have lied, stonewalled, mislead, cut backroom deals with our elected representatives and generally manipulated honest, taxpaying Americans into supporting their stupid selfish schemes. As Chrysler’s backers, as their only means of survival, let’s think about this. ChryCo dealers are sitting on a 151-day supply of new vehicles (provided new car sales have stabilized). Even if Chrysler dealers didn’t order another car, truck or minivan, they’d have five months’ supply. There’s only one reason for them to take any more vehicles: to help justify the company’s desire to milk/bilk/fleece/con Uncle Sam for more “loans.” And still Cerberus point blank refuses to reveal to us, their supposed paymasters, who owns the company. No matter what you think of a ChryCo Chapter 7 or 11 or car dealers, this is an unseemly, disgusting clusterfuck. Look what they done to my Chrysler, ma.

Classic & Sports Car magazine asked 20 car designers (full list after the jump) to name the most beautiful whip of all time. The winner: the Citroen DS. The Jaguar XK120 takes second place, followed by the Ferrari 275GTB, Cord 810/812, Ferrari 250GT Lusso, Ferrari 250GT Short-wheelbase, Jaguar E-type, Lamborghini Miura, Lotus Elan and Lotus Elite (1957). Caution: the DS’ position at the top of the pile (that doesn’t sound right) makes it the vehicle that most jurors voted most highly—rather than the car that most of them thought was the most beautiful. (Polls are funny that way. And our headline’s entirely misleading, now that I think about it.) Unfortunately, the buff book’s press release doesn’t reveal who voted for what. But the idea that a DS can hold a candle to American automobiles of the Classic Era (e.g. 1931 Duesenberg Model SJ “French Speedster” or 1935 Auburn 851 Speedster) is ludicrous, in a Le Corbusier is my God kinda way.

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The vocabulary used to classify hybrid drivetrains has been lagging considerably behind new developments, as Wikipedia’s article on the matter proves. The old parallel, serial, mild and plug-in hybrid categories do little to illuminate public understanding of the underlying technology, and much to confuse it. Enter the BYD Dual-Mode, VW “Twindrive” and, now, the AVL “Turbohybrid”. With cooperation from BMW, Bosch and LuK, AVL has developed a mild-ish hybrid drivetrain. The consortium claims it’s cheaper and more fun to drive than a “full hybrid” while offering nearly the same efficiency. Care to deep dive?

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