Fair disclosure: we stole that headline from Engadget. And boy, are we late to this story. electrifyingtimes.com reveals that the conflagration of a single "neighborhood electric vehicle" in Key West– albeit one that immolated model Veronica Webb's dog Hercules and destroyed her house– and it's pig pile on the EV, media-wise. Everyone from the New York Post's Page Six ("Hell-Car burns model's home") to El Rushbo (GM stooge that he is) have covered the story. And the majority are spinning the GEM's fiery end as reflective of inherent danger and/or a possible trend. The reverse spinmeister for the vehicle's maker, Chrysler's GEMCar, claimed that the fire was an isolated incident– as far as they know. "We have gone through our files looking for any other reports of fires relating either to use or charging of GEMs, and haven't found anything," Max Gates revealed. "We don't have anything in our records to indicate there's ever been a previous incident like this." Can you imagine the coverage if a Tesla Roadster or Chevy Volt ever appeared suffered a similar fate? [thanks to starlightmica for the tip]

The Lansing State Journal reveals the reason Buick Enclave and Chevrolet Malibu sales are stuck in second gear: parts. According to Gary Cowger, GM's group vice president of global manufacturing and labor, "a lack of components" underpins this December's decision to shut down a third shift at Lansing Delta Township factory. "Even if that had kept running, we still wouldn't have been able to make more Enclaves." What's more… "As you know, we put that third shift on for a while to try to ramp up. But at the tooling rates of the supplier base, you'd have to buy another set of vendor tools (to make more parts) and that takes time. We're maxed out from a tooling standpoint." Cowger also implied that the Chevrolet Malibu drought is down to the same parts problem. "What we're doing right now with the Enclave and CTS and (Chevrolet) Malibu is doing a very detailed analysis of the bottlenecks in the supplier community so you can invest in the right tool sets out there and increase the capacity of that product at the plant." Cowger admits GM underestimated demand for all three cars, but said it's "a good thing." Try telling that to the 1000 GM workers who got laid off, or the GM dealers desperate for product to sell. Oh and don't think we've forgotten that back in October, when GM announced they were shutting down the third shift, they told the LSJ they "eliminated the third shift to keep from overproducing the crossover vehicles made there." I wonder why they didn't bring up the parts issue then? [thanks to Sparky for the tip]

Speaking to Automotive News [sub] at the North American International Auto Show, Honda CEO Takeo Fukui revealed that the company's Acura brand will receive the automaker's first California-compliant diesel engines sometime next year. It's a bit of an odd choice, given Acura's lackluster sales, lackluster brand image and lackluster luxury flagship (which TTAC and others have slated for lacking a lustrous V8). And if that isn't enough of a marketing conundrum, Fukui also said Acura's first oil burners will only sport four cylinders. Honda's V6 clean diesel– which also "generates and stores ammonia within a two-layer catalytic converter to turn nitrogen oxide into harmless nitrogen"– won't appear until 2010. Meanwhile and in any case, Fukui is keeping his eye on the bottom line. "Our diesel cars are going to have an appropriate level of profit from the start," he said, intimating that all that high tech hybrid stuff takes ages to pay off. Which it does. Of course, it helps if you get the branding right…

Schmoozing with Automotive News [sub] at the North American International Auto Show, GM Marketing Maven Mark LeNeve has declared that the automaker is "willing to boost incentive spending in 2008" to move the metal. But then "We've broken that cycle of incentive spending." Of course, "you still have to be competitive." To which GM CEO Rick Wagoner quickly added "On the flip side, I don't see us needing to be leading that parade." So… GM's willing to boost incentive spending to keep from losing market share in '08, but they don't think they'll have to, unless they do, and if they do, they'll be reacting to other automakers' incentive spending rather than starting an "incentive war," which they will fight to win even if they didn't start it. Gotcha. Even less realistically, LaNeve promised to limit GM's daily rental fleet sales to 15 percent of GM's total. Unless…

Once again, GM Car Czar Maximum Bob Lutz is shooting his mouth off, aspiring to TTAC's non-existent Stop Making Sense lifetime achievement award. Let's face it: it's one thing to say you don't give a shit about Toyota snatching your employer's "world's largest automaker crown" and then rescind the remark (as GM CEO Rick Wagoner did during a Russian plant unveiling in '07). It's another to say the same thing again. But those are the [non-fighting] words coming out of Maximum Bob's mouth in an interview set to be published tomorrow by the German auto industry newspaper Automobilwoche (via Reuters). "Good product quality, the company's image and the profit for shareholders are more important goals than the top position in volume." In that order, presumably. BTW. WTH does that quote actually mean? 

The Big 2.8 – United Auto Workers (UAW) negotiations came and went with a couple of day's strike here, a couple of hour's strike there. Motown now turns its attention to Southern Ontario, where all three domestic automakers will be entering negotiations with the Canadian Autoworkers' Union (CAW). Fresh off the unionization of the Canadian auto-parts giant Magna, CAW boss Buzz Hargrove has warned Ford, GM and Chrysler not to seek the same wage, benefit, security and job classification concessions given by the UAW. Last December, Buzz declared "If they want to have a fight with us and they table those issues, there will be a fight." The Globe and Mail reports that Ford's CEO has fired his first shot in the mounting war of words. "The most important conversation we're having in Canada is about competitiveness," Alan Mulally declared. It's a thinly-veiled warning that, given lower-cost options in the U.S. due to good labor deals and the recent appreciation of the Canadian dollar, Canada risks pricing itself out of the auto manufacturing game. Will Buzz really go to the mat? Watch this space.

According to a New Year's PR greeting from ToMoCo Prez Katsuaki Watanabe, Toyota is going so damn green you'd be hard-pressed to find it in a field of clover. Just before I nodded off (sorry), Watanabe pledged to "contribute to the sustainable development of society and the earth in the future" in three main areas: research and development, manufacturing and social contribution. Yada, yada, "sustainable mobility," "cellulosic ethanol," "planting trees" and "hands-on environmental education at the Forest of Toyota." And now for the real news: Toyota wants to achieve "hybrid vehicle sales of 1 million units annually as soon as possible in the early 2010s," and put a Synergy Drive (possibly lithium-ion equipped) into every one of their models (hybrid Tundra?). As for those pesky quality issues dinging their brand rep, Watanabe is so committed to rectifying the situation he's quoting himself: "I am always saying that 'without improving quality, Toyota cannot expect to grow', and I believe that quantitative growth is the result of improved quality. For this, we understand well that corporate management must achieve growth that maintains a balance between corporate activities and environmental preservation, as well as between volume and quality." What, a pragmatic approach to multiple demands rather than seamless spin and endless hype? Where's the fun in that?

Jonathan Schipper is an artist with a web page. The liner notes to his work take the form of an essay entitled "The Shortcomings of the Living World's Experiences vs. The Infinite Potentialities of The Universe: A DEATH CATHARSIS PARADIGM." Right, well, the above ALL CAPS TITLE refers to one of Schipper's most recent works. Mr. Schipper explains why he crashed two 1:18th scale muscle cars, but the mechanics behind the madness is much more interesting. It takes about a month to unconvincingly compress two cars together without bending the hood, damaging the bumpers or molesting the paint. And, thankfully, crashing two $30 diecast vehicles for the sake of bad art is better than throwing away $150k on the real things. Oh wait. "These are models for a full sized piece yet to be constructed." Oh dear.

As we've reported several times, GM just can't seem to make up its mind about whether or not its next gen Chevrolet Impala will be front or rear wheel-drive. In the last episode our Forbes interview blog (thanks Jer!), we find GM's Car Czar in a bit of drivetrain quandary. Again. Still. Maybe. "'My personal preference is large, rear-wheel-drive cars,' says Lutz. 'My business preference is doing what is right for the shareholder and the public, in light of upcoming regulation on fuel economy. If there's a mile or two difference in fuel economy, you go for the one with the better economy. That's where the internal debate [on the Impala] is now– no firm decision at this point, but my guess is that we will come down on the side of the front-drive car.'" And while an anxious nation awaits an answer, Forbes' elder statesman predicts GM will gain market share in '08, thanks to an improving rep and a strong dollar (never mind all those transplants' U.S. factories, I guess). On this point, Maximum Bob is uncharacteristically sanguine/realistic– for a moment. "If we have a weak market and high fuel prices, people may buy more cars instead of trucks. Our mix is nearly 70% trucks, so if trucks tank fast enough, that takes our share down… If you look to our position against the competition, we're in the best space we've been in years. So you could well be right about our market share." I say nothing.

I'm guessing here, but I think GM Car Czar Bob Lutz was trying to impress Jerry Flint by suggesting GM needs bleeding edge car design. "We don't want people to say ‘I love this design, it's just great,' Lutz told the Forbes magazine columnist. "Because that means it is probably not going to last past when the car comes out… We want some checkmarks in the 'Too Much' column.'" While the "GM Hearts Bold Design" storyline echoes CEO Rick Wagoner's recent remarks (chronicled in our last General Motors Death Watch), it's a pretty major miscalculation for a company committed to building Camry-killers. Anyway, from whence cometh this avant garde automotive art? "A lot of these designs will be done outside the U.S.," Lutz said. "Where they never allowed themselves to slip to a lower standard, as they did here." Hang on; what's with the "they?" Doesn't Lutz mean "we?" Or maybe "I?" Anyway anyway, MB promises a new Buick LaCrosse that's going to be a real [Chinese made?] "mind-boggler." We're already there, Bob.

GM Car Czar Bob Lutz sat down with journo Jerry Flint for a major chin wag. Forbes' finest asks Maximum Bob about his employer's two-mode hybrid system; Flint wonders if the system costs costs more than $10k per vehicle. "Well, at least," Lutz admits. "And we're not selling it for that." Oops! So will the inherently unprofitable technology help GM achieve its federally-mandated 35mpg by 2020 fuel economy targets? Nope. "Even with that, we get a full-sized Tahoe sport utility to 22 miles per gallon, which is 50% to 60% better than anyone else [?], but is still only 22. So where are we going to get the other 13 [mpg]? We don't have a clue, and throwing another 10,000 bucks at it isn't going to do it either." As for GM's next Next Big Thing, the electric – gas Chevrolet Volt, Lutz backpedals so hard he falls over. Flint bears the bad news: "On a scale of 1 to 10, he says his confidence level is a 9.5 that GM can build the Chevy Volt. The production date is another matter; Lutz's confidence drops to a 5.5. 'We're holding people's feet to the fire for the very end of 2010 into 2011. But that can slip, depending on how the development goes.'" In short, "It probably won't be a flawless launch." So, it's business as usual at GM.

Now that they've palmed-off their Chrysler fiasco on Cerberus, Daimler is cash rich and company hungry. Reuters translates: "'Acquisitions are an option for growth,' the German news agency dpa-AFX quoted Zetsche as saying in an interview, adding the German carmaker — also the world's biggest truckmaker — had practically no financial limits for deals." Apparently, Dr. Z has ruled out scarfing-up another automaker, preferring to sniff around for companies who make technology that Daimler needs to meet new European Union fuel economy regulations, and such. Oh and to prevent a takeover– the original impetus for the Chrysler fiasco– Daimler looks set to announce another round of share buybacks. It currently owns just 4.7 percent of its shares, but plans to use the cash swilling around in its corporate coffers to repurchase up to 10 percent of Daimler stock by the end of August 2008. Why they didn't do this instead of buying Chrysler the first place, or how Zetsche remains in power after NOT doing this in the first place, remains a mystery. 

After listening to TWiT (This Week in Technology) co-host John Dvorak nearly choke to death on a cashew, for two minutes, I persevered to hear Jason Calcanis (founder of Autoblog) say that he's done his part for the world by ordering a Tesla Roadster. To his eternal credit, Dvorak interrupts Calcanis mid-mantra to ask "When are you going to get delivery?" "I think ahhhhh they're going to start in the second quarter." Claiming he's got the "inside dope," Calcanis says the production delay's down to Tesla's desire to get the "best possible transmission." "They went through three possible transmissions. The first one would have been good enough; they're just being kind of obsessive about it." The Corvette-owning internet entrepreneur goes on to say the Tesla "costs nothing" to run "because you're doing it off electrical." More credibly, he's going to put some solar panels on his garage and maybe even buy a thirty grand windmill so he can be "100 percent off the grid." Calcanis was a bit late to the party– only putting down a $5k deposit– but he's told Tesla's he's ready to jump in with the full whack if and when one of the first 100 proto-customers drops out. Oh, and the free market will solve global warming in ten years, because everyone wants to drive an electric car. You can't buy publicity like that. Nor should you. [thanks to whippersnapper for the link]

Last week, Petra L. won the German national lottery. Her jackpot: €15.28m ($22,461,600). Needless to say, the Divinely Chosen Ms. L ran right out and bought herself a new car. Ferrari? Bentley? Mercedes? "I really just wanted a new one," she told Spiegel. "With airbags!" And so she purchased a $10k Polish-made Fiat Panda. In the Fatherland (i.e. not all markets), the Panda comes with four airbags as standard, with two more as an optional extra (go on; you know you want to). Is this proof that the Lottery is, as many have suggested, a tax on stupidity? Psychologists have observed that lottery winners who don't change their lifestyle have the best chance of "coping" with the "stress" of a big win. Which is exactly what  Petra L. is doing: "I will still be looking for special deals at the  shop, and won't be going on any big trips. I worked by the sweat of  my brow all life and turned every penny, and won't change now." What about… now? Anyone remember the old joke about the guy who wins the  jackpot, loses all his money, and later explains: "I spent some of it on women, booze and cars. The rest I wasted".