Earlier this week, we got one of those dreaded “I’m ok, but . . . ” phone calls from our daughter. A combination of completely bald tires and heavy rains led to a nasty three car pile-up. The Highway Patrol issued the offending driver a $1K fine for driving on bald tires. She claimed she knew nothing about cars—except to take her whip in for an oil change from time to time. Nobody at the shop warned her about the worn out tires. I’m all for mandatory annual safety inspections, which aren’t required in the land of the proctological emissions test (go figure). In fact, I’d like the state to check the headlights’ alignment, window tint levels and exhaust noise at the same time. In fact, a British style annual MOT requirement seems about right. The cost and hassle to our family would be significant; I’ve got six cars. But needs must. Your take?

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My almost-three-years-old Acura TSX has been developing an annoying cosmetic problem: the plastic bumpers and sill trims have slowly but surely been turning a different color from the rest of the car. We live in a mild climate and I work from home, so the vast majority of the time that car sits protected in a garage out of the way of the sun’s UV rays. Even so, the sheet metal is still blue-silver while the plastic bits are turning a pale green. Argh, I know that over time it is just going to keep getting worse, and my warranty is almost up (45k miles down out of 48k).
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I know I pick on the kids a lot in this column, but they’re kids– they don’t even like themselves. Still, we were all young once. Back when that description applied to me, I was the proud borrower (and then owner) of a 1985 Pontiac Parisienne Safari station wagon. Turns out the world’s greatest Knight Rider live blogger, Alex Nunez, owned a 1987 Pontiac Safari. Just two days after he got his license, Herr Nunez got his sideways– with his mother in the passenger seat. He reports that he didn’t hit anything, and you know Alex was looking for the limits. Me, on the other hand, I managed to pull off a near complete 720, on the freeway in the rain. My even dumber friend decided he needed the heat on full blast. Anyone who remembers GM cars from the late 70s/early 80s knows that even if the EPA had choked the engines to (near) death, the HVAC systems were still (and kinda are still) the envy of the world. Meaning that full heat was not acceptable. And we fought. And we started getting speed wobbles. And around we went. And then we went off the road into the mud and spun again. After realizing that both us and the car were in fact fine, I chased him in circles around Dad’s brown Pontiac trying to catch and beat him. You?

I’ve been following the “coverage” of President Obama’s fancy new limousine for some time now. We’ve known what it will look like for a long time, but that’s about. No, really. Anyhow, seeing the car that the Secret Service has reportedly nicknamed, “The Beast” roll down Pennsylvania Ave, dwarfing the Chevy Tahoe to its left, I couldn’t help but be awed. What a vehicle. And really, what a Cadillac. Say what you want about the Art & Science design motif, but the snouts currently hanging off the front of both the CTS and Escalade are handsome. Not only that, but the Beast’s stance is correct. Imposing, solid, American. The proportions look like a Cadillac should (though the actual size is borderline absurd). Farago has been arguing since 2002 that Cadillac needs to forget about lapping the Nurburgring and get back to building big ass cars that are desirable for their big assedness. Oh, but what about the Great Depression 2.0 and herky-jerky gas prices and the environment? All valid points. But, as a brand, shouldn’t Cadillac be building, well, Cadillacs?

While perusing the comments on the capsule SRT8 review, our own Karesh’s stood out, Specifically this part, “During media days at NAIAS I told every manufacturer who cared to listen (and a few who did not) that the largest unfilled hole in the market is a 3,000-pound RWD compact sedan with a base price in the mid-twenties.”There’s been talk for a while now about the joint Subaru-Toyota RWD Coupe (basically an AE86 replacement) that would sell for around $21,000 and have the drift kids pooping their pants with excitement. Sadly for them (and Hanes), it’s looking more and more like Toyota will be shelving that particular cheapie coupe until at least 2012, if not scrapping it altogether. So that particular hole in the market remains. Especially as the BMW 1-series is a joke in base trim and the twin-turbo edition is over $40,000. So yeah, I agree with Michael that right now a cheap, rear-driver coupe is the market’s gaping hole. You?

In his new, headline-only posting style, RF uncorked a bottle of worms (bottle of worms?) by asking if you’d pay $55k for a fully dressed Lincoln MKT. In this case, fully dressed means 355 hp/350 torques from the EcoBoosted mill, AWD and decent mileage (22 mpg) for a six-seater. Most people said, “Ha ha ha! NO WAY!” As a natural born contrarian, I wanted to simply point out that no one batted an eye while paying $60k for a fully loaded, less roomy, less powerful, F-150-based (meaning way crappo inside) Lincoln Navigator a few short years ago. And those monsters got 14 mpg. Jolly Jack Baruth took it a step farther and points out that the Ford Flex is all kinds of awesome, and the MKT has a better interior complete with individual DVD players. Jack actually likes the MKT. I just hate group think. But, here’s my question — if the MKT isn’t worth $55k, what is? To satisfy the Talmudic scholars amongst you, I refer specifically to passenger sedans. If you had to spend $55k (no more, no less) on a new car, paying list price, options included, what would you buy?

Had a knock down, dragout IM fight with Berkowitz today. What about? Obviously something real important like the escalating insanity in Gaza or hiking the Federal gas tax, right? Wrong, wrong wrong! No, we were fighting about the Volkswagen Phaeton and if it really is, “the best car in the world.” I happen to think so. Jack Baruth certainly does. Even Mr. anti-brand betrayal himself Farago thinks the uberest VeeDub is mighty sweet. Justin? He says hell no. Calls it lardy and dull. Underpowered, too. We went back (he called me a fan of Sharper Image) and forth (I said horrible things about his genetic makeup) for a bit, until he brought out the big guns. Justin reminded me that the Citroen DS is also the best car ever made. And the Mercedes-Benz 6.9. Ooooh… how do you argue with that? You don’t. My point, I think there are several best cars ever made, it just depends on where you mentally position yourself in the 4th dimension. My question? Pick a year (or three) and talk about that point in time’s greatest car. Fun, no?

One of our economy’s biggest engines is brand loyalty: both trying to keep it and trying to break it. If you’ve seen the first episode of the most excellent Mad Men, you’ll remember the scene where Don Draper is trying to figure out why his waiter smokes X brand of cigarettes, while simultaneously musing about what makes Lucky Strikes so damn special. I mention this not only because i’m a recent convert to Mad Men but because I’ve got to reattach the rear view mirror on my fiancee’s Focus. See, I grew up in a GM household. My dad’s dad was a Buick/Cadillac man and once my father got Renaults and Datsun Zs out of his system (i.e. my sister and I were born) it was Buicks, Chevys and Pontiacs to haul us around. Until he discovered Acura. But I digress. One of the big reasons we were GM-only, was because of my mom’s Ford Falcon. I can still see my dad’s eyes rolling back in his head while he says, “three valve jobs.” Never again. At least for my Mom. Me? I’d buy a Ford, despite this POS focus. But after how I was treated by Chrysler after my father died and I had to deal with his leased Jeep (nightmare), I can easily say never again. You?

In the immortal words of Rodger Myers Jr., “You kids don’t know what you want. That’s why you’re still kids, ’cause you’re stupid.” I mention this because a couple of hours ago, Farago posted this little nugget about Generation Y and what they want when it comes to cars. According to the Deloitte survey, the three most important factors are exterior style, price and green. Which Robert categorized as, “complete horseshit.” Hmmm, not a lot of wiggle room there. But, obviously RF’s right. Horsepower is the number one thing a kid cares about, followed quickly by torque and then number of turbochargers. I think. And as commenter bleach said, “Environmentally friendly, eh? I’m guessing that survey also found Gen Y considers abstinence from sex, drugs and alcohol to be cool too.” Ha ha ha! But kids are pretty stupid (see above). So I decided to ask my 28-year-old fiancee (the age range of the survey was 17-28 year olds) what she thought. “Yup,” she totally agreed. Though for her it would be affordability, looks and environmental friendliness. What about performance I asked in a panic? Surely you must want performance? “No. The only people that care about performance are gearheads like you. I just want to go 80 mph on the freeway and get to where I’m going.” I was a bit shocked, especially because this blasphemy was happening under my roof. What about getting on the freeway quickly — surely that had to matter! “Most cars get on the freeway fine.” Safety? “No.” Um — I was fishing around — good brakes, surely. “That would fall under performance. Look, I’m a little spoiled from driving your car, but really price looks and whether or not it hurts the planet sound right.” Gulp. For the record, I’m not marrying her for her opinions on cars. Anyhow, what do you think the kids want?

I am stealing Jack’s thunder . I admit it. But, he opened up a tasty can of worms and I intend to eat the last drop. Or something. Anyhow, the dealership experience is absolutely insane. You’ve all heard of the dreaded four-square, right? Essentially, it’s four separate opportunities for the dealer to bend you over and drop trou. And they will, trust me. As (essentially) every car purchase involves a group people trying to screw you from multiple angles, these stories should be– and will be– fantastic. Mine, sadly, isn’t that great. But it goes like this… Back during the tail end of the dotcom boom, I was rich. Well, rich for a 25-year-old. Six-figure income and $425 a month in rent. Life was sweet. And I wanted an Audi S4 Avant more than anything in the world. So, I bop down to the Audi dealer. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have worn my ratty old Alice Donut T-shirt with a dead hooker on the front. But whatever. My plan: drive the Avant and put down $20k, hoping to get another $18k for my Grand Cherokee and only owe the remainder of the S4’s $45k price. The salesmen wouldn’t even look at me. After standing around feeling stupid for ten minutes, I approached one of them. No way could I test drive the car. Get serious. Now, I had just read an article about some new fangled car by Subaru called a WRX. It not only came as a wagon, but made 227 hp, AWD, and weighed 500 pounds less than the Audi so it was actually faster. Hmmm. Bopped over to the Subaru dealer. Got a test drive. AWESOME! They gave me $16k for the Jeep and I wrote a check for the rest. Done. The Audi dealer called me a few days later wondering if I was still interested. And I got to tell him all about my awesome new Subaru and the $45k he left on the table. You?

I don’t even know where the 0-60 mph metric came from. Sounds like it was something Brock Yates would’va dreamed up after the Federal double knickle went into effect. But, it’s older than that. Anyhow, I bring this up because I relied on that chestnut pretty heavily for my WRX review. Why? Well, if I had to encapsulate the 2009 WRX into a single sentence it would go like this, “Everything’s worse than the 2005-2007 WRX, except that it’s so damn fast I love it.” But you know, when Farago says 800 words, he means 800 words. But I want you to understand my point. The good thing about the WRX is how freakishly it accelerates. No one records 0-75 mph times. But, we have an endless supply of 0-60 mph data for every car ever built ever (basically). So my choice was to either compare it to other fast cars you’re (hopefully) familiar with, or dig into the old metaphor bucket (Faster than Marion Jones on fresh dope. Faster than a speed freak on a roller coaster where both the speed freak and the roller coaster are on speed.). I chose the former, and man are y’all hammering me! And I can take it. Thick skin, broad shoulders, decent bench press at one point, etc. In fact, the barbs provide fodder for my QOTD, so I thank you. And so yeah, that’s my question. Is 0-60 mph a useful metric when reviewing cars. I say yes because who the hell gets to ever run a car flat out for a quarter of a mile? On public roads? But up to 60 mph? No prob. You?

First of all, hats off to RF for both returning to car reviewing and getting it so right with his Lexus IS-F review . It’s really a world class car and one I would happily own. Even with the 8-speed paddle shifter, which, oddly, works real well on the freeway and allows the 0-60 mph in 4.2 second car to get over 20 mpg at 80 mph. That’s tall gearing for you. Long story short — LS-F equals awesome. But what about the cars it competes with. Some of you know how I feel about the Audi RS4. In a word, hot sex. I’ve been lucky enough to drive tons of killer metal and that hopped up Audi still holds a special place in my heart even if it only gets 11 mpg. But, ignoring Robert’s plea, we just can’t forget about the new BMW M3. By all accounts it’s the best car in the world. And if it isn’t, it’s in the top 5. But even with it’s 414 hp V8, the Mercedes C63 AMG eats the little Bimmer’s heart. 450 horse and 443 torques mean that the Merc can outrun just about anything. Except the Cadillac CTS-V (I said “just about”). With a totally ludicrous supercharged heart pumping out 556 hp and a rubber-roasting 551 lb-ft of twist, no car with 4-doors competes speed wise. And certainly not any under the $100,000 ceiling. But you know what? The 416 hp IS-F comes close. As does the 420 hp RS4. Oy vey. For the sake of consistency, I’ll go with the new RS4 which hasn’t been released yet. Nya-nya. You?

Pop top worm can time. Yesterday’s QOTD (essentially) poised the question how a big a boot in Detroit’s ass will it take to get American back to building the best cars in the world? And your answer was (for the most part) that we never built the best cars in the world. Insert sound of car screeching to a halt here! Say what? Are you telling me my childhood was a lie? All my old man’s stories about his dad’s Buick Roadmasters and Cadillac Eldorados — they were fibs? That article about Zora Arkus-Duntov and the Corvette Gran Sports that all of us have read in one form another ninety billion times — it’s a lie? Hell, the articles I’ve written about Shelby’s Cobras — not true? And, am I blind? Cause I got Ken Steacy’s book Brightwork about classic American car ornamentation as a Hanukkah gift and I realized that more thought used to go into a single hood ornament than Buick has put into its entire lineup over the past twenty years. See, Alfred Sloane had the formula figured out — Post-War Americans only wanted three things when it came to cars. 1) Styling 2) Automatic transmissions 3) High compression, high output engines (aka POWA!). Obviously GM had no trouble with two and three, and Sloan brought in coach builder Harley Earl to address number one. And he was, to a very large extent, right. Go ahead, look at a 1954 Pontiac Star Chief and tell me I’m wrong.

You’ve all heard that the Domestics might go belly up, right? I think Autoblog might have mentioned it at some point. Anyhow, over on Autofiends we’ve been working on a new little featurette called “Domestic Bliss.” What is it you ask? Well, it’s a look back at when the domestics were totally killer cool. When a Caddy was a mofo’n Caddy. And, to quote Ice-T’s old band Body Count, “Shit Ain’t Like That!!!!” But just maybe… You seen Fight Club? You know, the Brad Pitt, Ed Norton post-punk, post-slacker flick about the sexiest case of delusional schizophrenia ever? Well, one of my favorite parts is the very end when Mr. Durden and Marla Singer are standing hand in hand as the TRW building and all the other credit bureaus are blown up, sending everybody “back to zero” as the Pixies’ “Where is My Mind” blares over it all. Quite nice. I’m bringing this up because it would take the equivalent of a terrorist attack for GM to build anything like the Corvair in 2009. What a lateral move. My question? If Chapter 11 and the Great Depression 2.0 smashes Detroit, could America once again build the best cars in the world?

As some of you have no doubt read, my pal Jack Baruth is now dishing it out here at TTAC. And his Naughty and Nice Editorial got me thinking. Let’s close our eyes for a moment and pretend we’re four-years-old. Time to ask Santa for a present. Even if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness, Hindu, or like me (Jewish, but raised by a militant atheist father who would light a big fire every Chrstimas Eve to “keep the nonsense out”), it’s not going to hurt you to believe in Santa for 45 seconds. You’ve been good enough. Santa owes you. So, let’s hear it. What do you want and deserve? Me? Anything with massaging front seats (threw my back out bowling). So I’ll just go ahead and say an AMG S65. Hard to go wrong with 12 cylinders and two turbochargers. And like seriously, why not? You?