Back when GM and Ford claimed that foreign sales would keep them afloat long enough to patch their hulls, turn their ships around and avoid reefs of their own making, TTAC called bullshit. First, we pointed out that the domestics’ American losses were simply too large to sustain with foreign profits. Second, we said overseas car markets were hardly immune to the forces sending the States into the doldrums. And so… The Daily Telegraph reports that rising petrol prices have lowered UK vehicle sales to their lowest level since England won the World Cup against Germany in 1966. “The latest sales figures from the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders (SMMT) showed that the number of new cars registered last month was down 18.6 per cent on the same period last year. Worst hit were luxury marques and 4x4s, with monthly sales of Aston Martin cars down by two thirds in a year, Land Rover suffering a 58 per cent drop and demand for Porsche models 58 per cent lower than August 2007.” Worse– much worse– is yet to come. “The car market is now in real pain, real free-fall,” Professor Garel Rhys, director of the Centre for Automotive Industry Research at Cardiff University, told the Torygraph. “It is not just the private buyers who are not buying it is also the companies and the fleet side who have decided to pull their horns in, it is a sign of pretty awful times ahead.” Oh, and The Times of India says “Sluggish outlook in India has forced Japanese car major Toyota  to revise and extend further its market share target from the country by as much as 5 years.”

Oh my, where to begin. A no doubt well-intentioned David Kiley at Business Week writes in this issue about the new Ford Fiesta in ECOnetic trim. “The 65 mpg Ford the U.S. Can’t Have” is generous enough to accept that the Fiesta ECOnetic would actually get anything close to 65 mpg (we previously questioned the real-world drop for this model from MPG friendly European testing. Our pot shot guess was that it would be more like 44 in real life). Wherever the final number lands, it’s fantastic, though far less impressive for a tiny diesel engined car with low-rolling resistance tires. But attention-grabbing headlines aside, Mr. Kiley goes on to point out that Ford just “can’t afford” to sell this car in the U.S. You see, ” At prevailing exchange rates, the Fiesta ECOnetic would sell for about $25,700 in the U.S.” That’s a rookie error; direct currency conversion should never be used to calculate what one car would cost in another country. If so, a BMW 328i might cost us Yankees $52,000. While the theme is correct: the ECOnetic’s diesel engine, made in the UK, would be too pricey to import, Kiley suggests that Ford just can’t afford the $350 million to build a factory to produce it for North and South America. Perhaps that’s true, though the novelty-sized Capital One card in Mark Fields’ office might contradict it. But more likely, Alan Mullaly isn’t stupid. Americans and even South Americans are not interested in diesel cars. South America pumps millions upon millions of barrels of oil for cheap petrol out of the ground. Brazil runs on ethanol. And the US is the US. Credit where credit’s due. In this case, it’s not Ford’s bank account to blame; it’s their common sense.

Although fans of Six Feet Under might disagree with that statement, much of the series-inspired chuckles were of the "laughing at" rather than "laughing with" variety. And it was a TV show. Back here in the real world, where the only thing that's certain is death and an endless stream of automotive press releases desperate for a news hook, we learn that Ewan Scott, UK spinmeister for Aardvark Associates, brings a bit of personality to the job of promoting… death. "Dealing with bereaved families requires compassion, empathy and a sense of dignity. So, funeral directors planning on making an attempt on a Guinness World Record might appear to be a bit of a stretch, you might think. However, that is just what the British Institute of Funeral Directors (BIFD) aim to do at their annual conference at the Croydon Hilton on the 24 – 26th October this year." That's when the organization will stage the world's largest funeral hearse parade (cortege?). "The BIFD wants to open up the profession and its suppliers to their market to make the whole process less intimidating," Prez Adrian Pink reveals. "The hearse cavalcade is an event that puts us in the public eye, it lets the public and the funeral directors see the range of vehicles available from the carriage masters. A visit to the conference’s exhibition allows the public to see the wide range of options available to them, without being under the immediate stress of a bereavement." Unless, of course, they are.

I've never understood why Britain became the most virulently anti-speed nation in the world. After all, we're talking about the island of TVRs, Mad Caterhams and Stirling Moss. Maybe Old Blighty's regrettable love for the security camera metastasized into speed cameras. In any case, Britons have long taken to venting their surveillance-repressed ids on the French autoroutes. Not that France doesn't have cameras, they just haven't applied cross-border enforcement. Yet. And once on French soil, even the 80mph speed limit isn't enough to satisfy what the Times calls "British speed freaks." In response to a French request for help with the menace, the UK now sends bobbies to help bust speeders around northern French ports. To some effect. "In a four-hour period last weekend, on the A26 motorway near Saint-Omer , a Franco-British patrol stopped 30 cars for breaking the 130km/h (80mph) limit. All but two were from Britain." According to at least one gendarme, Brits just tend to go wild whenever they escape their island home. "The mentality of letting go across the Channel seems to be the same one that makes les Anglais get drunk as soon as they leave their country."

MG first introduced its mid-engine F (later TF) roadster way back in 1995, but new owners Nanjing (SAIC) are still trying to sell the damn thing. Production of 500 TFs for the British market began this month at the Longbridge plant, in a run-up to restarting regular production. And until recently the Chinese firm was planning on opening an R&D facility and factory in Ardmore, OK with an eye towards selling the outdated runabout in the US. But no longer, reports Automotive News (sub). "The U.S.A. isn't on the short-term radar as an anticipated market for us, but with the right product, it would be good to return there," says Nanjing flack Gary Hagen. Considering the TF hasn't been a competitive product for nearly a decade, yeah, it's safe to assume it might help to jump into the US market with a better best foot forward. After all, the TF's British comeback is gamble enough, despite a number of sales upsides. First, it's still nominally a British sports car, and Nanjing can rely on patriotism to move at least a few models in Old Blighty. Besides, Brits go for underpowered and out-of-date sports cars as long as they're sufficiently charming, as witnessed by the eternal availability of Fiat's Barchetta. The US offers far fewer sympathy-buy opportunities and much higher dealer and advertising costs. Whether Nanjing ever decides to build an all-new MG to make good on its North American ambitions is very much up in the air. At least they haven't already re-killed the brand stateside before even trying.

Pistonheads reports that Britain's War on Speed is reaching levels of expense and complication to rival our own War on Drugs. Signs have been appearing around Essex to "warn" drivers that something Orwellian this way hovers, as the county has turned to helicopters to fight the evil of speeding. And true to form, the copper chopper is stocked with goodies that would make Big Brother nod his head approvingly. The automated onboard camera system can recognize number plates from 700 ft, and and a "Skyshout" public address system allows officers to bark orders at offending motorists or blast "Flight of the Valkyries" to get all pumped. And with the Orwellian kit comes the kind of tortured justification that brings to mind ol' George's maxim that "the object of power is power." You see, speeders are a tricky lot, and since cars are too easy to ticket, they've switched to motorcycles. Says the chairman of the Essex Casualty Reduction Board, "There is a perception it is sometimes easier for motorcyclists to evade detection of offences because of the speed they travel at. We feel signs warning of the likelihood of detection by air will be an extra incentive for motorcyclists in particular, and all motorists, to drive safely." Which makes the initiative well worth the $1,800/hour expense, right?

Those wacky Brits– you never know just what they'll try next. From Motor Trader comes a report that farmer Steve Burgess has become the first person to cross the Bering Strait in a land vehicle. He floated across the 56-mile stretch from Russia to Alaska in a Land Rover Defender equipped with pontoons, a propeller and motor. His 10,379-mile trek from his home in Yorkshire was sponsored by Cooper Tires. Back in Merry Olde England, earlier this month Top Gear's James Mays and oenophile Oz Clarke ran a Radical SR4 racing car from 0 ot 60 in 3.5 seconds using "a special distillation of whisky." Bruichladdich distillery manager Duncan MacGillivray said "The exhaust smells much better than petrol. It's a sustainable biofuel; but at £26 a litre, the duty and VAT isn't, so it's not a viable alternative just yet." Of course, that just begs the question of whether the police could charge you with DUI if your car had whiskey on its breath.

The police in North Wales [UK] aren't horsing around. Literally. They're using an SUV hauling an empty horse trailer to hide a speed camera to fatten the civic coffers catch miscreants brazen enough to flaunt the law by exceeding the posted speed limit. The video shows the setup in action and the police scurrying to move it to a different location when they realize they're being watched. And if that wasn't sneaky enough, the Welsh po-po also deploy a pair of high-performance motorcycles for the same purpose. The unmarked bikes sit by the side of the road until a group of bikers pass. Then they join at the rear of the pack. They just wait for the bikes ahead to start speeding so the camera can start printing money photographing lawbreakers. At £60 each ($120), it hasn't taken long for these to become part of the revenue machine. TheNewspaper.com reports "local speed camera partnerships collected £10 million (US $20 million) from 160,126 automated tickets issued in 2006 with North Wales accounting for more than a third of the total."

Consumers living in The Land of Hope and Glory can now buy a right hand-drive (RHD) Cadillac CTS. But will they? In their review of the right-hooker CTS, the generally gentle AutoExpress notes that GM’s European operation hopes to shift 300 examples of the Cadillac CTS per year in the UK. Uh, does that cover the cost of the RHD engineering and tooling? The UK Caddy comes with a choice of a 208 horsepower, 2.8-liter V6, the 3.6 liter direct injection we Yanks enjoy (306 horsepower) and, eventually, a 250 horsepower diesel. The loaded 3.6 liter model goes for £33,000, which is the same as a BMW 335i. While the CTS ostensibly “competes” with the 5-Series in Europe, that’s an uphill battle– even against a BMW 525i (£35,000) or Mercedes E280 (£34,700).

We've been hearing rumblings for some time that post-Ford Aston Martin has been talking about forming an alliance (The Axis of Axles?) with Mercedes. CAR Magazine claims to have the inside line on details emerging from the negotiations. Unsurprisingly, the cooperation seems to center on getting Mercecdes engines into future Astons, replacing the aged Ford-sourced motors currently on offer. This will supposedly include diesel and hybrid options, as well as AMG's 6.2-liter V8 which may power future Vantage models. alAston could so get Mercedes' eight-speed autobox. And there's even talk of "whole platforms to be shared by top-end models," and cooperation between Aston and Maybach (anyone remember Maybach?). In other words, no matter how hard they try, the British cann't seem to stop their most beloved brands from going German, one way or another. But, as Lieberman suggested the last time this rumor came around, all the identity politics in the world mean nothing if this cooperation makes Astons better, faster and more reliable. And if "whole platforms to be shared by top-end models" means Aston gets to drape the "death on a stick"-sounding AMG SLC in its trademark sex appeal, even Clarkson might forgo ze German jokes.

Aston Martin DBS - official promo video of the new

Despite the fact that SUV are PC pariahs in The Land of Hope and Glory, despite the fact that unleaded costs $8.74 per gallon, SUV sales are up 11 percent on the year. Londoners are buying up SUVs faster than any other municipality. As London's roads haven't reverted to potholes and cobblestones, there must be some other way to logically explain this trend-defying headline. Are the expat Russian billionaires beefing-up their security entourages? Are conservatives celebrating the demise of Ken Livingstone and his $50/day C-charge plan? Is Clarkson on a Landie kick? Why is Old Blighty leading the Charge of the Light Truck Brigade while we here In The Land of the Free run for our Priora at first sign of $4 gas? Whatever the reason keep in mind that Britons consider things like the Daihatsu Terios an "SUV"– even though it sports a 1.5-liter engine and gets a combined 35mpg. Um, not that there's anything wrong with that…

Anyone remember the Monty Python sketch where lost explorers say "Hang on a minute, if we're lost, who's filming us?" And then they're shown greeting the camera crew. And then they repeat, "Hang on, who's filming them?" And reveal another camera crew. Well, you gotta give the Flying Circus credit for prescience. Pistonheads reports that "Angry motorists [in Lancashire] have twice torched the £24,000 speed camera, which is situated on the B5246 at Mere Bow, and last week it was pushed over. Now Lancashire Partnership for Road Safety is threatening to put up another camera to monitor the Gatso." The ire might have a little something to do with the fact that the Lancashire po-po had to rescind 545 speeding tickets for "improper calibration." Anyway, this would not be the UK's first camera-on-camera action. In fact, the most up-to-date UK speed cameras have a built-in security camera, and automatically notify the local constabulary when they're under attack. So the latest motto from The Land of Hope and Glory's glorious leaders must be "Tough on crime, tough on people inspired to commit crime by policing policies designed to raise revenues and punish otherwise law-abiding citizens, for their own good."  

When it comes to government-mandated corporate average fuel economy (CAFE) regs, I'm with GM Car Czar Bob Lutz. It's like forcing a clothing maker to sell smaller shirts to get people to lose weight. If you want to reduce obesity, just raise the price of food. [My add; even MB knows you can't threaten to starve people for their own good.] In any case, no matter what MB and his employer's representatives say, they have a consistent record of gaming the system. Flex-fuel credits anyone? The U.S. "light truck" CAFE exemption is/was The Mother of All Loopholes. (Who says there's no such thing as karma?) And now GM's playing the angles in Europe. The Times reports that UK PM Gordon Brown's entourage arrived at the London Auto show in some Indian sedans and SUVs and dangled £90m of UK taxpayer money for electric automobile development. Over five years. Available to someone. Depending on something. To which GM Europe Prez Carl-Peter Forster responded fuck that shit [paraphrasing]. GM's wants a national sponsor for a "super credit" scheme that would allow ultra-low carbon-dioxide vehicles (below 50g/km) to offset larger and more polluting models. "If Britain was prepared to champion this idea within the EU, GM would consider making its electric vehicles at the Ellesmere Port plant on Merseyside." Sweet.

As someone who worked at Cable News Network from Day one to Day 3,650, I understand the true "news pyramid." At the top: international news. In the middle: local news. At the bottom (the foundation): what's going bad in your refrigerator. So I'm not really all that surprised that our largely U.S. audience couldn't give a rat's ass about the fact that the U.K. is rapidly becoming Orwellian, or even bother to wonder what Eric Arthur Blair was on about. Still, the anti-speeding jihad has opened the door to some truly frightening policing. The latest example [via Pistonheads]: "The number plates of speeding drivers will be flashed up on new ‘smart signs’ in a bid to shame them into slowing down… When fully operational, the system will flash up the number plate of any vehicles exceeding the speed limit as a visual reminder to drivers to slow down. The system includes a large trailer-mounted variable message sign and remote speed and Automatic Number Plate Recognition detection units." Privacy? "The agency said the data gathered will not be used for enforcement and the system does not record any personal data, therefore complying with the Data Protection Act." Call me a tin foil hat wearer, but do Brits really buy that?

OK, we get it. If you're texting your BFF <3 whilst driving, cause an accident and kill someone, you do hard time. But if I read the Pistonheads story correctly, that's up to seven years. In other words, it's a maximum– not a minimum– sentence. And why pick on texting? Doesn't The Land of Hope and Glory have a general charge of "causing death by dangerous driving," or some such thing? Not yet, they don't. "Ministers now want to see the two new offences – causing death by careless driving and causing death while unlicenced, disqualified or uninsured – pushed through as soon as possible." Again, what's with a separate anti-texting caveat? "The council said it wanted to send a ‘clear message’ to those who text while driving that it will not be tolerated." Uh, OK. But I'm little concerned about the Council throwing the book at killer drivers with a history of "bad driving." "Very serious cases, where drugs, alcohol or persistent bad driving are involved, could warrant a jail term of up to 14 years, the [Sentencing Guidelines] council said." ?4U. Is it prima facie if you accidentally kill someone but have a bad driving record?