Apparently.

General Motors has contracted with a 78-year old man to debut a new Buick model meant to reorient the brand away from 80 year old buyers.

Robert A. Lutz, a Korean war veteran, helped himself up to the stage to announce the new Buick. Shown beside him in classic Buick white, Lutz said it would “be the final nail in the coffin for the old Buick brand image.” The new Regal GS is equipped with new-era technology, such as power seats, locks, and windows, as well as a full-sized trunk.

Another General Motors spokesman, Harold Braudel, told media members: “This new Regal is a classic American sedan. It marries European engineering with European design, all brought together by European manufacture.

Mr. Lutz had already teamed up with General Motors for work in the past; the octogenarian charmingly brought his Cadillac sedan to a track contest some months ago.

“Our goal is to show how youthful Buick has become. We’re shattering perceptions, and also hips,” Braudel concluded.

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First it was the Prius, now Audi has come out with an ad featuring failed suicide. In both cases, the intended message (our car doesn’t spew poison) gets a bit lost in shuffle due to the fact that consumers of these products are portrayed attempting suicide. So this is what Audi’s CMO meant when he said rational arguments don’t work in the marketplace. Unfortunately, as the California Air Resources Board helpfully points out, diesel fumes contain arsenic, benzene, formaldehyde, nickel, and polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons. So, you know, professional driver on a closed course, and all that. Don’t try this at home, kids!

As soon as the vessel embarks, all risks related to the vessel are the responsibility of the distributor. All payments for the cars have been made, while the cars are also insured.

From a Hyundai statement to Bloomberg on the fate of 2,388 Hyundai and Kia vehicles aboard the Asian Glory, which was hijacked by Somali pirates en route to the Middle East.

The Defense Advanced Research Project Administration is apparently savvy to the fact that mainstream car bloggers regularly Google search the term “Transformers,” in search of vaguely car-related (or, in some cases, not) filler. DARPA’s masterstroke? Using the one-time traffic boost title for a project:

to demonstrate a 1 to 4 person transportation vehicle that can drive and fly, thus enabling the warfighter to avoid water, difficult terrain, and road obstructions as well as IED and ambush threats.

Flying cars, and an opportunity for Transformers references? Who can resist?

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Got schadenfreude? This video represents GM’s pathos-laden attempt at discovering Saab’s relevance, circa 2003. But this is more than just the insincere flogging of a dead brand walking, it’s also more evidence for why GM continually struggles with perception gap. Videos like this, touting turnarounds and viability, have been undermining GM’s credibility for decades. At this point perception gap isn’t even the right term: try “credibility deficit” instead. Meanwhile, die-hard Saab fans are planning on converging on the RenCen in hopes of swaying the masters of Saab’s fate to be merciful to their beloved brand. Don’t hold your breath though: as this video proves, GM has years of cynicism under its belt when it comes to its Swedish division.

Next up in our impromptu series of car ads featuring spurious comparisons: the Smart as Supercar. Not buying it? Hey, it’s still better than comparing your car to a pair of socks.

Yes, several 2009 Dodge products are more desirable than a pair of socks. Unless of course they’re really nice socks.

In a delightfully surreal bit of news out of India, a man sued GM for claiming one of its SUVs had mountain goat-like capabilities when it couldn’t in fact navigate one foot-deep water. What, you might ask, is the SUV in question? The answer is just another amusing twist to this hilarious tale of marketing claims meeting cold, wet reality. Here’s a hint: it’s sold in the US, but not as a Chevrolet…

Having wandered with GM through the deserts of poor perceived quality, Bob “The Lizard King” Lutz has broken on through to the other side… of the perception gap. No longer will GM be accused of skimping on quality. No longer will GM struggle to realize its upmarket ambitions. Whence this mystical power? Lutz shares the keys to the the doors of perception with Automotive News [sub]:

Nothing adds perceived value to a car faster than that chrome surround around the side glass because it is a hallmark of German and Japanese luxury products. If you skimp on $50 of chrome, you are reducing the customer’s perceived value of the car by $500 of $600.

Like, wow. Where do these ideas come from?

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New Aston Martins don’t come around every day. When they do, the entire automotive world holds its breath and watches as a new legend is born. Such a moment has arrived… Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on the Aston Martin Lagonda DB1.8 Gosling Vantage (courtesy: Vincent Maltese). Coming soon.

The Aston Martin Cygnet: because the auto industry just isn’t surreal enough these days. For its next trick, the Aston Martin grille will be appearing on a Corolla. Is there a photoshopper in the house?

GM’s CEO and Chairman Ed Whitacre confirmed today that Dutch boutique sportscar firm Spyker is the only bidder for what’s left of Saab after the BAIC deal. Saab insiders insist that the firm can continue without the old tooling and technology sold to BAIC, and they still have their hopes pinned on the new 9-5 model. But, as the WSJ reports, Spyker earned a mere €7.9m in 2008 revenue, and has already endured an €8.7m net loss in the first half of this year. Spyker’s in no position to be saving struggling Swedish automakers. But behind Spyker is Convers Group, a Russian banking group with deep pockets… and a uniquely Russian reputation.

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Chrysler’s new advertisements may have been replaced by this video as the automotive marketing gaffe of the moment. When asked in a Fastlane webchat why GM had approved this questionable video, Sales and Marketing supremo Susan Docherty managed to come across as even more clueless and incompetent than she would have if she’d been prancing front and center:

I have to be honest I haven’t yet seen the Chevrolet Volt song and dance but it sounds like I need to spend some time tonight on the web viewing this. Thanks for the heads up. Do you have any suggestions for us?

Yeah, here are some suggestions: first off, it’s not the roaring twenties, Busby Berkeley. Kill the dance numbers. Suggestion number two: if you’re the head of sales and marketing, you should at least be aware of the existence of “promotional” materials like this. Third: if GM doesn’t take the Volt seriously, nobody will. Keep that in mind when approving marketing ideas.

(no sound; and thanks to brother Tom for the tip)