So I’m hearing that some of y’all may feel that Cash for Clunkers is your opportunity to to trade up. Your chance to lose the clutch and make a run for the hands-free hype of automatic transmission technology. To which I say, NSFW please. That clutch stood by you. That clutch was your friend. The ability to change your own gears was the only thing that kept you from driving that Tercel off a cliff out of sheer boredom. And now you think that just because you’re upgrading to an Elantra, a slushbox is suddenly more befitting your station in life? Yo, that logic is the sodium silicate of the mind. So if your clunker had a manual transmission, pour out a bottle of Synchromax for the departed. And if you replaced it with a CVT, you better watch your back.

[Thanks to sweemo for the link]

1)The red line represents Google searches for “NHTSA,” the blue line represents searches for “Clunker.” And we wonder why they weren’t ready.

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Auto Motor und Sport picks up on a report in De Telegraaf about a wave of anti-Smart vandalism that’s sweeping the city of a thousand “coffee shops.” Apparently, Amsterdam’s police force has been forced to post patrols around the city’s many canals in an attempt to curb the latest “weekend sport”: Smart tipping. The extent of this European version of cow tipping is unclear, although Amsterdam’s Smart Center reports “a number” of incidents. Apparently, the fact that the diminutive city cars park facing canals (instead of parallel parking like everyone else) makes them especially vulnerable. However Dutchamsterdam reports that the vandalism is not exclusive to Smarts. “In recent years vandals have also targeted other small vehicles, including scootmobiles and tiny cars from the Canta brand — both used primarily by people with handicaps and limited mobility,” is their analysis. Finally, a use for all those damn Neighborhood Electric Vehicles!

Thanks to ohsnapback for the tip!

Ford Explorer Sport Trac went into production in 2000 and will be leaving us next year, reports Automotive News [sub]. But what, you might ask, will happen to the “torn between Explorer and Ranger” market segment? Will they have to choose?

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I can’t say that I’ve seen everything. But sometimes I feel as if I have. For example, the morning after we publish Bob Elton’s piece on Chrysler’s wanton destruction of its historical archives, the Detroit Free Press runs a piece on the future—or lack thereof—for feral cats hanging out on the grounds of Chrysler’s Sterling Heights factory. As a former English resident alien, I know what’s it’s like to live in a country where animal welfare gets more play than the challenges faced by humans. Still, this is one for the record books: “‘We try to help them out a little,’ said Claudia Valentine, 55, a veteran skilled trades worker on the night shift at the plant. She said workers feed the cats nightly and do such things as setting insulated crates outside in winter. But the cats have multiplied and are causing safety problems, a few being run over by workers or caught in the conveyor system.” We also learn, “Feral females spend most of their lives pregnant or nursing. In seven years, one female cat and her offspring can yield 420,000 cats.” In the same sense, I suppose, that Chrysler can become profitable. Just sayin’.

The Washington state Department of Licensing has pulled O&J Sales’ license after finding 22 cars were contaminated by methamphetamine, reports The Whidby News Times. The cars, worth $70,000, were crushed due to the high cost of cleaning them to state standards. And those high state standards (0.1 micrograms per 100 square centimeters, 15 times the California standard) are a cause of frustration for the lot’s owner. “If the standards were applied to every car dealership in the state, most of them would go out of business,” says O&J owner Mark Brown, noting that one of the crushed vehicles was bought from a state police auction. Unfortunately for Brown, his lot was raided in March, when police found 94 grams of meth. This led to the arrest of Brown’s son, the lot’s manager. The O&J building tested at 5,200 times the legal limit for meth on a swab test. The shutdown of O&J is the first meth contamination-based closure on record.

Note: this video showed a salesman pretending not to understand a Spanish speaking customer. It was removed after someone sent the dealer principal the link to TTAC. His mea culpa comment is below.

Here’s the real auto sales stimulus: your choice of a gas or gun voucher. Max Motors owner says the deal generates a lot of publicity (oops!) and “really angers liberals.” Check out the broad range of reactions to this sales gimmick at Max Motors’ website (via USA Today).

The Telegraph reports:

“The recession has hit our industry hard,” said Thomas Goetz, owner of [Germany’s] Maison d’envie brothel.

“Obviously we hope that the discount will attract more people,” he added. “It’s good for business, it’s good for the environment – and it’s good for the girls.”

Customers who arrive on bicycle or who can prove they took public transportation get a 5-euro ($7) discount from the usual 70-euro ($100) fee for 45 minute sessions, Mr Goetz said. He said the environmentally friendly offer was working a charm.

“We have around 3-5 new customers coming in daily to take advantage of the discount,” he said, adding the green rebate has helped alleviate traffic and parking congestion in the neighbourhood. [hat tip to Justin Berkowitz]

Because, why not? Thanks to the American taxpayer, Fiat didn’t have to pay for Chrysler. But China’s First Auto Works (FAW) and others are bidding for Bertone Carozzeria, so Fiat stump up real, actual money, says Automotive News [sub]. For a coach builder (last project: the Opel Astra convertible of 2000-2005) which was just bailed out by the Italian government in 2007. And is only going to auction because of a family feud (via AN [sub]). Now that is what you call adding insult to bailout.