Category: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
The New York Times entered the irony-free zone this morning, with an op ed entitled “GM’s Secret Success.” WTF? Is one of the Gray Lady’s ambassadors about to call GM’s descent into bankruptcy and subsequent raid on the public purse a “success”? Nah. The author of the forthcoming tome “Why G.M. Matters: Inside the Race to Transform an American Icon” wants you to know that GM CEO Rick Wagoner is a genius interruptus. “In reality, Mr. Wagoner has presided over the most sweeping transformation of G.M. since the 1920s,” William J. Holstein opines. “He has reversed management’s long practice of meekly going along with the demands of the United Auto Workers, notably with a deal to transfer health care costs to a union-controlled trust over the next two years.” Ah, a tour of an alternate reality. Cool. But why stop there? Why indeed.
In Japan, a privacy rights group demands the take-down of Google’s Street View, after couples entering love hotels, or men urinating outdoors found a permanent home on Google’s servers. The Japanese group now found another ally: Porsche, or rather Porsche’s test drivers. They were caught by Google’s Street View car with the pants of some prototypes down. The invasion of Porsche’s privacy was spotted by a contributor to the Garage419 blog. In anticipation of his next vacation, he had googled the Mount Evans Toll Road.
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Lord love a duck, but sometimes the most idiotic things surface on the internet. And a certain piece favorably comparing Ferrari’s environmental impact to that of the Prius doesn’t have the excuse of coming from some blogspot-based Private Snafu in the Army of Davids. No, it comes from Car And Driver. Print Media. The Big Boys. Etcetera. And since they don’t have the decency to expose their own baldfaced disingenuousness and sensationalist ignorance-peddling until after the jump, we’ll return the favor. Car And Driver’s Steve Siler is an idiot, and that’s all we’ll say unless you bump our page views by hitting the jump.
Apparently the Rasheen is a JDM car based on the Nissan Sentra. Those three letters are good enough for me, especially when we’re not talking about some crazy Integra but a weird Japanese car. This one is cube-shaped, RHD, has plaid seats, and a general air of goofiness. The owner says he has a Florida title, which only means he is the legal owner of a car that’s illegally in the United States. But is $6000 so much to pay for the privilege of having the only Nissan Rasheen in the country?
Is your faith in your country a little shaken by recent political and economic events? Man have you come to the wrong place. We’ve found a pair of stories today which seem to jointly encapsulate every negative stereotype and overly-broad criticism of America. And by God, they aren’t jokes either. First up, we have the story of a million-dollar Mustang on eBay from the Cardomain blog. That’s right, someone is asking for a million big ones for a 1998 lambo-doored Roush Mustang with 175k on the clock. Why? To quote the eBay listing: I am selling this vehicle, which is the only material thing I truly own, because I am trying to save my home and family. I will ship this vehicle anywhere in the world at my expense. the asking price is $1,000,000.00 why?? because i am in serious financial trouble. The sale of this vehicle is targeted to any millionaire out there who is willing to help get me out of my current financial situation. this vehicle is being sold as is. Shockingly, post-bailout audacity isn’t the most nauseating story on the autoblogosphere today. Our second story is so repulsive and national-pride-obliterating that we have to hide it behind the jump. Grab a barf bag and a change of citizenship form and check it out…
Jerry Garrett of The New York Times has “driven dozens of new cars each year for nearly 30 years.” Who knew? Even though I’m not familiar with Garrett’s car canon, it’s clear the writer’s time was well spent, in an Andy Rooney “Have you ever looked at a doorknob?” kinda way. “‘Does this bother you?'” Garrett’s rant begins. “Well, actually, shining a bright light in my eyes from out of the darkness does bother me; when I’m behind the wheel, it drives me nuts. It reminds me of an interrogation technique. This bright light in question is actually the map light. It is positioned above my rearview mirror. Of course, it renders the rearview mirror useless, but more than that, it blinds me when I drive. It is a real safety issue, but my passenger wants to read while I drive. Who would design such a thing?” Damn his eyes! Why doesn’t Garrett doesn’t name names? Anyway, the rest of his “Five Things I Hate About New Cars”? Too small sun visors, the lack of fish-eyed rear view mirrors, chimes that won’t shut up after ten dings and cars that don’t have a little arrow to show you upon which side of the car the fuel filler cap resides. And now, it’s your turn, overly-loud and cheap-sounding clicking noise or “how the Hell do I cancel these damn things” BMW signals included.
Island Chevrolet’s general sales manager doesn’t like transplanted products. (Yes, I know: any car on The Big Island is an import. But you know what I mean.) So James Severtson commissioned a Chevrolet Suburban-bodied monster truck to kill, crush and destroy a Honda Accord. On the first attempt, the Hawaiian Rebel blew a hydraulic hose and leaked vital fluid. The Honda was non-plussed. After several hours, take two. Wheelman Ryan Kepiki attempted to surmount a Hyundai Excel. The AP reports that “Kepiki drove over the cars’ hoods, destroying the windshields to the seeming delight of the rush-hour crowd. Severtson said the dealership had been planning the crush-fest for a while.” Appreantly, the Bush bailoutfest was a “happy coincidence.” “We’d like to send the message that the best way to support your country is to buy an American vehicle today,” Severtson said.
The bad news is that GM is so desperate for cash, it’s literally selling off its glorious past. Jalopnik reports that GM is auctioning off “many recent and slightly less-important vehicles from its Heritage museum Collection.” The good news? This is your chance to save GM, and get your hands on some of the products that once made GM the largest corporation in the world. As well as tons of the products that brought The General from there to Barrett-Jackson in search of cash flow. Plus some other random stuff (Pug 205 Turbo?). The auction will take place January 13-19, 2009 in Scottsdale, AZ. Mystifyingly, GM is even listed as a sponsor. So go on down and do your patriotic duty, and take a teal 1998 Riviera for the team. Or just gaze once more at the Art and Colour of General Motors wile crying softly. Full list of former GM Heritage Museum Collection vehicles on the auction block after the jump.
The Zenvo ST1 hits 60 mph in 3 seconds flat and tops out at 233 mph, thanks to its 7 liter turbo- and supercharged V8. This “100 percent Danish,” 1104 hp, RWD beast is hand-built, and features a six-speed manual transmission and a hydraulic limited-slip differential. Nobody knows what it costs.
“Sweet Jesus! You guys and your talk of blasphemy and not getting it. I bet your grand fathers would turn over in their graves if they about half of what you did to your rides. What in the hell do you guys think hot-rodding is all about. Everyone has his or her own vision of what they expect as they try to make their wheels an expression of themselves. Looks to me like this guy put a lot of work into his ride and just because YOU don’t like it doesn’t mean the entire world should. Next time before you make a comment try and imagine how you would feel if people began putting your ride down and all this after they took the time to post it on CarDomain. To each his own and if there is something you don’t like move on to something that does but thee’s no need to put down someone’s ride. In the mean time just try to remember, we’re all car guys and gals and while we may not all be equal in what we like or can afford we still owe it to each other to have some respect for what it is we all have in common… our wheels.”
The meltdown of America’s automakers has frayed its fair share of nerves in the autoblogosphere lately. Which is fairly understandable. Folks who used to get paid for online automotive PDAs are now being forced to confront the fact that their advertisers beloved domestic firms have been failing for years and are desperately trying to survive on federal handouts. And this isn’t easy. From Autoblog’s Comic Life captions (must. not. dignify. with. snark.) to Jalopnik’s ongoing “Carpocalypse Now” series, autobloggers are desperately trying to turn the sad news into good old intarweb lulz. And few walk the tortuous line between credibility (calling Detroit’s woes as they are) and goof-tainment with more schizophrenic abandon than Jalopnik’s Ray Wert. The former Jennifer Granholm staffer just can’t escape his Detroit apologist roots, but his pro-bailout spin is generating enough centrifugal force to launch a Ford Excursion into the stratosphere. And it appears to be taking his already-tenuous definition of the term “irony” with it. Having already inexplicably defended the leadership of Rick Wagoner, and termed the bailout bill “Bankruptcy Lite,” Wert is causing more head asplosion this morning by hailing the House passage of said bill with a Ronald Reagan “Morning In America” campaign video. Dude, check it out: Reagan believed in markets. He would not have seen this unconscionable waste of of taxpayer money as “Morning In America.” And before you even claim that somehow the video is “ironic,” I want you to stop and brush up on the concept. Doing something idiotic and then claiming irony whe you are called out doesn’t make it clever. Irony is found in intellectual tension, not asinine non-sequitors. But by all means, bash back.
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