I’m almost due for my next car. Well, in six months. Which might as well be tomorrow. My GTI will go back to Volkswagen so that some poor clod can own it out of warranty. And this leaves me shopping for a replacement. This is where I’m in trouble. Not only do I have car-lover’s ADD, but I am picky about cars I actually will drive and don’t want anything too common. Even though I’m a jerk, I won’t drive the official car of jerks everywhere. So that means no 3-Series.  Did I mention I prefer a hatchback or wagon? All this hemming and hawing has left me thinking about a Volvo or Saab. The trouble is, despite stories of the better experiences (“My Volvo V70 has gone 400,000 miles with only routine maintenance), whatever I buy will be weird, and therefore will break down. It’s not the breaking down I mind so much, but the cost of parts and repairs. The trouble is, I’m not unhinged enough to actually think an Alfa or a Citroen makes sense to buy. So what I really want is an Alfa Romeo or Citroen with Honda build quality. And if you take away the breaking down, you take away quintessential European-car character. What this means is that I’m crazy, but not crazy enough.

I blame the Quakers. My Friends-owned alma mater’s motto is “For the Honor of Truth.” What the Hell does that mean? What for the honor of truth? And, as my father liked to say, that and 50 cents will get you downtown. From my admittedly skewed perspective, finding and disseminating truth is about more than just personal honor. It’s about providing a service that’s fundamental to society’s survival. A society that lies to itself will always be in danger of self-destruction (e.g. GM). Hence the reason why Mother Nature creates mutant truth-tellers, who love honesty so much they’re wiling to risk everything to share it. OK, maybe “share” is the wrong word. Bit too touchy-feely. “Confront liars” is more appropriate. Again, ultimately, it’s for their own good. Convincing people of that fact is a life’s work. Even so, when it comes to the public purse, the desire for the truth has a wider resonance that gives me hope. Now, let’s get out those coals and that rake…

The United States new car market is dead in the water. Sales are down 36 percent across the board. Carmakers selling (or not) in The Land of the Free could stop production for a month– at least– without threatening to reduce inventory levels to demand. Only, of course, they can’t. The car business works best when every part of the fabrication process, from mining iron ore to slapping on the Monroney sticker, is flowing simultaneously. Stopping and starting production is a bitch. And expensive. What’s more (LOTS more), fixed costs like equipment amortization and labor don’t go away. So carmakers are powerless, and bleeding out. The strong ones have lots of blood and relatively small wounds. The big ones had no platelets to begin with, and the arterial spray is like a Las Vegas fountain. One thing is for sure: it’s a great time to buy a car! Of course, it’ll be even better next month. And the month after that. And the month after that. If you feel sorry for the carmakers, a simple question: why? Isn’t it better for all concerned when the customer is King?

In today’s podcast, Jonny and I talked — among other things — about the Toyota Century (mistakenly referred to as the Toyota Crown at first). We both think the V12 Japanese retrolimo is fantastic, and that its old-school technology (curtains?!) are charming as all get out. I agree with him that overflowing technology doesn’t make a car luxurious, and if someone would make a very comfortable, isolating quiet car I’d be thrilled. In other news, we hit on the Kia Soul, had debates about the insane 16-cylinder Cizeta-Moroder V16T on Autofiends, another debate about the Avanti, and then he presented a book report about a fascinating-sounding book called “Brightwork,” which Jonny received for the Jewish festival of lights, Hannukah.

Coming of age in the 70’s (lucky me), Cadillac represented everything I didn’t like about American cars. Like its lesser-priced sibs, it was an anti-sports car. With the possible exception of Lincoln’s Continental Mark My Words This Car is as Good as a Cadillac, a Caddy was THE anti-sports car. The idea of hustling one of those land yachts around a corner was laughable. And for me, it was all about the handling. (Driving a Dino had changed my life.) I remained contemptuous of America’s love affair for Caddy’s “sofas on wheels” right until the moment I met a girl in Aspen who drove a meticulously maintained 1962 Cadillac convertible like the one shown. Suddenly, all the curves I needed were inside the car. You know that song Slow Hand by the Pointer Sisters? It was on the Caddy’s radio during one especially memorable drive. I got it. And Caddy, I reckon, has lost it.

In The Incredibles, as Syndrome is about the vanquish Mr. I, the fan-gone-bad pauses to explain his actions. As he does so, our hero counter-attacks. “You caught me monologuing!” Syndrome chides himself. And it’s true: monologues place their creator in a particularly vulnerable spot. If he or she can’t sustain the listener’s interest, there’s no one– absolutely no one— else to blame. And like the shock and awe-meisters who attacked Iraq, brother, I know what it’s like to bomb. Still, in cyberspace no one sells ice cream. Ba-doom-boom. But seriously folks, I’ll get that damn headset Monday, and resume podcasting with one of our regular cast of characters. And I’ll start phoning newsmakers to get the inside dope on the dopey things going down in Motown, and elsewhere. Meanwhile, an experiment, if you will. If you won’t, I hear you. Er, feel you. Um… understand.

Engineer A: How’s testing on the Merak going?
Engineer B: The brakes catch fire all the time.
Engineer A: Put in a warning light.
Engineer A: Make it big.

The car bloggers went sub-ballistic (what would that be, scientists?) today because Honda announced that it was killing the NSX project. Well, I say good riddance to a stupid idea. I’m in that camp of people that thinks the original NSX is the very rare car that came out perfectly. And while many people have admonished me for clinging to outdated conceptions of what a particular car or company “should” be (like the 1-Series not being a suitable sucessor to the 2002, or the Subaru Forester betraying its goofwagon roots), I can’t understand the business case for a front-engined V10 Acura NSX. Trickle down tech? Maybe – though certainly not the V10 engine, unless it was going to be tacking two extra cylinders onto Honda’s already dubious planned V8. Front engine supercar? Plenty of those out there. Expensive? Again, plenty of those out there. Lexus reportedly cancelled its LF-A program because it was clear that they weren’t going to take down Godzilla (the Nissan GT-R). So why would Acura plan differently? I think people would welcome a modern version of the original NSX concept, though – a mid-engined car with the best handling in the world, a great gearbox, and a relatively simple V6 or V8 engine. Or, as Lieberman says in the podcast – Honda’s version of a Ferrari F430. Sold.

Oh sure, it looks like a Morgan. But it’s not. Fresh from Mitsuoka, the same company that turned an Infiniti M35 into some kind of time warp British sedan for James May, is the Himiko roadster. It’s based on the Mazda MX-5, which means it’s great to drive. And the bodywork is just insane enough to walk the border between embarrassing and awesome. While most of TTAC’s finest will probably say it looks like a mutant and they’d rather chew glass than have one, I’ll proudly stand in the minority. Oh, and Lieberman and I talk about a number of rockin’ cars in today’s podcast.

Sure, it was 1925. But do you ever see even slightly similar ads anymore?

When there’s less to do, it’s harder to get things done. This is a rule. The same as the one about peanut butter and dogs. Anyway, Robert and I spoke about all things bailout on Wednesday. And in other news, the V8 version of the Pontiac G8 gets better pricing with every day – 2008 model year cars with under 10,000 miles are going for the mid $20k range on eBay Motors. This particular one, with 8900 miles, is marginally even broken in and it’s only $23,900. Beats the heck out of the $32,000 MSRP this thing originally had. Imagine how cheap these beasts will be in a year.

With my private jet finally out of fuel, we decided to crash land in North Korea. It turns out to have been a wise choice, because aside from the fact that it’s a tyrannical dictatorship with millions of starving people, there are no “Saved by Zero” ads from Toyota. So that’s a hint of silver lining. Also, while my Gulfstream had poor cell phone reception, I’m able to make all the phone calls I want from Kim Jong Il’s pool house, which he has been kind enough to lend to me. All he wanted in return, oddly enough, was a box of Ray Bans and an the newest DVDs. So, after surrendering my copy of “Employee of the Month” to the Dear Leader, I’m now able to podcast freely.

I’m going to England tonight. Well, I leave tonight and arrive there on Friday. Hooray! A working vacation is still a vacation, right? Sort of, maybe. Meanwhile, I’m going to need wheels for at least a few days that I’m there (don’t fret though, I’m not maniacal enough to drive in London). While I’m working on a press car for myself, the big question is – if I end up renting something, what could it be? What will it be? It is, for me at least, the closest approximation to a kid in a candy store. Unfortunately, I’ve gotten emails from someone called “Reality.” And he tells me a number of alarming things. The first was “Don’t kill yourself, driving on the left and shifting with the wrong hand.” Well I knew that already, but thanks Mr. R. Second, he said “You know, the European Focus is just better than the American Focus. It’s not something amazing. Especially with a tiny engine.” Yes yes, I know that too. But it’ll still be different. But then Reality dropped the bomb “With your luck, Berkowitz, your rental car is going to be something that’s on sale in America.” Heaven forbid. I’ll keep you updated on this tremendously important story.

We just got the fairly obvious news that the Pontiac G8 will die on the vine. Fast forward thirty years. Pontiac cars will only be a historical name, like Lagonda, or Pierce-Arrow. Imagine though, the bitchin’ 1980s-2000s collection that a retro minded old codger could have in his garage:

1. G8 GT
2. GTO (2006)
3. Solstice GXP
4. Trans AM WS6 (2002, with 325 hp LS1 V8)
5. Aztek (for historical purposes, of course).
6. Fiero V6

It could be like all the other cars (like the G5) just never happened. As if.

Ouch. Normally we shoot to put up our podcasts midday, but wouldn’t you know it, I accidentally stepped on my official TTAC podcasting headset. Between that, and the fact that the car industry is in meltdown mode, we weren’t able to get to a podcast until 6PM. And then I got wrapped up trying to get an idea of the approximate number of Americans and Canadians that will be out of jobs if/when the Chrysler-GM merger actually happens. Since that’s like trying to count the number of lights while driving through the Lincoln Tunnel, I had to give up. And here we are. Have a good night, folks!