We’re actually planning a few meetups in 2009 for TTAC readers and writers, many of them right here in North America. But with Captain Mike’s upcoming work-related assignment to Germany – a mere one hour from the Nurburgring – we’re going to have a European adventure as well. I’m beginning the search for sponsors (who? uh…). In any case, it should make for a downright thrilling trip, including more than a few frightening rides in the ‘Ring taxi. Separate from driving, I envision copious beer drinking and regional sausages. We’ll be sure to give you plenty of warning ahead of time, should you be planning any business trips to Europe, or be sitting on a pile of frequewnt flyer miles, or actually be an EU resident yourself. I’ll bring the Porsche 911 Turbo, you bring the Nissan GT-R.

The big story in the media, and of course with TTAC at present is the GM-Chrysler merger. Or whatever you want to call it, as the transaction’s characteristics are reported differently with every day. We’re covering that, in all its ridiculous glory (or glorious ridiculousness) with the same “nothing but the truth – and the occasional pun” attitude you’ve come to expect from TTAC. But there’s another, albeit interlinked, story here: the utter failure of the media to report on GM-Chrysler with any meaningful scrutiny or candor. Whether it is the hypocrisy of the reporters or the lack of thoughtful commentary, this casts a shadow on the value of the information and opinions we read and hear, from the Detroit News to CNBC to CNN Money. So while our mantra is focus, focus, focus (with no hat tip to Ford), we’re focusing on the news at present: not just the message, but the messenger.

Some two weeks ago I opined that Tesla, Carbon Motors, Fisker, and other startups might show the future of the auto industry. Small firms, smaller volume, lots of venture capital funding, and the sort of flexibility you’d assume to be inherent in a small operation. Now that I see Tesla’s current predicament, it makes me think that perhaps that flexibility will be utterly crucial to surviving more than one product cycle. Tesla is cutting back on employees (and shifting to their fourth executive in 12 months), presumably for financial reasons. In other words, they need more money, and at $100,000 a pop, sales of fifteen Tesla roadsters isn’t going to cover all the bills. While Tesla intended for the Roadster to be a break-even project, I can’t help but think that the media and consumer public’s ADD is going to hurt them. Since gas came down, somewhat, in price, I haven’t been seeing the panicked news stories about the man that rides a stray Lion to get to work everyday, braving the carnivor hunter’s back to save on fuel costs. Nor have I seen anything about how the Tesla is the future of the car. Whether Tesla’s fifteen minutes of fame has passed is a separate question: the more important one is whether having only fifteen minutes of fame means these small firms are going to sink afterwards.

The best part of my job: getting to drive, think, talk, and write about cars all the time. The worst: when someone asks me what my favorite car is. The answer is “all of them.” At this point, the person thinks I’m being a jerk, which I am, but doesn’t understand that car lunatics have a different favorite car every day. And often many favorite cars. Right now, I’m really liking the Jaguar XJ8, particularly because used ones are so reasonably priced. And I also am loving listening to Ferrari after Ferrari on YouTube. Is it a problem? Yes. Is it interfering with my work? Well, yes and no, for obvious reasons. Last week, I was really excited about the new Ford Fiesta, which with any luck I’ll be driving and reviewing later this month. Tomorrow it’ll be something else that I’m really interested in. It’s not my fault. It’s just that I love cars, even when I hate them (see: Lamborghini. see also: Toyota Camry).

Well, not lied, exactly. More like flip-flopped. In my last podcast epistle, I said TTAC wouldn’t make you jump on blog posts because that would be better for us (page views) than you (convenience). And it’s all about you (TTAC readers), not us (anti-social writers who have to make a living somehow). And then Justin and I began to discover something interesting. While other automotive websites use the click through to bore the shit out of readers with press releases (Autoblog), or as a money shot come-on-you-know-you-want-to (Jalopnik), we found we could do more creatively using two bites than one. In other words, we can provide the main news and then give you some background info and/or additional de-spinnage. Headline. Then color. Of course, that’s not true in every case. So we’re restricting ourselves to those occasions where it, uh, is. If this is pissing you off, give it a few days for us to get settled-in. And meanwhile, we know we have some tweakage left for the new design. The programmers are, unlike some of us, taking the day off. Hence today’s profusion of profanity. Cooler heads will prevail tomorrow. Or not.

As they used to say in England, TISWAS (Today Is Saturday, Watch And Smile). Oh wait, it’s Friday. MAN, what a week. The news cycle has been nothing short of ferocious, what with the financial meltdown setting a blowtorch to GM, Ford and (latterly) Chrysler’s assertions that they’re going to get the Titanic to New York if it kills you (i.e. taxpayers). Yes, there is that. We’re going to start our Bailout Watch 2 series next week, as it’s only a matter of time– and not much of it– before the whole “Too Big To Fail” shtick pops its head above the proverbial parapet. Meanwhile, we’ve been grappling with the new site design. As expected, the new format killed a LOT of page views; visitors no longer have to click to individual news stories via the home page. We played with the idea of splitting the news posts up, “click through for the payoff” Jalop and Autoblog style, but discarded the idea (any such bisection would be more about us than you.) The good news: the galleries created a net page view gain. When the feature went live, we saw a net gain of 40k page views– in the first day. Fair enough. But that’s from our perspective. What’s your take on the new design? And while you’re thinking about that, Justin and I devote the entire cast to the pall cast over Detroit by, well, lots of stuff.

Sometimes, when we podcast, we just have too much fun. Jonny and I were yammering about the Nissan GT-R, Porsche’s PDK transmission, and of course Toyota’s ass-kicking Hilux and Audi’s bizarre plans for the R8 (which I still don’t totally grasp). The result? We ran way over time. Twelve minutes, forty-one seconds. That’s not okay. The mission is ten minute podcasts with perhaps a minute for a grace period. We’ll be sticking to time from now on. As for the video, never underestimate the stupidity of Russian oligarchs and their even stupider children.

WARNING: Podcast contains some profanity, including an f-bomb.

One of the joys of telecommuting: no actual commuting. No train ride (I’ll thank you for not spilling your coffee on my New York Times again, strangers) and no car ride. Where do I go? To my home office. The consequence is that I’ve been driving for fun and when I’m too short on time to walk the 3/4 mile trip to the grocery store. It’s a breeze parking my little VW GTI between the beheamoth luxury SUVs that have become suburban landmarks. What I always forget, while I arrogantly load up my hatchback with a 24 pack of toilet paper, is that I share a big SUV with my father – an eleven year old Ford Expedition. We bought it with 150,000 miles for about the same price as a really nice big screen TV and use it for, well what you really would need a big truck for. That means hauling lumber from Home Depot, or double sized mattresses and coffee tables simultaneously, or towing the 23 foot Chris Craft we bought to restore, or driving six of my friends comfortably to Atlantic City. While the old Ford only gets to stretch its legs once a week or so, it’s there when we do need it. It seems somewhat wasteful to have an extra car; then again, whether you consider the total cost of the small and large cars, or the carbon footprint (ahem), or the amout of gas we use, it’s all very small. I do know people with a fleet of new cars, large and small, for different tasks too. Some relatives are augmenting their current Saturn Outlook with a Saturn Astra and a MINI Cooper Clubman. That strikes me as excessive. But who am I to judge?

President Richard Nixon’s transcripts of the missing 18.5 minutes on the Watergate Tapes admitted that he’d contemplated the possibility of suborning evidence. “We could do that,” the words read. “But it would be wrong.” Of course, Tricky Dicky said no such thing. As we all know, politicians are sleaze-bags who’d steal $700b of your children’s taxes just for one more shot at re-election. But it’s a nice thought: a man of power contemplating a quick fix– who pulls back at the last second because of moral qualms. I’m sure there was an occasion when Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac’s guardians faced a similar [real] moment of truth. “We could write billions of sub-prime mortgages to people who can’t afford them… but it would be wrong.” By the same token, GM didn’t have to rely on “Zero Percent Financing for Anyone with a Pulse” to keep factories chugging along. (Ditto Ford and Chrysler.) They chose to do so. If American automakers didn’t understand the implications of their actions, we should not protect them from the consequences of their decisions. If they did, we should still stay out of it. Responsible companies find new ways to make mistakes. Irresponsible ones adhere to Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity. More than that, enabling Motown to “have another go” at doling-out easy money will only hasten their destruction, not prevent it.

I was stumbling around the Milan airport after a red-eye flight last January when I came upon a Ferrari store. I have absolutely no idea what kind of sales a store like this might rack up (or really, not rack up). Even the insanely wealthy would no doubt feel strange about wearing a $58 Ferrari t-shirt if they didn’t actually own a Ferrari. If I bought one, I’d just feel like a … well the word I’m thinking of rhymes with “bouchebag.” The rest of the merchandise, from $600 parkas to $250 silk ties was equally stupidpriced. The best explanation I can think of for the store is to keep the Ferrari brand nestled among other exotic luxury brands. But all in all, I have to say it makes my head hurt. The exception to me would be any type of event-oriented clothing (i.e. Ferrari day at the beach 2003) or something commemorative (a picture of a Ferrari 250 California, in which case you’d look like a dork rather than a poseur).

Duh.

Have your volume up for the vid.

Originally posted (without my snarky italicized comments) at Jalopnik.

10. Mazda MX-5 Retractable Hardtop
Starts off well. If you pack very light.

9. Jeep Wrangler Unlimited
Oh, this’ll be just great on the highway. I thought they said weekend trip, not off-roading camping expedition.

8. Maserati Gran Turismo S
Might as well add a Bentley while we’re at it.

7. Volkswagen Tiguan
Nope.

6. MINI Cooper Clubman
Do you have so much stuff it won’t fit in a Cooper with the rear seats folded?

5. Ford Ranger FX4
This is a joke, right?

4. Mitsubishi Lancer Evo X
I’m sure my girlfriend would love a 5 hour drive with me keeping one of these on a rolling boil.

3. BMW X6
I’d rather not send the villagers running.

2. Subaru Outback Limited 2.5 XT
Makes the most sense out of any car on the list.

1. Porsche 911 Targa 4
Sure, and do me a favor, fill the trunk with diamonds.

The Berkowitz list (and they’re all under $50k): Subaru Outback 2.5 XT, Dodge Challenger SRT8, BMW 335i, Ford Explorer, Ford Flex, Mazda MX-5, Volkswagen Jetta TDI or 2.0T, Saab 9-3 Convertible, MINI Cooper S, and Suzuki SX4.

Hours, days, weeks. I can’t even begin to tally the time I’ve wasted – flushed away, evaporated, murdered – because of eBay Motors and Craigslist and even Hemmings. I know that half the listings are frauds, and the other half are overpriced. I know that “excellent condition!!1” means well beaten and abused. And that “shows signs of wear and tear” means it was previously used to haul broken toilets. I don’t care. It’s just the ultimate window shopping, tire kicking, fantasy dreaming experience. That’s why Murilee Martin (Jalopnik) puts up those wonderful project car hell posts. Because they inevitably will be hell. Just ask Stephan Wilkinson (or to save him precious time, read his book). But I don’t have to worry about that when I’m on eBay Motors. Once I see that the engine has been replaced with a hamster on a wheel, I can just move on. “What would it be like to own a stick shift Land Rover Discovery?” Surf eBay, find one, sift through the pics, and imagine yourself in that ridiculous ride. Car picture porn online? Nothing comes close. Don’t know much about a model? Pop over to Wikipedia for some misinformation, then hit up YouTube to hear how it sounds. Best of all, the auctions last just long enough for my passing tastes to expire. Oh sure, I like the idea of a Peugeot 405 wagon this week. But next week it’ll be gone. And I won’t care, because I’ll be looking for a Buick Grand National. Or a Mercury Marauder. Or maybe an Olds Rocket 88! It doesn’t matter what your poison is, because between eBay, Craigslist, and Hemmings, they’ll cover it all. In today’s podcast, Lieberman and I have another silly argument about the wonders of Italian sports cars, among other delights from Autofiends.

Detroit’s Big Three are in serious trouble. That’s not news to anyone. Toyota and Honda, while suffering sales decreases last month, are still in the black. But the big question is where the future of the American automotive industry is – if there is one. Even if the Big Three don’t completely vanish, their continued downsizing will leave boatloads of engineers and mid-level execs without a job. Is the Silicon Valley model of business the future for the automotive industry for the next twenty years? Tesla seemed to raise plenty of dough despite immense production issues. And Carbon Motors is attempting to crank out a custom-built police car. There’s no way tiny companies like these could build enough cars for the entire US population. Nor could they compete with big boys like Toyota. But we might see a boom in purpose-built vehicles coming from smaller companies. Dodge Vipers from whoever buys the program. Electric sports cars from Tesla. An electric sedan from somebody. Carbon Motors’ police cars. Single-purpose taxicabs. And so on. Even after the small companies consolidate, it would be a clean start for the American automotive industry. Is it going to happen? No. But I’m just sayin’.

Wheels of Terror is one of the best worst movies ever made– especially if you restrict your choices to the “killer car” genre. Sure, Christine is a classic. Those of us who’ve darkened the door of a body shop (Abandon All Deductibles Ye Who Enter Here) can never forget watching the world’s first self-healing bodywork. Speaking of which, Steven King’s directorial debut, Maximum Overdrive (not to be confused with Peter North’s Maximum Thrust series), must be believed to be seen. But Wheels of Terror features the skinniest wheels I’ve ever seen on an automobile. (If you want some real donuts of doom, check out the donk scene.) No, that’s not it. A drifting school bus? Yes, but no; that’s not it either. Ah yes, the best car-off-a-cliff scene in cinematic history. I mention this because Justin and I have been busy with the cataclysmic visual metaphors lately: train wrecks, perfect storms, cliff divers, etc. Suffice it to say, there will be plenty more carnage before this downturn is done, so we’ll be cruising the nets for appropriate imagery for some time. If you could surf and listen, and provide some link suggestions here, we’d be most appreciative. Thanks!