Jonny Lieberman thinks SUV's should look like they're ready to win World War II or go to the moon.  Shrugging off that da-da-esque assertion, we schmooze about great car names of the past and JL's recent experiences with the Ford Focus (reviewed below). As a certain automotive website recently asserted that minivan ownership disqualifies TTAC's Editor from assessing automotive cool, I ask Jonny for his choice for coolest car under $18k.  Wouldn't you know: it's a BMW. 

The original idea: interview Jack Nerad about the type of cars parents buy for their teens.  When I finally got kbb.com's Executive Editor on the blower, he immediately informed me that A) He had no idea what we were scheduled to talk about and B) The press release about teen whips was released months ago.  So the guy works without a net and I'm behind the loop.  Shifting gears, I asked for their latest media mitzvah. "Cool Cars under $18k."  And then we get going and I discover that Jack's definition of "cool" takes us into some pretty strange areas.  Still, it's the journey that counts.  [Apologies for the audio levels.  We're working on it.]

I'm always amazed at how easily automotive PR folk slip into jargon-laden sound bites. I guess when your work involves something that doesn't appear on civilian radar– "my wife works with tires"– rattling off cool stats and technical terms to a pistonhead journalist must be the default option.  Still, I consider it my responsibility to try to get these technological flackmeisters to connect with their product, and us, on a more emotional level.  Of course, that only works if they do.  Dunlop's Janice Consolacion does.   

When the Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of the world’s largest automaker tells his shareholders to think long-term, there’s only one word for it: sell. Yes, I know. The General got itself into this death spiral by thinking short-term: investing its precious resources in a dead genre guzzling, buying brands instead of investing in existing ones, pushing pushrods, rebadging anything that wasn’t nailed down, and so on and so on stretching back forty years. But Wagoner’s no corporate visionary. What he’s really saying is hang on boys and girls, a bunch of bad shit is about to go down.

Those of you who haven’t had their memories erased by GM’s MIB will recall that The General placed all its bets on the success of its high-profit GMT900 SUV’s. Despite a nice little takeoff, sales are flying low. The trucks are starting to pile-up at dealer lots– as is just about everything else save the Hummer H3 and Pontiac Solstice (which can’t pile up because GM still can’t figure out how to make them). In short, even Wagoner knows that it’s going to be a long hot summer. “We’ll need to be patient,” Wagoner said. “There will be some challenging months in total sales… But it will pay off in the long term.”

Wagoner’s “steady on boys” message was a tacit admission that GM's journey around the toilet bowl is gaining momentum. In May, GM’s turnover dipped 12.4%. The General’s market share shrank (again) to 22.5%. Viewed in isolation, these “results” are catastrophic. Compared to Toyota (+17%), Honda (+16%) and VW (+35.6%), it’s the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse watering their mounts. "It was certainly a challenging month for us," GM's chief market analyst Paul Ballew admitted on Friday, with characteristic understatement.

With escalating gas prices cooling the market, sucking-up discretionary income and raising interest rates; with a rising tide of unsold GM vehicles, with nary a blockbuster in sight, with management reaffirming its decision to forgo a repeat of the Fire Sale for Everyone discount campaign, there’s no reason to believe GM sales are set for a major improvement anytime soon. "As the industry shifts to cars from trucks, that works to our disadvantage," Bellew stated. As GM’s lineup is bereft of the small, efficient cars fuelling its competition’s gains, what WILL work to GM’s advantage during these dark days?

Rabid Rick would have you believe it’s cost cutting. At the shareholder pep rally, Wagoner proudly proclaimed that GM is on track to trim $7 billion in “structural costs.” Yes, well, most of Wagoner’s “cuts” are nothing more than deferred payments. Recent union buyouts may look better than paying workers a salary and benefits not to work, but the savings aren’t as “real” as not paying them anything not to work. All those lump sums– including health care deals, plant depreciation costs and other “incidentals” (e.g. a multi-billion dollar pay-off to Delphi’s intransigent union workers)– have to come from somewhere, sometime.

While Rabid Rick says he’s “positioning GM for sustained profitability, not just short-term profits,” the only thing that can save GM from sliding into bankruptcy is… short term profits. So what’s Wagoner’s specific plan to generate life-sustaining revenue? "All brands are not created equal," Wagoner said, ignoring decades of cross-brand badge engineering. "We can turn that to our advantage." In other words, brands rule! (Who knew?) Referring to Pontiac and Buick, Wagoner said “we'll probably have fewer models under each brand and make them more focused brands."

Did anyone else notice the word “probably” in that sentence? Are we to conclude that Wagoner’s plans for these failing brands are still under development? Beyond that, Wagoner’s remark illustrates one of the most frightening aspects of his tenure at GM: an abject failure to put forth a large-scale strategy for a GM turnaround. Plant closings here, job cuts there, re-badged Opel Saturns, “value pricing,” flex fuel vehicles– there’s no overarching vision of what GM needs to become to survive and thrive. Wagoner’s constant use of the word “turnaround” tells you that his ideal is nothing more than a return to what was. It’s not even back to the future; it’s back to the past.

Clearly, Wagoner doesn’t “get it.” He doesn’t understand that The General needs something more than money to withstand the current shitstorm– a crisis he won’t even recognize in public. GM needs an idea. A bright, bold vision of a profitable future. GM shareholders may be toothless, but its “stakeholders”– suppliers, workers, dealers and customers– need that vision thing to believe that GM is better off out of bankruptcy than in. Without it, quite simply there’s nothing to be done. Wagoner’s inability to stand in front of the faithful and inspire them to aspire to reinvention condemns them all to failure.

Our thanks to Redwing Studios for repulsing and rebuilding TTAC after the Romanians tried to turn our site into phish food (don't ask). And also to you for returning to us after the unintentional disruption of service. Rest assured that we're back in force, protected in full and sarcastic as ever. To wit: my conversation with TTAC's West Coast Bureau Chief Jonny Lieberman. JL is with GL at the moment. I've seen the first bit of his review, and it's a keeper. Meanwhile, here's what our intrepid correspondent has to say about, um, stuff. Hey, it was two days ago…

Last week, BMW flackmeister Dave Buchko banned The Truth About Cars from access to BMW and MINI press vehicles. Mr. Buchko wanted to be clear: the company was not responding to TTAC's criticisms of its products. The decision represented "a general concern about the tone and tenor of the site." More specifically, BMW objected to my characterization of the Subaru Tribeca's grill treatment as a flying vagina and our "inappropriately harsh" review of the Lexus IS350. So, BMW doesn't mind us calling the new M5's shifter the world's worst gearbox, but we can't mention female anatomy or wail on their opponent. Are you getting this?

I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to launching a retaliatory campaign based on our right to call it like we see it. You know: 'BMW can't handle The Truth!' But how do you fight a company that cuts you off from its press fleet because its corporate leaders object to the word vagina, and the fact that we preferred their products to their competitors'? Following Mr. Buchko into the rabbit hole, I tried to negotiate a solution to this bizarre situation. During our most recent phone call, I told Mr. Buchko we wouldn't use the words "vagina, penis or testicles" in any future posts and [almost] promised to shower Lexus with love the next time 'round.

No deal. The best Mr. Buchko could offer: BMW would "monitor the site" and "get back to us." I rejected the non-offer and, well, vagina. While I do not for one moment suggest that BMW has any obligation to provide The Truth About Cars (or anyone else) with press cars, these guys are both arrogant and insane. That fact was pretty obvious before the ban– when Mr. Buchko gave me a vigorous tongue-lashing for suggesting that iDrive was the worst thing to ever happen to a BMW (this was pre-M5). But now, by banning us over word choice and a Lexus review, BMW has conclusively proved that they don't understand PR, the new media or their customers.

Hold that thought. What's wrong with the word vagina? It's not one of the seven words you can't say on TV; it's a perfectly acceptable term for a female's primary sexual organs. And what's wrong with comparing the grill treatment of the Subaru B9 Tribeca to a flying vagina? Ever since Sigmund Freud's "Drei Abhandlungen zur Sexualtheorie" met Jaguar's E-Type, journalists have called sports cars phallic symbols. Is the BMW organization so repressed and patriarchal that it can't tolerate the mere mention of female genitalia? The fact that Buchko couldn't bring himself to say the word 'vagina' indictates the full extent of the roundel's psycho-sexual problems.

C'mon guys, the vagina is ground zero for every human that's ever walked planet Earth. It's a place of beauty and pleasure for billions of people. [FYI: Hawaiian legend contains a story about a flying vagina or 'kohe lele."] I reckon the Subaru B9 Tribeca should fly its vagina with pride. And anyway, you'd think that BMW has more important things to do than obsess– for ten months– about a sexual reference on a relatively obscure website. Oh wait; TTAC published the Lexus IS350 review during this interregnum (on December '05). And what was our unpardonable sin there? Dunno. The Lexus review applied the same level of critical examination to the IS350 that we'd previously and subsequently applied to BMW's graciously-loaned press cars: the M5, 325ix Sports Wagon, 325i, 750i, M3CS, 645i Coupe, 645ci Convertible and 530i.

I find it inconceivable that a German car manufacturer would risk public disapproval to punish a website for using a "bad word" and protect their arch rivals. [Note: Toyota didn't object to the IS350 review, and continues to provide TTAC with press cars.] In fact, if you want a textbook example of how not to run a PR department, this is it. BMW is now on record as the company that freaks-out at the word "vagina"– inviting both ridicule and indignation from their highly-educated core clientele. The ban also reveals BMW as wimpy competitors, or paternalistic saps. Does anyone seriously think Toyota would return this unsolicited favor?

This thing is three kinds of stupid. In a free country, BMW can't stop a website from publishing the word "vagina," criticizing whomever it pleases and finding other ways to get behind the wheel of one of their products. This we will do. And rest assured that we will not review these cars any more harshly than we did before the ban. The Truth About Cars will not compromise its basic principles for anyone, ever. Meanwhile, I'd like to ask you a simple question: do you feel comfortable doing business with a company that behaves this way? Please send your answer in an email to <a xhref='mailto:dave.buchko@bmwna.com'>dave.buchko@bmwna.com</a>. CC us here, and we'll publish the most entertaining and informative examples.

Why is GM's stock rallying to a six-month high? Delphi's Sword of Damocles still sways above The General's head. Their market share and sales continue sliding towards Hades, with Cerberus waiting to lock the gate behind them. Oh right, I remember. On Wednesday, Merrill Lynch analyst John Murphy upgraded GM's stock to "buy." He made the move in light of the fact that 20k GM employees have decided to take advantage of GM's worker buyout program. So a bunch of rats leave a sinking ship, someone says well done and the crew breaks out the champagne. This thing stinks.

Lest we forget, until February 7th, the Chairman and CEO of Merrill Lynch & Co., Inc. served on General Motors' Board of Bystanders. When Stan O'Neal resigned from GM, the exec cited time constraints and "limits on my ability to act as a GM director because of potential conflicts with matters in which Merrill Lynch is involved." This limitation didn't stop O'Neal's firm from buying 32m shares of FIAT stock for $1b while O'Neal was on GM's Board– immediately after GM wrote off the value of its FIAT stock for $2.1b. Be that as it is, there's clear evidence that Merrill and GM are deep into each other's pockets.

On June 1st, 2004, Merrill elected John Finnegan to their Board of Directors. Finnegan is the former Executive Vice President of General Motors Corporation and former Chairman and President of General Motors Acceptance Corporation (GMAC). On June 23rd, 2005, Merrill elected Armando Codina to their Board of Directors. Codina is a Florida real estate maven who's been on GM's Board of Directors since 2002. So, despite O'Neal's concern over conflicts of interest, Merrill's board is rife with ex and current GM'ers, and The General and Merrill still have interlocking directorships. Now, let's get to the nub of the matter….

Again, GM's stock price surge was triggered by John Murphy. In his report "Buy on buyouts and other options" the Merrill Lynch analyst flagged three keys to GM's turnaround– downsizing production, securing a new labor deal and reinvesting in product. 'There appear to be early signs of these steps being taken,' Murphy claimed. His primary justification and main piece of supporting evidence: the 20k take-up on GM's worker buyout plan. Murphy predicated the program would save The General about $2.3b in pretax cost and $1.8b in cash per year and… that's it. Buy!

OK, sure, Murphy's report cautions three times that "Risks include a low buyout rate [in case the workers suddenly change their mind], a Delphi strike, market share losses, rising gas prices, pricing, cyclical downturn, residual erosion, and dealer body risk." And Merrill's man pegs GM's "defensible market share" at a dealer-indefensible 19%. But hey, what's all that compared with the buyout plan's theoretical addition of $2.48 per share! In fact, once GM gets some relief from "negative sentiment" (are you talking to me?), their share price should rise to $37. Hang on; has TTAC's Death Watch being blowing smoke all this time?

Nope. While Murphy's analysis acknowledges the obvious hurdles, his conclusions ignore their implications. GM is not an earnings story but a cash flow story. GM's cash flow is negative and will remain so as they unwind plants, pay for worker buyouts and write-off all the other items on the debit side of the corporate ledger. Thus, earnings may appear positive, but there are underlying cash calls– both actual and potential– which require extreme funding. For example, any non-strike resolution of the Delphi debacle will require GM cash, and lots of it. And while we're at it, Murphy's calculations must assume that GM can cut costs to keep margins in line or better in light of declining sales.

Yes, there is that. The launch of GM's "gas price protection" promise in California indicates that income is slowing. Refreshed SUV's or no, GM has too much inventory on dealer lots going into the season of high gas prices. While it might be 100k units less than last year, GM's sales have also fallen. It's only a matter of time before The General is forced to do something, anything to move the metal. Whatever it is, it'll come straight off the bottom line.

OK; Merrill's man has both the means and the opportunity to inflate GM's stock price (ipso facto). What's the motivation? Pump and dump. The report could be a favor to The General and its management, designed to drum-up banking business and let share-owning employees come up for air. Or it could be a favor to Kirk Kerkorian, to drum-up banking business. Or it could be a way to generate business for the Merrill retail network. (GM's erstwhile recovery is an easy story to tell to naïve retail customers.) Or it could be all three. Remember: this is the same firm that paid an $80m fine for fraud relating to Enron's collapse, and more than $200m in penalties for systematically hyping stocks on behalf of their investment banking clients. No wonder S&P and BoA Securities still say sell. They tell the truth.

And so it's time to ask Mr. Fisker the obvious question: what's the ugliest car in the world? Although the former Ford design jeffe and current coachbuilder to chronically over-monied car collectors provides the obvious answer, it's nice to know that Pontiac has earned its place in automotive infamy for all time. As for yesterday's question– would you pay $300k for a re-skinned Merc or Bimmer– it's a dead heat. Your email could tip the balance. And it won't cost a dime.

Remember Maserati's mid-80s offerings? The Biturbo looked hotter than Christie Brinkley in a Ferrari 308, but was awful in every other way a car can be. The boxy yet steroidal Quattroporte was a stunner– whose name still pops-up as an antonym for reliability in Microsoft Word. By 1991, even barge pole-toting Italian car lovers wouldn't touch Maserati's heavy metal. The company's empire collapsed. Twelve years later, Maserati re-entered the US market bearing gifts: a studly, gutsy two-door and then, a swaggering, voluptuous four-door. And?

Maserati's new rides have found a warm welcome amongst wealthy American car collectors. In 1998, Maserati sold 518 cars worldwide. In 2005, the company sold 2114 cars in the US alone. While it would be premature to conclude that these figures indicate that Maserati has slain the mechanical gremlins that chased them off the North American continent, England's What Car magazine recently awarded all three Maserati models three out of five stars for reliability. (Wassup JD?) Equally reassuring (at least theoretically), Maserati now submits every single US car to a final, final inspection. And they're adding another $19m to the brand's expanding quality control program, on top of the $50m they've already spent in the pursuit of perfection.

More empirically, I joined a dozen other auto-journos at Road Atlanta to beat the hell out of dozens of Masers in 95-degree Georgia humidity. Aside from a busted speedometer, all press cars performed perfectly. To reiterate, my caravan of four GranSport GT's decelerated from 125mph to ten miles per hour for two hours apiece, without any failure of any sort. Two decades back, the preceding sentence would have been the prelude to a punch line.

The junket also launched the company's new flog-a-rific driving school: "Master Maserati." Upscale pistonheads know the drill: skill building exercises (lane change, slalom, skid pad, etc.), follow-the-leader laps, hot-laps in some monster machine piloted by a cruel psychopath (a.k.a. driving instructor) and a chance to humiliate yourself with psychoburger riding shotgun. Unlike Bondurant or Barber, Maserati shelters, feeds and inebriates its customers in the style to which journalists should never become accustomed.

So, is it all good news for the Trident's resurrection? Er, no. In automatic-mode, Maserati's transmission system is a dog. Drifting around Deliverance country in a Quattroporte (QP), making them tires squeal like a pig, the DuoSelect gearbox seemed hung-over. On an uphill section of the racetrack in the two-door GT, with my right foot planted, the damn thing upshifted. Manual mode works just fine; it blipped the throttle for me on downshifts and rocketed through the gears when asked. But I've come to the conclusion that all modern sports cars deserve a DSG paddle shift or a stick.

Although the Quattroporte's depreciation has been known to give its owners nosebleeds, the Sport GT variant should help reduce the initial collapse. The tighter-handling QP looks, feels, smells and sounds like a $155k sedan– which is roughly $40k more than it costs and the first year's hit. Anyway, the Sport adds more of what Quattroporte drivers are looking for: control. It's like a Shrinky Dink. The more you scorch it, the lighter and smaller it feels. One misstep: a two-inch tall piece of blingy-brightwork reading "Maserati" visible to the rear passengers. It's about as classy as those greasy adverts inside fast food joints. I'm not a big fan of carbon-fiber interiors, either. They look… w/cheese.

Perhaps the Quattroporte's most amazing attribute is the fact that it's already here; one generation ahead of Porsche's Panamera and Aston Martin's Rapide. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Maserati should get tooled-up to assassinate the foreign pretenders to its throne. The car needs to ditch its tortuous gearbox and install a modern, seven-speed automatic. Which is the brand's next move, bless their Machiavellian little hearts.

Unfortunately, a tranny transplant will not save the Maserati GT Coupe. Compared to anything in its price range, it's a distinctly enigmatic choice. It costs twice as much as the equally powerful C6 Corvette, it's 500 pounds fatter and a lot uglier. Compared to a Porsche 911, the GT drives like a block of ice. No wonder Maserati is dumping the decade-old two-door for an all-new machine. The upcoming 'DuoPorte' should have more power (from a bigger V8), better everything else (DSG?) and a sexy body from Pininfarina.

After spending some quality time in the Quattroporte Sport GT, I can state without hesitation that Maserati will be selling cars stateside for many more years to come. While the Coupe plowed the field for the brand, the QP is the corn that's as high as an elephant's eye. The Quattroporte shows us Yanks that Maserati has what it takes to mix it up with the big boys. Benvenuto mi nuovo amore.

Photos courtesy Richard Dole/Maserati North America.

[Maserati paid for Mr. Lieberman's round-trip airfare from LA to Atlanta; local transportation, accommodation and meals. They did not, however, give him a $277k Audemars Piguet Millenary MC12 Tourbillon timepiece.]

Once upon a time, wealthy people didn't just pop down to their local Ferrari dealer, pick-up an Enzo and ask for their change in F430's. They commissioned a coachbuilder to add bespoke sheetmetal, fixtures and fittings to a suitable manufacturer's underpinnings. This trend created some wild ass whips, usually ascribed to the builder who provided the greasy bits. Not only is ex-BMW, ex-Ford designer Henrik Fisker determined to resurrect the whole coachbuilding thing, but the man wants name brand recognition. Well, fair enough. But would you buy a reskinned Merc or Bimmer for north of $300k? Answers on an email please. Or wait for part two, tomorrow.

When Maserati PR offered TTAC a Georgia junket to thrash some of its models on road and track, we checked our policy (full disclosure and we're good to go) and sent the freshly-trained Jonny Lieberman to do the honors. Our man was suitably impressed by the Masers' improved ride and handling. But he saved his ultimate kudos for the Audemars Piguet Millenary MC12 Tourbillon. As well he might, considering the price…

TTAC writer Terry Parkhurst suggested I give Mitch Silver of Silver Collector Car Auctions a call. Mitch's mob aren't the biggest of the big, but they've developed a sterling reputation for friendliness, honesty and expertise. Silver's signature event: the Reno-based Hot August Nights. With over 800 pre-'72 cars up for grabs, Mitch counsels buyers to think of car collecting as a hobby (not an investment) and do NOT get in a pissing match.

Rabid Rick Wagoner lacks self-esteem. Why else would GM's CEO submit himself to triple presidential humiliation? First, Bush tells GM to take a hike– even before Rick shows-up with his begging bowl. Then, despite the slight, the head of the world's largest automaker sets-up a meet with the Commander-in-Chief (presumably to engage in a vigorous debate about the definition of a "relevant" vehicle). Then Bush cancels the meeting. George heads for the border; Rick detours to Congress to promote corn juice– and reschedules the presidential pow-wow for June. To do what? How long does it take RR to take a hint?

The funny (peculiar) thing is that every time I run out of ways to make the case that GM's [lack of] leadership assures its oblivion, the company throws me a bone. On Wednesday, GM shit-canned– sorry, accepted the resignations of– Controller Paul Schmidt and Chief Accounting Officer Peter Bible. Given GM's recent decision to restate its earnings for the last FIVE YEARS; given the on-going Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) investigation into GM's payments to its suppliers, its purchases of precious metals (of all things) and a New York Grand Jury alone knows what else; you'd think the double golden parachute exhibition was enough craven media manipulation for one day. But no, GM went and hired Jay Alix.

Jay Alix of AlixPartners is what Reuters called a "distressed company financial advisor." No, he's not an anxious number cruncher; Alix' firm helps companies into, through and, sometimes, out of bankruptcy. We're not talking about your local car dealership, Oriental rug dealer or electronics chain store. AlixPartners has applied its consultancy skills to some of America's largest corporate meltdowns: Kmart, auto-parts maker Dana, the trading firm Refco and… Enron. If that last name doesn't trigger some alarm bells, AlixPartners was also hired by WorldCom, whose $11b accounting scandal earned CEO Bernard Ebbers a 25-year jail sentence and his company the title 'world's largest bankruptcy.'

GM Chief flackmeister Gerry Dubrowski was quick to slam anyone presumptuous enough to make a common sense connection between AlixPartners' extensive Chapter 11 experience and GM's future plans: "We're hiring them for their expertise in the accounting transition… We're not hiring them for help in the turnaround effort for our North American operations.' If GM was looking for a company to help sort out their "aggressive accounting" problem, why didn't they opt for a large and reputable firm like KPMG? The literal-minded amongst you may also note that filing for bankruptcy isn't exactly the same as helping a turnaround effort.

Meanwhile, as GM reaches into its threadbare pockets to pay for a Chapter 11 expert not to use his bankruptcy expertise, The General has launched a guerilla war to stop people like us telling people like you that people like Wagoner are running the company into the ground. As revealed by The Detroit News, GM's so-called "Arlington project" will deploy some 50 GM flacklings throughout 16 US cities. It's part of what the News called "attempts to secure favorable news coverage." Even discounting the recent bribery attempt by a GM PR firm on former US Labor Secretary Robert Reich (to ensure positive coverage of GM's worker buyout plan), this program smells of cowardice, desperation and dirty tricks.

For one thing, "Arlington" refers to The McGinn Group's home base. For those of you without a scorecard, The McGinn Group is GM PR Chief Steve Harris' old company. Presumably, financial self-interest had nothing to do with his choice of partners for this under-the-radar PR campaign. Presumably, Harris simply wanted to work with people he could trust– to keep their mouths shut. Anyway, there's another shadow over the project: Harris chose the 16 cities because they're "dominated by local media rather than national outlets that have hammered GM in recent months for its sales and financial losses." In other words, they're soft targets.

So, this is the tenor of the times inside Wagoner's GM: do whatever it takes to maintain the status quo. If it means being subservient to the President, so be it. If it means cooking the books behind closed doors, let's retire the people who did the dirty work (with a nice payout and full pensions) and hire a bankruptcy expert (not to mention a former SEC chief) to help us plead out with the feds. If it means doing an end-run around the national press, let's send our agents to corrupt local media mavens. Instead of confronting GM's issues head-on, Wagoner's mob are taking the path of least resistance.

When GM's bankruptcy plays out, we may eventually know the truth about the final days of Rick Wagoner's regime. Right now, there's only one man who knows the full behind-the-scenes story, perhaps more comprehensively than Rick Wagoner himself. And Jay Alix is not talking.

openairtours.com has a second-by-second counter marking down the moments until the next time 200 convertibles hit the road in Wisconsin. TTAC respects that kind of auto-oriented OCD. We also wish Gary Knowles' posse a speedy passage through the dairy farming portion of their travels.

All I remember about my driver's ed class was a film (remember film?) about a nerdy mid-Westerner who performed all these ridiculous pre-flight checks ('Lights working Dad!') and still managed to kill himself and his entire family by overtaking a slow moving truck straight into an even larger truck. These days, it's the 'Red Asphalt' series, and it's all online. Makes sense to me, and Gary Tsfirin of driversed.com.