Back in 2004, Chrysler thought it had a segment-busting winner with the Pacifica. Neither car, minivan, nor SUV, the luxurious large "crossover" was supposed to play a key role in Chrysler's planned move upscale. Buyers lined-up none deep for Chrysler's bloated station wagon. The automaker was forced to de-content, discount and discontinue the disastrous distraction. Stunned by the Pacfica-shaped sales sinkhole, it took Chrysler another five years to field another three-row crossover. The 2009 Dodge Journey is in many ways the anti-Pacifica. Will it be any more successful?

Pity the poor engineers charged with turning Dodge’s “anything-but-cute,” anything-but-clever Caliber into a proper hot hatch. Transforming the Caliber into a desirable piece of sporting kit seems about as likely as landing Michael Jackson a job as a mall Santa. But here it is, for 2008: the Caliber SRT4. So Dodge’s gone and done the deed anyway. Or have they?

The cop spec Dodge Charger is a high-mileage mule for first responders who take that “first” bit seriously. As any pre-pubescent male will tell you, this “race to the scene of the crime and/or chase the bad guy in my bad ass American sedan” bit sits right at the top of the list of “why I want to be a cop when I grow up.” In fact, it’s so deeply grained in the male psyche that starting-up the cop spec Dodge Charger forced me to fight an overwhelming urge to crank, stomp and spin the beast. I swear I didn’t.

My initial reaction to the 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan: “What were you guys thinking?” The new minivan’s boxy, big-nosed exterior flies in the face of two decades of design evolution. The equally artless interior is awash in plastic that looks as hard as it feels and feels as hard as it looks. But then, while driving one, it hit me: Chrysler is targeting men. Not metrosexuals. Not pistonheads. They’re looking to lure manly men: the kind of guys who buy pickup trucks (real pickups, not the ones with fancy trimmings). Aesthetically as well as functionally, the new Grand Caravan is the work truck of minivans.

If you time-traveled back to 1964 and told a muscle car buyer that his ride would be a respected classic 40 years hence, he’d call you crazier than Khrushchev. Muscle cars were fun on the cheap. You got what you didn’t pay for:  nonexistent handling, pathetic drum brakes, two and three speed automatic transmissions and efficiency measured in gallons per mile (which was no biggie at the time). Thirty years later, Chrysler and Dodge are leading the charge down muscle car memory lane. Until the Chevrolet Camaro appears, the Dodge Charger SRT8 Super Bee could well be the post-modern muscle car mascot. Which is what, exactly?

The American pickup truck wars have become a series of increasingly pitched battles. Even as the pickup market tanks, the main players have regrouped, refreshed and rejoined the fight. As we await the new Dodge Ram pickup, a major candidate for the "I coulda been a contender" award, questions must be asked. Does the current Ram have what it takes to hold the fort against the [ostensibly] reliable Toyota Tundra, the built-like-a-rock Chevy Silverado and the tough luxury Ford F-150? What battles will the new Dodge Ram have to win?

Riding in a golf cart to the nether regions of a dealership lot, an aging salesman explained his selling strategy. “Chryslers appeal to either male or female buyers,” he declared through nicotine-stained teeth. “Take the Compass. That’s for the ladies. The Wrangler? Boys’ toy.” As our EV reaches the 2008 Avenger, it's clear that the latest entry in The Dodge Boys' lineup is no purple Barbie Sport Convertible. But does The Avenger deliver the goods, or is “he” an impotent superhero look alike?

The Big 2.5 have always struggled with vehicles of the four-cylinder persuasion. A series of broken nameplates dating back to Omni, Vega, and Pinto highlights Detroit’s longstanding fear and loathing of Thinking Small. Now the 0.5 is attempting to renew its ardor with the Caliber, branding it a “world car” and exporting it to Europe. Unfortunately, the Caliber shows that bad Detroit habits are hard to break, firing blanks in this latest battle of the econobox wars.

Before Magnum became a Hemi-powered station wagon (or a mustachioed P.I.) the term referred to elongated bullet casings with extra gun powder. Before the Caliber became synonymous with cheap, underpowered, poor-handling cars, it was the measure of a bullet’s diameter. Once again, The Dodge Boys have raided the Shooter’s Bible, naming their new entry level SUV after Nitro Express elephant gun cartridges (double entendre to NOX fuel a bonus). Does the Nitro deliver the rhino stopping power of Teddy Roosevelt’s big stick, or represent another damp squib for DCX?

The Galway-Cavendish Forest Rally is a challenging mix of changing elevations, sweeping curves, tight turns and blind drops that runs through nine clicks of thick forest. Chrysler Canada figured it was the ideal spot for a car journalist to test the mettle of their ‘07 Dodge Caliber AWD R/T. So there I was, ferrying the club president and organizer from one end of the road to the other, wondering if Dodge had the right ammunition for the sales campaign ahead.

A lot of the car industry's heavy hitters are busy talking up small cars. Audi, BMW, Chevy, Ford, SMART, even the Chinese are betting that America's collapsing SUV market will lead to a rebirth of the whole "small is beautiful" shtick. According to this theory, millions of dinky-sized city cars will soon be plying a city street near you; burning less gas, sweetening the air and taking-up less space. Meanwhile, check out the Dodge 2500 Mega Cab 4WD Laramie Cummins Turbodiesel. This sumbitch is BIG, and it don't apologize to no one for nothin', anywho, anyhow.

The Mega Cab's size earns/demands instant respect, but there's more than simple bulk at work. Most of today's pickups are a riot of awkward configurations: quad cab short beds that look ungainly, stepside trucks with misshapen haunches and girlie-man taillights; Heavy Duty Fords with mismatched low bedside height. The Mega Cab is perfect. Its rear doors' extended length combines with the extra C-panel width to create a sublime balance between cab and bed. Add in the obligatory macho design cues (crosshair front grill, flared wheel arches, optional roof lights) and the Mega Cab is a trucker's dream if I ever did see one.

Hot rods are preposterous. That's why people love them. The new Magnum SRT-8 is a perfect example; the moment pistonheads clock The Dodge Boys' hot rod hauler they break into a big, stupid grin. Much of the comedic impact comes from simple nostalgia; the Magnum SRT-8 reminds them of pre-pubescent fantasies of unbridled power and unabashed style. In fact, I reckon the chop-top, dub-clad station wagon was born in the back seat of a '67 Chrysler Town and Country, when a proto-car designer watched a young Buck in a hopped-up sedan blow his Mom's doors off. So to speak.

In this case, adult reality matches childhood fantasy. If we're talking about straight line performance (a sensible restriction considering the uber-wagon's wheelbase and weight), the Magnum SRT-8 is fully capable of humiliating even the most muscular metal. Chrysler claims the Magnum SRT-8 will accelerate from zero to sixty in the low five's, and complete a quarter mile in the high 13's. After bellow blasting the beast from a standing start (in the breakdown lane) to a triple digit sprint (down the "set the radar detector on stun" lane), I believe them. This sucker is quick with a capital "K"; as in I'm gonna KICK yo' ass.

Once upon a time, enthusiasts bought a car's underpinnings from an automaker and then commissioned a coach builder to drop a body on top. The result: non-identical twins. And so it is with today's Dodge Charger R/T and Chrysler 300C. The two cars share chassis, engines, gearboxes, suspensions, wiring systems, the lot. It's not so much platform sharing as automotive cross-dressing. Of course, I don't mean that in a feminine way. The Dodge Boys have given the gangsta C a comprehensive muscle car makeover. But is it enough to lure NASCAR Dads into the showroom?

"Real" muscle car aficionados hate the new Charger on principle. How DARE Chrysler name a four-door sedan after a legendary two-door muscle car? I reckon that's a bit like being anti-Pammie because Ms. Anderson breasts are one cup size too large, but I feel their pain. There's nothing like driving a pavement-scorching two-door Yank tank to make you feel young, sexy and single– especially if you drive with your elbow on the window sill. Yes, well, sorry guys; those days are gone. The first time you strap your tantrumming rug rat into the back of your Charger and slam the rear door, you'll secretly thank The Dodge Boys for sacrificing authenticity for utility.

Props to The Dodge Boys for their steadfast refusal to give up on the Neon. Its original incarnation was a googly-eyed flexible flyer, with sharp handling and a willing (if coarse) drivetrain. The sports sedan earned plenty of praise for its sensibly-priced enthusiasts' appeal and cheeky looks– at least until its predilection for rattling to bits revealed itself. Predictably, over the last couple of years, the Neon's glow has been eventually eclipsed by newer, sharper, faster, better-built competitors.

And yet, here it is, in full SRT-4 regalia, slathered in Orange Pearl Blast paint.

The great American SUV migration began in the station wagon. And why not? The land yachts of yore were foul-handling, gas-guzzling, fundamentally unsafe beasts. Trading them for taller, foul-handling, gas-guzzling, fundamentally unsafe beasts made perfect sense. The baby had a better view. And, to be fair, a flying disc offered better snow traction than a rear-wheel-drive station wagon. The genre's extinction was little mourned– especially by teenagers unfortunate enough to pick up a date in one.

Of course, times have changed. The all-conquering SUV is now PC poison, a pariah amongst the chattering classes. Enter, stage left, the Dodge Magnum. To lure mainstream America out of their SUVs, the Dark Lords of DCX have transformed the creaky Conestoga of our collective past into something infinitely more capable, stylish and desirable. The result could signal the much-anticipated death of the SUV.